“Consider it this way. Love is something I’m feeling. It’s my emotion. It’s what I’m feeling right now.”
The only person who’s ever said “I love you” to me was Dad.
And the one memory of Dad she could never get out of her head involved faded bloodstains on a pristine white bedspread. August headed up the steps of the spa and pulled a towel tight around her body.
“I love you.” He said the words again with a strength and sincerity that brought tears to her eyes. He stepped out of the Jacuzzi and put his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to face him. His mouth
was on hers again, his lips confident and firm, his hands on her waist as he tasted her. Her heart pounded a mile a minute from his kisses alone.
“Sweetness, why won’t you listen?”
Her breath started to backup, her chest tight with emotion. “You could have anyone, Jay.” “Anyone, could I?”
She nodded.
“Well, that’s great, sweetheart, because I want you.”
Chapter Eleven
Professor Kruger returned from his work elsewhere in the country, and for the next five days, August immersed herself in scientific work. Kruger introduced her to other academics from the college and took her on field trips to observe and record lion behavior.
Today she’d had had the pleasure of tracking the spore of a female lion Kruger had named Chido. He’d explained that Chido meant “wish” in the Shona language. Now their wish that Chido would breed had come true.
August and Kruger had observed the mother feeding with her cubs. As the cubs chewed on freshly killed warthog meat, Chido talked continuously to them in a series of low moans. Observing the mother-cub relationship had caused a hollow sensation in her stomach. She’d seen the warmth of love flow from mother to child, and she’d felt alone. But on an academic level, she enjoyed the chance to study them immensely.
Hours later, she’d returned to the lodge. The guest bedroom almost felt like her room now. She sat at the beautifully polished Zambezi teak desk that Jay told her had been his father’s. Mambava leapt from the bed onto her chair, and then her desk. He lay on his back, showing his belly. He was a half-breed like her. Half Persian, half goodness knows what. Absentmindedly, she rubbed his belly, making him purr while she skimmed over her notes.
She took another sip of her coffee, typed some more. She was determined to get all her work typed up properly, but her mind kept drifting back to Arlan and Jay.
On a companionship level, she’d become a lot closer to Jay over the last five days. Jay would gaze at her with those deep eyes darkening and beckoning, and they seemed to hold a promise he would protect her forever. That if she was strong enough to accept his love, then he was strong enough to take on the world for her.
Being with Jay had finally come to be about more than his dark looks, fit body and powerful sex drive.
And yet she’d never been so…in lust with anyone, even in her dreams and fantasies. God, she’d been missing out. Just the thought of Jay made her womb contract, made liquid seep from her core.
She stopped trying to type. She put her head in her hands.
You’re back to square one, kid, trying to numb anxiety and desire with work. When are you going to get a life?
But she couldn’t make love to Jay when Arlan was missing.
Visions of flying bullets, dark dust and the headdress of the witch doctors she’d seen flashed through her mind, and her chest tightened. Five days and nights gone, and still no word from Arlan. What if they’d shot him? What if they had him trapped somewhere?
Tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t concentrate. She couldn’t even see her notes through her tears. August wiped them away angrily, pissed off with herself for being such a wimp, and for thinking of herself when Arlan might be lying somewhere with a bullet in his chest, for all she knew. Immortal or not, Arlan could be stranded and in terrible pain.
She jumped at the knock on her door. It was either the maid or Jay. Jay had been working long hours, and she’d seen little of him since rebuffing his declaration of love five days ago. It was kind of awkward. “Come in.”
Jay entered, looking hot in his cop uniform. Uniforms had always done it for her. Brown eyes blazed in a face that might have been chiseled from stone. She knew he was frustrated by her rebuffing his advances. He couldn’t understand why she’d turned away from him.
He nodded toward the cat. “Mambava’s so greedy. The maids fed him twice, and I fed him. Don’t you go giving him another feed.” August laughed. Jay flopped into the chair beside her and grabbed a pen off her desk. He started fiddling around with it. “You working on that thesis thing again? Do you ever stop working?”
“Hey, Mr. Policeman, you’re no slacker yourself. When did you get home from work?”
He spun on the desk chair a little, grinned and stretched his legs. “This was my last day at the city office filing papers. Just a bunch of boring admin work about how many poachers we’ve caught, et cetera. Anyway, you’re looking at a free man. Three weeks paid vacation, baby.” He tossed the pen back on her desk so that it shot off and fell onto the floor.
She reached down to pick it up. As she did, a thought about Chido’s mate came to mind. “Hang on a minute.” She sat backup, reached for her pad and paper, and started scribbling away furiously.
Jay gave an exasperated sigh. “You love your job, don’t you, mate? You love studying those animals as much as Arlan does.” He smiled at her. “Tell me about the joy you find in it.”
She glanced up at him, startled. Never before had a man who’d shown sexual interest in her asked her these kinds of questions. Ryan had been a virtual stranger; she’d been a fool not to see his interest in her was only sexual, even aside from the bet.
“August?” He put a hand on her arm. She shook her head and bit her lip, feeling like a fool for being touched by his simple interest in her. He leaned in and inspected her more closely. “Oh hell, baby what’s wrong? What’s that frown for?”
She rubbed a hand on her forehead. “I can’t stop thinking about Arlan, that’s all.”
“He’s a Warrior of the Light. He may not have much magic, but we know he’s an immortal half-fae.
He lucked out in the genes department like you did. They shot him once, and he should have died. He’ll return. He always does.”
Her lips quirked up. “What’s so funny?”
“I just realized the goings-on of light fae are about as mysterious to me as fae power is to full-blooded mortals. I’ve only ever had dark magic in my life. I know zero about Warriors of the Light.”
He slid his chair in closer so he sat right next to her. “Your mother was a piece of work, huh? She was seriously committed to the dark path despite only being a half-fae? That’s what Arlan told me.”
She nodded. “I don’t know what Arlan would know about my mother. I guess maybe Kruger’s told him some stuff. Mind you, Kruger admires her.”
Jay made a “pffft” with his lips. “Everything I’ve heard about that guy makes him sound like a dick.”
“Look, he’s a bit of a pervert, but he hasn’t laid a hand on me since I arrived here.”
Jay’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “What? Since you arrived here? You mean he laid a hand on you before?”
She shrugged. “Yeah, he made a pass at me once back in New York. I have to deal with him because there’s no one else available in my department qualified to supervise my PhD. But it’s okay. It’s fine. I told him I seriously wasn’t interested, and he backed right off. He’s been nothing but professional since then.”
A muscle twitched in Jay’s jaw. “He ever so much as touches a hair on your head again, I’ll scoop his eyeballs out with a rusty spoon and put them in his back pocket so he can watch me kick his ass.”
She choked on her coffee, laughing.
He shook his head. “I’m serious, though. A woman like you should be treated like a precious jewel. You’re the kind of woman that should be a man’s reason for
getting up in the morning and working a tiring day. You deserve to be protected at any cost. You deserve only the best from a man, from anyone.”
August blinked back tears. No one took care of her. Not since her father had shot himself. He’d been unable to take the pain caused by the illness, and unable to take the emotional pain when the doctors had said little May would probably die.
Jay laid a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He really cares.
He took the mug out of her hand and pulled her close. The musky, masculine scent of him almost made her swoon.
“Shhhh, sweetness, don’t cry. I get that you’re worried about Arlan. I get that you miss him.” He ran a hand over her head. “Hell. I miss him too.”
She waited for him to say more. The thought that the three of them might be fated mates filled her mind once again. Could he feel it too? Did he think it was possible? “I’m becoming obsessed. I can’t stop worrying and thinking about him.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Her cheeks prickled as blood rushed to them. The way he spoke with such conviction and emotion frightened her. She waited for him to reveal the truth about his relationship with Arlan, but instead, his mouth met hers. Her lips parted, allowing his tongue entrance. She responded with soft welcoming touches from her own tongue. The full-throttle punch of his kiss after five days of denial jolted her numbed system into overdrive.
She hadn’t known before Jay and Arlan that being with a man could be like this.
His lips covered hers. The taste of him exploded inside her, the ripe, greedy heat of it. His mouth was hungry, ravenous, taking long, deep kisses that left her clinging to him. Fiery tingles of sensation coursed over her body, licked at her womb, making her slick and wet so fast.
Too fast.
She was almost drowning in the sheer ecstasy of being in his arms again. Yet it was somehow wrong. Arlan should be there. Arlan should be with them. She pushed on his shoulders, dragged her mouth from his.
What if they aren’t your fated mates? What if that’s all a myth, and they dump your ass later to be with each other? You won’t be able to stand the pain.
“August?”
She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again, trying to find words to express how she felt. Slowly, his face changed, developing a more primitive cast. “I’ve let you deny me for five days now while we both worked, sweetheart. No more. I’m not tolerating this another damn day.”
She drew in a ragged breath. She’d had many glimpses into the different facets of Jay’s personality since she’d been in Africa, but his dominant side gave her goose bumps. It called to the deepest, darkest part of herself and to all her secret fantasies. But she couldn’t give in. “I’ll be finished with my thesis in August. I’m supposed to go home then. I’m supposed to start teaching in September.”
“I don’t want you to leave when you finish your thesis. I don’t want you to leave if we make the tower appear either. Whatever happens, I want you to live with us, permanently.”
“You really imagine you’re falling in love with me?”
“Imagine?” He laughed and pulled a face. “That’s really not the word I’d use.” He folded his arms and looked into her eyes. “Is that why? Is that why you’ve been holding back on me?” He leaned forward, cupped her chin in his hand, gently lifting her face. “Because I admitted how I felt about you? You didn’t like that?”
“Well, no. Yes. Kind of… At least that’s part of it.”
“What is this? You don’t think you deserve to be loved?”
She didn’t answer him. Instead, she asked a question. “What does it feel like?” “What does what feel like?”
“Love. Being in it.”
“You’ve never been in love?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. Infatuation, yes, for that guy I told you about at dinner. That’s all.” She brushed a lock of hair back from her face. “So how does it feel?”
“Terrifying. And good.”
“For me, it feels like something’s warming up inside me. Something that’s been numb almost as long as I can remember. Really, it was dead even before the thing with Ryan.”
“Because of your mother?”
She glanced up at him, moved to see the compassion on that strong, masculine face. It gave her the courage to keep sharing. “Yeah. I guess. Since my dad died and left me alone with my mother, I haven’t really had the ability to feel much. I’ve just been going through the motions. Studying a lot.”
He took her hand, stroked it casually with his thumb. “And you’re feeling now? You have feelings for me?” His voice was so gentle, so hopeful.
She bit her lip and nodded. And Arlan.
He had that look of adoration again. The touch of his thumb on her hand and his closeness made her pulse start to rise. His expression warned her there would be no going back now. “To be honest, I’ve realized you’re the first person in a long time who’s taken the numbness from around my heart. You and Arl…”
His lips brushed over hers, stopping her words. Every time he kissed her, there was a flutter in her heart and at the base of her throat. She pushed on his shoulders, determined to say more. “Are you trying to tell me that I’m the only person you’re in love with?”
His eyebrows shot up. For a second, his face was marred by a scowl. Then it passed, and he smiled again, spreading his arms wide. “Do you see any other women in my life? Hwange Poaching Unit isn’t exactly awash with sexy policewomen.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“Well, okay, Arlan and I do know a lot of people, but, no, I don’t have feelings for any other woman. Why would you even ask such a question? I don’t need anyone else.”
And this is where it all breaks down. Because you won’t accept who you are. Because you’re not being true to yourself.
Before she could think what to say next, Jay had his hands around her waist, pulling her down onto the lush rug on the floor.
He felt so good on top of her, his heat, the weight of his body, the smoothness of his skin. His warmth engulfed her. The soapy scent of his cologne, with its hint of citrus, and his own dark musk underneath made all her feelings for him come racing back. Desire burned hot to her core. It was more than his dark good looks, his fit body and intense lust. There was a connection there, a soul-mate connection.
But he wants Arlan and won’t admit it. It’s maddening.
He kissed her shoulder revealed by her wide scoop-neck dress. It was a pretty, thin, cream summer dress sprigged with flowers, one of only two dresses she’d brought. If she was honest with herself, she’d worn it in the hopes he’d come home and see her in it.
His lips skimmed the cleavage it revealed. August closed her eyes. He lifted her slightly so he could raise her dress up and over her shoulders. She opened her eyes to see him watching her with a fierce, heated expression that made her groan. She couldn’t think; she needed to relax and let the burning gold of sensual pleasure wash over her as he slipped down her bra cups and took her nipple in his mouth. Her pussy pulsed so hard that it had become uncomfortable. Her wet nipple popped out of his mouth, and he attended to the other. Once he’d given full attention to both, he pulled her dress back up a little, not pulling it back over her shoulders, but just covering her nipples with the material, and rocking back a little to make eye contact.
“I know you’re going to want to go back to New York after you finish your work, your thesis, maybe after the tower appears, if it ever does, but I want you to know this all means a lot more than sex and the tower to me. I feel a connection to you I’m not willing to throw away, like we belong together.” He bent his head and brushed her neck with his lips. Her heart beat so fast, she had to open her mouth to breathe. This wasn’t how normal people fell in love, was it? It was too fast. And how could they square this up with Arlan? Something greedy in her wanted them both far too much and wouldn’t accept just one.
“We haven’t known each other long.”
“I know enough. I know you’re beautiful and sweet, and as intelligent and sexy as fuck.” She managed a laugh. The way he spoke was sometimes so hilariously adorable.
“And you’re a submissive too. Which is the icing on the cake.”
She swallowed hard, giving him a barely imperceptible nod. In response, he groaned and rained kisses up the slope of her neck, his hot breath in the shell of her ear. She ran her hands over his massive chest. The man was etched as if from marble, toned and divine.
“Did you like it when you were handcuffed to my wall? Answer honestly.”
She sighed, no longer able to hold back or deny the truth. “I loved it, okay? You hit on one of my sexual fantasies. I’m not going to deny it.”
Jay gave her waist a squeeze of approval. His smile said tell me more. “I crave it, okay? I need it. I want more.”
When he grinned down at her, the light of the devil glowed in his deep, dark eyes. He pinned both her wrists to the floor. “I think I can find a number of ways to distract you from worrying about Arlan until he comes home.”
Chapter Twelve
Arlan clenched his teeth, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He couldn’t believe they’d left the gate unlocked. What the hell was Jay thinking? How many times had they left themselves unprotected like this while he was gone? Had Jay forgotten the attack on August altogether?
Arlan fingered the wallet in his pocket. He had pictures of a new baby boy he’d saved and brought back to his parents to show both of them. His soul craved the opportunity to show this small success to the two people he loved more than anything on earth. In spite of the short time frame in which he’d known August, it was as though he’d known her forever, maybe in a past life. Deep in his bones, he knew she and Jay were his fated mates. His lion form knew their scent. They were his.
They just don’t know it yet.
Arlan made his way past the pool and the spa, where coffee cups sat on the outdoor table. The back door was open too. He heard noise in the study and padded softly down the carpeted hallway toward the sound.
Claimed by Fae_MMF Paranormal Romance Page 12
