‘Don’t worry, Jenny,’ she said. ‘I saw the way that Captain Williams looked at you and I know that he was très, très épris.’
‘Very taken by you,’ translated Jane. Her French is better than mine as she often chatters in it to Eliza.
‘You have captured his heart, ma petite,’ said Eliza solemnly.
‘Should she write to him, do you think?’ asked Jane. ‘Just something casual — ask him how he is and how his ship is — just to remind him of her.’
‘Mais non, mais non, mais non …’ Eliza became very agitated. ‘A lady must never do that. It’s for the gentleman to make the first move. A lady must wait. You have made an impression; now stand back and let him come forward!’
‘I’m not sure that I made a great impression,’ I said, and I probably said it rather dolefully because Eliza gave me a motherly pat on the shoulder.
‘Did he pay you any compliments?’ asked Jane.
I told her that he said I had lovely eyes and she immediately asked me what I said in return and shook her head reprovingly when I admitted that I said nothing.
‘You should have said, “La, Captain Williams, you do me too much honour!” That’s what she should have said, Eliza, isn’t it?’
I said hotly that I thought that sounded ridiculous. I was embarrassed to think how I had blushed when he admired my eyes.
Eliza pursed her lips, but tactfully did not agree with either of us. She was thinking hard though, and when she spoke she was quite decisive.
‘You see, Jenny, my dear,’ she said briskly, ‘it’s very pretty to look shy, but don’t be too shy. You must be ready to give the gentleman a hint of your feelings.’
‘Just take one step forward, and then a step back! That’s right, isn’t it, Eliza?’ Jane was getting excited. I half expected her to fly across the room and take out her writing desk.
‘Précisément!’ Eliza beamed fondly at Jane and then turned back to me with a serious look. ‘Think of it like a dance, Jenny. A gentleman pays you a compliment, you look up at him and let him see your feelings for him — just for one moment — and then you drop your eyelashes to hide your eyes — use your fan — I showed you how. Then if a gentleman talks of his feelings, don’t hold back. If you are too shy to respond, then just look up and let him read the message of love in your eyes.’
‘And don’t forget your fan,’ advised Jane. ‘But she’ll have to say something if he asks her to marry him, won’t she, Eliza? She can’t just look at him and hope that he guesses.’
‘Who says anything about marriage?’ Eliza pronounced it ‘marrrriaage’. ‘Jenny doesn’t know him well enough for any talk about marriage. She’ll have to get to know him a lot better before she agrees to marry him. She only met him for less than an hour. No young girl should be talked into marriage before she is ready!’ And Eliza sighed heavily and looked into the fire with an air of tragedy.
‘Oh, but she knew him before—’ Jane stopped suddenly and put her hand in front of her mouth. Eliza dropped her tragic-muse pose and swivelled around to look at me with an air of interest.
‘I don’t mind Cousin Eliza knowing,’ I said reassuringly to Jane. I could see how horror-filled she looked and I guessed that there was no way out of telling Eliza the whole story. In any case, she was going back to London.
‘But you must swear never to tell a soul,’ said Jane, and then she dramatically told Eliza the whole story. Eliza listened with parted lips, and when Jane had finished she said, ‘Jenny, this is a man who will love and cherish you. When this man comes back to tell you of his love for you, you will know what to do. This is a man who has shown gentleness and kindness to an unprotected girl. He will make a wonderful husband.’
‘Perhaps he was still just being kind to me though.’
Eliza shook her head. ‘You forget that I have studied him, chérie. Even across the ballroom floor I could see that he was in love with you. I know about these things. I could tell you such stories.’ And Eliza heaved a sigh and smiled a world-weary smile.
‘Oh, do tell us some stories of your time in Paris, before you were married, Eliza. You’re going away tomorrow so this is the last opportunity,’ urged Jane.
‘I’ll be back for the performance of the play at Easter, chérie,’ said Eliza, ‘but …’
So for the rest of the evening, Eliza sat by our fireside and told so many stories and gave us so much good advice that by bedtime my head was in a whirl. Before she left she kissed me and whispered in my ear, ‘Now remember, he will come, and when he does, you will know what to say to him.’
Jane is now asleep and I am still writing in my journal and hoping that Mrs Austen won’t notice the light of the candle shining under our door.
I’ve been thinking about Eliza’s words so I’ve fetched my journal from my trunk and am trying to sort out my feelings.
I can see where I’ve gone wrong. I’ve been too shy, too silent.
When Captain Williams told me that story of how he saved the boy, I was dying to show him how wonderful I thought he had been.
But I was just too shy — that’s what I told myself at the time.
Perhaps, though, I’m getting too old to be shy …
Perhaps it’s just a form of selfishness …
Perhaps Thomas (secretly in my mind I like to call him Thomas) would have been pleased to hear himself praised.
When he told me the story and I said nothing, perhaps he felt embarrassed …
The next time that I meet him I will know what to do …
If ever I meet him again …
Tuesday, 29 March 1791
And today he came!
And I didn’t show him my feelings.
Everything went wrong.
All Jane’s and Eliza’s good advice seems to be thrown away on me.
This is how the day went.
Frank had got back his good humour this morning when he was giving me my riding lesson; he was very nice and complimented me on my riding and without much prompting on my part he started to tell me about the duties of a captain. It was a fine morning and we had now progressed to riding side by side down the lane towards the church. I was enjoying the morning sun and watching the brisk wind stirring and blowing the white petals of the cherry trees drifting down, looking like snow as I half listened to a long description of everything that captains did on board ship (and of course all about what a midshipman would do, as well) and eventually I managed to slip in the question that I wanted to ask.
‘And when captains are on shore, is their time their own, or do they have any duties then?’
Again I had to listen to a long description of how ships had to be cleansed, refitted, all about ships’ stores and chandlers.
‘So a captain would have to supervise all of that?’ I said thoughtfully as soon as I could get a word in.
‘Of course! It’s no easy life, being a captain of ship. Not like those idle dogs in the army.’ Frank was very scornful of the army, where a man could buy a commission and not rise through merit, as they do in the navy.
I didn’t listen to the rest of his opinions about soldiers. My heart was happy again. Thomas was probably down in Southampton seeing to his ship. He would have no time to waste calling upon young ladies. Frank didn’t say any more about Thomas having a girl in every port so I hope that what he said yesterday is not true.
We went to see George this morning, and brought a piece of pork pie. He enjoyed the pie, but he had problems with making the sign for P. This was difficult for him as it involved — according to the book that Jane had taken from her father’s library — folding his thumb and two fingers. In the end I said to Jane that we should be content with him trying to say the name. I had more hopes of teaching George to talk than to read or to spell, but Jane was of the opinion that reading and spelling would impress her mother more. On the way home I was thinking about George and I was thinking that it was strange that Jane was the only one of his seven brothers and sisters to worry about him. Aft
er all, the others — including James, who had great influence with his mother — knew that their brother was lodged with a poor family down in the village. They knew that he shambled around dirty and perhaps ill-fed — he always seemed hungry to me — and yet none of them ever took any interest in him.
After dinner it poured with rain and everyone was in the parlour. There was no opportunity for the boys to go out of doors before lessons started again so we all settled down with books or card games or chess, and Mr Austen was reading through the sermon that he had preached on Sunday. Charles was first ‘broke’ (and out of buttons!) in our game of pontoon so he left the table and wandered over to the window.
‘There are two horses coming up the drive,’ he called out.
‘Is it William Chute?’ Henry had been yawning in a bored sort of way, but he suddenly sounded interested and he put his book down on the table.
‘No,’ said Charles. ‘It’s Newton Portsmouth and someone in naval uniform with him.’
‘Cassandra, Jane, Jenny, put this room in order,’ scolded Mrs Austen, scurrying around picking up books and shaking cushions.
The Honourable Newton Wallop was the second son of the Earl of Portsmouth, and Mrs Austen was very fond of the aristocracy. She had some far-distant ancestor who was the brother of a duke.
‘Who’s with him, Charles?’ she asked as she tipped Mr Austen’s Sunday sermon into the wood scuttle beside the fire.
‘Let me see,’ said Frank, getting up and going to the window. ‘It must be Frederick. No, it’s not, it’s Captain Williams. He must be staying at Hurstbourne Park or with the Portsmouths. What can he want? You remember him, Mama? I introduced him to you at the Assembly Rooms on Saturday. Do you know, Papa, Captain Williams had his own ship when he was eighteen years old?’
‘Lucky him,’ murmured Henry.
‘He must be a very worthy young man,’ said Mrs Austen warmly.
‘His uncle is an admiral,’ said Henry. ‘That’s a piece of good luck that any of us would enjoy having. Being worthy has nothing whatsoever to do with it.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Henry,’ scolded Mrs Austen. ‘And why are you lounging around here? You should be over at Laverstoke House paying a visit to Miss King. It will impress her if you come in this weather.’
Henry rose reluctantly to his feet, giving a look of dismay at the sight of the rain pouring down on the sodden lawn outside.
‘Well, Mama,’ said Jane pertly, ‘if your son should have a dangerous fit of illness, if he should die, I hope that it will be a consolation to you that it was all in pursuit of your orders — and of Miss King, of course.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Mrs Austen. ‘People don’t die of a little rain. I go out in the rain every day myself.’
My heart began to beat faster. I looked across at Jane, but I had no time to make contact with her as her father had caught her by the hand.
‘Jane, dear, give me back my sermon. No one listens much to my words, so this sermon will do perfectly well some Sunday next year. And who is this Captain Williams?’
‘Good gracious, Mr Austen, it’s the young man that I told you about, the one that was so taken by our Jenny. You must remember, Mr Austen; I told you all about him last Saturday night at bedtime. Jenny, dear, leave those cards there; Jane will attend to them. You just run upstairs, take off that brown calico and put on your blue muslin, the one that you wore to church on Sunday.’
‘I’ll go with her to brush her hair,’ said Jane swiftly. ‘Cassandra will tidy the cards away.’
Mr Austen looked as if he didn’t remember too well who Captain Williams was. Probably he had heard a lot about Miss King and then fallen asleep before the bit about me and Captain Williams. However, he slipped his sermon into his waistcoat pocket, straightened his wig and sat up, resigned to losing his after-dinner doze.
Frank went out to the front door and Jane and I raced upstairs.
‘What a shame that it is raining so hard,’ said Jane as she brushed my curls around her finger. ‘If it had been fine, then you could have taken your beau for a walk in a pretty little wilderness, just like the girl in The Mysteries of Udolpho.’
This made me giggle a little. I was quite excited. Lavinia at Mrs Cawley’s Seminary for Young Ladies was always boasting of having a ‘beau’ who came calling.
‘I expect that he has just come to see Frank,’ I said, trying to sound offhand, but Jane wasn’t fooled.
‘You’re not still scared that he will tell anyone about Southampton, are you?’ she asked, looking at me enquiringly.
I told her that I wasn’t because Captain Williams had promised faithfully not to tell anyone.
Jane’s eyes narrowed. ‘It sounds as though he cares for you,’ she said. ‘Oh la …’ And then the door was pushed open. It was Cassandra.
‘There, you look very nice, Jenny. Come on, come downstairs. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Captain Williams is just doing the civil thing, visiting neighbours of the Portsmouths.’
‘I’m not scared,’ I said. I wasn’t going to be patronized by Cassandra — after all, she’s only two years older than I am.
‘Come and sit beside me, Jenny,’ said my aunt in a motherly way when Jane and I went into the parlour. She was sitting next to Captain Williams on the sofa. Newton was chatting to Tom Fowle and Henry, and Mr Austen had started to doze off again. Frank was fetching one of his naval books from the bookcase and he looked a bit annoyed when Mrs Austen made room for me between herself and Captain Williams and sternly waved him away, while Captain Williams, who had jumped up from his seat, was bowing over my hand.
We sat down, side by side on the sofa. It wasn’t a very big sofa, and Mrs Austen is a large, wide-hipped woman, so it ended up with us sitting very close together.
It wasn’t easy to talk though. Everyone in the room was looking at us — the boys with curiosity, Cassandra with a degree of jealousy, Jane beaming enthusiastically. I didn’t dare look at Mrs Austen, but I knew that she was looking at me encouragingly.
‘You’re well after the ball?’ asked Captain Williams.
‘Very well,’ I said, wondering whether it was etiquette to ask him if he was well also.
‘You weren’t too tired?’ was his next question.
‘No,’ I said. ‘I wasn’t a bit tired.’ I could hear my voice sounding stilted and mechanical. I tried to remember all the things that Eliza had told me to do. But he wasn’t paying me compliments or speaking of love, so none of these was of any use.
Jane and I had been practising being sophisticated and flirting in our bedroom, but all I could think of was pinning the wrapper to my shoulders. He was so near to me that I almost felt a little faint. I had a sudden longing for everyone to go out of the room and then perhaps he would hold my hand or even put it to his lips as he did at the Assembly Rooms and that night at Southampton.
‘It was the first time that I have ever been to Basingstoke Assembly Rooms. I found them very pleasant.’ He was doing his best, but I didn’t know what to say.
‘It was my first time too,’ I said after a minute. I was conscious that Mrs Austen was listening to every word. She got up now and went across the room and opened the piano.
‘Let’s have a little music, Jane,’ she said. For once Jane did not argue but sat down on the piano stool. Mrs Austen leafed through the music books on the piano and then opened one and plonked it in front of Jane. When the music came, it was soft and gentle, ideal for conversation. Mrs Austen stayed beside her to turn the pages. It was no good though. I just couldn’t talk to him. Not with everyone watching us. No matter what subject of conversation we tried, I could only answer yes or no. After a whispered suggestion from his mother, Frank had taken Newton to the stables to see a litter of pointer pups, and Tom Fowle and the other pupils had gone with them. Only Mr and Mrs Austen, Cassandra, Jane and I remained.
And Captain Thomas Williams, of course.
Eventually Newton and Frank returned. Cassandra slipped out to join her
fiancé and Jane stopped playing the piano.
‘We must go now,’ said Newton, with a quick look at Captain Williams. ‘I have to call on neighbours with a message from my mother, but let me give it to you first of all. We are holding a ball at Hurstbourne Park this Saturday and all the Austens are invited. And Miss Jenny, of course. Here is the invitation card.’
Lord & Lady Portsmouth
request the pleasure of the company of
Mr & Mrs G. Austen & Family
at a ball to be held at
Hurstbourne Park,
Saturday 2 April 1791
RSVP
‘A ball!’ exclaimed Jane. ‘Oh, wonderful! I promise to save you a dance, Newton.’
‘Jane!’ exclaimed Mrs Austen, but I knew she was not really annoyed. Jane’s remark had raised a laugh and it finished that awkward silence that had fallen in the room. I laughed too. Suddenly I felt at ease and I looked up at Captain Williams with a smile. ‘Will you be there?’
He smiled back. ‘Only if you come,’ he said, and his brown eyes were dancing.
‘You should have taken him out for a walk until you found a pretty little wilderness — what does a little rain matter in the cause of true love?’ said Jane later when we were brushing our hair and I was telling her how stupid and embarrassed I felt and how I couldn’t think of a word to say to him when we were sitting side by side on the sofa in the parlour.
‘I’m not sure that would have been any better,’ I said doubtfully. ‘I just don’t think I am very good at things like that.’
‘I know what I’ll do,’ said Jane enthusiastically. ‘I’ll go through Mrs Radcliffe’s novels and I’ll make a list of things that young ladies say to their young men. Then you can learn a few sentences off by heart every night. I’ll hear you say them until you are word-perfect.’
I couldn’t help laughing. I didn’t think that it would work for me, but I didn’t like to disappoint Jane.
‘I’ll try,’ I said.
‘You were all right at the ball though, weren’t you? I saw you talking to him. You didn’t look shy then. You’ll probably be fine on Saturday,’ she said, and I thought again about the look on his face just before he left when he whispered in my ear, ‘Keep all your dances for me, won’t you?’
I Was Jane Austen's Best Friend Page 17
