by Alexis Angel
When I question myself about him, Jason, and Alex, I always fall short of a definitive answer. It’s not a specific element or trait—instead, it’s a combination. Each one of them might be perfect, but it’s the whole cake that does it for me.
“Oh, God,” I moan, my thoughts dancing with the sensations running through my body, a cocktail of fantasy and lust making my mind swim. “D-don’t stop,” I tell him, a begging tone in my words. I don’t really need to tell him that, but it just feels right to say it out loud, you know? To make him understand that I want and need him not to stop.
“I’m gonna -- oh fuck!” I explode, gritting my teeth so hard that my skull seems to rattle. This time, there’s no thunder travelling up my spine, or an electric feeling spreading under my skin - no, it’s none of that. Instead, all of me seems to explode from the inside out, as if my whole body suddenly went radioactive. My eyes are closed right now but, if I opened them up, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw my naked body glowing, a redness pulsing under my skin as he keeps on thrusting.
Hissing through my gritted teeth, I let madness take the steering wheel and, instead of simply surrendering to the orgasm raging inside of me, I start thrusting my hips back against him. Even though I can barely think straight, I impale myself on his cock over and over again, and that just amplifies the extreme ecstasy I’m feeling right now. Between you and me, I have no idea about how I still am conscious.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” I shout at the top of my lungs, a second orgasm riding the previous one. I’m cumming so hard that I can’t even describe what I’m feeling. My soul has left my body, and it’s as if I’m watching everything happen to someone else. Seriously, the pleasure is so intense that I simply had to detach myself from my own consciousness.
“All… the… way…” I say between breaths, somehow finding the necessary strength to thrust back with my hips one last time. I spend my last reserves of energy on that simply movement but, luckily, he has already taken charge. Holding me on all fours, his hands tightly locked on my hips, he starts fucking me so fast that I can’t even tell when his cock is sliding in or sliding out. All I know is that my insides are on fire.
“Fuck,” he groans, his word nothing but a whisper, and then his cock throbs against my inner walls. He stops moving altogether and, a fraction of a second later, I feel his warm seed gushing into me. He remains knelt behind me for a long while, his cock pulsing hard as it unleashes a raging river of cum inside my pussy. With my insides brimming with semen, I then feel it drip out of my pussy, thick and gooey beads of it falling on the floor.
“Ahh,” I pant as he slides his cock out of me, moving fast and without warning.
“Don’t move,” he tells me, and there’s something in the way he says it that sooths me. And so, I’m not sure exactly how, I manage to remain on all-fours even though my body has been stripped off all its energies.
“What are you --?” I start to ask, looking back at him over my shoulder. He doesn’t need to offer me a reply; what I see is enough of a reply. With both his hands on my ass cheeks, he bends over and, opening his mouth, takes it straight to my pussy.
“Ah,” I gasp as I feel his full lips sucking on my folds. He takes his time down there, using both his lips and tongue to lick me dry; and still, no matter how much time he spends there, I keep on feeling cum trickling out of my pussy. I’m not sure of much cum he holds inside his balls, but it’s an ungodly amount.
“I must be fucking crazy,” he whispers, more to himself than to me, as he pulls back from my pussy and sits down on the floor.
“If you’re crazy,” I say out loud, turning around fast so that I’m facing him, “then so am I.” With that, I hold his chin with two fingers, forcing him to look into my eyes. His lips are glistening from a blend of my juices and his own cum, and I simply can’t resist it - I lean into him and crush my mouth against his, savoring that sinful cocktail with all that I have.
Ah, life’s good.
Alex
Jason and I ride to the motel after picking up the wreckage from the fight. It was a lot of blood and a lot of suffering…but ultimately our side won out. The battle wasn’t pretty (is it ever?), and I know Wade was wounded; I'm anxious to see how he's doing.
We pull up and I see his bike there, so that's a good sign. At least he made it here. In his state, I wasn't so sure he would. He took a pretty bad hit to the shoulder so I'm quite surprised that he was even able to stabilize his bike. Seeing it here, parked at the little motel on the outskirts of town is a very good sign.
As we pull up, our headlights shine into the window of Zeva's room. They could probably hear us coming a mile away. We walk to the door and she opens it before I can even knock.
She's been waiting for us.
"You guys made it! Everyone's alive, thank God."
I scoop her up in my arms and deliver her a million kisses. She smells fresh and of perfume. She always smells so good and there's no scent that matches her own. Zeva, my girl. Our girl.
"We made it," Jason wraps his war-torn body around her in a hug and she melts. Finally, we’re together—the four of us. I'm just so thankful to be away from the carnage, the smell of bullets hanging in the air. This is what hardens a biker, seeing men just perish. I'll never get used to that, and though I wish I was jaded, by now I'm not.
"We're happy to be here. How's the patient?" I peek around her shoulder and I see Wade bandaged and obviously happy. They must have fucked. Whatever. He deserves it after taking a wound like that.
"I'd get up boys, but I can't."
He's stretched out on the bed and I wish I could be too. I'm bone tired. We gave it our all and it worked. Hopefully, now things can be peaceful.
"I need a drink badly," Jason steps toward the Blue Label whiskey and pours himself a hefty drink.
"I need one as well." He hands it to me and pours another, and one for Zeva, and one for Wade.
"Here you go, man. It will take some of the pain away."
We don't cheer. There's nothing to celebrate, really. Instead, the stench of death hangs over us. We drink to numb the pain and that's about it.
"Well," I say. "At least we're safe."
"Guys," Zeva pleads, allowing her gaze to linger on us. "Can't you just be done with this lifestyle? Please, do it for me. I can't do this anymore. I mean…I had to stitch up Wade's bloody shoulder for God's sake. How can you even consider staying in this life?"
"Come here," I pull her toward me and her body is positively shaking. "Shh, it's okay. We're all in one piece. It's really okay."
She pushes me back, "No! You don't fucking understand. I thought I would lose one of you for sure. How could you put me in that position and expect me to stay and to go through it again and again?"
She's crying and screaming and there's nothing any of us can do to fix it. Unless, of course, we abandon The Order. But we can't do that anytime soon. When you pledge, you pledge for life. That's the only way to join. I can't break my honor, even for her, the diamond of my life.
Jason speaks up for all of us, "Baby, you don't understand. We can't leave...ever. You know the rules. Your father abided by them and so do we."
"And just look at where he is!" She's crying so hard. "He's fucking dead and for what?"
We are all silent. We get where she's coming from. But she refuses to see the reason from our side.
I try to go to her but she pushes me away. She doesn't want comfort from any of us. She wants us to say that we'll leave the club. She wants us to give up our life and essentially our family, our brotherhood.
"Zeva, we can't do that. You know this life. You know there's no getting out of it. Please be reasonable," I hope she can see my point.
"No, there's no reasoning about it. You go out there and you murder people and you put your lives on the line for some stupid club. And you expect me to love you knowing that any day I might lose you? Hell no! I am so out of here."
She's packing her stuff in a furious, sad kind of rage.
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I don't blame her.
I know how tough this can be on her. I mean, just imagine how it must be. It's how I felt at the thought of her getting raped, or when The Legion attacked her house. I felt the wind being knocked out of me. She must feel the same. We hang our heads sadly. Jason tries to stop her but she pushes past him.
Just like that, she's gone.
Zeva
I'm at the farmhouse and back in my own surroundings.
It may not be the nicest place on earth, but it's the only home I've ever known, and everything here reminds me of my dad. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, since I miss him so much.
I'm at the sink, cleaning dishes and trying to distract myself.
I walked out on them. I just walked out. I don't know what I was thinking but it seemed like the only option at the time. How could I stay? How could they be so selfish as to want me to stay? I'm sad inside, and I feel morose. Life is looking pretty lonely from this vantage point.
When I had Wade sleeping there, recovering from his wounds, there was a moment when I felt that things could turn out alright. There was a glimmer of hope.
But then, when Jason and Alex returned and I saw the three of them together...oh God, then I realized that they’ll never leave The Order behind. They place their brotherhood above everything else.
I decide there's only one person to call, Tammi. I miss her and I need a mother figure right now to tell me what to do.
I call the number she gave me, her sister's house.
"Tammi? Hey, it's me Zeva. I miss you."
"Oh darlin’, are you all right? I heard some of what's been goin’ on down there. You okay?"
"I'm fine," my voice is shaky and I start to cry. She's a safe person to cry with. She won't judge me and I can just release.
"You don't sound very fine."
"I walked out on them. I left all of them because they refuse to leave the gang. I just can't take it anymore. Wade got injured and there was blood everywhere and it just reminded me of ... dad."
"Oh, sweetie. It's alright. It's only natural. Your daddy's in a better place now. And he's lookin’ down on you, and I'll bet you he's so proud of you standing up to those three big guys like that. The hardest part of loving someone is leaving them."
"Oh Tammi, I miss them so much. And I feel all alone. I'm just alone."
"No, sweetheart. You stay strong. You stood your ground on an important issue. They can't expect you to just watch them die. You deserve to have a real life, a happy life."
"You think?" I try the tears on the sleeve of my sweatshirt as I move out to the old, paint-chipped porch where at least I can see the stars to give me comfort.
"Trust me, they will come back. You are worth leaving that club for. Those men have all these false ideas about what honor means. But it means to stand by the people you love. If they love you they will find you. I promise."
I knew she would help me to see the difference between reality and my pain. She's right. I did what I had to do.
I sniffle and she makes a joke about how much better the big city is. It makes me laugh and I'm jolted for a minute into happiness.
"You always cheer me up."
"Well that's what I'm here for … and Zeva, I'm always going to be here for you. Just remember, the offer still stands about you being able to come out here. I think you'd really like it. If those guys don't come crawlin’ back to you…well, then you just get on an airplane and come over here. You can start brand new in New York City. It's the city of dreams or some such shit."
I seriously consider the idea of starting over for a minute. But then I say what I know I need to say, "I can't, Tammi. You know I can't leave them. I have to try to pull them away from this life. Maybe I can help them to see ... but thank you for the offer."
"Well, NYC will always be here. And so will I. Just call if you need anything."
"Thank you, so much. Take care, okay? I don't need something happening to you also."
"Oh honey, trust me I will. This city is my playground."
"Thanks, Tammi, good night."
"’Night, sweetie."
We hang up and I cradle the phone to my chest. I feel closer to her already, and I feel like I can see my path forward.
I will always have Tammi at least.
My anger at the guys is cooling off, and more than anything, I feel sad that they just don't see how carefree and happy we could be without The Order. Our lives were just getting good, our relationship was starting, and then it all ended. I can still feel their rough hands on my body and it makes me come alive with desire. I'd give anything to be with just one of them right now…or better yet, all three. Never have I felt so full and adored as when I'm with them.
What we have is special and if they don't realize that…well, then they don't deserve me.
My dogs come out then, rushing into the kitchen and running between my legs. I pet their heads softly, my fingers running through their fur, and I allow myself a moment where I don’t think of anything.
This is going to be one lonely night.
Zeva
I sigh softly to myself. It’s been three days since Tammi left. I wish the guys would just quit, but…I understand too. It’s family. That club is all they’ve had for a long time, at the end of the day, and they’ve built it up so well. But they have me now too. Doesn’t that matter? Maybe I’m being selfish, but I couldn’t stand to lose any of them. I’ve lost so much already to this life, and I’m getting so tired of it. Was Tammi right? Should I have left?
I scratch both my dogs idly as I sit on my couch. I look around and am flooded with memories, both of my time growing up and more recent, with them. I smile softly to myself and sigh again. No, it was right to stay. It will take some time, but we’ll figure things out. Maybe we can bring the Honeypot out of the biker scene? It’d be really hard to just change who shows up though and if we did that they’d resent us and we’d lose all business, I guess.
I jump hard, startled by my phone ring. I look over and see Jason’s name on the screen. I hesitate for a moment. I don’t know if I’m ready to speak with any of them. It keeps ringing, and I just stare. The phone goes dark, unanswered. I sigh, cursing myself for my own cowardice.
I jump again as the phone lights back up, Jason’s name once again on the screen. I smile a little. He’s persistent, at least. I slowly reach out, then grab hold of my phone and click the answer button.
“Hey Jason…” I say. “How’s everything?”
“Umm…good. Things are going okay. Honeypot is almost fully repaired finally, everyone still standing is, well, still standing at least,” he says. I can tell there’s a lot he wants to say, but won’t.
“I’m glad to hear it. I think … I think I’ll be ready to come back to work once everything is fixed.”
“Good. You know, we miss you,” he says, more quietly.
“I miss you guys too. I just…needed some space is all,” I say. My dogs slowly get up and stretch, and then they both walk over to the window to stare outside.
“I get it, it’s alright. Things are rough around here still, I guess. We’ve been distracted, and some of the guys are starting to talk. They think we’re quitting the club.”
“Well, obviously that’s not true,” I say, a slightly bitter tone in my voice, and immediately regret it. There was only nervous silence in response.
A pair of sharp, angry barks roar up to cut into the quiet. I glance over at the two dogs at the window, their attention caught by something. I walk over and suddenly hear it myself; a louder than normal motorcycle heading toward my house.
“Wade and Alex are with you right, Jason?”
“Yeah why? Wait, who’s that in the background?”
“I don’t know…” I say as I watch them pull up to the road and dismount their bike. I can’t quite make out what they’re fiddling with at this distance. The figure takes off their jacket, and I see a bright white undershirt beneath. They pull at their jacket
, seeming to be tearing at it. I see a light click, then something in their hand flare up in flames. They chuck it at my house and I realize too late what it is: a Molotov cocktail. It crashes through the second floor window, immediately flaring up my entire bedroom.
I scream. “Jason! He just threw a cocktail!”
“What? Who? ZEVA?!”
I’ve already dropped my phone, and I run outside with Seras and Walter. I scream at the shadowed figure, but they’ve already mounted their bike and are driving off. I hear a strange sputtering from the bike, and my ears are pounding from the volume it puts out, even at this distance. I stare after the rider as they round a corner.
I turn around, dejected, and stare at my house. The entire second floor is ablaze, and the flames are quickly working down to the lower level. Every memory of my life is held within those crumbling walls. Growing up, playing with my parents, everything they made for me and for us as a family.
All I can do is stare and cry.
Wade
I jump off my bike and run up to Zeva, holding her tight. Jason and Alex are right behind me, and join us. There’s nothing we can do to stop the inferno that her house has become. We all sit and stare, no words that could comfort this moment. The heat is coming off and enveloping us in waves, but nothing can stop us from embracing Zeva in this moment.
A pair of fire trucks drive up and firemen pour out, scooting the four of us across the street. They hand us a blanket to wrap Zeva with as they attempt to salvage whatever they can of her house. Water pours in as Zeva stares, crying more at the sight of her only home crumbling in front of her. We turn her away from the nightmare and kneel to the ground with her, sitting her down in the dirt.
Seras nudges me from behind and whimpers. I reach out and scratch her ear.
“It’s okay, girl,” I say. “It’ll be okay.”
Walter comes over and curls himself up in Zeva’s lap to help comfort her, but Seras keeps nudging me. I look over and see black tatters clutched in the dog’s mouth. She drops it at my feet and I stare at it. It’s a black biker’s jacket.
