“His father is a plantation owner in Tennessee,” Anna said. “And his mother was a light-skinned slave.”
“Marie?”
Anna reached for Peter and cuddled him close to her again. “If Simon or one of the other hunters find her baby.....”
He didn’t want to consider Simon stealing away Marie’s child. “What will you do with him?”
Anna explained about the Palmer family and how they had cared for him. “They are leaving in the morning...and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Her voice trailed off, and he felt her sadness.
Almost as much as he had felt for Esther earlier that day.
The thought came to him quickly, and he scoffed at himself for even considering it. Anna would never trust Esther with this child. And Esther would never let a Negro baby replace the child she lost.
He opened his mouth and shut it. Would Esther even consider it? Certainly not if she knew the child was colored. He glanced back at Peter’s face.
Perhaps she would never have to know.
Chapter Thirty-three
Esther shoved the pile of goose feathers off her bed and searched for another pillow to destroy. Her fingernails dug into the seam, ripping the threads apart. Feathers exploded onto her face and stuck to her tears. She pulled the feathers off her eyes and tore them in her hands.
God had given her the gift of a baby girl and then snatched her very breath away. Her baby was no longer inside her. Nor was her baby in her arms, where she belonged.
She’d never even seen Lilith’s pretty face. Joseph stole her baby away from her and then forced her to sleep.
Her very heart had been ripped apart, and nothing could stop the pain. Joseph kept spooning laudanum into her mouth, but she always woke up hours later with the pain fresh again.
She almost wished she wouldn’t wake.
She banged her head back against the wooden headboard, willing the pain to expunge the gaping wound inside her.
It was her fault she’d lost the baby. She should have crawled into bed the first day she found out she was expecting and not moved again until her daughter was born. It was ridiculous, all her busyness around the house...like any of it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore.
She reached for the last pillow on her bed and tore it open.
How could God do this to her? How could He take away the only thing in life that she wanted? He could have her fancy home and her clothes. All she had ever desired was to be a mother.
She had wanted more children than just one. Four, at least. Maybe more. But it had taken her five years to get pregnant the first time. She was almost too old to have so many children.
She shoved the empty pillowcase and feathers off the side of the bed. What if she never even had one?
Her hands clutched the back of her neck, and she rolled into a ball. Sorrow poured out of her, but the grief never emptied from her heart. How was she supposed to live like this?
Joseph came into the room, hovering over her, but even then, she couldn’t stop her sobs.
He placed his cold hand on her forehead. “Do you want some more laudanum?”
She rolled away from him. Didn’t he understand? Medicine couldn’t heal what was hurting her. Nothing could.
He sat down on her bed, pulling her into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair.
Why was he apologizing? She was the one who’d lost their baby.
“Why did He take her away?” she asked.
His shoulders shook, and she felt his tears on her head. “I don’t know.”
She sank her head into his chest. “I want my baby back.”
On the bed, with his arms around her, Joseph’s tears mixed with hers.
God have mercy on them. She didn’t know what they were going to do.
A chorus of bullfrogs croaked in sequence along the swampy path toward Liberty. The buggy’s lantern illuminated the trail, but they wouldn’t need its light for long. Within the hour, the sun would begin its slow creep over the horizon.
Anna glanced over her shoulder and saw Daniel wrapped up in the black blanket. He was ready, if necessary, to hide on the floor with Peter, but she doubted that even Simon would be out hunting at this early morning hour.
“I’m still here,” Daniel whispered.
She smiled at his voice. Even though she had told him to sleep, it was a comfort to have him awake and somewhat alert. “And Peter?”
“I don’t think he’s felt a single bump.”
“It’s the medicine we gave him.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t wear off.”
She ran her stockinged toes over the soapstone to warm them. “You need to get some sleep.”
“Not until we get to my sister’s house.”
Anna wasn’t ready to leave Peter with Joseph and Esther quite yet. Life was changing too quickly around her, and she couldn’t make it stop. Only a half hour ago, she had hugged Charlotte and watched her trek toward the Palmer home. The good-bye had been harder than she’d imagined.
A tear blurred her vision, and she blinked it back. She couldn’t think about losing Charlotte right now. She had to think about Peter.
It wouldn’t be safe to care for him at her house, and Daniel felt certain that Esther would take him. She wasn’t sure about the idea, but there was no better alternative.
Daniel had asked for her to trust him, and she was trying. She only hoped she was making the right decision.
Daniel’s confidence began to crumble when Anna parked her buggy beside Joseph’s barn. Perhaps it was because he hadn’t slept for twenty-four hours. Or perhaps it was because this was one of the most absurd ideas he had ever had. Even in her grief, Esther would wonder at his bringing her a baby.
What would she do if she realized it was a Negro child?
He slowly unwrapped himself and Peter from the wool blanket. Anna slid out of the driver’s seat and reached up to take the sleeping baby, but he almost didn’t give him to her. He wanted to tell her to take Peter back to her home until they developed a better plan, but that would only put her life at risk. It was dangerous to proceed, but it was even more dangerous not to.
He reluctantly handed Peter down to her.
The parlor was quiet when they walked inside. And cold. Either Greta hadn’t arrived yet or Joseph had told her to stay home.
Anna placed Peter in the wicker cradle that Esther had ordered from New York and turned to him. “I’ll build the fire.”
Her clothes were rumpled and her eyes streaked with red, but she had never looked more beautiful to him. He wanted to pull her to him and tell her they didn’t need to leave Peter with his sister. He could whisk them away to Ohio or Michigan and care for them both.
Without asking, he knew she would never agree to run away. This was her home, and even if she did go with him, she would have to leave without the letters to join a new Meeting. The Friends would disown both of them; her reputation would be ruined. Or Simon might track them down and still steal Peter away.
Anna might leave Liberty with him, for Peter’s sake, but Daniel wouldn’t force her to make the choice. Joseph and Esther would have to take this child.
Ascending the stairs two at a time, he knocked on the door to Joseph and Esther’s chamber. No one answered his knock, so he slowly opened the door and found them both sleeping on a mound of white feathers.
Joseph jumped when Daniel shook his shoulder. Wrapping a blanket around himself, he slipped on his glasses and followed Daniel out into the frigid hallway.
Joseph didn’t bother with pleasantries. “You should have been back hours ago.”
“I had an unexpected stop to make.”
Joseph’s eyes narrowed. “Did something go wrong?”
“The order arrived safely at its destination.”
“Intact?”
“Completely.”
“Very good.” Joseph pushed his glasses back up his nose and turned. “Now we will forget we even talked about this.”
Daniel stopped him. “I’m afraid we can’t.”
Concern flooded Joseph’s face as Daniel told him that Charlotte had left for Canada that morning. Then he told him he’d volunteered to be the messenger between Joseph and Anna.
Joseph walked to the window at the end of the hallway before he faced Daniel again. “I suppose it could work.”
“It will work,” Daniel insisted.
“You could say you’re traveling out to interview different people in the county.”
Daniel’s lips curled up. “Or I could say I’m courting Anna Brent.”
“An even better idea.”
“It would be a ruse, of course.”
“Of course.”
Daniel nodded toward the open doorway. “How is she?”
“Not well,” he muttered. “Not well at all.”
“There’s one other thing....”
Joseph waved him away. “Later.”
“I’m sorry, Joseph.” Daniel thought about the baby downstairs—and the courageous woman holding him in her arms. “It can’t wait until later.”
Chapter Thirty-four
Ice! The room felt like it had frozen overnight; even her bed was covered in a feathery snow. Shivering, Esther tugged at the blanket and pulled it up to her chin.
How was she supposed to keep her baby warm in such a cold place? Greta and Joseph were supposed to take care of her and Lilith, not let them freeze in bed.
She reached for her abdomen, to feel Lilith moving inside her, but she couldn’t feel her baby.
Then she remembered.
Lilith was gone.
She opened her eyes, but tears didn’t wet her face this morning. Even they seemed to have frozen in the cold. She balled the quilt in her hands and squeezed it.
Nothing would be the same again.
Someone knocked on the door, and the sound hurt her ears. She didn’t want to see anyone. Not Greta or Daniel or even Joseph. Their very presence would remind her that Lilith was gone, but in the quiet she could still pretend.
The door opened in spite of her, but instead of Joseph or Greta walking into the room, Anna Brent entered. Anna usually made her smile, but today Esther didn’t want to smile. Nor did she want a Quaker telling her to trust in God’s will.
How could God will the death of her child?
She pushed her hair back from her forehead, and for the first time in two days, she realized she must look appalling. Joseph should have at least let her clean up before he showed a visitor to her door.
Anna brushed the feathers from the chair beside her bed and sat.
“Did you hear what happened?” Esther asked.
Anna took both of her hands and nodded.
Esther closed her eyes. “She would have been beautiful.”
“The prettiest girl in Indiana,” Anna agreed.
Anna’s simple words comforted her. Most people would think of Lilith as another unknown who’d died during childbirth, but Anna would help her remember Lilith as a baby girl.
“I spent so many hours talking to her and reading to her and singing to her. She knew my voice, but I never got to hear hers.”
“One day you will see her again.”
Esther crushed the quilt again in her hands. “I can’t wait that long.”
Her tears dried up, Esther poured out her dreams to Anna and told her what she wanted for Lilith—for all of her children—until she exhausted herself. She leaned back against the headboard, and Anna took the afghan off the back of the chair and tucked it behind her head.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Anna squeezed her hands again. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
She nodded her head though she barely heard Anna’s words.
“A baby boy was born near here a few weeks ago, Esther. A baby that needs a family.”
She scrunched her eyes shut. She didn’t want to talk about another mother’s baby. She only wanted to talk about her baby.
“We thought maybe...” Anna’s voice trailed off, and Esther opened her eyes.
Daniel was at the doorway with something small in his arms. She squinted at him and realized he was holding a baby.
Her heart lifted. Maybe Lilith wasn’t stillborn! Joseph had only taken her out for a while, until her mother was rested. She sat up and reached out her arms. “Lilith?”
Anna patted her. “It’s not Lilith.”
The room spun around her. She tried to focus on Anna’s blurry face. “But who, then?”
Daniel was beside her bed now, holding a sleeping baby out to her. It was a boy, dressed in a plum-colored gown. He was older than her Lilith by a few weeks. And he was beautiful.
Her arms ached for the child, but she pushed him away. Why were they teasing her? It was torture, looking at someone else’s perfect baby when hers was already in the grave. Didn’t they understand how much it hurt?
Her fingers twitched on the blanket. “What’s his name?”
“Peter.”
Her arms twitched. “How old is he?”
“Eight weeks,” Daniel said.
“His father?”
Daniel hesitated before he spoke again. “He doesn’t want him.”
“Where is his mother?”
He paused. “She’s deceased...and he desperately needs a mother to care for him.”
His words slowly registered in her mind and then rooted into her heart. She couldn’t care for another woman’s baby, could she? She wanted her daughter. Her little girl.
She looked down at his light eyelashes and listened to the soft breath on his lips. Joseph walked into the room, over to her bed, and her voice shook when her eyes left the baby and looked up at her husband. “He’s not Lilith....”
Joseph kissed her forehead and stepped back. “No baby could ever replace her.”
She nodded, the sadness for this child pushing a bit of her own sadness away. Lilith wouldn’t mind if she cared for him, for just a little while. Her baby would want her to help another child.
“Many suffer so much more than I, souls begging me to pray. ‘Help me,’ they cry out in pain, but I look the other way.”
The words to Anna’s poem washed over her in a gentle wave. She could never love this baby like she had loved Lilith, but that didn’t mean she should look the other way.
She glanced at Daniel and then at Anna, trembling as she spoke. “I want to care for him.”
Daniel stepped even closer to her. “We were hoping you might.”
Joseph put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder, and her brother backed away. “It’s your decision, Esther. You don’t have to do this.”
Her arms reached for the baby, and she pulled him close to her. Poor thing. He probably missed his mama as much as she missed her Lilith.
Peter’s eyes opened, and when he looked up at her, she saw the brightest color of blue. Her lips trembled, and tears flowed again from her eyes. She didn’t want to frighten him, yet she couldn’t help it. He needed her as much as she needed him.
“Who else knows he is an orphan?”
“No one in this town,” Daniel replied.
“I’m going to keep him.”
“Now, Esther...,” Joseph started, but she had already made up her mind.
No one spoke, and she looked up at the three people over her bed to make sure they understood. “His name will be Joseph Benjamin, after his father.”
Daniel cleared his throat. “That’s a good name, Essie.”
She kissed his forehead. “I will call him Ben.”
Gray clouds plastered the sky, but Anna’s heart felt light as Daniel escorted her to the buggy they’d parked behind the Cooleys’ home. She could still scarcely believe that Esther had kept Peter, but the instant the woman had taken him into her arms, Anna knew he would be secure.
Daniel had told Joseph that Negro blood ran through Peter’s veins. Joseph had asked them not to tell Esther.
Seeing her with the child, Anna didn’t think it would ma
tter. He would never replace the memories of Esther’s birth child—no one expected him to—but he would be much loved as Joseph Benjamin Cooley II.
“God has been good to us this morning,” she said.
Daniel nodded. “That He has.”
She petted Samara and turned to the man at her side. His eyes would disarm her if she weren’t careful. “She’ll take good care of him, won’t she?”
“No one will be able to take that baby away from her.”
Esther would probably fight off Simon himself with her fingernails if he appeared at her door.
For a moment, Anna didn’t know what else to say. She had said some cruel words about Daniel’s character hours before, but he had proven himself more than trustworthy. He had proven himself to be an honest and true friend.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
He looked away, embarrassed. “It was only a small thing, Anna.”
“It wasn’t small to Peter...or to me.”
He stepped close to her, his shoulders inches from her face. Her heart pounded.
Some of the farmers in Liberty might have bulkier arms than Daniel, but she’d bet money there wasn’t a man in their county stronger in spirit. He’d fought Milton Kent with his words and won. He’d tracked down slaves and shared their stories with the community. Even when someone burned down his office, he didn’t stop his pursuit of justice.
Yesterday he’d walked twelve miles to guide the runaways to her station, and then he’d found Peter the perfect home.
Daniel Stanton reminded her of King David in the Bible, a strong and passionate man. A man after God’s own heart.
He took her hand and helped her climb up to the seat.
“Let me drive you home,” he said, his voice husky.
She didn’t want to say good-bye, but there was nothing more to say. After today, they couldn’t even pretend to be friends. “We can’t be seen together, Daniel.”
“But I’m taking over...”
“You can write me,” she said, her words tumbling together. “With Esther’s stationery. You can send a note when Ben has a delivery to make.”
Love Finds You in Liberty, Indiana Page 22
