by Zara Zenia
After everything I'd seen it made sense that they'd have no problem acting and lying effectively. They were probably smarter that humans, more cunning.
Their voices were so close, I could almost feel their breath hitting me in the face, as if the door were made of nothing more than a cloud of black smoke. Something pressed against it and I jumped back toward the corner so they couldn't see me when they came in.
I was going to die. I didn't know how I knew it, or what had led me to that thought, but after everything I'd been through it made sense that that was the first thing that came to mind. I had to leave, go home and forget everything that was happening. Maybe I could find a way to get the creature out of me before it killed me.
That was another thing. Why didn't they just take it out? When you have an infection, you don't leave it, especially not when it's leeching all of the nutrients you put in your body. Maybe they were leaving it inside me, knowing that it would kill me so that I could have Markathus's child. His love for me could've been a trick to keep me from fighting, or maybe a game to torture me.
I was so certain just a few hours ago, but now I was starting to question everything.
The door across from mine opened up and I heard their voices traveling further away until the wall completely blocked them off and the door closed. I took a chance and ran out, frantically, struggling to keep up with my breath.
To my right there was an open door at the end of the hall.
Was that Eric Clapton? It was strangest thing in the world to hear human music. But that sound was unmistakable. That was Sunshine of your Love. The vibrato voice was blaring through the door, down the hall, like a specter from another dimension.
I forgot my suspicions and let it draw me in. I soon found myself staring at a poster of Marilyn Monroe holding her skirt down on the wall opposite the doorway.
“Enter.” Madge said.
“What is this place?” I walked inside, stunned by what could only be called artifacts of pop culture.
She was sitting in an old armchair, holding a thick book and smoking a cigarette. “It's my room.”
“I hope I'm not intruding.” I said carefully, well aware of the fact that the territorial instinct was probably universal.
“Come in. Close the door.” She ducked down to ash her cigarette. “You're shaking.” She sounded concerned.
I looked around the room, admiring the antique victrola, and the stack of vinyl sitting in the corner. “It's strange seeing all these things here.”
“Earth is my true home. I rarely take my original form. It doesn't feel natural.”
I sat down in the chair next to her. “What is going on out there?”
She laughed. “I don't know. He doesn't tell me anything. I don't think he likes me.”
“Who's the Fiori with him?”
“Well, I won't tell you his name, but he's a contact of mine who brings aliens to me when they are in trouble. He brought you here.”
“I don't like him sneaking behind my back like that. I want to trust him, Madge, I do, but he just can't be honest with me. There's always something, and I can't deal with that. I don't understand you people. I don't know what goes on in your heads, how you work—this could still be fake, and I don't want to die with a broken heart.”
“The only way that's going to happen is if you cut him off entirely. That man is obsessed with you. You're the only thing he thinks about. When you told him off when you first got here he stayed in the hall crying the whole time.”
“I thought caring about people wasn't a part of Fiori nature. I mean, I know nothing about your species, not from a psychological standpoint.”
“It's the fear of the unknown. I once saw two wild cats meeting one another in a park in Sacramento. They hid behind trees and peeked their heads out at one another, careful not to come too close, because those cats didn't know what to expect. It's the same thing with two different kind of animals. It's safer for them to run than to take a risk. That's probably how you feel. But we're really not that different. I experience the human mind when I take human form, so does he. It's like changing gears. You're quicker, you're compassionate. Those are the two main differences. As for our society, you have a perfect example on Earth. We're the race Hitler and Mussolini were trying to build, and we're products of that society.”
“But can you love?”
“Our love is stronger than anything a human could possibly imagine. We call it becoming infected. The Fiori see love as a parasite, one that infects the mind and creates a heretical illness, because once it takes over it eclipses everything about us, and once we lose it, it's very difficult for us to recover. If you let Markathus, he would gladly die for you. Wouldn't even think twice about it. He's the most loyal lover you'll ever have.”
“Then why the secrets?”
“He's the only one that knows, but I will say this. There are only two things on his mind right now, and that's you and trying to cope with your illness. You have no need to worry about his motivations. He loves you, Lainey and you'd do well to remember that because when you leave, he's the only ally you'll have.”
“Where am I going? I know I'm leaving off world soon, but I don't know where or what it will be like.”
“I don't know how to describe another planet to you. In your science fiction, you over generalize the landscapes. You have ice worlds and jungle worlds. The truth, of course, is more complex. Every planet is a diverse set of climates, social groups and species. As to where you are going, you can't read our star maps and I can't give you the name. You wouldn't be able to pronounce it and even if you could, I wouldn't tell you, because there's still a chance that your ship could be intercepted.”
“The Fiori regulate transportation.”
“In much the same way humans regulate travel between countries. We're a military state. Travel outside the Imperium is controlled heavily. Only those with the proper clearance are allowed to leave. You've been given a fake clearance. It will work to get you across, but you are a valuable commodity and if the ship is captured you're likely to be seized, questioned and brought back into Valice for recycling.”
“Recycling?”
She motioned around the room. “Carbon is one of the most prevalent resources in the galaxy. We prefer to obtain ours from recycled bodies. You're standing in a house made of corpses.”
I shrank back into the myself. There wasn't a single place that I could look without seeing the grainy, black material. “Fiori lives revolve around death.”
“Until we learn to love. Then nothing else exists as far as we're concerned. That's why love is considered to be so dangerous. Could you imagine working at a recycling facility after learning to be compassionate. Even humans have to suppress their instincts to handle corpses.” She took a puff of her cigarette while I stared at Marilyn Monroe.
“I don't know that I can trust him yet. I need to know what he's doing.”
“Ask.” She took one final puff of her cigarette before putting it out. “He's not going to whip out his laser gun.”
“Thank you.” I left shortly after and found him back in his spot on the mat.
I wanted to trust him, and I would try, but when I woke up, and saw him eating a plate of food on the end of the bed, what I really wanted to do was punch him. We were in this together. He couldn't keep secrets from me, not when we were depending upon one another for survival.
I knew that I had to confront him. There was no way of knowing what was going on unless I asked, so I took a leap of faith and listened to Madge. “Where were you last night? Who was that Fiori?”
He jumped back, with his eyes averted. “I'm sorry.”
“Why?” I asked with a dangerous tone in my voice.
“Because I shouldn't be sneaking behind your back.”
“You're damn right. For all I knew you could've been setting up some kind of torture device. I want to know what you were doing and who that man was.”
“His name is Ferryn. He worked in th
e reproduction facility with me. I asked him to come over here so he could bring some equipment.”
I sat back against the wall and brought my knees closer to my chest. First he made me love him again. That was torture enough, especially when I knew that I was dying and that we'd never have a future. Now he wanted to rub it in my face.
“I wasn't going to do it.”
“Do what?” I shot off the bed and took a step forward. “These are my last moments you're playing with Markathus.” I took another step forward, backing him against the wall. “I'm dying! I've accepted that. Don't you come in here telling me there might be a chance.” I had him pinned against the wall, shivering. “Because there isn't. There never will be, and all you're doing is setting us both up for—for…”
I crouched down on the ground, rocking back and forth with my hands over my ears. I hated the world I was living in, but maybe if I could block everything out I could detach from it and imagine that everything was normal again.
He was gone, and I was still heartbroken underneath the covers. I was sitting on my couch with a cup of tea. Sitting at my computer in the lab. Walking on the beach. Cooking. That was where I was meant to be.
Earth.
Dear God I missed Earth.
He set his hand on top of my head.
“You're not allowed to hurt me like this. I'd rather die than live with the pain.”
“It's easy to die, isn't it? You'd rather give up than risk a single moment of pain. Well, I'm not gonna let you do this.” White hot Fiori anger was pumping through him. “You're worth too much. I'm not letting you die simply because you're too stubborn to do what it takes to live. I've made my choice.”
I looked at him, his back turned, shaking from the sobs that were rippling through him. He whipped around again, tears flying down his red face. “And I'm not letting this get in between us either. You should be thanking me. I sacrificed everything for you.”
“Why didn't you use this equipment sooner? What's different.”
“You.” His indignant tone was like sandpaper grating against my skin. “You can walk, you can eat solid foods. You're gaining weight.”
“Stop. Fine.”
“It's just a fucking sensor. You didn't have to tear me up like that.” He collapsed onto the bed.
He had his back to me. I'd reduced a grown man to a pile of tears. I don't think I'd ever been so cruel in my entire life, but I was scared, living on a strange planet, unsure of whether or not I was going to survive.
If I couldn't learn to trust him, I was just going to hurt him. He needed my affection. All he wanted to do was be with me, and I was acting like he was a butcher ready to harvest my body when I died. It was just like Madge said, their love was stronger than a human's. If I yelled at him, or I accused him of trying to hurt me, the pain would be unbearable for him.
I laid down next to him, pressed my body against his and used my thumbs to knead his shoulder blades, hoping to give him a moment of peace. He deserved that. After everything he'd done for me, I owed it to him to do whatever I could to make him happy.
“I'm sorry.”
He turned over to face me and stroked my cheek while we fell back asleep.
Chapter 15
Markathus
I knew the second that I chose to ask Ferryn to smuggle in the medkit, that Lainey was going to react badly. Neither of us wanted to face the possibility of her survival. I hated Madge for pointing out Lainey's improved condition, but I couldn't deny that the woman was right. I had never seen a human recover after implantation.
I had no faith. She was going to die. If I started thinking that she had a chance, that maybe I'd have a future with Lainey, then when things started to get worse I'd lose my mind. It would make things harder for her.
She woke up after I did, while I was pacing around, trying to reconcile my feelings with what I was doing. She rolled over, faced me and said, “No more secrets. I need to trust you.”
I sat down beside her. “You don't understand.”
“Of course I understand. You didn't want me to start getting my hopes up, but no matter how hard the truth is, I'd rather hear it than be with a man that lies to me. I need to trust you. We'll be leaving soon. I don't know where we're going, nobody will tell me. I've never traveled anywhere else but Valice and Earth. I'm frightened and I need you there with me, by my side, not sneaking around behind my back. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
“I shouldn't have yelled at you, but hearing you last night brought all of my suspicion to the surface. I still don't feel comfortable with any of this, and the only way you're going to put me at ease is if you tell me everything.”
“I understand. I promise. No more secrets.” She sat up and hugged me.
“What do we do now?”
The door chimed before I could explain the process. “Should we let her in?”
“Yeah. Come in.”
Madge was holding two plates of purple sausage and white grain cakes, which we both tore into as soon as she set them down. She waited patiently for a moment. Then she motioned for me to follow her outside into the hall.
When I did, she shut the door and turned on me. “I had one rule. What was that rule?”
I didn't answer.
“You need to respect this house. If you plan on bringing somebody here, you get my permission first. Is that understood?”
“I apologize. It was not my intention to compromise the integrity of your home. We'll leave as soon as we're done.”
“Nonsense. You're going to Hermes tomorrow. I don't mind. I just needed you to understand. Why was Ferryn here?”
“Honestly, old woman, I'm still furious at you for pointing out the fact that Lainey is improving, but as much as I hate to admit it, you're right, and I can't ignore it so I asked him to bring in a medkit and help me setup a sensor.”
“Good. Do you know how to use it?”
“I'll at least be able to get an idea as to what is going on with the child.”
She nodded her head. “Humor me. Tell what's happening when you find out.”
“You've developed an attachment to her, haven't you Madge?”
“I have.”
I felt strange knowing that there was somebody else who cared for her. It was infuriating and unsettling. “I will let you know.” She dove in and gave me hug.
“Thank you. It could happen, Markathus.”
“You'll keep your sentiments to yourself.” I responded coldly. “But thank you, Madge. You're a kind woman.”
She went into her room.
Lainey stood up, with her empty plate sitting on the bed when I walked in. “There's no point in putting it off.” I sensed her anxiety.
“We could use the sensor now if you're ready.”
“What will you see?”
“Too many things to explain. Some you know, like heat and radiation level. Others are far beyond human understanding.”
“Will you know what's going to happen to me, once you've taken the readings?”
“I'm not sure, but it's possible.”
She nodded her head and took my hand. She was trembling. “It's OK, Lainey.”
“No. It's not.” She rested her head against my shoulder, sobbing. “It's never going to be OK again.”
I didn't know what to say to that. I knew she was right. “Come on.” I had her follow me into the room across the hall where the sensor was waiting. It was a simple device, so simple it could've been human. There was a mechanical arm sitting on the side of the bed, holding a sensitive metallic strip That would move back and forth above her.
“What do I do?”
I grabbed my crown. “Just lay down, close your eyes and try to quiet your mind. If your thoughts race, or you move around too much, it could throw off the readings.
“Thoughts?”
“We haven't had a chance to hear your inner monologues yet, but given time we'd be able to translate them.”
“Hmm. I didn't even know tha
t was possible.”
“Of course it's possible. Your thoughts are nothing more than chemicals and electricity. Once we know how your brains work, it's easy.”
“All right. Just…”
“OK. Just focus on your breath. It will help you clear your mind. I'll let you know when I'm done.
Once I had the crown placed on my head, I closed my eyes and activated the motor, which would move the arm down. Once it hit the top of her head, a barrage of blurry images and incoherent speech pulled me in, so deep that I had to struggle to pull myself away.
I could be a part of her, and she'd absorb everything that I was. We'd be together, more so than any two humans could ever be, but that wasn't why my mind was traveling through her.
I zoomed out, through brain matter, bone and skin until I was hovering a single atom's width above her body. It was there that her secrets were hidden in an impossibly thin sheet of energy, so complex that it would take more than a century to completely understand a single being's energy field, even with the use of the most powerful computers in the universe.
Every ripple in the pool of cause and effect, as it related to her, became an energetic strand in her field, creating an infinite number of ever changing layers. At the top would be the recent present. Below that was the events of last evening. The further down I went, the farther into the past I'd go. I couldn't read the field or understand the vast array of colors floating through it, but I knew the general pattern that energy fields took so I knew where to look and what the field would have inside it.
I was floating through her ancestors now, the countless settlers, peasants and primitives that made up the human race, held up by the trillions of forms that the human race had evolved from. It felt a deep crack just above the skin, so close that I could see her pores, like canyons, sitting atop a layer of rocks, vibrating to the pagan beat of wind, rain and magma.
