by Nia Arthurs
My hand tightens on the steering wheel, but I shake my melancholy and put on a strained smile as I focus on the road. “Saying I fell in love after a few minutes is a little excessive. But yeah, she intrigued me. More than any other girl I’d met.”
“What was it that you liked?”
I mull the question before answering. “I liked the way she treated Kolby. He’d just come to live with us and he was really shy and scared of the world. Ember saw me yelling at him for wandering away and immediately went into protection mode. I thought it was cute.”
“So she was kind and brave.”
“She was pretty too.” I chuckle. “Remember, I was sixteen so I was pretty shallow.”
“Have you two been dating this entire time?”
“No, we fell out of touch after that day and recently reconnected. It’s only been a week since we’ve started seeing each other.”
“But you care for her,” Maribella says quietly.
I stare out the windshield and pretend I haven’t heard the question.
Yes, I care for Ember.
More than anyone.
But I was there the night her brother died. I was a part of it. The truth of that hasn’t fully dawned on me yet and I’m already shaken. How do I face her again knowing what I am, what I’ve done?
And should I tell her or not?
“We’re almost there,” Maribella says, guiding me to an apartment complex. When I park, she turns to me. “I really appreciate this.”
“No problem.”
“Do you mind walking me up?”
I glance at my watch. It’s not that I have somewhere to be I just don’t trust her.
“It won’t take long,” she says, batting her eyelashes.
I give in because, even if she’s flirting with me, she’s still Seb’s fiancée and I would want Seb to treat Ember with a similar kindness if the shoe were on the other foot.
“Alright.” I palm my keys. “Where’s your apartment?”
Maribella smiles victoriously. “On the second floor.”
I climb out of the car and escort her through the lot to the building’s front door. The night is chilly and I consider offering my jacket to Maribella. In the end, I reject the idea. We’re almost inside anyway.
The foyer is richly lit. A set of chairs fills the middle of the room while a receptionist lingers behind her desk, talking loudly on the phone. The building seems safe enough.
I turn to Maribella, opening my mouth to offer my goodbyes here, when a familiar face rises from the couches. My eyes flicker over her curly hair, pasted into a ponytail and her long legs exposed in a pair of shorts.
“Ember?”
Maribella quirks an eyebrow and swings around. “Who?”
Ember stalks toward us, her gaze darting between my face and Maribella’s. Panic swells in my chest. The words ‘it’s not what it looks like’ bursts to mind, but I’d only look more guilty if I let them slip.
“Hey, Axle,” Ember says as she nears us. Her expression is calm, as if she is completely unmoved by the sight of me strolling into Maribella’s apartment building.
Her composure scares me more than if she’d put up a fuss and started accusing me of cheating. I step away from Maribella. “We ran into each other earlier. I’m just dropping her off.”
Maribella says nothing, and I figure she doesn’t care if Ember gets the wrong idea.
“It’s okay, Axle. I wanted to talk to you too.”
“About what?” I shuffle closer to Ember, unnerved by her penetrating gaze. Is she really going to discuss our date here? In front of Maribella?
She licks her lips. “Diandre.” Her eyes find mine. “He was my brother.”
“Really?” Maribella spins, interest flickering across her face.
“Yes.” Ember inhales a deep breath and blurts. “Did you see him the night he died?”
18
Ember
Maribella arches a thin eyebrow, head tilted. Her coldness from a moment ago magically dissolves at the sound of Diandre’s name.
She sticks out a hand. The diamond bracelet on her wrist captures every sparkle from the chandelier above and sends light fragments all around.
I stare at the bracelet. Then at her manicured fingers. Finally tracing my gaze back to her face. “What are you doing?”
“Ember,” she surges forward and grabs my arm, “I’m so sorry about your brother. I didn’t know.”
I slip my hand out of hers. I’m not here for an apology. I’m here for answers.
According to Kolby—well, according to the conversation he overheard between Seb and Axle—my brother was interested in Maribella.
The chance that she could be the girl Diandre’s friends saw him dancing with the night he died sent me skittering out of the ice cream shop.
Even if my hunch is wrong, I need to find out. I owe that to Diandre. To myself.
Since the day the police burst into our apartment claiming my brother had killed himself, I felt uneasy. No one believed me when I said it couldn’t be suicide. Who would listen to a fifteen-year-old when the authorities had already made their statements?
I wanted to investigate the matter myself, but Mom dragged me away from town and stole my chance.
As the years went by, I convinced myself that the police were right. Time twisted my memories, casted my last few days with Diandre in a dark shadow. I forced myself to accept that my brother had committed suicide.
It was the only way to survive my grief as well as my mother’s.
But I’m not a fragile teenager anymore and, if anything, I’m more determined than ever to scout every clue I can. Maybe Diandre killed himself. Maybe he didn’t. Either way, the truth will be revealed.
“Can we go somewhere to talk?” I ask.
“My apartment is just upstairs. Axle and I were heading there anyway. Why don’t you join us?”
Axle clears his throat. “I wasn’t going into her apartment. Don’t misunderstand.”
“Of course.” I study Axle from the corner of my eye. He’s already pale to begin with, but his face is the shade of a napkin. His eyes dart around the room and sweat beads on his temple. Something’s wrong. He’s wearing his guilt on his sleeve.
Did he lie to me the night we kissed? Is he really interested in Maribella?
My mind jumps back to our date yesterday. Axle claimed he was meeting an ‘old friend’ and lost track of time. He refused to tell me who that friend was. Guess I know now.
Mom’s voice rasps through my mind, “See. Told you men can’t be trusted.”
I let the thought come and pass. My relationship with Axle is not the priority. All that matters to me is my brother’s legacy and discovering the details of everything that happened the night he passed.
“I’d rather not use your apartment,” I say politely. “How about the café across the street?”
Maribella shrugs. “Suit yourself.”
Axle clears his throat. “Ember...”
“We can talk about us later,” I say, interpreting the words he left unsaid. “This is really important to me.”
His Adam’s apple bobs.
I turn to follow Maribella toward the door when a familiar figure strolls in.
Maribella stops short, her glossy lips falling apart. “Seb?”
Sebastian strides toward us, his frown severe. He’s wearing a black jacket over a navy shirt, a pair of pressed slacks and shiny black shoes. His dark hair has been coiffed away from his forehead, giving his sharp face an even more dangerous edge.
He looks like a burly vampire. I step back. There’s something unnerving about that man. Despite the fact that he was Axle’s friend, I don’t trust him. I’m not even sure I trust Axle right now.
Maribella steps in front of her fiancé and in a low voice warns, “Don’t make a scene.”
Axle walks forward, casually shielding me with his body so I’m hidden from Sebastian’s view. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask y
ou two the same question,” Seb growls.
Maribella stiffens. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Do you know how embarrassed I was when you ran off in the middle of dinner? Mr. Henry and his wife were very disappointed to hear that you’d disappeared without saying goodbye. I had to field their questions about you all night.”
Maribella thrusts her chin high. “I’m your fiancée, not your escort. Your precious clients were cracking racist jokes about Hispanics. I’m under no obligation to stand around and take that kind of abuse.”
“You should have told me.”
“And what would you have done?” Maribella demands. “You’d have brushed it off and forced me to put up with their despicable behavior because you needed to close the deal. Don’t pretend to care now because you didn’t get what you want.”
Seb rubs his forehead and glances at Axle, eyes narrowed. “Fine. You can be mad with me, but why run to another man the moment we disagree? How does that make me look?”
Maribella scoffs, not bothering to correct his assumption.
“It’s not like that,” Axle says.
“Then what’s it like, huh?”
“Stop it, Seb,” Maribella spits through gritted teeth. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Good. Now you know what it feels like.”
I’ve kept quiet this entire time because I don’t think it’s my place to interfere in another couple’s quarrel, but this is just ridiculous. When I saw Maribella and Axle together, the same doubts plagued my mind but I ignored it because I have something more important to discuss.
Now Seb’s here messing everything up and distracting me from my goal.
“Ehem.” I walk around Axle. “Sorry to interrupt but, if you don’t mind, we were in the middle of something.”
“Ember.” Seb’s eyes dart to Axle before landing on me again. An oily smile spreads on his face. It’s not a lecherous expression, but it fills me with a similar feeling of discomfort.
“Hello, Seb.” I force a polite smile.
He eyes me up and down. “What are you doing here?”
“She’s asking about Diandre and the night he died,” Maribella snaps. “Do I need your permission to talk to women now too?”
“Diandre?” Seb’s eyebrows hike.
“This is his sister,” Maribella introduces like we’re best friends and she’s proud of the association.
“I see.” Seb glances at Axle again.
I look over my shoulder, finding their tense eye contact strange.
Axle’s hands are clenched at his sides. The muscles in his jaw scrunch, bunching uncontrollably. If Maribella and I weren’t standing between them, I’m sure the two men would be beating each other to a pulp.
Am I missing something?
Seb tears his eyes away from Axle and focuses on me. “Why are you asking about that night? Last I heard, the case had been closed and it was ruled a suicide.”
I bristle at how casually he refers to my brother’s death. Like it’s just another statistic. Like worlds didn’t shatter when his light was blown out.
“It’s her right to ask,” Axle says, stomping toward us and glaring at Seb. “Her right to know.”
“Is it? See, Axle, I think you’re mistaken. Sometimes the truth hurts more than it helps. If we resurrect the past, one of us might have to die to take its place.”
Axle growls. “Is that a threat?”
“What do you think?”
Maribella’s eyebrows slant together. “Hello! What are you two mumbling about? Why does anyone have to die?”
“It’s nothing.” Seb steps back, his veneer of calm firmly in place. When he looks at me, his eyes are so devoid of emotion that it sends a shiver of fear down my spine. “You want to know about that night, Ember? Ask away.”
My voice trembles. “D-did you see him at the party?”
“Yes. Axle and I did see your brother.”
At last.
For so many years, I’ve had to imagine the moments leading up to Diandre flinging himself into a frigid lake. Finally I’ll get the answers I need.
“At the party?” I clarify.
“Yes. We were all at the party together. I only knew Diandre in passing. He and Axle were lab partners so they had a closer relationship than we did.”
“Did either of you speak to him that night? Did he seem depressed or unhappy?”
Axle hangs his head. “Ember…”
“No,” Seb says, shooting Axle another look. “We didn’t speak to him.”
“I did.” Maribella wraps a hand around her elbow. “He… asked me out. We’d shared a couple dances, but I wasn’t interested in him in that way. I liked someone else.” She sneaks a peek at Axle.
I follow the line of her gaze and frown. “So you rejected him?”
She nods sadly.
“And he left after that?”
“Not immediately. I saw him drinking in a corner. He looked upset. I was afraid to talk to him again because, well, I was embarrassed. I’d just moved here and I thought he was a nice guy. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. If I knew he’d take it so hard…”
I swallow the lump in my throat. Tears burn the back of my eyes. So that’s it? Diandre killed himself over a girl?
“It wasn’t Maribella’s fault,” Seb says as if he can read my thoughts. “Diandre was drinking. It probably messed with his head and led to making a bad decision.”
Axle laughs darkly.
We all spin and stare at him. A flash of confusion and hurt sears my chest. How could he laugh at a time like this?
But Axle’s not looking at me. Instead, he’s piercing Sebastian with a dark look. “Are you done?”
“I am.”
“Then you can take care of Maribella from here.” He places his hand to the small of my back and nudges me forward. “Goodnight.”
Maribella moves toward us. “Wait! Axle!”
“Where are you going?” Seb snatches her hand.
I glance over my shoulder, taking one last look at them before shuffling beside Axle as he hurries me through the door and into his car.
My arms wrap around my waist. I shiver.
Axle notices and turns on the seat warmer, but it barely does anything to help. My mind trips over Maribella’s confession. Diandre was upset the night he left the party. He’d also been drinking.
I can’t believe it. All these years, I held onto the thin strain of hope that it was all a lie. That the police had dropped the ball on their investigation. That my brother was not the perpetrator of his own death.
In my heart, I needed someone to blame, but I couldn’t hate the person I missed the most.
A tear breaks free from the corner of my eye. It’s followed by another. And another. Soon, I’m crying silently beside Axle. My body is curved toward the door so that Axle can’t see, but eventually, I have to sniff.
The sound gives me a way.
“Em?” Axle asks gently. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
Axle parks the car on the side of the road and pulls my shoulder, urging me to face him. When he sees my tears, he groans and covers my face with his palms. Pure agony twists his handsome features.
“Oh, Em. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
In that moment, I know there’s nothing going on between Axle and Maribella. If the sight of my tears breaks his heart like this, he would never do something to hurt me.
The silent reassurance breaks the last of my walls. I allow myself to be completely vulnerable and I weep in his arms.
19
Axle
I want to tell her then. I want to confess my sins so urgently that my entire body shakes. But Ember is too busy unraveling in my arms to notice the signs of my devastation.
With every sob that tumbles from her perfect lips, I plummet deeper into a sea of regret. She clutches my shirt, her brown fingers twining in the material. Her desperate gasps for air clash with the moans that roll from her body like a floo
d.
I have never seen such pain. Such a total collapse of strength.
And the thing is, Ember’s choosing to crash in front of me. She is unburdening herself here in a stuffy car on the side of a busy highway because she trusts me to be there for her. To care for her.
She doesn’t know the half of it.
“Ember, I…” My heart thuds in my ears, pounding with the need to unburden myself. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
She glances up. Mascara stains her cheeks. Brown eyes glisten with yet more unshed tears. Her expression gives no indication that she’s heard me.
Her voice breaks when she says, “All this time I was wrong. Diandre did… he did this to himself.”
“No, Ember, the thing is—”
“Don’t.” She cries. “Nothing you could possibly say would make me feel better.”
I clamp my lips shut. It’s not the right time to tell her about the prank Seb and Corey pulled on the Diandre. She’s crushed by the mere mention of her brother’s name. The fact that there was foul play would end her.
“I’m sorry.” Ember ducks her head. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”
“It’s alright.”
She reaches out and grabs my hand. I glance down, intertwining our fingers. The lampposts shed a silver light that plays over our skin, mine as white as snow and hers a creamy brown.
“Diandre was more than my brother. He was my best friend.” She swallows audibly. “That night he left for the party, I was angry with him. I wanted to go too, but he said I was too young. I yelled at him. Told him off.”
“It’s okay,” I assure her.
Fresh tears pour from her eyes. “I’m so stupid.”
I scoot over and hold Ember to me again. She presses her face into my chest. Something wet seeps into my skin and I realize her tears are flowing relentlessly.
My resolve to tell her the truth about Diandre’s death later is solidified. Instead of shattering her world even more, I hold her, comfort her and promise that she’s not alone.
Her tears peter out after a few minutes, but I can tell that Ember is spent. She lies flush against the headrest, her eyelashes plastered to her skin. Brown cheeks swollen and nose slightly red.
