by Nia Arthurs
“Ember, Bee, would you like some lemonade?” Jill approaches with a tray laden with glasses filled to the brim and sets it on the coffee table.
I’m too nervous to drink anything, but I take a cup for politeness sake and hold it in my palms.
Greg turns to me. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time. Kolby, here, attributes his love of art to you.”
“Oh, that’s too much. Kolby is talented in his own right.”
“I wouldn’t have started from such a young age if I hadn’t met you.” Kolby’s smile is wobbly but at least it’s there. Once again, I remember the smaller, shyer version of him and marvel at how everything has changed.
Aunt B takes a sip of her lemonade. “Are those your paintings on the wall, Kolby?”
I glance at the pieces in question, all swirling landscapes in colorful strokes. One particular piece catches my eye. It’s Green Lake. I recognize the mists rolling over the mirror-like water and the shape of the trees crowding it.
Back when I was convinced there was more to Diandre’s death, I studied thousands of pictures of Green Lake. I memorized every angle and twist of the surrounding terrain. I was convinced I could find a way to prove that Diandre had slipped in accidentally.
But I never did. Now, I never will.
Kolby follows the line of my sight and frowns at the picture. “Axle hates that one.”
“Why?” Aunt B asks. “It’s beautiful.”
Jill tilts her head. “I don’t think it’s the painting. Ax doesn’t like the lake itself. I remember planning a picnic out there for a family reunion when he was a senior in high school, but he refused to go. I found it strange.”
“Is he allergic to water or something?” Aunt B asks half-jokingly.
“Not that I know of. His aversion started that year. And he didn’t have any problems with any other body of water. Just Green Lake.”
Greg scratches his ear. “Wasn’t that a few months after a kid was found floating in the lake?”
“Dad!” Kolby scolds.
“What? Did I say something wrong?”
“It’s fine.” I hold a hand out to the distressed teenager and explain, “The boy that died was my brother.”
Jill scoots to the edge of her chair. “I’m so sorry.”
I smile and dip my head, but a niggling thought burrows into my brain. Dots connect without my consent.
Axle knew Diandre.
Axle met Diandre at the party the night he died.
After that year, Axle never went to Green Lake again.
Is it just a coincidence or does Axle know something he’s not letting on?
21
Axle
Waves crash over my head. Freezing cold. Pummeling. I sink beneath the water, falling faster.
Not just falling. I’m being dragged. Yanked. A force clings to my feet. My chest expands. I clamor for the surface. Bubbles shoot from my mouth as I scream. There’s no air.
Breathe. I have to breathe.
But how? I struggle to be free, but I fall deeper instead. There’s no escape.
I glance down. Find a pair of brown eyes bulging open in death. It’s Diandre. His fingers clamp around my leg. His shirt floats toward his neck. He’s dressed in the same outfit he wore the night he died.
“No!” I yell. Kick. Fight.
Diandre’s hold is solid. He’s pulling me down. Down to hell. I’m going to die.
I’m going to die!
“Axle!”
I shoot up. Blankets fly everywhere. Seb stands in the doorway. A concerned frown grooves his mouth. Sunlight shoots through the room, chasing the shadows of my foggy memory and making everything clear.
My car ran out of gas. Seb gave me a ride to his place and then I crashed in the guest room.
Ember.
I need to call her. Need to see her.
Diandre’s dead eyes slip into my mind. I shudder and dig my fingers into the sheets. It’s been a while since I’ve had that nightmare.
It was a constant dream after that day. My parents took me to a doctor who prescribed sleeping pills, but the meds didn’t help. They just made things worse. Instead of waking up in the middle of the dream, the pills trapped me so the torture continued until the prescription wore off.
It forced me to search for alternatives. I worked out at the gym until I was so spent I had to crawl back home. Exhaustion freed me so I couldn’t even dream.
The nightmares petered off after I entered college. They only emerge when I’m under extreme stress.
Like I am now.
“Dude,” Seb moves deeper into the room, “you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I heard you moaning and yelling in your sleep. Anything you want to talk about?”
“No.”
Seb shuffles uneasily. “I heard you say ‘Diandre’…”
“So what? You’re my therapist now?”
“I’m tired of telling you I don’t want to fight. It’s been hard on me too, man. Sometimes, I think about that night and wish I’d done things differently. But unless one of us invents a time machine, there’s no going back. All we can do is embrace the past and make better decisions.”
“Is that what you did? All of this,” I gesture to the view of the lake, “and Maribella—is your version of making better decisions?”
“What do you want me to do? Run away like you did? Avoid my family and all the things that remind of me that night? Destroy the woman I love with the truth?”
“You know nothing about me and Ember.”
“I know she’ll be crushed if you open your big mouth. And I know you’ll be even worse off.” He lowers his voice. “No matter what you think of me, Ax, you’re still my friend. I’m saying this for your sake. Why can’t you just let it go, man?”
I swing my legs over the bed and press them against the floor. “I should get going. My car’s still parked out there and I need a tow.”
“I’ll give you a lift.”
“No, I’m better off by myself.”
“I insist.” Seb tosses my cell phone and gruffly says, “Here. It’s been going off all morning.”
I accept it from him and brush my thumb across the screen. My eyes widen when I notice all the messages, not only from my family but from Ember.
Seb quietly leaves and closes the door behind him while I call her. My thumb taps against my leg as I listen to it ring.
Ember picks up immediately. “Axle?”
“Hey, Em.”
“What happened? Where are you?”
“I ran out of gas last night. Seb happened to pass by and helped me out. There was no reception out here and my phone died when I got to Seb’s place.”
“Put him on speaker!”
I arch an eyebrow. That sounds like Mom. “Ember, where are you right now?”
The familiar voice shrieks again. “Where the heck have you been, Axle? Do you know how scared I was?”
“Mom?”
“Tell us where you broke down. Your dad and Kolby are on their way with the gas.”
“Thanks.”
“You shaved ten years off my life, son. Do you know that?”
“I’m sorry. But…” I glance at the ceiling. “Why is Ember with you?”
“Not just Ember. I’m here too! Hey, Axle!”
“Hey, Bee.”
“Kolby invited me,” Ember says.
Bee snorts. “We had a great time laughing at your baby pictures in between calling your phone and imagining the worst.”
“Aunt B!” Ember groans.
Laughter bubbles in my chest. “Thank you for your concern, Bee.”
“Anytime.”
Sounds of rustling cloth and rushed footsteps clamor over the line. I hear a door creak open and then slam shut. “Alright,” Ember says. “It’s just you and me now. Are you really okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t mind that I came over, right? You weren’t answering your phone and Kolby said he hadn�
�t heard from you. I figured it would be better if your family and I waited together.”
“I wanted you to meet my parents. Although I wish I could have spared you from the baby pictures.”
“What? I loved it. Your bowl cut was the cutest thing ever.”
“I know you’re lying to me. That cut was awful. Mom used to do it herself and it was all uneven.”
“You rocked it anyway. But can you explain why you were so obsessed with running around naked as a kid?”
“Mom broke out that album? I should sue.”
Ember’s laughter is the sweetest sound. My heart skitters. I hold the phone closer to my ear. “I can’t wait to see you, hold you.”
She goes quiet.
I tilt my head. “Hello?”
“Me too,” she says quietly.
I was there the night your brother died. It wasn’t suicide. The words pop into mind, tainting the moment.
I clear my throat. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay.”
I hang up, slip my phone into my pocket and head outside. Seb is waiting in the living room. He tosses his keys and catches them in his palm. “Ready to go?”
I nod and follow him out the door.
The ride back is quiet. There’s not much left to say. Seb and I have chosen different paths. Our friendship took a hit because of what happened that night. I think it’s finally clear to him that we can never come back from that.
He doesn’t bother climbing out of his car when he lets me off but he does wind the window down. “It was great seeing you, Axle. I hope you make the right decision.”
I jerk my chin down and watch him drive off.
Ten minutes later, Dad arrives with Kolby. I expect them to act as frantically as Mom sounded over the phone, but Dad just slaps my back and hands the gas can over. Kolby helps me fill up and in five minutes flat, I’m on my way.
When I park in front of my childhood home, the door bursts open and two women dash down the stairs. Bee strolls calmly behind them.
Mom gets to me first. She grabs my face and twists it up and down. “Let me check you over. Is anywhere hurting?”
“Mom, I’m fine.” I gently set her hand down. “I slept in a mansion last night, you know. Softest bed I’ve ever been in.”
“Are you boasting right now?” Ember asks, an eyebrow arched.
A tender smile grows at the sight of her. “Hi.”
“Hey.”
I take her into my arms and rest my cheek against her hair. Her curls scratch against my face, releasing a sweet fragrance. I bury my nose in them and close my eyes.
“Should we… give you two a minute?” Dad asks.
I glance at them, still holding Ember to my chest. “Thanks.”
“I’ll hit the road then.” Bee wiggles her fingers. “I’m glad you’re alright, Axle.”
I dip my head in acknowledgement.
As Bee walks off and my parents head inside, I step back. Ember holds onto me, her head tilted up and her eyes glued to mine. I smooth a curl away from her face and run my hands along the curve of her cheek.
She’s so precious to me. I don’t want to lose her. But I can’t keep lying to her. Ember is too important. She deserves the truth.
“There…” My throat is husky. I cough to the side. “There’s something important I need to say.”
Her gaze is searching, curious.
“It’s about the night—”
“Break it up, you two.” Kolby appears behind me and pries my arms away from Ember. “Mom is asking if you’ve had breakfast.”
I sigh, annoyed by Kolby’s interruption. “I have.”
“Me too.”
“Still, you should come in. She baked pancakes. One of the few things she can cook that is actually edible.”
“Not right now, Kolby.”
“But we’re having breakfast.”
I reach out and take Ember’s hand. She glances at me in surprise, but I ignore the question in her eyes and address my little brother. “Not right now. I’m taking Ember home.”
“What?” Kolby’s jaw drops. “You spent the whole night outside with Mom freaking out and you’re leaving so soon?”
“Yeah.”
“Axle,” Ember resists me when I try to pull her to my car, “Kolby has a point. They’ve been waiting all night for you and you’re leaving town this afternoon. I don’t want to keep you.”
“It’s fine.” I open the door for Ember and gently tuck her inside. Her expression says she disagrees with my choice, but she doesn’t try to stop me. As I round the hood, I glance over my shoulder at Kolby. “Tell Mom I’ll be back soon.”
“But…”
I don’t linger to hear the rest of his protests. Instead, I swing into the car and start the engine, gunning it toward the highway.
Now it’s just me, Ember and the open road. No more interruptions.
I glance at her. “Ember, there’s something important that I have to tell you.”
“I’m listening.”
“Ten years ago, I—”
Ember glances forward. Her eyes widen. “Axle, watch out!”
I look ahead and instinctively slam on the brakes when I see a huge semi swerving ahead. The driver honks crazily, struggling to gain control of the wheel. The pickup in front of us sits right in its path.
I throw my hands behind Ember’s headrest and reverse, speeding out of harms way. Up ahead, the semi crashes into the pickup and throws the car into a tail spin.
I’m far enough away that I don’t get hit, but the near-accident rattles me.
Ember calls the police while I head outside to check the wrecked cars for survivors. When the smoke clears Ember joins me.
“The police are coming,” she says.
“Thanks. Can you help me pry this door open?”
Together we free the driver of the pickup and help his scared toddler from his car seat. Ember settles the little one while I rush to the semi and check on the driver. Blood streams from his temple, but he seems otherwise unharmed.
We wait with them until the authorities arrive and then we climb into our car and back away.
Ember sighs loudly. “That was intense. I’m glad no one got hurt too badly.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
She checks her watch. “Now that that’s over, you can tell me what’s so important. You only have an hour left until you have to go to the airport.”
“Right.” I pull the car over so I can focus on her as I confess. “Ember, remember that mistake I made? The one that’s been haunting me for years?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s about…”
Her phone chirps. Ember grins sheepishly as she pulls out her phone. “It’s Aunt B. Sorry. I should get this.” She puts the cell to her ear. “Hello?” A beat of silence. “What?”
I lean forward. “What happened?”
“My mother…” Ember turns to me, her eyes wide and scared. “She overdosed.”
22
Ember
I crash through the hospital doors. Heart pounding. Chest expanding with terror. Footsteps pound behind me. They belong to Axle. I glance down. Our hands are joined. His calming presence is the only thing holding me together.
Your mom overdosed. She’s in critical condition.
It’s my worst nightmare come to life.
A tsunami of regrets wash over me. When I was younger and my mother forbid me from doing things normal teenagers could enjoy, I wished for her death. I thought it was the only way for me to be free.
Now that wish may become a reality.
No, Mom. Stay with me.
Axle and I skid around a corner and into the waiting room. The place is crawling with my grandparents, aunts and uncles. Aunt B spots me first and sprints toward me, her expression as grave as the day Diandre died.
“How is she? How is Mom?” I demand.
“Not good.” Aunt B can barely meet my eyes.
Axle steps forward and in a calm voice as
ks, “What happened?”
I lean forward to hear Aunt B’s answer.
“They found her in her bedroom. She was on the ground, frothing at the mouth. They called the ambulance. Then they called the rest of us.”
“What are the doctors saying?” I croak. There’s a lump in my throat that makes it hard to talk. “Is she…?”
“They gave her an injection that’s supposed to counteract the drugs in her system, but she’s still not able to breathe on her own. They don’t know what’s wrong. It could be her age or a resistance to the medicine…”
As Aunt B talks, I feel myself sinking to the ground. My knees are unable to hold me up any longer. Axle catches me in his arms and holds me close. “Em?”
“Take her over here,” Aunt B says, but her voice sounds distant. Echoey. Like she’s standing at the mouth of a narrow tunnel.
Axle helps me to the waiting chairs where I sink into one of the black seats. My grandparents huddle around me, murmuring words of comfort. My grandmother keeps wringing her hands and apologizing.
But there’s nothing to apologize for. At her age, she’s supposed to be enjoying life. Yet, she’s here. In a cold hospital. Praying that her firstborn sees another day.
I’m the one who should be apologizing. Mom was my responsibility. One I constantly resented. Instead of standing by her, I abandoned her the moment she was out of my hair.
This is my fault.
My grandparents are called away by my uncles. In the relative silence, I stare straight ahead. Numbness spreads through my entire body. But at least I’m not alone. Aunt B is here. So is Axle.
They converse in low tones while shooting concerned glances at me. Bits and pieces of their conversation pierce the haze, but it’s impossible to focus.
Mom might die.
“She’s been like this ever since Diandre passed away,” Aunt B is saying.
Mom might die.
Axle pulls his fingers into fists. “I… didn’t realize his death impacted so many people.”
“Yeah, our family’s never been the same, but Nina took it the hardest. After that night, it was like she couldn’t live without some kind of escape. Ember had to suffer right along with her. Sometimes, I wonder what things would have been like if Diandre hadn’t… if he was still here.”
