by Sara Summers
I didn’t have to wonder if he would follow me.
Five
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, looking up at the sky.
I had no idea what to do.
On one hand, I knew that if I let Tanner in I would fall in love with him. Fate, God, the Creator… I wasn’t sure what shifters believed or what I believed, but I thought there had to be some kind of higher power that had put us together. If a touch of his hand could turn me into a shifter, I believed in soulmates.
I could fall in love with Tanner in just a few days, I knew I could. There were already so many things about him that I liked. He was stubborn, like me, and he was caring. He tried to make things easier for me, and he thought it mattered how I felt.
He looked at me like I was the most important thing in the room. No one had looked at me like that except my dad, before the tumors came through and ransacked his personality.
But on the other hand, I owed everything I was to my dad. He had been my best friend and my closest confidant. We would go out to ice cream on the weekends and see movies on Wednesdays. Every Tuesday was Taco Tuesday, and he would stop by my school to pick me up for lunch.
He had always been there for me, and it was my turn to be there for him even if he’d forgotten the person he used to be.
I couldn’t choose Tanner over my father, I just couldn’t. And letting him in would mean that, wouldn’t it?
“I’ll break down this door if you don’t open it, Hallie.” Tanner warned from the other side.
“No you won’t. I’m leaning against it.” I called back.
He swore, and I smiled.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” he asked, a few seconds later.
I swallowed.
It would be a bad idea to tell him that I refused to let him know what I was thinking because I didn’t want to fall in love with him. That, I was fairly certain of.
There was nothing I could say, so I just didn’t answer.
“Will you let me in if I stop asking you questions?” he asked.
I sighed and stepped away from the door.
It wouldn’t hurt just to ask him what he wanted from me, would it? I could let him in just to check if he expected me to leave my dad, couldn’t I?
I decided that I could do that and grabbed the doorknob, opening the door just enough that I could stand in the opening.
“Where do you think this is going to go?” I gestured between him and me and then waited.
“Where do I think this is going to go?” he repeated my question slowly, looking a little confused. “We’re soulmates. We’re going to fall in love, that’s where this is going.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant what happens next in your mind?” I was planted firmly in the doorway.
“I don’t know.” Tanner shrugged a little, meeting my gaze fearlessly. “I stay here and make sure your dad doesn’t hurt you again until we decide what’s next for us. We make sure there are no more guns in the house. My family will probably show up demanding to meet you at some point, but I can put them off for a while if that’s what you want.”
As he spoke, my forehead slowly started to wrinkle as I frowned. What he was saying… well, it sounded like exactly what I could deal with. That was the only plan in which having a soulmate could make my life easier instead of harder.
“What? That’s not what you want to happen next?” he checked.
“I just thought you were going to throw me over your shoulder and drag me back to your wolf pack or something.” I admitted.
Tanner grinned.
“As great as that sounds, it doesn’t seem like you’re in a position to leave here.”
“I’m not.” I sighed and took a step back into my room, leaving the door open.
Walking to the futon couch, I sat down against the edge and folded my arms, lifting my legs to rest on the rest of the small couch.
Tanner stepped inside and sat down next to me, lifting my feet so he had somewhere to sit and placing them on his lap when he was comfortable.
It surprised me a little, how much I liked just having my feet on his lap.
“So is that why you’ve been pushing me away?” Tanner checked. “Because you thought I was going to insist you leave your dad?”
I lifted my shoulders a bit.
“Among other things.”
“Like what?”
When he asked that I leaned my head back, against the wall.
“So how do I become a shifter? You said I am one now, do I like shift when the moon rises or what?” I changed the subject. “I’m not feeling wolfy at all.”
Tanner grimaced at my avoidance but answered anyway.
“I’m sure you’ll feel it eventually, we just have to give it some time. You’ll shift when you decide to shift.” he rested his hands on my feet, which were still on his lap. “When are you going to let me in?”
“When we’ve known each other for more than three minutes.” I pulled my legs off his lap and down to the floor, turning to sit so I was no longer facing him.
Tanner spread his arms out.
“Perfect, because it’s already been two hours.”
We both knew he knew exactly what I meant, though, so I just shook my head.
“Hey, Hallie?” Tanner asked.
I met his gaze but didn’t respond.
“What happens next in your mind?” Tanner asked.
The question surprised me.
It had been a long time since I’d bothered to think more than two or three days in advance.
“Um,” I bit the inside of my cheek, not sure how to tell him that I didn’t see anything in the future, that I didn’t see anything at all happening next.
“Whatever it is you can tell me.” He tried to assure me.
“Nothing happens next in my mind. I guess maybe you leave and everything goes back to normal.” I’m sure I sounded a little hopeless but I tried to be as honest as I could.
“That’s not happening.” He folded his arms.
“I know, you’ve made it clear that I can’t get rid of you.” I hurried to say. “It’s just that I don’t really plan out what’s going to happen next. Everything has been the same for so long that I guess it kind of feels like nothing can change.”
“Okay.” Tanner relaxed a little and I realized that my comment had made him tense. It surprised me that he wanted to stay with me so badly, but then again, he had said that he believed I was the only person in the world who could make him whole. If I had believed that my entire life I probably would’ve wanted to stay with him too.
“Don’t be mad at me.” I didn’t know why, but the idea that I’d bothered him made me feel bad.
“I’m not mad at you.” He shook his head. “Will you tell me about your dad?”
I nodded. My dad was a safe subject that I had no problem telling him about.
“We found out that he had brain tumors three years ago, when I was sixteen. The doctors told us he had less than a month to live because there are a few different tumors in separate places around his brain that can’t be removed surgically. Since then I’ve just kind of been waiting.” I explained.
Tanner nodded.
“What was he like before?”
When he asked, I couldn’t hold back a smile.
“He was my best friend. We would go to watch new movies together the night they came out, he would bring me leftovers from his business lunches every other day. On Tuesday nights we would go get a dozen one-dollar tacos and stuff our faces until we could hardly get off the couch. He was the best dad I could’ve ever asked for.”
“That’s cool.” Tanner smiled back, though it was brief. I couldn’t have ignored the way that smile lit up his eyes, making me feel like I was the only thing he cared about at the moment. That was a good feeling. “How did you find out about the tumors?”
My smile slowly faded.
“He stopped asking me about school, and we stopped going to new movies, and then he
started forgetting to bring home his leftovers. He started getting mad, uncontrollably angry, yelling and throwing and breaking things. When he hit my mom for the first time, he asked me to take him to the doctor.”
“I didn’t know your mom was in the picture.” Tanner moved a little, adjusting the way he was sitting so our knees brushed against each other a little.
“She was. When I was growing up, I was almost as close to her as I was to my dad. She didn’t really know how to handle me when I was a teenager, but I always knew she was still there for me. She asked for a divorce after he hit her for the first time, that’s why I took him to the doctor alone. When we found out about the tumors and that he had less than one month to live, she decided to stay until we lost him. Three months later, she left.”
“She just left him?” Tanner raised his eyebrows. “And left her sixteen-year-old daughter to take care of him?”
“She tried to convince me to leave with her, but I refused. I don’t blame her for leaving, either. At the beginning he was really hard to be around, I mean, you saw how he was today. Now he gets tired really easily, but back then, he had as much energy as I did and he used it all to be violent and angry. He said horrible things and he seemed fine enough that it felt like he meant them. I spent all day every day chasing him around, making sure he ate and showered and just taking his abuse because someone had to.”
“Someone else took care of him while you went to school though, right?” Tanner checked.
My cheeks warmed a little and I looked away from him.
“I dropped out. He was my best friend, and if I’d let anyone else take care of him he would’ve been handcuffed to a hospital bed for the rest of his life. He was a good man, he didn’t deserve that. He still doesn’t deserve that.”
I met his eyes and wasn’t entirely sure what the look he was giving me meant.
“You didn’t graduate high school?”
“No. I paid someone to take care of him for a few hours while I got my GED.” I looked away again, feeling more than a little embarrassed.
Tanner put his hand gently on my knee, and I quickly looked to him again.
“You don’t need to be embarrassed about that, Hallie. You did what you felt like you had to do.”
“I guess.” My gaze met Tanner’s. “What’s your family like?” I quickly changed the subject. He’d already told me a little about his family, but I figured he probably had more to say and would at least take the subject away from me.
I could tell he caught on to my subject change but he didn’t seem too bothered.
“I have three siblings, four if you count my brother-in-law. I told you about my sister, Emma, and her soulmate Logan. Then there’s my twin, Cody, and my fifteen-year-old brother Artie. My parents are the Alpha and Omega of our pack. I grew up in a small town called Mount Edge, and I work construction there with some other guys in the pack.” He explained.
“What are wolf packs like?” I asked, actually curious this time.
“A pack is pretty much just a big family, we all take care of each other.”
“Huh.” I started to nod but instead turned my head when I heard a noise that sounded like feet hitting the floor somewhere downstairs.
Tanner grinned when I turned.
“Wolf hearing, huh?” he checked.
My face flushed and I stood, still a bit uncomfortable with the idea that I was part wolf.
“We need to start looking for any other weapons he could’ve hidden.” I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, feeling his eyes on me as I did so. “You really have to stop with the staring.”
“As soon as you stop being sexy, I’ll stop watching.”
Tanner stood and walked up to me, his hand brushing against my lower back and making me shiver as he stepped up to me.
“I thought we had weapons to find.” He gestured to the door, which I had opened and hadn’t stepped through. Tanner’s hand rested against my skin
“Right.” I hurried away from his touch and down the hallway, a little afraid of how good it felt.
Six
“Here, dad. Why don’t I turn your show on?” I handed him the sandwich and led him toward his big, comfortable rocking chair. After eyeing Tanner for a long few seconds, he’d gotten really calm and quiet.
He didn’t respond, but he let me lead him and his sandwich to the chair.
I turned on the TV show and headed to the kitchen where Tanner was leaning against the counter like he’d done it a million times, as if my house was his.
I barely hid my shock when I realized that if everything went the way he wanted it to, my house would be his.
If everything went the way nature intended, Tanner and I would be living together like we were married.
“What?” he was staring at me again, waiting for me to respond.
“Nothing.” I quickly shook my head, stepping away from him before I could ponder the fact that Tanner and I were now legally, undivorceably married. Is undivorceably a word? I have no idea, but at that moment I couldn’t have cared less.
“Hallie.” He protested, grabbing my arm.
His grip wasn’t hard and I knew he wasn’t going to force me to stay. Maybe that’s why I did.
“I can’t read minds. If you don’t tell me what you’re worried about I won’t be able to figure it out, and we’re never going to get anywhere.” He gestured between the two of us, letting go of my arm.
I turned and nodded, a little tense and a little worried. While part of me was still afraid to open up and let him in, some other part of me yearned for connection. It had been years since I’d had a real, solid relationship with someone, and I missed people.
“We’re like,” I reached my hand up to the back of my neck, feeling my face redden. “Married. It’s weird.” I bit the inside of my cheek, folding my arms to stop them from flailing around like I was crazy.
He smiled a little, telling me he didn’t think I was crazy.
“It is weird.”
At least he agreed, I figured.
“I didn’t think I’d get married until I was in my thirties.” I admitted. “I don’t really know how to be married.”
“Then we have that in common.” Tanner reached out and placed his hand on my upper arm.
I swallowed the urge to step away.
“Why don’t you like it when I touch you?” he asked, seeming plenty curious.
Why didn’t I like it? Was he being serious?
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No.” Tanner said, and it felt like he was studying me instead of just staring at me this time. “Whenever I touch you, you flinch and usually step away. Is it because I’m still kind of a stranger?”
“I flinch because the only person who has touched me in the past three years is my dad, when he’s hitting me. Tanner, when you touch me my entire body shivers because I’m so desperate for human contact. I step away from you because I’m afraid I’m going to throw my arms around you and drag you into my bed just because I haven’t been touched in so long.”
I stepped back, shocked with myself. I hadn’t been planning on ranting to him, but there I was, spilling my soul to the man I’d just barely met.
If that monologue didn’t scare him away, I didn’t know what would.
Instead of speaking to me, Tanner covered the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled my body against his, his grip iron and unbendable.
For a few seconds I just stood there unsure of how to respond. Should I hug him back? Push him away?
“Stop thinking, Hallie. Just let me hold you.” Tanner’s voice was quiet but firm.
So I closed my eyes and wrapped my good arm around him too, just relishing the feel of his body against mine.
Tanner didn’t run his fingers through my hair, he didn’t rub my back or squeeze my waist. It was like he said, he just held me, letting me feel close to another human being. I wish I knew a way to describe the feeling.
For the first time in year
s, I felt like I was safe, and like everything was going to be inexplicably okay and right.
“Hallie!” my dad yelled from the other room.
That didn’t sound like the calm and laid-back dad I’d led to the couch a few minutes earlier.
“What do you need?” I called back, reluctantly slipping out of Tanner’s warm and secure arms.
“We’re picking this back up later.” He warned, brushing his hand against my upper arm again.
I didn’t shiver that time, but it felt just as good as it had earlier.
“What happened to the shifter who was on our porch?” My dad demanded, as if he had just remembered what happened. He probably had just remembered; his memory could be funny sometimes.
“He left. You scared him away.” I said, pushing Tanner toward the stairs. “Go to my room.” I whispered, a little frantic. If my dad had more weapons in some sort of cache I hadn’t found yet, he would definitely pull them out to use them against Tanner.
“I’m not hiding.” Tanner whispered back. “If he loses his temper he could hurt you.”
“I’m a big girl, I’ll survive.” I pushed him toward the stairs again. “If you don’t go we’re both going to get hurt.”
“Fine. But if I hear anything, I’m coming back down.” He warned.
“Whatever.” I shooed him up the stairs just as I heard my dad get out of the chair.
I don’t know why, but I thought that when it came down to it, Tanner would let things between me and my dad play out like normal. If my dad got violent, I would take the heat until he cooled down and then I would guide him back to his room for a nap.
“Who are you talking to?” My dad walked into view, looking at me with suspicious eyes.
I tried to come up with a quick excuse, and my eyes landed on Tanner’s phone on the counter.
“I was talking on the phone.” I grabbed the phone and held it up for a second, showing him.
He believed me enough to nod and slam the plate down on the counter, hard. The loud noise it made startled me, and I jumped a little. I didn’t usually give him glass plates for that reason, but we’d run out of paper ones the day before and I hadn’t had time to run to the grocery store yet.
