by Linda Ford
He stared at the cup without understanding what he should do.
“Drink. It will make you feel better.”
He drank, though he knew nothing in a cup had the power to make him feel better.
He couldn’t say how long the children were in the office with the Bauers. None of them said a word as they returned, the Bauers to the kitchen, the children upstairs to join Grady.
The Bauers gave no indication of what they thought. But then, why should they? Their decision had been made weeks ago.
Somehow Wade made it through the rest of the day. Somehow he managed to answer questions and respond to the conversation around him as the Bauers joined them at the table for supper. But he couldn’t have told anyone what was said. Bedtime arrived and he was only too glad to go upstairs with the children. He had no intention of rejoining the adults when the children were tucked in bed.
As he helped them prepare for the night, Joey’s eyes followed Wade’s every move, accusing and condemning. But no doubt the boy understood that he couldn’t say anything in front of Annie lest he upset her.
Wade tucked them in, heard their prayers, then retired to his own room. He would read awhile, he decided, and crawled into bed with a book. Unfortunately, the story did not hold his attention. He was about ready to turn out the lamp and stare into the darkness when Joey tiptoed into the room.
He glowered at Wade.
“You’re going to make us go with those people, aren’t you?”
Wade stared at the boy, uncertain what he should say. “Joey, I promised your mama I would make sure you got a good family to live with.”
“I don’t like them.”
“Why not?” Joey hadn’t had time to form such a definite opinion.
“I just don’t. And I’m not going with them.” He crossed his arms and slammed them to his chest.
Wade closed his eyes and tried to find a reasonable argument. He simply couldn’t. “Joey, sometimes in life we don’t get to do what we want.”
Joey gave him a look of pure disbelief, then stomped back to his room.
Wade stared at the ceiling. The Bauers were a nice couple. Hardworking. Obviously dedicated, to come all this way in the dead of winter. They’d be an ideal family for Joey and Annie.
Was he looking for a way to convince Joey...or himself?
* * *
The next morning, the Bauers suggested Joey and Annie show them around the ranch.
Annie smiled. “That will be fun.”
Joey scowled, but donned his coat.
Wade figured the boy went along simply to protect his little sister. Wade would have liked to follow the four of them, to guard the children. Instead, he stood before the window watching them. Joey scuffed along behind the Bauers and Annie raced ahead, turning often to point out something.
Missy joined him at the window. “Joey understands what this is all about, doesn’t he?”
“Uh-huh.”
“He’s none too pleased.”
“It means another big change in his life, but the sooner he gets settled permanently, the better for him.” Wade hoped she wouldn’t badger him about keeping them. He didn’t know how he would answer her without revealing the depth of his despair over what he must do. Of course, she’d suggest he could choose to do otherwise. He wished he could believe it was possible.
Thankfully she said nothing, but continued to watch the foursome outside. Not that any words were needed to communicate her unhappiness. Her feelings were very evident.
The tour ended back at the house and the children escaped upstairs.
Mr. and Mrs. Bauer took their time about shedding their winter coats. Finally, they stepped into the room and glanced around. Only Wade and Missy were there.
“We need to talk,” Mr. Bauer said, as he and his wife sat side by side in wooden chairs.
Wade grabbed two more chairs and placed them across the room from the Bauers. He indicated he wanted Missy to sit beside him. Despite her disapproval, he didn’t want to face the final plans on his own, and knew she’d offer him comfort even if she didn’t agree with his decision.
Mr. Bauer cleared his throat. “We’ve decided we’d like to take the boy, but the girl is smaller than we thought.”
Smaller? What did that have to do with anything? Wade wondered. She was bright and cheerful, the kind of child to brighten any home.
“It would be several years before she’s of any use,” Mrs. Bauer growled.
Missy gasped. “You only want them to work.”
The truth of her observation slammed through Wade’s heart. And the Bauers didn’t even look guilty about it. He’d almost made the most colossal mistake of his life.
Wade rose to his feet. “I’m not prepared to sell my nephew as a slave. I’m sorry. The children are no longer available for adoption.”
Mr. Bauer pushed to his feet, his hands hanging at his sides. “I thought we had an understanding.”
“I obviously misunderstood your intentions. Neither of them will be going with you.” He grabbed Missy’s arm and hustled her out of the room and up the stairs. He had no idea where he meant to take her, but he didn’t slow his steps until he reached the end of the hall.
The children heard their footfalls and peeked out of Grady’s room, their expressions revealing both concern and curiosity.
Wade turned his back to them, not wanting them to see his anger.
He looked into Missy’s face. “Now what?”
She smiled and smoothed her hand along his arm. The touch went clear to his heart and wiped away the tension. “You’ll think of something and it will be better by far than the Bauers.”
“I don’t know what.”
Her eyes flashed. But he cut her off before she could again tell him he must keep the children. “I would if I could. But I’m nothing but a homeless cowboy.”
* * *
I could help you. Missy almost blurted out the words, but caught herself in time. He’d want someone older, more mature. Someone willing to care for the children while he did his cowboying. Someone convenient. She loved the children and would gladly devote her life to caring for them, but she wanted to be so much more than a convenience. That was almost as bad as being a necessary nuisance.
“You could rent a house in town, find a housekeeper and pay her to care for them.” The words seared Missy’s throat. It wasn’t ideal. The children would be heartbroken. “Of course, you’d need to check in on them often and make sure they were doing okay.”
“I suppose so.” He turned away.
He didn’t like the suggestion? Good. Maybe he’d realize he needed to be the one who cared for the children. They deserved love more than they needed a good home and two parents. Even as she thought it Missy knew he couldn’t manage on his own. I’ll help you. Again the words almost escaped.
There came a noise from downstairs and they hustled to the landing to peer down. The Bauers had donned their coats and were thanking Linette for her hospitality.
“We have no further need to delay our return.” Mr. Bauer’s gaze met Wade’s and he gave him a look of accusation.
Linette bade them goodbye and watched in silence as they climbed aboard their wagon and departed. Then Wade and Missy went down the steps to watch out the window as the Bauers trundled down the road and out of sight.
“Anyone care to tell me what happened?” Linette asked. Eddie had joined her, and Louise and Nate stood nearby. Missy could feel their concern. They all knew Wade had planned to let the Bauers adopt the children, just as they knew he was expected to take over a ranch for his friend and would have to leave soon.
He scrubbed at his neck. “They only wanted Joey because they deemed him big enough to work.” His voice hardened. “The children need a home. Does anyone know of a woman willing to
be a housekeeper? I could set her up to take care of the children.”
So he was planning to give her suggestion a try. Missy felt no satisfaction, only disappointment.
She looked up to find Louise giving her a considering look. Her sister-in-law raised her eyebrows as if to ask why Missy hadn’t volunteered. But the question she should be asking was why hadn’t Wade asked Missy?
And what would she say if he did?
Chapter Fifteen
Missy didn’t have to come up with an answer to her question, because Wade never asked. Eddie said he knew of a woman who had recently joined her sister and brother-in-law in town, and made it known she would welcome a position.
“Is there a house available in town?” Wade asked.
“I believe there is,” Eddie said. “Shall we go in tomorrow and look into it?”
Wade nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face.
Missy went to the kitchen and started cooking up enough food to feed them three times over. She had to keep busy. It was the only way she could keep from speaking her mind. The children didn’t need a housekeeper. They needed a family. A mother and a father who loved them. A picture flew into her mind of a loving family. She gasped as the picture sharpened and the truth of her heart revealed Wade as the father and herself as the mother.
Her hands grew idle, her breathing rapid as the truth grew clearer. That’s what she wanted. Had perhaps wanted from the beginning. She loved the children, but she loved Wade just as much...his sacrificial, soul-deep loving; his gentleness and his...everything about him. Her joy at acknowledging how much she cared rushed through her until she had to clamp her teeth to keep from shouting and laughing. She would marry him in a heartbeat if he would only ask. She would spend the rest of her life making him and the children happy.
But she wouldn’t settle for being a housekeeper. Nor would she settle for a marriage of convenience. She wanted it all—love and marriage, husband and children, and a love to live for.
She busied herself in the kitchen the rest of the afternoon, pausing from her labors only long enough to eat. At all costs she would avoid being alone with Wade. Her heart was too fragile at the moment.
* * *
It was easy to keep away from Wade the next day, as he left for town early, in Eddie’s company. She continued to create a flurry of work in the kitchen.
It turned out Louise was the one she needed to avoid.
“Missy, are you going to stand aside and let him put the children in the care of a stranger? Someone paid to look after them?”
Missy pretended a great deal of interest in shaping cookies, and refused to look at Louise. “I fail to see how I can stop him.”
“You can tell him how you feel.”
That brought Missy’s attention to her sister-in-law. “What are you suggesting?”
“I’m saying tell the man you love him. Tell him you’re—”
Missy shook her head hard. “I’ve spent enough of my life being a nuisance. I won’t settle for being a convenience. Once the children leave the ranch I’ll go to town and tell Macpherson I’m ready to take the job he offered. By March I’ll have enough money to start my course.” She clamped her teeth together and turned back to the cookies.
Louise shook her head. “I can’t believe this is what you want.”
Sometimes a person couldn’t have what she wanted. Hadn’t Missy learned that when her parents had died? When Gordie was killed? And in hundreds of little things along the way?
Wade and Eddie returned late in the day.
“Well, it’s done.” Wade sounded weary. “The housekeeper is putting the final touches on the place and I take the children in tomorrow.”
Missy had vowed to keep silent, but found she had to speak up on behalf of the children. “I hope you mean to spend some time with them and not just toss them in with a stranger.”
“I plan to stay a few days.” He certainly did not sound enthused about it.
“Do you mind if I go with you tomorrow?”
“You’re going to make sure everything is as it should be?”
“I’d like to see where they’ll be living. But since my job here with the children is done, I, too, am moving on to something new. Macpherson is expecting me to run the store for him so he can go visit his daughter.”
Somehow that assignment didn’t inspire as much excitement in her as it first had. But at least she’d be in the same vicinity as the children and would get to see them occasionally.
* * *
The children sat between Missy and Wade on the way to town. Missy’s entire body felt brittle, ready to shatter into dull, lifeless fragments.
“Is she a nice woman?” Annie asked, her little voice thin with worry.
“She seemed nice enough,” Wade answered. He looked to Missy, but if he expected her to offer encouragement, he would have to look elsewhere. She’d done her best last night to prepare the children, pointing out how it meant Uncle Wade would be their guardian and spend lots of time with them when he came back from spending the winter at the ranch.
It about broke her heart when Joey had asked, “Why can’t you be the one to care for us?”
She hadn’t said because Wade hadn’t asked. If he had, even knowing she wanted so much more, she wasn’t sure she would have said no.
Now Joey sat in the wagon with a wooden look on his face, knowing he didn’t have any choice about the way things were turning out. Oh, how well she knew that feeling. She squeezed his shoulder and gave him a smile of encouragement. At least she’d been able to reassure the children that she’d be in town and nearby for a few weeks. If they needed anything, they could come to her.
They reached town and pulled up a side street to a small house. Smoke came from the chimney and crisp white curtains hung at the windows. Had the woman made the curtains already or did she have some prepared just in case?
Wade helped them all down and escorted them inside. “Mrs. Williams, these are the children. And this is Missy Porter, who has been caring for them.”
The older woman, somewhat stout with her hair in a tight, gray bun greeted Missy cordially enough, then reached for the children’s bags. “Let’s get you two settled.”
The children obediently, if somewhat guardedly, followed Mrs. Williams across the room. She pointed to the bedroom and they dropped their belongings on the bed, then hovered at the doorway, misery and sadness twisting their faces.
Missy scrubbed her lips together and held back tears. This was Wade’s decision and she could do nothing about it except wish and pray he’d change his mind.
She looked around. Everything looked neat and if it felt somewhat sterile that would soon be changed by the presence of two little people. Mrs. Williams smiled and nodded at the children who stared at her uncertainly before they glanced at Missy. She gripped her hands together to keep from rushing to them and holding them tight. There was nothing for Missy to do here. “I’ll go tell Macpherson I’m here to work.”
“You’ll be back?” Wade asked.
She almost felt sorry for him, he looked so miserable. “Sure. I’d like to speak to the children after they’re settled. Will you be here?”
He nodded. “I told you. I’m going to stay with them for a few days.”
“I’ll see you later then.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. She couldn’t help herself. “I’m glad you’re not giving them away, at least.” Before he could respond, and before she broke into tears, she hurried out the door.
She didn’t slow down until she was out of sight of the house, then she paused to catch her breath and sort her thoughts. He’d be in town a few days. She’d be in town. Surely they’d see each other. And if God answered her prayers, Wade would start to see that the children needed a family and—
She’d almost conv
inced herself she’d marry him if he asked, even if it wasn’t for love, but only to provide a home for the children. She could learn to be happy without having the love her heart yearned for.
As she made her way to the store, she wondered if she would eventually regret settling. Or—hope flared in her heart—perhaps Wade would learn to love her.
She reached the store and stepped inside.
“Morning, Mr. Macpherson.”
“People just call me Macpherson.”
“Okay. I told you I’d come back when I was no longer needed to care for the children. I’m here and I’m ready to take over so you can go see your daughter.”
Macpherson stared at her. “I guess I should have let you know.”
She waited, her heart flopping like a fish out of water. “Let me know what?” she asked after several seconds of silence.
Instead of answering he went to the door leading to his living quarters. “Becca, come here.”
A blue-eyed young woman stepped into the store, a boy and girl at her side. Dark-eyed little children that reminded Missy of Joey and Annie.
Macpherson drew the trio closer. “This is my daughter, Becca, and her children, Marie and Little Joe. They’ve come to visit so I don’t need to leave.”
Missy couldn’t think what to do. She felt as if she’d been struck by a runaway wagon.
“I’m not leaving so I don’t need your help. I’m very sorry.”
“I understand.” She stumbled from the store and hurried around to the back, out of sight of any passersby. She leaned against the corner of the building and struggled to pull in enough air to satisfy her tight lungs. Now what? She had nothing. No place to go. No future. Yes, she could return to the ranch. Linette said she was welcome anytime. She planned to visit regularly. But she’d hoped to board in town and work at the store. How was she to earn money to go to the secretary school with no job?
A wagon drew up to the back of the store and she hurried on, making her way toward the trees along the river, where she might find solitude and be able to figure out what to do next.
Was there somewhere else in town she might find employment? Or on one of the nearby farms? Perhaps the OK Ranch. But she didn’t want to leave town. Not with the children living there. Not while Wade was still in the area.
