“Don’t give me that look.” I narrowed my eyes.
“What look?” she said mock-innocently.
“Like you’re the cat who got the cream. I’ll call Kai and see if he can make a flying visit, but I’m not mentioning the kiss or any of that, so don’t even think about trying to set us up. My focus is Cedarwood and getting this chapel mess sorted out.”
She threw her hands in the air. “That’s my focus too, darling! And you’re the matchmaker, not me. I’m more of a casual encounter enthusiast when I’m advising my friends, aren’t I? Life is too short for bad men, don’t I always say that? On a serious note, Kai must stay at the lodge. You can’t summon him all this way and expect him to pay for some sleazy motel out of town.” The Mona Lisa smile was back.
I cocked my head. “I see what you’re doing.”
She feigned surprise. “Being a good host?”
Micah wandered in, face grimy with dust. He’d been clearing out the wine cellar since our eventual plan was to stock it with an eclectic mix of vintages for our guests. “What’s up?” he asked.
Amory filled him in, taking great delight in the fact I had to call Kai back to Cedarwood.
Micah’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, dang it, I didn’t know we needed him on-site once the work was done. That can’t be right? I think Ned is speaking out of his… What?” he said, surveying me. “What don’t I know here?”
I squirmed, sinking into the chair hoping to disappear. Micah read my body language loud and clear.
Outside, gray clouds gathered, inching toward the lodge as if they’d crept forward to listen in.
“Well… we kissed, so it might be a little awkward at first,” I admitted, grimacing.
He slapped a hand to his forehead, and let out a deep belly laugh. “And you let him leave? What about all that talk you gave me about following my heart and taking risks?”
Amory nodded in agreement with him. “Her heart is a vault, Micah. Matchmaker extraordinaire can’t take her own advice.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
“She’s always been like that,” Micah said, nodding.
Amory’s lips pulled down. “She just cannot recognize that in herself. There were plenty of keepers in New York but she always found fault…”
I jumped off the chair and spun to face them, snatching Kai’s postcard out of Amory’s hand as she laughed. “Umm, guys, I’m right here, you know! If you’ve finished your little psychoanalyzing session we can move on with, you know, important things – like business?”
They giggled.
“Admit it,” Micah said. “You don’t follow your own advice!”
I scoffed. “Because my advice is… bespoke, Micah! It doesn’t apply to everyone and you’re making it sound like I’m some kind of nagging Nelly, when all I did was tell you to open your frosty little heart to Isla, which, I might add, has made you extremely happy by the looks of it!” My voice rose with every inflection, as I tried to get my point across. “And you, Amory, I think you have to admit you care about Cruz more than you want him to know.”
I was met with a weighty silence.
“What?” I asked, sensing their ploy. “All I need from Kai is his building knowledge, nothing more. So, if you need me, I’ll be in my office!”
“We are in your office.”
They had me frazzled! “Then… get out!”
Laughing behind their hands, they retreated. I took my cellphone and dialed. No point worrying over his reaction to my call; it was business, and I was a professional. Still, my stomach flipped as it rang.
“Clio! How’s things?” His Australian accent was even more pronounced with the distance separating us.
I nervously shuffled papers, and tried to make my voice even. “Good, good. Well, not great actually. I have a problem.”
“Yeah?”
“I need you here.”
He laughed.
Oh God. “I mean, I really need you for a very good business reason. Business at the lodge, you could say. Or lodge business is a more economical way to say it.”
Say business one more time! With a manic little laugh I explained about the hold-up and what it meant for the lodge and how dire things would be if we didn’t get approval in time for the expo.
He managed to ignore my woes and said, “Clio, you’re not doing midnight yoga any more, are you?”
Surfer yogi strikes again. “Oh sure, sure, I am. Like clockwork. It’s my favorite time of day. Well, night, but you know what I mean.” Could midnight yoga solve this problem? I didn’t think so.
“I can hear it in your voice. You’re back to not sleeping too, I take it?”
Damn the man, how did he always know? All I needed to do was wrap myself in some of that fine Egyptian cotton and I’d sleep like a baby.
“Things have been a touch hectic, but I’m going to do some breathing… erm… exercises, as soon as I’ve hung up from you. It’s written right here on my to-do list. Breathe for the count of five. Make that ten, just to be sure.” I smiled at the memory of him, hands on my shoulders, gaze fervent, as if he believed taking five deep breaths could cure anything. Crazy but sweet just the same.
“So, what do you need from me, Clio?” Kai’s voice was calm and level, just like always, but I detected a twinge of sadness to it. As if big-city living stole the ying from his yang. Did he pine for home? For the Australian beaches and the surf culture he’d once been part of? Or just for the quiet? Fewer people, less noise, less bustle. Life pared right back to the elements.
“I need you to meet with Ned, and tell him you’re still working for us, and that everything with the chapel is hunky-dory and safe, and we’d like you to be our guest at Cedarwood, so as not to put you out.”
“Wow… OK. Let me see what I can do. I’m so busy right now in the lead-up to Christmas; everyone wants their jobs wrapped up. But I’ll try and get there as soon as I can, yeah?”
Perhaps we’d get out of this situation by the skin of our teeth, just like we had so far with the other dilemmas at the lodge. I knew if Kai gave his word, he would try and make it happen, but it would obviously be up to his boss whether he could make it here or not. I crossed my fingers and tried very hard not to feel sick as worry washed over me.
“Thanks, Kai, I really appreciate it. I can’t believe I forgot about the planning permission.” Color rose in my cheeks, remembering his express instructions, now, when it was much too late. I wondered if my subconscious was setting me up on purpose… At least Ned was allowing the brides to peek in, so that was something at least. But there was no way we could take a booking if we didn’t have approval, and the money we’d sunk into the expo would be wasted.
He clucked his tongue. “Don’t sweat it. You can’t do everything, and not slip up occasionally. I’m fairly sure Ned has his facts wrong and you don’t need a registered builder on-site, but let’s not rock the boat. We’ll follow his orders and see if that works.”
“Small towns, hey?”
“Planning permissions.” He laughed and it sounded like sunshine. “They love making it hard. Big towns, small towns, doesn’t matter, something always crops up. Don’t worry, we’ll fix it.”
I felt like Kai could fix anything. He was the sort of guy other men listened to and respected. Calmness radiated off him, and you couldn’t help nodding your head and agreeing when he spoke. I missed him, hearing his voice. Missed him roaming around Cedarwood, double-checking the work, making sure it was right. Even missed contorting my body at strange angles under the cover of darkness with him.
“Are you getting a handle on the city?” I said, suddenly not sure I wanted the conversation to end there.
He sighed. “Sort of. It’s just too cramped for me. There’s people everywhere, all the time. No chance of hearing myself think, not in this chaos. What did I expect, though, really? It’s San Francisco.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t sound like it’s your thing at all. Can’t you ask for a different job?” Kai needed to be
free, outside being one with nature, away from the hustle and bustle, but I guess he didn’t have a choice. He went where the work was.
“Gotta see it through.”
Neither of us mentioned the kiss and it felt like it was too late now, like it would fall into the conversation chunkily, and jar.
“Cedarwood feels so different without you, and the team. But my friend Amory is here, and Isla and Micah, so I feel like I’ve got a ready-made family, but I brace myself for them leaving too one day. I wonder if I’ll get used to goodbyes or if they’ll always break my heart just a little.”
He remained silent for the longest time, before saying, “Goodbyes that break your heart mean at least you feel something. And that’s what counts, right? Otherwise all you feel is a certain numbness and that’s even worse…”
Was there something upsetting Kai? Something other than city life? It struck me maybe his exit from Australia hadn’t been as simple as he’d made out. Had he left some hurt behind? I’d never questioned it before, but he’d always been cool and calm, and now his voice had an edge to it, a touch of bitterness, though he tried to disguise it.
“Maybe a quick visit to Cedarwood will do you good,” I said softly.
“I think it’ll do me just fine. Say hi to everyone for me.”
When we rang off I sat for a while, gazing outside, the view stunning as ever and a balm for the soul. My mind was still going a hundred miles an hour with all the things I had to remember to finish. I still had to check in with Georges and taste-test the canapés, but for a few minutes I just sat there alone and wondered if I should try and fit some midnight yoga in tonight. Would it be the same without Kai?
Chapter Twenty-One
The kitchen gleamed. Georges had tidied after we’d feasted on a range of mouthwatering canapés, and hugged us before heading off, promising everything was set for the bridal expo the next day. Amory made us cups of cocoa, and topped them with marshmallows that frothed and dissolved on the surface.
I said, “If the chapel doesn’t get approved, we can’t really take any wedding bookings in good faith, can we?” When the lodge was silent, bar its creaks and groans, reality had a tendency to come creeping in.
Soberly, Amory replied, “It’s definitely a worry, darling. But we’ve faced greater obstacles than this. Let’s focus on getting all the paperwork in order for Ned, so he can see you’ve paid for professionals to fix those structural elements, and you’ve met all the safety requirements they stipulate and then some.”
“Yes,” I said, sipping cocoa, trying to let her words sink in… but still, so much hung in the balance. I couldn’t get Ned to sign off on the chapel if he was adamant it needed more work. And with the brides arriving the next morning, it made it almost impossible to forget.
Soft moonlight shone through the kitchen window. The lodge at nighttime was a beautiful thing, with only the hoot of owls punctuating the quiet.
“Let’s focus on what we need to do and hope Kai comes through for us. Yeah?”
For once Amory didn’t joke, didn’t try and lighten the mood. She always understood me so well, sometimes better than I did myself. And she knew the only way to stop stressing about it was to think of the brides, and making their time at Cedarwood magical.
“OK,” I said. “Georges is well prepped for their arrival. Canapés first, followed by a festive lunch. The champagne is cooling, though we’ll have to make room in one of the big fridges for the bouquets. The florist will be here by eight, and will decorate the table centerpieces, the chapel, and the suites.”
Hope shone in her eyes. “Can you imagine how delicious this place will smell? Georges’s amazing cooking and an abundance of bouquets?”
Splashes of color everywhere would brighten up the lodge, and make it so much more feminine. “It’ll be beautiful. Micah’s just setting up the stage for the orchestra now.”
Amory took out her phone, and flicked open her notes section. We spent the next couple of hours making sure we hadn’t forgotten any detail, no matter how small.
“I’m going to call it a night,” I said, rubbing my belly, full after far too many cups of cocoa and a midnight snack of warm mince pies that we’d pulled out of the oven on Georges’s instruction.
“I’ll tidy this up, and I might head to bed too,” she said. “Though I’m kind of wired… the usual pre-event insomnia, no doubt.”
I gave her a big bear hug, grateful from my head to my toes she was here with me. “Thank you for everything, Amory. There’s no way I could have done any of this without you.”
She hugged me back hard and said, “As if, darling. You’re a star and you know it. I could live here for ever and not miss New York, you know, so please don’t kick me out any time soon. When you left, Manhattan lost its shine. I love working with you. We make a good team.”
“The dream team. Stay for ever, Amory.” She was a city girl through and through, and I’d thought, despite what she said, that her time here would be short-lived, while she worked through her feelings for Cruz. Hope bloomed that she might stay for good, but then guilt tapped me on the shoulder that it would come at the detriment to her relationship if so.
Trudging upstairs, I washed up, and did an Amory, throwing my clothes to the floor, and falling into bed in an exhausted heap. Just when I thought I’d nod off, Amory’s voice rang out sharp in the silence. What now?
The front door banged shut, and her voice carried up the stairwell. Who was she arguing with? A man’s voice drifted up, quieter, trying to calm her down.
Curiosity got the better of me, so I grabbed my robe and went to investigate.
I stopped at the top of the stairs and peeked down. Cruz!
“You don’t get it,” she said. “And you never will!”
He caught her by the elbow as she tried to stomp away. “Why is expressing my love for you so wrong?”
She huffed and crossed her arms. “Because you’re rushing things. What we had was perfect as it was, so why change it?”
He shook his head, his eyes blazing at what she said. I was eager to hear his side of the story and crept down the first few steps.
“Because that’s what you do when you’re in love, Amory. Jesus. You show it, you flaunt it, you go to the next stage. If you’re serious about calling it off, then I understand and I’ll walk away, but I won’t let you ruin what we have because you’re scared of commitment. Why can’t I tell everyone I love you?”
She huffed. “Why is it anyone’s business but ours?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why did you leave that night?”
“You know why! Because I had… an eyelash malfunction.”
“And that made you plunge down fifteen flights of stairs?” His voice was incredulous.
“Well, I wasn’t seeing straight, obviously, and I just needed to get home and apply eyedrops. And then…”
“And then…? That’s the bit I don’t understand,” he said, in a voice that shattered my heart. It was full of such longing, such concern, but unmistakably full of love. Whatever had been about to transpire that night back in Manhattan, it was obvious it had come from a place of love. And Cruz had given Amory ample time to think things over in the relative calm of Cedarwood.
Even if it meant losing my best friend back to the big city, I hoped they’d work things out.
“And then I got spooked, Cruz. You’ve changed so much in the last few months and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that you suddenly want different things than you wanted a year ago.”
He pursed his lips, nodding like she was right. “I guess it struck me that my life was great to anyone looking from the outside in, but I needed more. I don’t feel that same thrill about making big money – what am I, a glorified bean counter? It just doesn’t make me feel alive any more. That whole corporate world depresses me, working all hours, sacrificing living so I can have a fat bank balance I don’t have time to spend.”
“So you want a different job?”
“I w
ant a different life, but more than that, I want you.”
“But you want the whole package, right? A house in the ‘burbs with a big garden that needs constant attention, a traipse down the aisle, babies?”
He didn’t answer for the longest time, and I held my breath, wondering what he’d say.
“I won’t lie to you, Amory. I do want all of that. I want you to meet my family, for my mom to chatter away as I herd you into the kitchen and show you how to make llapingachos, which we’ll eat together huddled around the bench. I want to show you where I grew up, and how much my life changed when I moved away.”
“That’s really sweet and all, but I’m not the type moms usually chatter away to, Cruz. I’m always too opinionated, too ambitious, too much for people, and I don’t want to pretend I’m the perfect Stepford type… I don’t want to pretend at all. I’m hopeless at being domesticated, and I think you’re ready for the cute bungalow, the soccer mom SUV, and top-of-the-range dental plan for your yet-to-be-conceived dark-haired beauties.”
Cruz shook his head.
“So, is your hesitation because you don’t think you’re enough, or because you don’t want that same kind of life? Because I’m telling you right now, domesticated or not, you are enough, you are more than enough, and my family will recognize that in a heartbeat.”
And that, I thought, is how you make a woman feel loved.
She mumbled something I couldn’t hear so I crept closer, stepping on a groove in the wood which sighed like an old man. Two sets of eyes turned sharply toward me. Damn it! I squinted and put my hands out, groping for a wall that wasn’t there.
“Don’t try the old ‘I’m sleepwalking’ trick again. Get down here, you eavesdropper.” Amory clucked her tongue but I kept up with the charade for Cruz’s sake.
“How much did you hear?” she asked.
My hands fell to my sides and I slowly opened my eyes, making a show of squinting in the bright light, and adding a yawn or two for good measure.
Winter at Cedarwood Lodge Page 19
