His eyes narrowed. “What are you doing with this guy, Shei?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
He took a menacing step closer. “He’s old enough to be your father.”
She laughed, tauntingly. “Oh, trust me, he treats me nothing like a child.”
Tristan’s shadowed jaw twitched. “Don’t say shit like that. It makes you sound like…”
“What? A whore? Funny, when I walked right out of this bar—numerous times—with other men, right under your nose, you didn’t seem to object.”
His lips thinned. “Did you bring him here to piss me off?”
Her jaw unhinged. He did not just ask her that! “Believe it or not, Tristan, I brought him here because he makes me happy. Your reaction never crossed my mind. Now, why don’t you go find my brother and get the fuck out of my way?”
She brushed past him and he caught her arm. She winced at his tight grip. Leaning down close to her mouth he hissed, “I don’t like him.”
She jerked her arm away and glared up at him. “I don’t really give a shit what you like. For the past six years you’ve made it clear you didn’t like me, so as far as what or who I’m doing, you don’t get a say.”
He towered over her and growled, “You’re not a slut. Don’t act like one.”
“Get away from her.”
She stilled, unsure if the sharp threat belonged to Alec. Turning slowly, she found him standing in the hall, his glare nailed into Tristan. Gone was the easygoing philosopher. In its place stood a man she barely recognized.
Alec’s posture was tense, his hazel eyes sharp and menacing. Tristan’s intimidating stance shifted, turning on Alec. “You got a problem?”
Alec took a slow step forward and pulled her to his side, never once taking his eyes off Tristan. “I ever hear you use that word around her again and you will be the one with a problem. I’m not interested in some pissing match with some kid struggling with his identity. My understanding is you made your choice years ago. Whatever you think you’re doing, think again. She isn’t a game you get to play when you want to feel macho. I see you approach her again or manipulate her, you and I are going to have to talk.”
Holy shit. Who was this man? Gone was the gentle thinker. Here was an auxiliary of the most severe guardians—swift, strong, a well-bred watchdog. The glint in his eyes was nothing short of savage. Never had she questioned Tristan’s ability to defend himself, yet in that moment she knew he wouldn’t stand a chance if he pushed Alec too far.
“You looking for a fight, old man?” Oh God.
Nothing changed in Alec’s cold expression, but he slowly shook his head. “I need not raise a hand to you in order to prove you are beaten.”
Tristan drew back his head in confusion. “What?”
“She’s not yours,” Alec stated a bit more clearly. “She’s mine. Don’t disrespect her again.” With that he took her hand and walked her right through the bar and out the front door.
Alec released Sheilagh’s hand once they reached the pavement and paced with agitation. Never in his life had he wanted to go after another person with violent intent like he had wanted to go after Tristan.
What the hell was that guy doing? He was playing games with Sheilagh and Alec didn’t understand why.
“Alec?”
“Just give me a minute,” he said, dragging his hands through his hair. He needed to calm down. Her entire family was on the other side of that door and, while he’d made some headway with them over the last hour, he’d likely just set himself back quite a bit.
He turned and faced Sheilagh, who was looking unsure and a little shocked. “You said you never slept with him?”
She frowned. “I didn’t.”
“Then why does he treat you with such entitlement?”
“I don’t know. He’s always been like that with me.”
“Does he always talk to you like that?”
She looked away, appearing ashamed. In a small voice, she said, “No.”
He would not let her take responsibility for someone else’s cruelty. Taking her face gently in his hands, he said, “Sheilagh, no one has a right to speak to you that way. What he said wasn’t true and anyone who insults you like that isn’t your friend.”
She jerked away. “You didn’t know me before. What he said isn’t that far off the mark.”
Anger tightened his jaw. “Why? Because you have a history? So does everyone else. Why should a woman be chastised for her past when a man’s past is celebrated among peers? Do not let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are.”
In a small voice, she whispered, “My past is ugly.”
“Components of your past seem ugly. Mine too. As with most people. That man is not content and projecting his disquiet with himself on those he sees as weaker. Be strong. Don’t let his bullshit affect you. You’re better than that.”
She was breathing heavily and he sensed her confusion. There was nothing he despised more than nasty people who made good people question who they were.
“I never saw you act like that before,” she said.
He wasn’t pleased with his reaction. “I was angry.”
“You stuck up for me.”
“He had no right to say those things.”
“You really pissed him off,” she said with a timid smirk.
“Good. He really pissed me off.”
Her smile was gentle and innocent. “Thank you for defending me.”
His thumb grazed her cheek. How could he not come to her defense? Words better left unsaid flitted through his mind. “We should probably head back inside.”
She nodded and they headed back in. When they reached the table, seven sets of eyes watched them. Tristan’s expression was deadly. The girls looked curious. All of her brothers looked ready to string him up by his intestines.
Finn was the first to speak. “You’re her fucking professor?” he barked.
Alec inwardly sighed, figuring Kelly had made the announcement in their absence. Luke shifted like a tiger tethered with a very thin leash. Alec looked to Colin who seemed to be the diplomat of the group, but the courteous air he’d found earlier was gone.
“Why don’t you start by telling us how it is our gifted sister nearly flunked your class and finish by explaining how you’re now sharing her bed?” Luke growled.
“Hey!” Sheilagh snapped. Every man’s scowl turned on her, but she didn’t back down. “Get out of your glass houses and I’ll give you some rocks, but unless you can claim to have never seduced the town virgin, turned your back on a commitment to God, or hid who you are out of shame, you can all shut the fuck up.”
A chair slowly dragged against the floor and her brother, Finn, stood. “I didn’t do any of that shit so I’ll be the first to say, we don’t take kindly to someone coercing our baby sister. Nor do we take kindly to some outsider coming in and starting shit with our friends.”
Alec’s gaze darted to Tristan. The man’s eyes narrowed with premature victory and the corner of his mouth slowly curved. “I think it’s time you returned to Princeton, professor.”
“All right, everyone just chill,” Kelly said, standing from his seat and stepping between them and the group. “Sheilagh’s an adult.”
“Fuck that,” Luke growled. “This entire situation reeks of unethical bullshit.”
The girls glanced at each other nervously and the quiet one, Samantha, with the freckles said, “Why don’t you guys ask Sheilagh how she feels instead of jumping to conclusions?”
“Yeah!” Mallory snapped with a little more dynamism.
Finn cut his wife a look then turned his scowl back on his sister. “All right, Sheilagh, did this asshole threaten to flunk you if you didn’t sleep with him?”
“That’s it!” Alec snapped. “The entire lot of you can go to hell. Sheilagh is an adult, God damn it. She and I resisted what we—and I said we—felt for each other as long as we possibly could. Her grades and her personal life are none of your busi
ness. It may not seem ethical, but I assure you my intentions are nothing short of honorable. I love this woman and if you love her as well, you’ll all back the hell off of her for a change without judging her or trying to decide for her. She can decide for her God damn self!”
Every eye in the motley crew widened and he played back everything he just said. Shit. He turned to Sheilagh and her expression was blank. No one said a word. “Sheilagh—”
Before he could get another syllable out, she snatched a set of keys off the table and darted for the door.
“Hey! They’re my keys!” Mallory shouted.
Go after her! But he was so shocked by what he’d said he seemed to be paralyzed.
“You can’t drive anyway,” Finn said.
He turned to the group of McCulloughs, unsure if they were still his adversaries. “Where the hell is she going?”
They laughed, no one really looking directly at him anymore. They each seemed to find their drinks and move on to the next issue at hand, whatever that was. They were all nuts, every single one of them. He was still frozen in place, wondering where she would go and if his heated confession was truly enough to possess a person to steal a car.
When he turned back to the group Luke was scowling. Something cold settled in the pit of Alec’s stomach when he saw the seat next to Luke was empty and Tristan was gone.
Sheilagh whipped Mallory’s little sedan to a stop just at the turnoff to her property. She slammed her palms into the steering wheel and cursed. What the hell was she doing?
He said he loves you.
Seconds later, headlights divided the black night and a truck pulled up behind her. Glancing in the rearview she cursed again and ripped open the door.
Stomping over the gravel she shouted at the driver, “What the fuck do you want?”
Tristan climbed out of his truck and crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not all right! I just stole a car and I’m fucking upset. How the hell does that get confused with bloody all right?”
Gravel crunched as he took three lengthy strides and gathered her in his arms. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean what I said.”
Her throat tightened and her body shook with the effort of holding in her tears. When his hand brushed up her back she lost the battle. “I can’t take anymore,” she rasped as the force of her tears clogged her throat. Everything inside of her fought not to let him see her this way.
“Shh. It’s okay.”
“Nothing’s okay,” she argued. “Everything is wrong. Why is everything so damn hard?”
“I don’t know,” he quietly said, continuing to stroke her back. “Do you love him?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. “He makes me feel things, but I’ve spent the last few years convincing myself I felt something else. Nothing makes sense now.”
“Shei, we have to stop. You have to stop expecting me to be something I’m not.”
“But sometimes you act like…” So many times he acted like he was straight. She didn’t understand.
“Maybe because it’s easier to pretend. Sometimes I’m just a kid again, trying to be what my family expected. Pretending I’m not gay is something I’d always done, but I never did it well. Eventually everyone sees through me, sees that I’m hiding something. And when they do, they’re angry I wasn’t honest or angry I’m not straight and then they all go away. That’s how I lost my family in Texas. That’s how I lost my childhood best friend. And that’s why I fear losing all of you.
“I love your brother, but he isn’t ready to come out and honestly, neither am I. Center County isn’t the most liberal place. I’m afraid if I push him I’ll lose him.”
She could understand all of that, but she was tired of feeling like a rag doll. “But why do you screw with my head? I know I’m not imagining it. You say things and do things that any woman would take as suggestive.”
He sighed. “I just want the best for you. I’m fucked up. You’re gorgeous, sweet, and since I met you, you looked at me with those hopeful green eyes. Some days I wish I could be what you wanted. Some days it’s so much easier looking in your eyes than his. Do you have any idea what it feels like to look into your lover’s eyes, see utter adoration only to have it banked by swift regret, because part of him will always hate that he loves you? It fucking hurts.”
“Doesn’t he know none of us care if he’s straight or gay? We love him. We love you.”
Suddenly it seemed like she was the one hugging Tristan rather than him hugging her. “It’s not a question of his family’s love. That’s a given. Luke has to first love himself.”
She held onto him, part of her lost in complete wonderment that she was standing there in Tristan’s arms. It didn’t mean as much as it would have when she was just a girl in love with the Texas stranger who suddenly became a part of her family. Perhaps she was finally getting over her crush and accepting reality. But then he would say something or act like he had a right to her more than anyone else did and her emotions would set back to go and she was just a confused little girl again.
“Why are you being so nasty to Alec?”
He sighed and stepped back, taking the warmth of his arms with him. “It’s hard seeing you with him. I never saw you look at someone the way you look at him. Those looks have been solely mine for so long I don’t like giving them to some guy I don’t know. I have no idea if he’s just some piece of shit taking advantage of you. My instincts tell me to protect you, because… I feel sort of responsible for the sadness I sometimes see in your eyes. You look at him and I can tell you’re really into him. He has the ability to hurt you and I want to prevent that from happening.”
But no one was hurting her as much as Tristan and his twisted mind games. “But there have been others.”
“None like him.” Tristan walked to the front of his truck, brushed a leaf off the hood and leaned against the bumper. “He’s different. You’re different around him. In some selfish way I feel like he’s taking you from us. You’ll hate me for saying this, but knowing you were always there gave me hope that if things didn’t work out—”
Her jaw clamped tight with outrage. “Don’t.” Her shoulders stiffened with the shred of dignity it took years to scrape together. “I’m not your fall back girl. You’re gay, Tristan. Gay. You have a habit of making your issues mine and I can’t deal with it anymore.”
“But what if I’m bi?”
Her heart raced. No. She’d posed that question for years only to have every secreted look, every passing touch, every witnessed show of affection cut right to her heart and prove otherwise. “You’re in love with Luke.”
He nodded and there was such sadness to his agreement. “I’ve never been with a woman. There have been other men, but…”
So many emotions rushed through her. So many questions. Luke was her brother. She loved him, as she loved all of her siblings. This conversation, no matter how private, was wrong. But part of her loved Tristan too. It was a love that evolved and withered and bloomed and wilted only to morph into something she no longer knew how to label.
“He’s my brother,” she said quietly, but it was the thought of Alec that gave her words strength. She didn’t want to betray either of them.
“And I love him more than I’ve ever loved any man.”
Then what were they talking about? Tristan stepped close and brushed a tear from her cheek. He leaned in and slowly traced his lips over hers. She sucked in a breath and his mouth tilted slowly over hers.
Shock had her incapable of pulling away, while outrage had her hands twitching. The problem was, long surrendered fantasies also had her hands twitching to pull him close.
But it was all wrong. The chemistry wasn’t there. His lips weren’t full like Alec’s. Oh God, Alec!
She jerked away, her fingers covering her mouth as if she could smother her shame. “Why did you do that?”
His brow was tight. He looked away and mumbled, “I
needed to see.”
“See what?” she snapped.
“If it would change anything.”
She pursed her lips. It changed everything. That was not the reaction she’d anticipated since she was a little girl. There were no fireworks or chills. His kiss was hollow and wrong. Because he’s gay you idiot!
“When will you come to terms with who you are?”
“I’ve been asking myself that since I was a boy. It’s hard. My parents hate what I am. There are vicious people in the world, Shei. It’s scary being something others hate. You have no idea how easy your life is being hetero.”
Hating that he was toying with her emotions, yet sympathizing with his desire to be ordinary, she gave him a pass. He was her friend. She could sacrifice her own sanity for a few seconds of experimentation. Couldn’t she? God, she was fucked up.
Confused, she stared at him. “Did it change anything?” She shouldn’t care, but she wanted to know, fearing she’d never have the guts to ask again.
He cleared his throat and shifted. “It felt dirty, like I was kissing my sister.”
She laughed, but didn’t really find it funny. “Are you going to tell Luke?” She didn’t want to hurt her brother. The sense she’d betrayed him pierced her heart like a thousand little swords. Only a whore would do what you just did.
“No.”
His agreement to keep their transgression secret should have comforted her, but it didn’t. It was just another shameful secret that would be locked away with the others, choked out in tearful confessions in the dark as she cried herself to sleep during those horrible moments when she hated who she was.
She turned away. Tristan was quiet as she battled with her guilty conscience. After a while he said, “Let’s go back to the bar. Your guy looked a little stunned when you took off. He’s probably worried about you. God knows what they’ve done to him.”
Oh God, Alec. She shouldn’t have left him there to deal with the others. But he’d come to her defense again and this time he said he loved her. He shouldn’t love her. She’d only end up letting him down eventually. She didn’t have another decade to give a man that would never truly accept her.
Faking It (McCullough Mountain) Page 13
