by Marc Maron
Marc
It was just one question, do you ever wear wigs?
Jimmy
Yeah.
LORNE MICHAELS—PRODUCER, WRITER, COMEDIAN, ACTOR
It isn’t that you’re looking for something. It’s that you recognize it when you see it. When I saw Bottle Rocket, I wanted to meet the guys who did it. You meet people you think have something. You don’t know, but they’re moving around in your head. Sometimes there’s a spot. Sometimes there’s not.
KRISTEN WIIG—ACTOR, WRITER, PRODUCER
I was at The Groundlings and I was in the main company. I think I was only in there for a couple months. As far as the SNL people coming to see the show, yes. You knew that would happen. My manager made my demo reel and sent it to the show and I had my audition. They flew me out to New York.
I auditioned twice. Target Lady was a character I did. That’s a Groundlings one. Aunt Linda, she was a movie critic on Update, she was one of the characters. A few impressions. I just tried to show my range of voice I think, a lot, so I tried to do different accents.
They flew me to New York. Never been more nervous in my life, because I don’t do stand-up. That talking to the audience thing is something I didn’t do a lot. If I was in character, I could monologue for twenty minutes.
I heard that you get five minutes. No more than five. I thought at five minutes they’re going to turn all the lights off and everyone is going to go home, so I bought a stopwatch when I got to New York. I practiced in my room and I tried to get it exactly five minutes.
Lorne was at the audition. Paula Pell, Marci Klein … I don’t know if I can remember who else was there. And you can’t really see because it’s dark and … It’s SNL. You’re walking into a huge church and giving a sermon to people that you’ve never seen before and have their arms crossed.
I did my audition and then I never heard anything. They did tell me I was going to meet with Lorne. And I knew Will Forte and I knew Jason Sudeikis, and they were like, “Oh my God, you’re going to meet with Lorne. That’s it. He meets you and then that’s the meeting when he tells you you’re hired. This is amazing!”
In my mind I was like, “Okay, well, great. I guess I have a job.”
I go to meet with him and I’m sitting in his office and I’m nervous and he’s talking about Chevy Chase, something, and then he’s like, “You know, we don’t have room for you right now.”
I said, “Okay.”
And he proceeded to talk and I didn’t really hear anything and I didn’t want to cry and I was like, “Okay.”
That was it.
I did cry afterward. I cried, but it also felt like, “Okay, if that wasn’t meant to be my path, great.” And then, a month and a half later, I got a call from them again saying, “We want you to audition again.”
In my mind I’m thinking, “Oh my God, I did everything I had in that five minutes. I don’t have anything else.”
They said, “You can repeat some stuff, but new stuff would be great.”
“Sure. Okay.”
So I went out and then I auditioned again and I felt great about it, and some of the people came to my room after and said it was great and funny, and I was like, “Okay,” and then the season started. I went back to LA and the season started and I was like, “Well. I’m not on the show, because I’m watching it, so I guess I didn’t get it.”
Then, after the third show, they called me, and they said, “You’re hired. We want you to come out for the fourth show, watch it, and then you start that next week.”
I had to pack up my life, and I was like, “Okay, I’m on SNL.” I’ve never been more nervous, intimidated, scared. I’ve never lived in New York City before. I’ve been there for the audition, and I was just like, “Where do I live? How do I get around?” It just kind of started.
JASON SUDEIKIS—ACTOR, WRITER
I got asked if I wanted to be hired as a writer on SNL.
I met Lorne in his office. He offered me water. I said no. I then gave myself the little life lesson. From then on it was like, “Oh, say yes to the water.” Just say yes because you’ll get dry mouth. This guy may never give you anything again, drink his fucking water. It’s probably great water.
Then we had a great moment where Horatio—or was it Tina? I forget who it was, it was a person that was someone I looked up to and I can’t believe I’m in the same room on this floor with them and they’re talking to me and giving me advice. “Don’t worry, it’s just kind of a cool meeting, he’s just going to make sure you’re not crazy. He won’t ask you anything about the show, so don’t think it’s anything like that.” I’m like, “Okay, good. Thank God.”
Literally five minutes in, we’re talking and then he asks, “So what era did you grow up with?”
I’m like, “What do you mean?”
“Of the show, what era?”
And I just went fucking blank, I was like, “Horatio said you wouldn’t ask me a thing about the show,” in my head, and I’m just kind of staring. The answer is Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, those years.
I was like, “Oh, gosh.” The first person that came to my mind was Eddie Murphy, one of my absolute all-time favorites, top three performers ever. But I know he didn’t hire Eddie Murphy. Swallowed that and then the other one. I was like, just, “Well, you know, we grew up with the best of John Belushi videotape,” and just kind of stumbling forth. He just kind of smiled and he goes, “No, no, that’s okay. I didn’t watch the show when I didn’t work on it either.” Which is so great, such a bailout.
He was very patient and understanding of my situation. I think he knew I wanted to perform.
I wrote for thirty-seven episodes. There was always sort of a sign indicating that there’s a chance I would be a performer, but I had to have that talk with him. I was kind of like, “I don’t think I can write here, I don’t think I’m giving you all I can give and you’re not getting everything out of me.” That’s like what I would say to a coach. I’d go in there and say, “You’ve got to give me the green light. I’m not going to shoot every time, but I’ve got to know that you trust me to.” It’s one of those kinds of conversations.
He called on a Friday. My friend Katie was an assistant for him at the time and I had a voice mail, like old-school screened calls. I was lying in bed, it was, like, twelve thirty on an off week. In the afternoon, I’m not even up.
“Hey, Sudeikis, it’s Katie. I’ve got Lorne for you, give us a call.” I was like, “That’s a first.” So get up, took a shower. Called my wife at the time and I might have left a message because she didn’t answer. I say, “Hey, I might be calling you back here soon with some info. It’s going to be something. It’s either going to be you’re fired or … It’s not going to be, ‘How you doing?’”
Then I call Lorne.
“Hi. Lorne, how are you doing?”
“So we want to move you into the cast.”
It’s always “we,” “the show.” It’s always the Royal We, it’s fantastic. I actually appreciate that sentiment.
“Great, when?”
“Monday. When it comes time to write, just write something you think you can score on.”
I was like, “Okay, great.”
I said, “Thank you”—and then hanging up—“for changing my life.”
I called Kate and then called my buddies and we went and got day drunk and hit golf balls at Chelsea Piers.
My first show, it was like, “I’m in the cast, holy shit.” Went home that night, tried to fall asleep until 6:00 A.M. Couldn’t. Had to get up. Went over to my television and the used futon that I had bought because I thought I was going to be out of there in a few weeks, two years before. Watched the opening credits, listened to Don Pardo say my name, and bawled my fucking eyes out. That’s how it went down.
Marc
It’s nice to be bawling your eyes out on a used futon for a good reason.
WILL FORTE—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
I was doing a Groundlings show
one night and all of a sudden there’s a whisper that I hear “Oh, Lorne Michaels is in the audience.” I was under contract at That ’70s Show and we had just found out we got picked up for two years. I had a great show that night because there was no way I could do SNL even if Lorne liked me. All these other performers are probably nervous about it and I was loose as a goose.
I had a good show that night and then he asked me to audition. I hadn’t even thought that would ever be something that I could do. Then the production company of That ’70s Show said, “Oh, you’ve got to go audition!” I wanted them to say, “Oh no, you can’t go audition,” because I was terrified of it.
I finally just thought, “Okay, I’ve got to go audition.” It was as terrifying as I thought.
For my audition, I did this sketch I used to do at the Groundlings. It’s about this gold man who panhandles. Basically, the guy is dressed all in gold and if you give a dollar or something they’ll do the robotic movement. So a robber comes, takes all his money and he is very sad and then a little kid comes by and asks his dad, “Why is this gold man so sad?”
“Well, I don’t know but if you give him a dollar, maybe he will tell you. And if you give him two dollars, maybe he’ll tell you in song.”
So the kid puts two dollars in and I sing this really uplifting song about the tough life of a gold man. At the end, I sing, “Well, it’s because I got a little secret: I sell cock for my face paint. I sell cock for my face paint!” The rest of the song is just the words “cock” and “face paint” basically. “I sell cock for my face paint. Cock! Cock! Face paint! Cock-cock-cock! Face paint!” It’s just probably 250 times saying the word “cock.”
I did that at SNL as the final thing in my audition and as I walked out, Lorne was right there and he said, “Thank you for coming.” And I said, “I’m sorry about all the cocks.” I didn’t know what else to say! And that was it. And then I found out I got the job!
“I’m sorry about all the cocks.”
LORNE MICHAELS
That cast of Kristen, Fred, Will, Jason, amazing. Then six people leave, because it’s their time. Then you have to introduce a whole new group of people, and people say, “Well, they’re not the ones we love.” You say, “Trust me.”
I used to say that all babies are ugly unless they’re your baby, and then after a while, three, four months into it, people go, “What a cute baby.” When they first come out they’re not necessarily great-looking.
JENNY SLATE—COMEDIAN, WRITER, PRODUCER, ACTOR
They were like, “Lorne wants you to come back to meet with him, but it doesn’t mean that you’re hired; and don’t expect anything, and you’ll probably wait for, like, three hours to see him and just sit there.” I was like, “Oh, okay, this is so psycho.”
I got there and waited for, like, ten minutes and then I went in his office. He asked me, “Where are you from?”
I said, “Massachusetts.”
He was like, “Have you worked with wigs a lot before?”
I thought he meant Kristen Wiig, and I was like, “I’ve never even met her, but I really admire her.”
He was like, “No, wigs.”
I was thinking, “Oh, this sucks.” I just kept telling myself, “He’s just a man, he’s just a man. You have so much life in front of you, that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about it.”
So I was like, “Oh, duhh,” and I remember saying, “Oh no, sorry, I don’t know, no, yeah, I’ve worked with wigs in my one-person show, but I don’t do that a lot.”
Then he says, “Well, I think you’d be a great addition to the show, and we’re going to get you an office.”
“So…” I wanted him to say it. “So I’m going to be on Saturday Night Live?”
He was like, “Yeah.”
“That’s so great. I know you’ve seen this happen a million times before where people are like, ‘I can’t believe it,’ but this is my childhood dream and I’m so excited.”
He said, “Okay, but don’t tell anybody because we haven’t announced it yet,” and I asked, “Can I tell my nanas?” He laughed.
I said, “Can I give you a hug?”
“Sure.” And then we hugged and I went outside and Seth Meyers was waiting there. He asked, “What did he say?”
“He said I’m going to be on the show.”
Seth was like, “Whoa, that doesn’t really happen.”
“He said I could have an office and stuff.”
I went outside and I went into the courtyard of Rockefeller Center.…
Whoops, I’m getting emotional.
I called my parents and I said, “I’m going to be on Saturday Night Live,” and it was really exciting.
I never cry, I just.…
You know what? It is a beautiful story and sometimes I forget that.
Because it is cool to achieve something that you’ve always wanted, and to do it kind of on your terms.
To call my parents, they were just so stunned. We were all so stunned. I came from this fucking haunted house with these two artists and just had this one dream, and went to college and didn’t become an asshole. To just call them and make that phone call, honestly I forget about that, and it was really, really meaningful.
LORNE MICHAELS
When you do live television, the one thing you can’t expect is for it to be perfect, but the Fortieth Anniversary show, that night, for me, watching all of the people who created and built the show working together, and also being in the audience for each other was as close to perfect as it was ever going to get. The feeling in the room was so warm and supportive. You realize that it’s, in the cliché sense, it’s a family. You can’t explain that experience of doing it, except to other people who have done it.
MORTALITY
“I Wouldn’t Want It to Go Away”
I don’t want to die. I don’t want to live forever either. That sounds terrible.
I have no idea what happens after we die. I don’t think about it much at all. I’m guessing probably nothing. It’s the transition from life to nothing that terrifies me.
Being terrified of death is part of the human condition. Depending on how you look at it in terms of accepting that it’s the one undeniable truth of life, it can be motivating or completely devastating. It can make you appreciate life and savor it or it can render almost everything pointless. I fluctuate between the two, depending on how much coffee I’ve had and what petty bullshit is consuming me. That death is part of life is annoying and sad. Denial is childish, but I can’t think about it too much because it’s just too fucking depressing. I choose to let myself be consumed with petty bullshit and not get too close to people. I think these will buffer the coming end of others and me.
I’m fortunate that I haven’t had to deal with much death around me, yet. As of this writing, my parents are still alive, which on most days seems like a good thing. I haven’t had to deal with someone too close to me having prolonged illness and dying. I’m old now, so I know it is coming. Just thinking about it right now is horrifying. I can barely handle when my cats are sick. I know they are going to die, but I’ve had them for twelve years, and as of today they are alive.
My best friend, Dave, from high school died suddenly. I went to his funeral. When I looked at him in the casket, it was shocking and awful, but I knew that it was real. He was dead. I appreciate that Jews don’t view the body, but it was actually helpful in believing it was real and getting closure. I mean, I don’t think my grandparents are still alive, but actually seeing them dead would have really driven the reality home. I guess the idea is to remember them alive without that image. Seeing Dave dead didn’t rob me of my memories of him alive; it made them more special.
When I talk to people about death it’s usually about the death of their parents or loved ones. Al Yankovic, Jack Antonoff, and Mike DeStefano shared some particularly heartrending examples. I try to empathize and absorb any sort of wisdom about dealing with that inevitability, but I don’t think there is any re
al preparing for it. Especially if it happens when they are young, like Molly Shannon, who lost her mom when she was four. I can feel their grief and sense how they’ve had a lifetime to deal with it and how it defined them, changed them for the better or crippled them for life.
It seems that how we deal with the knowledge of death and the death of people we love really dictates how we live our lives on a core level. That, and having children, which I don’t have. So I’m in the dark about a couple of life’s massive emotional upheavals and responsibilities that bring pain and joy. If I really think about it, protecting myself from these things by not engaging has probably crippled my ability to feel the full joy and depth of being alive. I guess there’s always time. Wait, there isn’t. See, I’m sad now.
BOB ODENKIRK—ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR, COMEDIAN
If you’re not lucky enough to die young, and just get to be a flaming asshole, you will be humbled. Everybody gets humbled, everybody.
JANEANE GAROFALO—COMEDIAN, WRITER, ACTOR
Perhaps I should have taken better care of myself as a younger person, but I didn’t, and this is the way it is. Honestly, I do not mind aging. I don’t love some of the stuff that comes with it, but I’ve got no problem with telling people how old I am. I have no problem with birthdays. I don’t have angst over “Oh my God. I’m turning forty-five.” That stuff does not bother me, but I don’t love waking up in the morning with my back cracking and my ankles hurting, and stuff like that. That is less appealing.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
I used to play basketball more, but these days I’ve gotten to the point where it’s not as much fun because I’m not as good as I used to be and I get frustrated. I was never great, but I was a good player and I could play seriously. Now I’m like one of these old guys who’s running around. The guys I play with, who are all a lot younger, they sort of pity me and sympathize with me. They tolerate me, but they know. We all know that I’m the weak link on the court, and I don’t like being the weak link.
