by Susan Fox
“I thought about what it meant, that I was dating you.”
Throat dry, he croaked, “And?” and drank some more iced tea. The liquid, not so icy now, slid down his throat as he waited for her answer.
“On the surface, you’re way different from the kind of guy I’ve chosen before. Men who are more like your stepbrother.”
He grimaced slightly, wondering if he should confess that he’d believed she might have slept with Julian.
“But in other ways you are like them.”
Offended, he reared back. “In what ways?”
“You’re impressive. Successful. Believe me, the way you are with those animals is just as sexy as seeing Chef Emile create magic in the kitchen, or Julian sing those heartbreaking songs he writes.”
“Uh, thanks.” Being a vet was sexy?
“But more than that, I wonder if you’re emotionally unavailable.”
“Me? Huh?” Hadn’t he been ready to hand over his heart at that wedding reception?
“Because of Candace. Everyone, including you, told me how you were a perfect couple. You’d basically loved her from the moment you met her. Could you ever truly open your heart to another woman, especially one as flawed as me?”
He already had. But he needed to protect that heart, because he still didn’t know where she was going with this. “So I was another example of the self-fulfilling prophecy? Your subconscious chose me so you could have a superficial infatuation and not get too torn up if it ended?” If that was how she felt, surely she wouldn’t have come here.
“I wondered,” she said. Her lips pressed together.
The woodpecker was at it again. Normally, Luke enjoyed the sounds of nature, but now that hammering beat was annoying.
“But I realized that wasn’t what had happened,” she went on. “I was never infatuated with you—well, except maybe while you were treating that poor bunny. What I felt for you was different.”
His heart gave the oddest bounce. “Different?”
“Slower to develop. Quieter. Deeper. It had to do with more than just your skill as a vet, your physical attractiveness, and great sex.” She gave a quick laugh, her face almost relaxing for the first time since she’d arrived. “Correction: knock-my-socks-off sex. But it’s also about popcorn and videos and wet dogs. It’s about the kids, how you are with Ariana and with the twins, how we all are together, like we’re starting to feel like . . . okay, I’m going to say it. Like a family.”
His heart was now bouncing in time with the woodpecker’s hammering. “You care about me. It’s not infatuation.”
She let out a long sigh. “Yes. And the way I felt after we broke up was so much worse than anything I’d felt before.”
He was on his feet, moving around the table, before she’d finished speaking. As she swung around on the picnic table bench to face him, he reached for her hands.
Pulling her to her feet, he said, “I care about you, too. I was all set to tell you at the wedding reception, and then you started to act so weird.” He framed her face with his hands. “No, I’m not emotionally unavailable. And I’m far from perfect, as proved by how unperceptive and unsympathetic I’ve been. But here’s the thing. If we’re going to take this relationship somewhere, I want it to be as equal partners. Can you do that?”
* * *
Miranda gazed up at Luke. The man she wanted so badly, the one she’d fallen for. She wouldn’t lie to him, though. “I’ll try my damnedest to be stronger, to have better self-esteem. But I’m still a work in progress. Can you be patient?”
He closed his eyes and she trembled. He was going to say no, that he wouldn’t put himself and the twins through more uncertainty.
But then his eyes opened and flecks of gold gleamed in their greenish-gray depths. “I shouldn’t have said what I did at the reception. We should have had this conversation then.”
She couldn’t let him believe that, because it wouldn’t have worked. “I wasn’t ready for it. I needed the shock. I needed to feel utterly horrible before I could start to understand what you and Eden had said, and do some serious thinking.”
“Okay, maybe. But I should have had more patience and been more understanding.” He grimaced. “When I first asked you out and you held back, you know what I thought?”
She shook her head.
“That you’d been with some guys who let you down, and you didn’t trust me to treat you right.” Voice grating, he said, “And I didn’t.” He took his hands from her face, leaving her skin missing his warm touch. “You know what I did when Mom married Forbes?” he asked, sitting down so he straddled the wooden bench.
Confused by the apparent change of topic, she sat, too, the same way, so that their knees touched. His strong legs looked so great in shorts. “Uh, you were unhappy, and turned to Candace?”
“Yeah, but also I didn’t give Forbes a chance. He wasn’t my dad. That was all I saw. It seemed like Mom was trying to find a replacement for Dad, and that was impossible. Later, when I grew up a little, I realized that wasn’t what she was doing. Oh, maybe she had mixed motives for marrying Forbes, like wanting to stop grieving so much and feeling so lonely. But the two of them have something solid and wonderful.”
“I’ve seen that.”
“I wasn’t prepared to see it. Nor willing to see what a terrific guy he was. I didn’t give him a chance and didn’t give myself a chance. Not until a lot later, once I’d gone off to university and was coming back for holidays. I had a fresh perspective then. And now he and I are really close.”
She nodded, finally grasping why he was telling her this. “You’re saying you shouldn’t have judged him so quickly, based on your insecurities and fears and pain. And I guess you’re also saying that maybe you didn’t apply that lesson when it came to me. Which means”—she couldn’t hold back a small teasing grin—“that you have insecurities, too, Luke.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, turns out I do. Even though I wasn’t looking to replace Candace—which would be impossible anyhow because each person and relationship is unique—I guess she was in my mind. How easy our relationship had always been. Whereas with you and me, it wasn’t easy. But I got to know Candace day by day over years and years, and you were brand-new in my life. I thought I was open to you, letting you be yourself, finding out who you were and who I was with you. Valuing all of it. But, as that spat at the reception proved, I was being judgmental.”
He scrubbed a hand across his jaw, which showed a trace of five o’clock shadow. “I overreacted because I’d thought we’d gotten further than we had. I thought you were more confident of our relationship. I wanted to, well, declare my feelings. Then, when you acted the way you did, said the things you did, I realized I didn’t know you as well as I’d thought. What I heard was that you didn’t care, that you were rejecting me.”
She was shaking her head as he went on to say, “I got hurt and defensive, snapped at you, didn’t really listen. I’m sorry.”
It hurt her to know that she had the ability to cause Luke pain, and yet it warmed her heart, too, to know he cared that much. “We all do stupid things when we’re upset. How about this? If you act like that again, I won’t tuck my tail between my legs and run away. I’ll plant my fierce little dragon feet and say that I deserve better treatment, and we need to have a good long talk.” It made her feel nervous to say that, and yet she was finally coming to believe that she did deserve decent treatment. A decent man, a healthy relationship. Even love.
“That sounds very good to me.”
“And we’ll be open with each other. Yes? We won’t nurse hurts and grievances, we’ll talk about them.” She took a deep breath. She’d been through the wringer but had to pull herself together for one more cycle. She still had to tell him about her big mistake with Julian, and it might end up being a deal-breaker.
“That,” he said ruefully, “is an excellent idea.”
Again, she took a breath, readying herself. A shiver pricked her skin and she glanced
up to see that clouds now blocked the sun. Hopefully, that wasn’t a bad omen.
He frowned. “In fact, in the interests of openness, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Disconcerted, she said, “Uh, okay.”
“I was driving back from an emergency call and I saw you and Julian kissing.”
“Damn! Luke, I was just going to tell you about that. It wasn’t—”
“I know.” He held up a hand. “I tackled him the next morning and he straightened me out. And basically told me I was acting like a jerk. Which was true, but I was jealous. Mad, hurt. So I accused him, just like a hormonal adolescent thinking with his, well, not his brain.”
“If I saw you kissing someone else, I’d have gone nuts, too,” she confessed, folding her arms across her chest for warmth. “And Luke, I did kiss him. I wanted him, or at least I wanted to be wanted by a guy like him. I wanted one hour of feeling sexy, of having fun, rather than feeling like crap after we broke up.”
“And you deceived him. Didn’t tell him your real name.” Though his tone was even, not accusatory, his eyes had darkened with pain.
“That’s right. So none of this is on Julian. It’s all my fault. But I realized, as soon as we kissed, that it was wrong.”
His brow creased. “You’d been fangirling him forever and when you actually kissed, there was no chemistry?”
“Not exactly,” she admitted, hugging her arms closer to her body as she shivered. She had a hoodie in her bag, but this wasn’t the time to root around for it. “But it was the wrong chemistry. It wasn’t you. I only want you, Luke.”
When his frown deepened, she said, “It wouldn’t be honest to say I’ll never be attracted to another man. But I don’t want to be with someone else. Does that make sense? Can you live with that?”
As she’d spoken, a grin had slowly taken over his face. The gold flecks in his eyes danced. “I get it. You know, when I was in high school, even though I was totally in love with Candace and only wanted to be with her, there was this other girl who kind of fascinated me.” He bumped a bare knee against her clothed one.
He was clearly expecting her to grin, maybe tease back, but he’d raised another concern. “It’s more than that now, though, right?” she asked. “More than just some teenage fascination carried forward into adulthood?”
“Yes,” he said immediately, reaching forward to rest his hand on her leg, instantly transferring warmth. “You’re so different, so much more than you were then. It’s the woman you are today that I want. You’re being proactive, taking control of your life.”
Reassured, she said, “So, are we done with the secrets now? Everything’s out on the table?” She was about to rise and find her purse, to get that hoodie.
But his hand twitched on her leg and he said, “I guess there’s one more thing.”
Feeling chilled and hollowed out, she braced herself. “Go on.”
“This is hard for me to say.”
A ragged laugh escaped her. “Like any of this has been easy?”
“No, but . . .” He reached for her hand and gripped it. “Okay, here it is. I love you, Miranda.”
Her heart stopped. It must have, because time froze, her brain froze, she couldn’t think or feel or even breathe.
“Miranda? Are you okay?”
Everything jolted back to life and she gasped for air. “Yes, I . . . wow.” She blinked. Was this real? Had he really said that or was she having a stress-fueled fantasy? “Could you, uh, repeat that?”
He eyed her warily. “I’m almost afraid to.”
“No, please, I just . . . I think I’m in shock.”
“It’s that shocking to hear that I love you?”
Oh God, he’d said it again. And in that moment, she knew for sure. For absolute sure. The revelation was another shock, but this time not one that stopped her heart. Instead, her heart pulsed firmly, and warmth flooded through her chilled body. Smiling, feeling tears of joy and certainty brimming in her eyes, she said, “I love you, too, Luke.”
His own smile was a tentative one. “You do? Really?”
She nodded, blinking against the tears. “I think I was scared to let myself really believe it, because I was so afraid it wouldn’t work out. But I do, Luke. I love you.”
Somehow, they managed to scramble off the bench seat and then they were in each other’s arms. When she kissed him, the relief and joy and amazement were almost too much to bear. Damp-cheeked, she eased back in the warm strength of his arms to gaze at him in wonder and say, “You love me.”
“And you love me.” He reeled her back in and kissed her until she was breathless.
This time he was the one to break the kiss. “I need you naked.”
“Oh, yes. How long do we have? Do you have to pick up the boys?”
“No, they’re with Annie and Randall for a sleepover. What about Ariana?”
“She’s at Glory’s. I could . . .” Be away from her daughter for an entire night? The thought made her heart clutch. And yet how wonderful it would be to spend an entire night alone with Luke, celebrating their newly confessed love. To wake beside him in the morning.
Glory was her friend, a responsible mother. Brent was a good dad. They had her phone number and she would leave the ringer turned on. “I could ask if Glory and Brent could keep her for the night.”
“Would you be okay with that? I can’t think of anything better than the luxury of going to sleep with you and waking up with you.”
“Me either.” Now she did claim the bag she’d dropped on the deck what seemed like hours earlier, and took her phone from a side pocket.
When Glory answered, Miranda said, “How would you and Brent and Gala feel about keeping Ariana for the night?”
Glory let out a whoop, loud enough that Miranda hastily pulled the phone away from her ear. Luke, overhearing, grinned.
After Glory had agreed and Miranda put her phone away again, he said, “She knew you were coming to talk to me.”
“She did. And she helped me find the courage to do it. She made me see that what I felt for you was worth fighting for.”
“I owe her. Big-time.”
“Doubly so, because now we have the whole night ahead of us.” She darted him a gaze of mock innocence. “However shall we spend it?”
His response was anything but innocent. He took her hand in a firm grip and pulled. She barely had a chance to hook her purse strap over her shoulder as she let herself be towed in his determined wake, across the deck to the door into the kitchen. Through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, down another hall, and then they were in the master bedroom. She hadn’t even been aware that the two dogs were following them until Luke shut the door in their curious faces.
He gazed down at her, his eyes intense. Then he reached for the top button of her shirt, fumbled it, made an impatient sound, and then ripped the front of the shirt open.
Yes! She enjoyed it when his inner caveman came out. Especially when she knew that, tomorrow morning, he’d insist on buying her a new shirt. Her bra, though, a peach lace one, she quite liked. So she hurriedly undid the clasp and pulled it off rather than let him destroy it, too.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “I just thought . . . You’re on birth control pills, right? What happens if you miss one tonight?”
“Not pills. An implant, a progestin rod.” It was so easy, one little implant. “But thanks for being responsible.”
“That’s me,” he said a touch ruefully. “Even in the height of passion, I’m responsible.”
“It’s not a bad thing,” she assured him. “Doesn’t detract one tiny bit from your sexiness. And speaking of which, weren’t you in the middle of taking off my clothes?”
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said, brushing his hands over her breasts and making her nipples tighten. After that little tease, he promptly rid her of her capris and panties.
While he peeled his tee over his head, she unfastened his shorts and they dropped to the floor. Two im
patient shoves of his big hands had his boxers sliding down his hips to reveal his flat belly and a rising erection.
Not giving her a chance to feast her eyes, he tumbled her down on the duvet. Their legs twined together, their bodies pressed from chest to thighs and every delicious inch in between, and their lips met. Despite the urgency of their passion, Luke’s kiss was gentle and she answered in kind. Appreciating him, appreciating this moment. Love. They loved each other, and it was about so much more than slaking the physical need inside them.
The kiss seemed to go on forever. While her sex craved the feel of him, the slow build of arousal was so tantalizing that she almost didn’t want to move to the next stage. Before Luke, she’d enjoyed intercourse for the sheer physical pleasure, especially the release, but with him she’d found that lovemaking had even more to offer.
He lifted himself off her and she gave him a teasing pout and a whimper of protest—teasing, because she knew that whatever he did next would bring her pleasure.
After shoving back the comforter, he sat cross-legged on the bed. How many guys could even do that? But she’d already seen demonstrations of Luke’s flexibility, so she wasn’t surprised. “Come sit across my lap,” he said.
Eyeing the erection that rose from the nest of dark auburn curls between his legs, she was happy to accept that invitation. She straddled his thighs and lowered herself across his lap with her legs wrapped around him and her feet on the bed behind him. “Mmm.” She rubbed her center against his hard shaft. “I like this.” With a mischievous grin, she said, “I could get off just doing this.”
“Feel free.” He took her nipple between his thumb and index finger and tweaked it gently. “Let me know if I can help.”
She knew he meant it. Luke was the most generous lover she’d ever been with. “Some other time. Right now, I want us to be totally together.”
“Me too. That’s why I chose this position. We can do this.” With his free hand he cupped the back of her head, bringing her head forward to meet his kiss. “I can do this,” he murmured against her lips as he tweaked her nipple.
“And I can do this.” She slid her fingers up and down his shaft. “Or this.” She eased back from the kiss and braced her body with a hand on the bed behind her, lifting herself up and easing him toward her opening.
