***
“Lucy, come on, give it to me,” Bennett growls into my ear. His breath is hot on my face, his hand is wrapped in my hair. I am on all fours in my bed, and the most intense orgasm is making its way through my body. My hand moves to my headboard to brace myself as Bennett’s movements are getting faster and stronger.
“Fuck, Luce, tell me you’re mine. Only mine,” he demands, but I can’t speak.
“Lucy, say it,” he demands, pulling on my hair a little harder, forcing me to turn my face so I’m looking over my shoulder at him.
“I’m yours, Bennett,” I manage to barely breathe out.
He throws his head back and comes, letting out a guttural, animalistic sound. Our bodies collapse on the bed in a sweaty heap. He angles his body to the side to keep from crushing me. I wouldn’t mind. Death by Bennett would be a nice way to go.
“That was quite a hello, sweet girl,” he laughs right into my mouth as he finishes delivering a slow, lazy kiss.
I just smile at him. I don’t know what came over me. I practically attacked him when he came over tonight, dragging him to my bedroom and mauling him.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“Long and busy. That was a perfect way to end it. Yours?”
“Interesting. Mom came with me today to the center. She’s fallen head over heels in love with Ava. They spent the whole time together. She had a long conversation with whoever it is that picks her up. She came back to me, hell bent on fixing the situation.”
Bennett is gazing at me, a look of admiration on his face. I keep telling him about my crazy mother.
“I don’t know exactly what she’s planning, but she wants Ava out of that home. When Mom gets something in her head, there’s no stopping her.”
“I hope for that child’s sake you’re right. She’s had a rough time. Nobody wants the responsibility of caring for her. Hell, I would do it myself if I could. I just don’t have the time to devote to her right now with my patients and extra shifts at the hospital. She’s an incredible little girl, but no one can see past her medical needs to foster or adopt her. She deserves a good life.”
I look into his dark green eyes, tears in mine. Bennett has such a huge heart. It’s astonishing, considering everything he’s gone through.
“You deserve a good life too, Bennett,” I manage to croak out.
“Keep doing what you’re doing, Lucy, and I’ll have one.”
We come up for air, hours later, in desperate need of some nourishment. Bennett throws on the pair of fabulously faded jeans he came over in, while I pull his t-shirt over my head. I guess this is his usual look when he’s out of his scrubs. I’m perfectly fine with that.
We make our way to the kitchen, scrounging for something to eat. We can’t seem to keep our hands off of each other long enough to get any food. He’s got me up against the island, his mouth to my neck and his hands kneading my ass when the door opens.
“Well, that didn’t take you long, Lucy,” Miller says, throwing his keys across the counter.
Bennett moves to stand in front of me, his back to my front. His entire body is tense, blocking me from Miller’s view. I peer around his arm, trying to get a read on the situation.
“Don’t do this, man,” Bennett tells him.
He grabs my hand, squeezing it, and moves to start taking me back to the bedroom.
Just before we reach my door, Miller calls out, “Hey, Goose, did you show him that thing you do with your tongue where you-,”
Bennett drops my hand, and grabs Miller around the throat. He has him slammed against the wall before I can even process what is happening. I close my eyes and turn away, pushing down the bile that is creeping up my throat. I can’t watch these two do this.
“Say one more fucking word and it’ll be the last one you say for a while. Don’t disrespect her. She doesn’t deserve your shit,” Bennett snarls in Miller’s face.
He pushes his head against the wall one more time and lets him go. Miller slumps against the wall. I can’t force myself to speak or move. I don’t know what to do with what I’m witnessing.
“Goose,” Miller whispers in my direction, but I just shake my head, crying, my hand covering my mouth so I don’t talk or throw up. Why is he doing this to me? To us? He’s sabotaging our relationship over petty jealousy. I can feel him slipping away from me. It’s been happening for a few weeks, and I feel like I can’t do anything to stop it. Bennett grabs my hand again and pulls me into the bedroom, slamming the door shut. Somehow I don’t think it’s for another round of sex.
“I think it’s time you and I had a conversation,” he says. His voice is strained. He’s pissed. I’m not sure what I did wrong.
“Bennett, I told you that we dated. I don’t know what else you want to know.”
“Lucy, that was not the reaction of someone you dated three fucking years ago. Obviously there’s more to the story. If we are doing this,” he gestures between us, “then I need to know what I’m dealing with.”
I pull in a huge breath and get settled against my headboard, crossing my legs at the ankles. He opts to stand, his hands shoved in his pockets. Here goes nothing.
“We dated our senior year in high school. I broke it off before the year was even up. We’ve been best friends our entire lives. I didn’t feel any difference between us being friends and us dating, so I wanted to go back to just being friends. I didn’t think it was fair for me to stay in a relationship with him that I wasn’t really invested in.”
I stop for a minute, running my hands through my hair, and then finish my story. I’m sure this is the part he doesn’t want to hear about. This is certainly the part I had no intention of ever telling him.
“Even though we weren’t dating anymore, we still slept together sometimes. When we moved into this place straight after high school, it started happening more and more. Mostly when he’s been drinking or when I have a really shitty day.”
“You never dated anyone else?” he asks.
I shake my head no.
“What about him?”
I just shrug, not really knowing the answer to that. “I think he hooks up with other girls sometimes, but he doesn’t bring them here. And I don’t ask for the gory details.”
Bennett stares up at the ceiling and says, “I can’t believe I’m about to ask this.” He pegs me with those dark green eyes. “When’s the last time the two of you slept together?”
I look at him, chewing on my bottom lip. I move my eyes down to my bed, picking imaginary lint off my duvet cover before I give him my answer.
“The night before I met you. The night before my first dialysis session. He tried again after that, but he was really wasted and he just passed out.”
“When?” he demands, moving from pissed off to livid.
“Remember that day he forgot me at the center?”
Bennett just stares at me.
Of course he remembers.
“It was the night before. That’s why he didn’t come pick me up. He was passed out.”
“Fuckin’ great,” he mumbles, running his hand back and forth over his head. “Lucy, are you that naïve that you don’t realize he’s in love with you?”
“He loves me, but not like that. We’re just friends who hook up every once in a while.”
He moves over to the bed and gets right in my face. His hands are on either side of me, caging in my body.
“It might be that way on your end, but not on his. That shit is not happening anymore. You got me? He is not touching what is mine.”
Bennett then proceeds to wipe that little incident in the hallway right out of my head.
I wake up to an empty bed. Not what I was expecting, but I’m grateful for a few minutes alone to head to the bathroom and take care of a few things. I pull on some fresh clothes when I’m done. When I hit the hallway, I am assaulted with delicious smells. My stomach instantly reacts. Loudly.
“I never did feed you last night, Luce,” Bennett says f
rom the stove.
I could get used to this sight. Bennett is in his clothes from last night. He’s barefoot, which is quite yummy. He’s got a spatula in hand, making us pancakes.
“Where did you find stuff for pancakes?” I ask. “We never have food in this place.”
“I went to the store this morning. I didn’t want to wake you. You need to sleep.”
I move in closer to take a look, and he pulls me into his side. I get a sweet smile.
“I like waking up to your face, Lucy.”
I kiss him, getting lost in the moment, until I hear, “Lucy Brennan, you little slut!”
I guess Maggie’s home.
Bennett turns to her, “Good Morning, Maggie. Pancakes?”
“Of course. I never turn down breakfast from a hottie,” she says, getting out stuff to set the table.
The three of us sit and enjoy our meal. It’s comfortable. We talk about school and work. I fill Maggie in on Mom’s latest crusade to save Ava. It feels like something we do every day of our lives. It’s easy to forget about what transpired the night before. I want this. So much. I want to sit with Bennett and my family and talk with them about mundane, everyday things. It feels normal. I start to feel overwhelmed at the possibility that this can be my new normal. If I allow myself to accept the possibility of getting a transplant, either from my sister or from UNOS, I can have this. Every day for the rest of my life. I can feel the panic starting to claw its way up my throat. I quickly excuse myself from the table. Bennett’s giving me a confused look. I’m sure my anxiety is evident on my face. I can’t hide anything.
“I forgot my medicine,” I say, practically running from the table.
A few minutes later, Maggie finds me sitting on the bathroom floor, my head between my knees. She pulls me into a hug.
“Goose, what happened in there?”
“I’m scared shitless, Maggie.”
“Why?”
“I’m freaking out. It’s too soon, too much. But I want it, so damn much. More than I’ve ever wanted anything else.” I don’t have to go into detail about everything it means. We’ve talked about this enough for her to get what I mean. It’s just never even been a possibility. Until now.
“It’s scary because it’s right. I think he’s it for you. You need this. If you want it, Goose, take it.”
There it is again. Take it.
I compose myself and go back into the kitchen. Maggie yells out a ‘thanks’ to Bennett for breakfast and heads back to her room. She’s giving us some time. Bennett doesn’t say anything to either one of us. He gives me a knowing look and a timid smile. I go to sit back down in my chair, but he pulls me onto his lap.
He presses a kiss onto my temple, mutters, “My sweet Lucy,” and just holds me, rubbing his hand up and down my spine. He gets me. I don’t need to tell him what I’m feeling. He understands, and he’s giving me the comfort I need.
And I’m gonna take it.
Chapter Sixteen
Bennett and I establish our new normal over the next several weeks. We try to spend as much time together as we can, which is not easy with our schedules. He works long hours at the hospital, and my days are eaten up with dialysis and school. It feels good to have someone to talk to, aside from my family. I cherish every minute I have with him. We do those everyday things that most normal couples do-go to dinner, movies, cook at home, and spend a lot of time just getting to know one another. I try not to take any moment for granted. He’s genuine, thoughtful, and kind. I make sure that I remind him of that as much as I can. I know he doesn’t have anyone else to tell him how wonderful he is.
Bennett and I spend our nights together at his house, rather than my apartment. Miller has been scarce, which is a good thing. He knows he fucked up when he provoked Bennett that night in the kitchen. I’m not ready to talk to him about what happened. Miller hurt me, bad. He implied that I’m a whore. Never once in the course of our relationship has he intentionally tried to hurt me like that. While I’m starting a new and exciting relationship with Bennett, I’m also mourning what I fear is the end of my relationship with Miller. Avoidance might not be the best route to take, but I can’t deal with both things at once. It might just break me. Bennett never asks to stay at my apartment. He’s not stupid. We don’t even go over there, except when I need more clothes or medicine.
Maggie is still in a slight depression after her heartbreak from the incident with the cheater, whose name I learn is Finn. She still has to see him at work, so it’s not helping the situation. She’s not partying like she used to. So, if I’m not at the center, school, or with Bennett, I make sure I’m carving out time for my sister. It feels good to re-connect with her. We have always been close, but we’ve grown closer lately.
Mom has been at the center with me at every session she can manage. She has thrown herself head first into building a relationship with Ava. Maggie and Dad have also been coming around a lot more. They all love that little girl, and it is quite obvious that Ava feels the same about my family. Her precious little face lights up when any member of the Brennan clan comes down that hallway. Mom and Dad have started the process of fostering Ava. They obtained their license from the state through social services, passing all of the necessary clearances and in-home inspections. Now it’s just a waiting game. They are going through classes and interviews to make sure they are the right fit for Ava and her needs. At this point, we haven’t said anything to Ava. We can just hope and pray that the state approves everything and deems my parents a good fit for her. The center is documenting every visit my parents have with Ava during dialysis. Rose has been a God send, keeping meticulous records on the visits. Rose and Bennett are their biggest advocates in this whole process.
***
“Let’s go away this weekend,” Bennett mutters into the top of my head. We’re lying on his couch, I’m draped partially on top of him.
“We can’t do that,” I tell him, pushing up on my elbow to look at him.
“We can. I want to take you away from here for a few days.”
“What about work?” I ask. “Don’t you have some lives to save?” I tease.
“I’m off. We can leave Friday after you’re done with dialysis and come back Sunday night. I want you to myself. I want your mind on me, not on everything else going on in that head of yours.”
“You pretty much occupy all the space in there,” I tell him.
“You may not tell me all of it, sweet girl, but your worries are written all over your face. I’m sharing that space with your parents and Ava, Maggie and her Finn drama, and all this shit with Miller.” He takes his thumb and rubs it over my brow, trying to erase the wrinkle. “Let me give you this, Lucy. Do you remember what you told me that first night you came over here?”
“I told you a lot of stuff, Bennett,” I whisper, blushing at the memories of the first night we spent together.
“I asked you what you wanted, and you told me a weekend on the beach. You wanted to feel healthy and normal. Please let me do this for you, sweet girl.”
I don’t know what I did to deserve this man. I don’t think I’m good enough for him. He’s everything. He deserves someone who can be that and more for him. I can’t put into words what he means to me, so I show him.
I sit up all the way up, straddling his waist and tucking my knees on either side of him. I slowly peel off my shirt. I try not to think about the fact that my scar from my kidney removal is on display in the bright afternoon sun. As soon as my shirt is over my head, he shoots up, taking his own shirt off in the process. His hands come up my back, removing my bra. He tugs me close, our chests pressing against each other, creating a deliciously warm friction. I want his mouth on mine. I grab the back of his neck and tug at him, hoping he gets the message. Right at the last second, he pulls back from me.
“Is this a yes, Luce, or a distraction?”
“Yes,” I tell him, and he consumes my mouth. He’s kissing me like his life depends on it, and I feel myself fa
lling backwards. He lays me on my back, moving his mouth down my body, kissing, nipping, and sucking every part he knows will drive me crazy. My pants and panties are peeled down my legs, his tongue and fingers replacing them on my body. Bennett wants to play. He’s looking at me, a mischievous gleam in those dark green eyes. He’s devouring me, tongue torturing me and fingers invading me. It’s slow and agonizing. He brings me to the edge, and then pulls back. I can’t take his teasing anymore. I try to sit up, but his hand stops its slow teasing for a second and pushes down my stomach, keeping me from coming up.
“Please….”
“You need to do better than that, Lucy,” Bennett says.
Pure torture.
“Tell me what you want, sweet girl.”
“I want you to lay back, Bennett.”
He props himself in the corner of the couch, his legs spread wide.
“Does this work for you?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his face.
I don’t answer. We both get his sweats off his huge legs. I wrap my mouth around him and proceed to deliver the same tormenting treatment to him that I just received. I think I’m being smart, making him suffer like he did to me. I’m going slow, taking my time, being very meticulous in my exploration of him. After several minutes I climb on his lap and start riding him at a lazy pace, continuing my teasing. Well, he’s not having that. With one hand wrapped tightly around my waist and the other gripping the back of my neck, he takes over, much harder and faster. It’s magnificent.
“Don’t play games with me, Lucy. You might be on top, but I’ll control this,” he informs me, and causes me to have the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had.
***
Because Bennett is off the whole day Friday, he comes with me to the center and stays for the duration of my dialysis. We arrive together, hand in hand, and Rose is grinning like a kid in a candy store when we walk in.
More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One Page 13
