Bennett stops for a minute. I guess this is when the story goes south. My breathing is getting faster, and I can feel my heart rate increasing. My monitors are starting to beep. Bennett’s arms get tighter around my body, and he keeps going.
“Luce, the guy had a car full of drugs. When your dad approached him, he panicked, shot him and took off. Left him on the side of the road.”
I start pulling at wires and IV lines, desperate to get out of my bed, get away from this whole situation. My vision is getting spotty, I can feel those all too familiar hands creeping up my throat, clawing their way up, squeezing. Animalistic noises are coming from my body, but I can’t stop them. I just want to GO.
“Lucy, stop it. You’re gonna tear out your stitches. I know this is hard for you. I’ll stop. Please, just calm down.”
Bennett is holding me down, pinning my arms to the bed, hurting me, but I can’t stop fighting him. I’m thrashing around on the bed, kicking, screaming, moaning from the pain I’m feeling over the loss of my father. My entire body, both inside and out, is in the worst pain I have ever felt. I hear him calling for help, then feel a cold sensation moving up my arms. A minute later I stop my thrashing. A nurse must have come in to sedate me. I look at Bennett. His face is marred from dried tears that must have fallen during my freak-out. I’m sweating and breathing like there isn’t enough oxygen in the room for me.
“I’m sorry, Bennett,” I say, reaching up with a shaky hand to touch his face.
“Did I hurt you? You were trying to rip your IV out. I was just trying to keep you calm. I’m the one that should be apologizing,” he says, grabbing my hand and kissing the palm.
“Finish, please” I beg him, closing my eyes to brace for the rest. We take a while to get settled back in our original positions and he keeps talking.
“Someone passed by a few minutes later, spotted your dad, and called 911. When they brought him in, a friend of his was on duty in the ER. He immediately called Claire, who made sure to have the hospital notify Dr. Amador. She called me on her way up here. You know the rest.” He shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl,” Bennett tells me.
I can feel his tears rolling down the side of my face and mixing with mine. I can’t stop the flow of tears. No amount of medicine put in my IV will make this hurt go away. I thought I would have my Daddy with me forever. I was supposed to die first, not him. That’s what I have been preparing myself for, not this. Bennett and I cling to each other and I cry until I can’t fight the effects of the medicine anymore. Sleep pulls me into a peaceful unconsciousness.
Ava’s hospital bed is moved into my room for the duration of our stay, which lasts for another week. Maggie and Miller spend as much time as they can here with us. Miller entertains us, while Maggie just complains about morning sickness and Finn. It’s gonna be a looong nine months. I am discharged to my parents’ house. I think it will be easier on Mom to have me and Ava together. Bennett takes some time off of work so he can help with Ava. Our recovery is bittersweet. We can’t really celebrate our health, when the circumstances surrounding how we got this way are so devastating.
We have a memorial service for Daddy as soon as Ava and I are well enough to be out and around. There is no body for us to mourn or bury. Daddy donated everything possible. He saved several other lives that night besides Ava’s and mine. His entire police force showed for the memorial and gave him a wonderful send off. They also gave Mom encouraging words and promised to look after our family. They know how much we all meant to Daddy. We headed back to the house afterwards for eating, drinking, and wonderful stories of my father. Some we have heard countless times since childhood, others were brand new to us.
Mom and Ava will be set financially. Daddy had a hefty life insurance policy. She won’t have to worry about how she will be able to take care of Ava. She’s planning on staying home with her and continuing her home schooling. Ava seems pretty interested in going to school, though. Maybe next year. It would be good for her. Now there’s nothing to stop her. She can lead a relatively normal life, do anything she wants now, thanks to Daddy.
When everyone is gone, I leave Bennett and Ava with Mom and Maggie. Miller and I take off for our park. He says he wants some time alone to talk. Our park is the best place for that.
“I’m taking off, Goose.”
“Okay. I think we’re staying at Bennett’s tonight, but I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He looks at me with a sadness that’s got nothing to do with my dad’s memorial service. “That’s not what I mean. I’m leaving town for a while, maybe forever. I need some space from you. I love you, but I need to go.”
I’m looking at my best friend like he’s lost his mind.
“Miller, please don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me. I need you here. I just lost Daddy, for God’s sake. I can’t lose you, too. You’re my best friend.”
“Goose, please don’t ask me to stay. You know I won’t be able to refuse you if you ask again. My whole world has revolved around you, but now you are the center of someone else’s universe. It slays me to watch you with him. You know how I feel about you. I need some time and distance for a while. I know you’re gonna be alright now. Bennett is here to take care of you. I need some time for me. I need to find out who I am without you.”
I get it. I don’t like it, but I understand why he’s going. If I ask him to stay, the Miller I don’t like very much may come back. I want to remember him on these terms. I know he’ll be back eventually. This is his home.
“Okay,” I say, wrapping myself around him. “I don’t like it, but okay. I love you, Miller.”
“Love you more, Goose,” he says.
I hold onto my best friend and let my tears flow, silently begging him to stay. It’s an ugly, painful cry. I can’t deal with all the loss I’ve had to endure. Two of the most important people in my world are now gone. I can only pray that this one will come back to me soon.
I feel myself being pulled out of Miller’s arms. I turn around and Bennett takes his place. He and Miller shake hands, and just like that, Miller is gone.
Epilogue
The cold night wind feels good on my sweaty body, my hair whipping at my face, falling out of my ponytail. I never thought I’d be back here, doing what I’m doing. My body is groaning in protest, but I keep pushing it. It’s whole again, it can take it. My feet are digging in the sand, and I’m running down the beach like my life depends on it. My muscles are screaming and burning, and I love every second of it. As I push myself further, my mind drifts to last time I was here. I thought I was happy, but nothing beats this. Yes, I miss Daddy and Miller something fierce, but I take comfort in knowing that my dad saved my life when his was taken, and I know deep down that Miller will be back eventually. When I think I can’t take anymore, I head back to the house, but I don’t go in yet.
My arms are resting on the porch railing, my eyes are on the water and sand laid out before me, but my thoughts are a million miles away. They are unlocking the lid to that little box I keep in the corner of my mind. One by one, memories of Bennett are coming out. I smile and get teary-eyed simultaneously as they play out like movies. I can’t believe I have this man in my life. He’s everything to me. Daddy’s voice whispers through my mind, like it does from time to time.
‘I’m talking a different kind of love. The kind of love I have for your momma. You need that kind of love, Goose. Take it.’
I have it. I have the love that Daddy always preached to me about. He would be happy about this. I miss that man, but I get comfort in the fact that I’m living my life how he wanted. I know that helps Mom, too. I go to wipe my face when I feel a strong set of arms wrap around me.
“Happy, Lucy?” Bennett asks, turning me to face him.
“More than ever,” I say, smiling up at his beautiful face.
“Why the tears? I’m having an odd sense of déjà vu,” he says, smiling back.
“I was just thinking about Daddy. About you and me. I
’m so lucky, Bennett. I feel good and normal and right. Last time I stood here and told you that, I’m not sure it was entirely true. I still felt broken. How could I not? I don’t anymore. I feel perfect. We feel perfect. I’ve never been happier.”
“I don’t think things are quite perfect yet.”
“What’s not perfect about all of this, Bennett?” I ask, gesturing to us and our surroundings.
“Let me help you out, sweet girl. It seems like you always need my help in these situations. Say, ‘Bennett Strickland, marrying you would make this perfect’.”
My jaw hits the ground.
“Say it Lucy,” he growls.
No words are forming. I’m still just staring at him, shaking my head.
“Come on, say it. ‘Bennett Strickland, marrying you would make this perfect.’”
“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes. He’s crazy. “Bennett Strickland, marrying you would make this perfect.”
“Marry me, Lucy,” he says, pulling a beautiful ring out of his pocket and slipping it onto my finger.
I instantly recognize the ring I’ve seen my whole life. It’s my mother’s ring.
“What?” I breathe out. I’m about to faint.
“Marry me.”
I laugh.
“Do you ever ask anything? You’ve been demanding things from me since I met you.”
“Don’t fight me on this. Marry me.”
I jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist, kissing the hell out of him.
“Is this a yes or a distraction?” he asks into my mouth.
“You didn’t ask me anything,” I tell him as he leads me into the bedroom.
We get to the bed and he puts me on my feet next to it and peels off my clothes. His touch is leaving goose bumps in its wake. I get a delicious kiss when he’s done, and he places me on the bed. I’m ready for him, and he’s just standing there, staring at me.
“Luce, answer me,” he says, slowly removing his jeans.
I’m propped up on my elbows, watching the show.
“There’s nothing to answer. You never asked me anything,” I point out.
I’m practically panting in anticipation at this point. He’s teasing me, and it’s not fair. He just told me he wants to marry me. I want him in this bed with me. He takes his time removing his shirt, and I gasp when he’s done. He has a new tattoo. It wasn’t there last night. He must have gotten it before we left this morning.
“What is that?”
He gets in bed next to me, partially on top of me, and takes my face in his hands so he has my full attention. My fingers trace the new ink.
“Luce, the second I met you, I knew you were it for me. It’s nothing I can put into words. It’s a feeling I had that I’ve never experienced before, and never will again. I hope I can show you every single day what you mean to me. You are home to me. The only one I’ve ever had. This is where I met you,” he says, moving his eyes to his chest. It’s Roman numerals, just like the ones that are on his arm, but this set is placed above his heart.
“The center,” I say, crying, my bottom lip quivering.
“Yes. All the others were just physical places to me. You have given me an actual home, a family, a future to look forward to. My whole life changed the day I met you. I love you, Luce. Please, sweet girl, will you marry me?”
“Ye-“
He cuts my words off with a beautiful kiss. The kiss quickly escalates and he pushes his way into my body. He never takes his eyes from mine.
“Say it again, Lucy,” he demands.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
He holds my arms above my head and gently makes love to me. I can feel my new engagement ring digging into the side of my finger. I can’t believe this is happening. I close my eyes and get lost in the feelings I have for this man.
“Eyes, Luce.”
God, he’s so damn demanding.
I look into the eyes of my future husband. He leans down for a kiss, and we come together. It’s slow, it’s beautiful, and it’s amazing.
***
Exactly three months later, I’m back on the deck of the beach house, dressed in a simple lace gown, looking out at the sand and water, waiting for the sun to set. I see Bennett waiting for me at the end of the boardwalk. Standing next to him is the Judge that will be officiating the ceremony. Off to the side are Mom, Maggie, Ava, and Rose. They are standing in a huddle, their arms around each other, looking toward me, waiting for me to come down the weathered, wooden walkway and become Bennett’s wife.
I am making this journey alone. The only person I could ever envision walking me down the aisle besides Daddy is Miller, and I couldn’t ask him to do that. I know it would be too hard for him. I let him know we were getting married and asked him to come, but he declined.
I guess I stay lost in my thoughts too long for Bennett’s liking. I look up, and he’s walking up the boardwalk. He’s wearing a khaki linen suit and his feet are bare. His tan skin looks incredible in the late afternoon light. His face, however, looks worried.
“Lucy, you are spectacular,” he says, pressing his lips to mine for a kiss. “But, you should be on the beach with me, not up here. Talk to me, sweet girl. Are you having second thoughts about this?” His voice is laced with both concern and fear.
“God, no, Bennett. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I picture this happening. But now that it’s here, I can’t do this without my Daddy. I can’t make myself move.” I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, trying to muster up the courage to walk down the makeshift aisle without Daddy by my side.
“Let me help you, sweet girl. We’ll do this just like we’ve done everything else when you’ve been scared. Together.” He laces his fingers through mine and we walk down the steps of the beach house and across the boardwalk. I glance over to my family and Rose. They are shedding tears of joy and smiling huge, beaming smiles. Geez, we haven’t even said our vows yet.
With the Florida sun setting behind us, Bennett and I hold onto each other and speak from our hearts, promising to live our lives for each other, take care of each other, and to love each other for as long as we both shall live. By the time we finish our vows, we are laughing, crying and wiping at each other’s faces, knowing how truly precious life and love is.
***
I’m sitting on the bathroom floor of our home in complete shock. I can’t make myself get up. My body is not listening to my brain telling it to move. I’m paralyzed with a multitude of feelings-surprise, fear, anxiety, and hope. I yell for Bennett, who comes running, throwing open the door so hard I’m scared he’s broken the hinges.
My new husband looks both confused and scared to death. He picks me up off the floor, sits with me on the closed toilet, and starts poking and prodding at me, checking me for injuries, taking my pulse.
“Luce, what is it? What happened? Do I need to bring you to the hospital? We can call Amador to meet us there. Talk to me, sweet girl.”
There is always this fear in the back of our minds that my body will reject my new kidney. It’s always a possibility. I’m sure that’s what he’s thinking right now.
Boy, is he wrong.
I still can’t find the words to tell him what’s happening. I’m trembling, but grinning like a fool. My mouth isn’t able to form words yet, so I tilt my head ever so slightly towards the bathroom counter. Bennett’s eyes track my subtle movement. His jaw drops, then a breathtaking smile takes over his entire face, his eyes becoming glassy and red. It’s better than any Bennett Strickland smile I’ve ever been witness to. Even better than the smiles I got the day I became his wife on our beach last year. On the counter is a white stick, with two very prominent pink lines on display, letting my husband know what I just learned myself a few short minutes ago.
We’re having a baby.
The End
Acknowledgements
If you’
ve read my book, it means you took a chance on a totally unheard of author. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had been thinking about writing a book for a while, and one day while sitting in traffic, I got a glimpse of a young couple having an argument in the parking lot of a dialysis center. Unfortunately, PKD is a disease I am very familiar with, so Lucy and Bennett’s story was born from that parking lot scene and my rampant imagination. I’m no doctor, but have spent many hours in nephrology offices, both as a patient and a mother of children with PKD. My apologies for any medical mistakes found in my book. Timelines and treatments may not be entirely realistic, but this is work of fiction.
I want to thank my husband. Not just for his help while I was writing, but for everything. I know I just wrote an entire book, but I don’t quite have the words to say what he means to me. So, Scott, thank you, I love you, and I’m sorry I had to get rid of you in my book!
I have some awesome daughters, two of which will probably have to go through some of the same things as Lucy. I hope they never have to, but if they do, my wish is that they don’t feel the fear and hopelessness that Lucy did. All three of my girls are strong, beautiful, stubborn, and fiercely independent. No matter what they may face because of this disease, either as a participant or as a witness, I have a feeling they’ll all be just fine.
A huge thank you to my favorite gym mom, Rachel, for helping with this book. Sorry, Rachel, but I just couldn’t take out that one phrase you hate so much! I hope that doesn’t deter you from helping with the next book!
My two ‘bliffies’ helped me immensely through this whole process. Dana and Storey, I don’t think this would have happened without the two of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the words of reassurance, secret book club meetings, Muffin selfies, and for encouraging me to do something I didn’t know I wanted so badly until I actually started doing it. I guess the cat’s out of the bag now!
More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One Page 20
