“Glad you enjoyed it.” He turned to point his horse in another direction. “Look over here. That’s where we’re going to stop and water the horses so we can take an easy ride back.” She glanced in the same direction to see a small pond in the midst of a small field of grass, like an oasis in the desert. She didn’t hesitate to tap her heels against Debbie’s flanks, urging her toward the water.
Chapter 15 – Natural Instinct
Noah stood back several feet behind Zoe as she stood at the edge of the pond, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes fixed on some distant point near the horizon. Her hair blew back from her face, and her profile showed infinite contentment as she just stood and let nature take over.
The horses were a few feet off to the left, tethered to a small post he kept there just for this purpose, dipping their heads into the pond for a drink now and then. And Velvet and Suede leapt and played in the water just off to the right. Quietly, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture of the scene, thinking it would make a really great image to paint someday, or even to blow up and frame so he could hang it somewhere. The only thing that would have been more beautiful would have been a sunset in the background.
He was at a breaking point and had to admit to himself that he cared more for her than he wanted to, in a way he’d never wanted to care about anyone. It was a beautiful and miserable feeling because there was nothing he could do about it, nothing he wanted to do about it, and nothing he could do to change it. Zoe might have been attracted to him, but she was as dedicated to her solitude as he was. She wouldn’t break down and give him a chance.
Even if she was willing to do so, Noah didn’t want to pursue it. He would just end up heartbroken in the end. She would lose interest, find someone better for her, decide she’d been wrong to try, or disappear in some other, more permanent way. But he couldn’t erase the feelings that had grown inside him. All he could do was hope to keep them from growing stronger. For now, he could satisfy himself with moments like this, knowing that they were friends, and that he could bring her joy in small ways.
But if he truly fell in love, nothing would satisfy him, and he’d turn into a miserable person who rejected everyone. He’d start by pushing Zoe away, and then he’d refuse to socialize at all, counting his mother as his only true friend. Even with her, he’d have a hard time acting normal. He could just imagine his depressing attitude and snapping at his mother for no particular reason, which would only make him feel guilty and worthless, adding to his misery.
But that was future tripping, and Noah told himself he could handle it. He could keep his emotions from overwhelming him and taking over. He knew how to live based on reason and logic rather than instinct. He’d been doing it for a long time.
“What are you doing back there?” Her voice was quiet, but it carried back to him on the breeze.
“Nothing.” He strode forward until he stood beside her, glancing at her from the corner of his eye but keeping his face trained forward. “It’s sort of magical out here.”
She nodded. “I left the city because things moved too fast and made me start to feel claustrophobic. I came out to a small town because I thought I would feel less smothered. It’s been nice, but being out here, where there’s nothing but nature…” She took a deep breath and smiled. “This is the first time I’ve really been able to relax and not feel the tension and expectations of everyone and everything surrounding me.”
She finally turned to gaze at him. “I’m sure that sounds ridiculous to you. You grew up with this open space, and you probably think I’m nuts for wanting to leave all the luxuries of the big city for a quaint little town with nothing convenient.”
“Not really.” Now, he understood why she’d come to Five Forks. “I personally wouldn’t want to live in the city. I always wonder at the motivation anyone has for leaving the big city. But I think yours is probably the right reason. If you feel stuck or oppressed, it’s probably time to leave wherever you’re at and find somewhere new to hang your hat.”
“Mmm,” she said. “I used to dream of living in the country like this. You have it all, Noah. I could never afford a place like this. But maybe I’ll eventually save up enough money to buy a little plot of land and put a manufactured home on it or something. I’m young. I have plenty of time to figure things out.”
Noah hesitated. He could always offer to sell her a half acre of his vast property, help her build a house on it. But she might be insulted by the offer, as if he was thinking of her as a charity case. And really, did he need to have her that close all the time? It was bad enough that he saw her three times a week without other circumstances. Now, he was finding other ways to catch her attention more often. He couldn’t believe he’d actually broken down and invited her here. He didn’t think he’d survive the fight against his natural instincts if he had her so easily at his disposal.
“Land can be pretty cheap out here,” he told her. “The hard part is getting water, gas, and electric out to your plot of land.”
“Yeah, I looked it up before I moved. Like I said, I don’t make anywhere near the money it takes to consider those kinds of prices and payments.”
He saw the longing on her face and wanted to take it away. “I don’t know if it helps, but you’re welcome here anytime. I’ll saddle you up and you can ride out whenever you want and enjoy the peace.”
Suddenly, she turned to face him, a strange gleam in her eye. She looked up at him, her face glowing, and it took every ounce of control to keep from kissing her. “I’m not sure I want to come out here alone. I’d rather be with you.”
Noah wanted to take those words straight to heart, take them for what he wanted to believe she was implying. But he took them at face value, despite the way his heart pounded and his lungs seized as she said them. “If I’m not in the middle of working with a horse, I’d be more than happy to escort you.”
She frowned at him, and he knew something he’d said was wrong. What had he done this time? Maybe it wasn’t just the fear of being broken that kept him from getting involved with a woman. Maybe he was just inept at saying and doing the right thing to keep from pissing her off.
“Am I that strong willed that you won’t even consider anything I say as flirting?” she asked, sounding hurt.
Noah opened his mouth to answer, but he was too confused and knew anything he said would only make things worse. He pressed his lips together, thought for a moment, and tried. “I told you I respect you, Zoe, and that means that I want you to be happy. If something I say or do upsets you, you’re going to have to tell me because I’m really bad with reading women.”
She smirked and shook her head. “You were serious about not stepping out of bounds, weren’t you? I was terrified about coming out here today and being alone with you because I thought you might kiss me again or something. And I knew that, if you did, I wouldn’t be able to say no or turn away this time. But you have more integrity than anyone else I’ve ever met, Noah. The funny thing is, I want you to kiss me right now, and you’re forcing me to compromise my integrity to ask you for it.”
He couldn’t have heard right. He’d heard the speech, but he must have slipped the whole kissing thing in there subconsciously. Noah took a step closer to her, leaving barely enough distance between them for the wind to blow. “You want me to kiss you?” he asked, his throat hoarse and his voice raspy. He couldn’t quite catch a full breath as she tilted her head up further to maintain eye contact.
“Honestly? I never actually wanted to stop the first time,” she told him. Noah barely let her finish the statement before he had his arms around her waist, pulling her against him to crush his lips to hers. He didn’t have to urge her lips apart. She was ready and open, her arms around his neck pulling his head down to her and delving deep into him with desperation and the same passion she had for everything in her life. He brought his hands higher on her back, pressing her tighter to him, and she moaned, a sigh in his mouth that had him grunting wit
h pleasure.
His body responded instantly, his groin tightening and his heart racing and thumping so hard he thought it might break through his ribs. He had never been so eager for anyone, and he knew he had to work hard to control himself. If she didn’t tell him to stop, he’d take this all the way, and he had to be able to stop himself at any point, if she even suggested it.
Zoe threaded her hands into his hair and pulled him down even further. Noah almost lost his balance, and he used his hold on her to lift her off her feet, bringing her mouth to his level. She squealed and tightened her arms around his neck like she weighed more than an ounce and needed to help him. It didn’t matter; it only made the kiss deeper, more intimate, and more enticing.
He could have kissed her forever, but his lungs couldn’t take it, and as he broke away, Zoe gasped like she was on the verge of passing out. But her eyes danced, and her face glowed, so he assumed she didn’t mind. She laughed, sounding surprised, and said, “For someone who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone, you are a damn good kisser. How many women have you kissed?”
Noah blushed as he set her on her feet, but he didn’t let go of her. “Just three or four. I tried dating in high school. It never got very far.” He gave her a crooked, boyish grin. “Usually, when I kiss a girl, I realize I’m not all that into her, and it’s over before it starts. It’s a good way to remind myself I don’t need anyone in my life.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “And this time?”
He grinned at her again. Rather than answering her out loud, he simply bent his neck and captured her lips again.
Chapter 16 – Decisions, Decisions
The ride back to the house was slow, and it gave Zoe time to think and to process what had just happened between her and Noah.
It had just been a couple of kisses, right? No harm, no foul.
So, why was her heart still fluttering and her stomach still full of glowing embers? And why couldn’t she even glance at the man without smiling? Technically, she couldn’t stop smiling at all, but her lips felt like they were going to split her face in half every time she looked his way. She felt like a silly little girl who’d just had her first date ever, and that was ridiculous.
She’d crossed a line, and she wasn’t sure she could turn back. Even if she wanted to, it wouldn’t be fair to just negate the make-out session like it had never happened. Zoe had initiated the kiss this time, against her better judgment, and since Noah had questioned her rather than diving in, she couldn’t fault him at all for taking her up on the invitation. And she knew he was going to expect more from her at this point. At least, most men would, and she couldn’t fault him for that, either.
The question was, is that was she wanted? And she couldn’t figure out the answer to that. She knew getting involved with anyone was a bad idea, but there was something about Noah that she wanted to explore fully. And she couldn’t do that at the distance she kept putting between them. Admittedly, her feelings for Noah had grown beyond a little crush, but she had vowed to keep them locked up in a little box inside, tossing the key somewhere in the desert to get buried in the sand.
And then, she’d felt the invigorating freedom of this open land, and sharing it with Noah. He’d asked her to come here, not even knowing how much she needed to get out in the open spaces, and not intending on pushing her for anything. He just wanted to show her a good time without any expectations, and he wanted to work on the painting. As it turned out, the heady sensation of being free and letting go had also opened up that box and let the emotions flood out so they filled her and consumed her.
Zoe couldn’t guarantee she could get all of them folded neatly away again in a fashion that would allow her to lock the box up tight. In fact, she doubted she could even get the lid closed. There were more emotions in there than she’d realized, and they were far stronger than her convictions against love and relationships had ever been. That was what scared her most.
By the time they got to the stables, her nerves were on edge, and she didn’t know if she could go into that house right away and maintain a modicum of dignity. Luckily, Noah insisted they had to “dress” the horses, which meant grooming them after the ride. They had to brush them with two different types of brushes, comb their manes, and give them treats to get them back in the stalls. Zoe hadn’t realized what a chore that would be, but she took comfort in it, Debbie Reynolds snorting in her ear and nuzzling her head from time to time as she worked up and down the horse’s body.
It was comforting and soothing, and she felt a lot more grounded by the time she closed the mare in her stall and fed her the carrots Noah handed her. When she’d finished, she wiped her hands on her jeans, getting the horse drool off them, and turned to find Noah watching her with an expression she couldn’t read on his face. “What?” she asked.
He shook his head. “You bonded with her. Debbie’s a good, gentle girl, but there are times a horse just won’t bond with its owner because there’s someone out there who’s a better fit. Looks like you’re a better fit than me.”
Zoe blinked at him, understanding slamming into her chest like a fist. “Debbie’s yours?”
He nodded. “I didn’t name her. But a couple with a young daughter bought her a year ago, and the girl didn’t really take the time to learn to ride or care for her. It was too much for the couple, and they needed an out. I had room, so I bought her. She’s been here a month, and she’s trained well, but she’s made it pretty clear I’m not the master she wants. Maybe you could come out and see her. Whenever you get a chance.”
Zoe swallowed. It was an invitation, but it wasn’t overt. And honestly, the way Noah felt about his animals, he might very well be only thinking of the horse and not himself. Who was this guy anyway? He was so selfless, ready to give so much to every animal, every person. He doted on his mother like she was a goddess, offered the utmost love and care for the dogs and the horses, and now invited Zoe to join him in caring for them without expecting anything in return.
“I’d like that,” she answered quietly, still shocked and confounded.
“Good. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. I think we should go in and throw together something to eat, or my stomach’s going to distract me to the point that I can’t focus on painting.” He reached his hand out to her, and Zoe stared at it for a moment. This shouldn’t be such a big decision, but she felt like her choice was equal to accepting or rejecting Noah and anything that might grow between them.
With a deep breath, she took it, and she let him lead her back to the house, where the dogs were waiting on the porch like sentinels on either side of the door. They’d run ahead and dried off after their romp in the pond, and when Noah opened the door, they went straight to the pantry. He chuckled and opened it, taking out bowls and dog food. “Wow, they know the routine.”
He nodded. “They sure do. These two are smart, and sometimes that’s a curse rather than a blessing.” She waited while he took care of them and washed his hands, and then he opened the fridge. “I need to take a shopping trip, but I’ve got all the makings of a gourmet sandwich and three or four kinds of chips in the closet. And there’s some cold soda in here.”
“I’m not picky, but that actually sounds fantastic. I’ll help.” He handed her cheese, meat, condiments, pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes. She grabbed the wooden cutting board and one of the knives in the wooden block and went to work cutting the vegetables while he slathered mayo and mustard on bread and layered on the meat and cheese. A little salt and pepper finished it off, and he took three open bags of chips in different flavors and poured them all into one big bowl that he set in the middle of the table.
Zoe laughed. “Well, that should be an interesting grab-bag opportunity.”
“Especially when all the flavors come together.” He sounded excited, like a little boy getting ready to stuff his face with pizza, and that made her laugh harder.
She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she started eating, and t
he sandwich was gone in an instant. She washed it down with the soda and ate chips more slowly and with better manners. She watched Noah finish his food, tossing each of the dogs a couple of chips, and she wished life was simpler. She wanted to give this thing she felt for Noah a chance, but she was terrified of how it would end. Tracy had told her that her parents weren’t the only example to consider, but didn’t it sort of run in the family? Zoe knew she was a lot like her mother, and she didn’t want to end up turning on a husband she loved.
As he polished off the last of what was on his plate, Noah brushed his hands off and stood to collect the dishes. She automatically got up to help, taking them and rinsing them off so she could stack them in the dishwasher. “Thanks,” he said. “It’s kind of nice not doing everything for once. And it’s nicer not eating alone.”
She looked up at him as she dried her hands on the kitchen towel hanging from the stove and inhaled sharply at the way he was looking at her. There was a world of emotion in his eyes, and she couldn’t comprehend them all. She felt them well up inside her, too, and it nearly brought tears to her eyes. How could one look from one man change so much, shatter her resolve to stay numb?
He took a deep breath and broke eye contact, which disappointed her, though she knew he was trying to respect her. How could he know the turmoil that was raging inside? “So, why don’t we set up the easels and get busy? Unless you’re tired of me today.” He glanced at her with a crooked, sheepish grin.
“No way am I done with you yet,” she said, and though she said it playfully, she meant it in a very serious way, about more than just today. And the spark in his eyes told her he just might get what she was trying to say. “First, where’s your restroom?”
He pointed toward a short hall across the living room. “First door on the right.” She hurried away, needing a minute to get herself together. If she was going to be any sort of help on his project at all today, she needed to reset and put herself in professional mode.
More Than Words (Wyoming Kisses 1) Page 8
