“Holy shit,” Gretchen said.
Jonah and I both stopped dead. When Gretchen swore—and Gretchen never swore—it meant something momentous. Like with my parents. My mom was always hollering, so when she yelled, nobody really cared. If my dad yelled, though. Watch the fuck out.
I examined the weapon. It glowed orange, which was an unusual color for an enchantment.
Valkyrie Spar of the Heavens. This weapon is broken.
This weapon is enchanted.
This weapon may only be wielded by a female.
This dwarven-forged spear was presented to queen Salleen of the War-kee as part judgment of peace by the Fallen King Blaine during their great war at the sunset of the second age.
If repaired with a standard shaft, this spear imparts the following attributes:
+3 to Dexterity (Only when in-hand)
+1 to Constitution (Only when in-hand)
+1 to Magic Ability (Only when in-hand)
+5 to wielder’s Spear skill
Zeal (Only when in-hand)
The bearer of this spear gains the ability to cast Fly one time per day.
Find the Agonizing Staff of the Tormented and unite these two weapons to create a Celestial weapon of power.
This is a Legendary weapon.
“Holy zombie Jesus,” I said, rereading the description. “You’ll be able to fly!”
“What the hell is a celestial weapon of power?” Jonah asked. “And what does Zeal do?”
Gretchen reverently turned the razor-sharp spearhead over in her hand. It was made of a strange, white metal. “Zeal means I can move faster. A lot faster. And my damage is doubled. It’s not usually a permanent attribute, but a spell Paladins cast that lasts about a minute. Celestial weapons are game lore stuff. They’re the weapons the gods used to kill the primordials and bring about the second age, and then those same gods used these weapons to kill the vagrant gods to form the pantheon and bring about the third age.”
“With your plus five, that puts your spear skill to 32,” Jonah said. “Add the Zeal and dexterity bonus, then you’re probably faster than I am.”
“You think the tormented guys from wave two were the same dwarves as the ones from this King Blaine guy?” I asked.
Gretchen nodded. “It makes sense.”
“Well we gotta find you this staff and put that spear on it,” Jonah said. “In the meantime, you should go visit one of those new blacksmiths and have them repair it for you.”
“Ehh, we were lucky to find this one,” I said. “It was in the dusty back closet of a castle the size of a community college. The other half, that staff is probably shoved up the ass of a wildebeest in a zoo in Brazil or something like that.”
“Well this is good enough as it is. I think I’m going to go get it repaired right now,” Gretchen said, striding out of the room.
“I’m not finished presenting the items,” Nale said, sounding hurt.
“Do you have anything better than that?” I asked, sifting through the other stuff on the table. There were three Portal scrolls. A couple necklaces that weren’t as good as the one I was currently wearing. A ring that would allow the wearer to see the location of worms in the ground. Three-toed boots that increased strength by three. That was a good one, though none of us would be able to wear them. Still, they went in the bag. The pair was probably worth 40-50,000 jacks.
Most everything else seemed useless, though at the very end of Nale’s show-and-tell, two gray stones caught my eye. Whetstones! Not just whetstones, platinum stones. That was the best kind. They added a 10% damage enhancement and a random enchantment to any bladed weapon. Neither Jonah nor Gretchen would be able to use these—since they both now had Legendary weapons. But I could.
You could only use a whetstone once, and you could only safely sharpen a weapon once. Each time after that you had a huge chance of breaking it. I held one of the warm, gray stones in my hand. It was heavy, and I’d never used a platinum-level one before. I gently pulled Dolly Trauma free from my top and pulled the blade along the edge of the stone. My dagger glowed, and the stone crumbled away to dust.
You have upgraded your weapon.
Achievement Unlocked! Use a whetstone.
Dolly Trauma wasn’t the best weapon in the game, but I had a soft spot for it. Everyone received a gift from the game guide for completing the tutorial, and Dolly had been mine. She was a simple knife with a minor enchantment, plus one percent damage. I examined her properties now.
Dolly Trauma. (Sharp Knife)
This weapon is enchanted.
This weapon has been sharpened.
+11% Damage.
1.5% Chance to cast Transfiguration
Transfiguration? Shit. That spell could go either way. I didn’t really use Dolly Trauma enough for it to likely ever matter. An additional 10% damage was nothing to sneeze at. I put her away and sharpened Kneecapper, my axe.
You have upgraded your weapon.
I pulled up a quick view of the new stats.
Kneecapper (Sharp Battle Axe)
This weapon is enchanted.
This weapon has been sharpened.
This weapon is small-scale size.
+15% Damage
Penetrating
25% chance to cast Muddy
.5% chance to be Disheartening
The axe already had the Penetrating (ignore 50% of target’s armor) and Muddy (slow target down by 25%) enhancement. I assumed Disheartening was similar to Morale Loss, which sometimes caused targets to run away. I was pleasantly surprised to see I was wrong.
Disheartening – Target has a .5% chance to lose its heart. Literally. Insta-kill bonus for targets who need a single heart to survive. Target must have a heart, and the strike must occur on the same extremity as the heart. (Strikes against humans must occur to the chest area, etc.)
“Hell yeah,” I said, examining Kneecapper. I’d have to change her name now. I opened up the menu, thought for a minute, then mentally typed in her new name.
You have renamed your weapon to Battlefield Surgeon.
I hefted Battlefield Surgeon in my hands. While not as cool as Triple Fang or whatever Gretchen’s new spear was called, I was now happy with her. She felt right. Deadly.
I looked up at Nale. “Hey, you did a great job. Thanks!”
Nale, who had been scowling, cracked a smile. “Thanks so much. I’m glad someone appreciates my efforts.”
Jonah had wandered off, leaving me alone with the arcanist.
“Hey, let me ask you something,” I said. I picked up one of the Portal scrolls.
“Yes?” Nale asked.
“You said earlier that your chances of making this work,” I held up the scroll, “are what? Fifty percent?”
He looked uncertain. “Probably more like forty.”
Damn. “What about any of the new mages? Most of that mage’s guild is here now. Can any of them cast Portal? Or read this more effectively than you?”
He nodded. “I don’t know of anyone who can cast Portal. But quite a few, probably most of them if I’m being honest, can read this with better results than me.”
“Okay,” I said. “I want you to do something for me, but keep it on the DL.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Just don’t tell Jonah or Gretchen. I want you to pick one of those mages, someone you know who is good at the scroll stuff, and I want them added to the castle guard. I want them nearby at all times. Okay?”
He shrugged. “Sure.”
“Great. And remember, don’t tell Jonah or Gretchen.”
Jonah Note 16
Wave 4 of 5
This wave has been called early! You will receive an additional bonus if you survive this wave!
War Party Admin> Warning! Your city has been invaded! <500 Mikoshi-nyūdō. 500 Basan Mounts. 4 Oni. 1 Hell Gate. Led by General Kiyohime of the Orochi> They are now traveling the spiral path. Proceed immediately to the defense cockpit!
War Party> The c
ity is under attack.
War Party> Spiral systems arming.
War Party> All defenders proceed immediately to your assigned towers.
We had called the wave five minutes early just to see if we’d still get a bonus. The time was 7:30 P.M., so I had just under two and a half hours before I had to be back in the castle for my curse. The invaders had already moved out and were gathering at the Arch of Conquest, waiting for the city to open, so we figured it couldn’t hurt. It sounded like we would get something extra if we won.
Popper remained in the defense cockpit, Gretchen was on capture-the-general duty, and I was spotting just off the path near the entrance. Normally when one entered the spiral, the Sentinel Tower—which was now level two—didn’t start firing until you approached Castle One. We weren’t going to wait. We wanted the triplets to kill one of the bald guys and their mounts, just to make sure they weren’t immortal or anything. If they weren’t, then all 500 of the mounted pairs could be dealt with by the Sentinel Tower alone. With the upgrade, their shots now came at 10-second intervals. That was roughly an hour and a half of shooting to take them all out.
I watched them come through the gate. The four oni came first, dragging the massive Hell Gate. They leaned it up against the inside edge of the Arch of Conquest and left it there. The red, skull-shaped gemstone started to pulse, but nothing happened yet.
The mounted riders came next. They were not in any sort of formation like the emo-tong had been. The chickens were huge, and the human-sized riders looked comically small on their backs. Raj was right. The chickens were pretty.
Gliding in after the mounted warriors was the general, Kiyohime. She looked to be a small, pretty, Asian woman in an ornate kimono. She carried a parasol. I felt the hair on my arms rise at the sight of her.
They didn’t immediately start marching down the path. They congregated around the gate, not moving further in.
His Royal Majesty Jonah: They’re in. The oni dragged the gate in and leaned it by the entrance. They’re just sitting there.
Poppy: Okay Starr, Crystal, and Kitty, take one out.
Kitty Chapman: My name is not Kitty. It is Kitty Chapman. Firing now.
I watched the sparkling lance rip through the sky like a missile. It whined through the night, louder and louder, slamming into the lead chicken rider. The rider and giant chicken exploded in a puff of blood. The other riders scrambled back in surprise.
One of the chickens let out a spray of fire from its beak at the commotion. It torched the tail feathers of another chicken, who turned to face the first, and they started squawking loudly at one another. The riders of either chicken held on for dear life. One of the rider’s heads seemed to come unglued from its body at the jarring motion. The head fell right off the body but was still attached to an elongated neck. The bald, white head rose into the air like a serpent, the elastic-like neck stretching before popping back into place.
The Japanese come up with the weirdest shit.
His Royal Majesty Jonah: Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Poppy: Okay. Sentinel Tower. Take out the four Oni and then move back to the chicken riders. Keep working them until they’re all dead.
Starr: You got it, boss.
One of the oni dropped dead. Ten seconds later another as the lances streaked in.
Poppy: Anything happening with the gate yet?
His Royal Majesty Jonah: No, not yet. Holy shit...
As I was forming my response, five of the chicken riders shot off down the maze, as if they’d been shot from a trebuchet. They’d run off so quickly I’d barely caught the movement.
His Royal Majesty Jonah: Five chickens coming in hot. They’re running really, really fast. Like bullet fast.
War Party> Slam Trap in A2 triggered.
War Party Admin> Calculating casualties… 0 casualties. 1,001 invaders remain.
Other trap notifications popped up, one after another. Each time with 0 casualties.
Poppy: Shit. Runners. They’re going to trigger all the traps. Sentinel Tower, get those fuckers before they hit the new ones.
I looked back to the Hell Gate just in time to see mist start to form around the outside of it.
It opens to The Lake. You could go in if you weren’t arrowed.
I shook my head at the thought. Now wasn’t the time. The first shadow appeared in the doorway. This was it.
A brigand stumbled out, looking dumb and confused. I recognized him immediately. It was one of the first creatures we had killed. He was bigger than normal, and he had a weird tentacle thing coming out of his shoulder, but it was clearly a brigand.
Next came a gnome. The round, zombified creature lurched into the night, dragging a curved blade.
The third creature was a zap cat. We had killed those during the tournament battle. This one was also bigger than usual, but its entire body was hairless and patched together, giving it a nightmarish appearance. It sizzled, like it tried to cast Blink, but it misfired. You can’t cast teleportation spells in the spiral.
That was it. The gem stopped glowing, and the mist faded away. The lone remaining oni looked confused. He shook the gate, turned to Kiyohime and muttered something. She didn’t react. The oni grasped the gate and threw it over. To my dismay, it hit the ground and shattered.
Starr: My poser of a sister missed twice. But we got them.
Kitty Chapman: You’re the one aiming, dumbass.
Crystal: If you let me aim, this would never happen. This sucks without Ace. I hope you guys are treating him well. He gets lonely without us. Ace, sing some Tesla for Gretchen. She’ll love it.
Gretchen: That’s okay. I’m letting Malik take a break.
Crystal: His name is Ace! Don’t call him that!
I told the others about the three newcomers and the smashing of the Hell Gate. The triplets took out the last oni and started hammering the chickens, who still hadn’t yet moved.
Kiyohime waved her hand, and the rest of the chickens took off, screaming away down the path. The brigand, gnome, and zap cat trotted after them. Kiyohime began strolling the path herself, moving super slow. At this rate, she’d get to Gretchen and the Ladies’ Choice tower in a good five hours. Maybe six.
My immediate concern were the 480 mounted warriors rushing through the spiral. After a consultation with Popper, we decided to move some of the defenders from the Butcher’s Delight back to just outside the Gardens as a stopgap. Hopefully the invaders would get caught up in the new pool trap, or at least at one of the bridges, but if not, the gardens was a good place to make a stand. The gargoyles were impervious to fire, and they had good stopping power. I wasn’t too worried now. Clearly our early assessment was correct. The chicken riders were meant to zip through and set off the traps, leaving it open for the thousands of enhanced monsters coming through the Hell Gate. Only there weren’t thousands. Just three, and none of them ended up being too impressive.
Now we just needed to worry about the general. She didn’t glow yellow, so I knew we could kill her if we had to. I was tempted to have the triplets just take her out before she did something terrible. But we needed this. We needed to find Sandra the Learnt.
We had spent all of yesterday and a good portion of today searching the city, looking for clues for both Sandra and Chief Musa. We’d come up completely empty. We’d climbed a few buildings, ones we knew housed hobgoblins, but they ran from us on sight. The small, monkey-sized children shrieked and leaped from building to building easily. It was impossible to catch one without hurting them. Tiatha’s garden project was working, though. Signs of midnight cultivation of the fruits and vegetables was obvious. We’d tried to locate the charm stone poisoning the Cassagnac, but it was obviously further upstream, just outside our reach. I wanted to make a new charm stone that cleaned the water. We had a water mage that could do it, but I couldn’t spare Spritz, not even for five minutes. As it was, she didn’t quite finish building her last tower—another lightning tower—before the time was up.
/> We instructed the towers not to fire at the lone woman, who continued to stroll slowly as possible. Actually, looking at her I realized she was floating an inch or two off the ground. I shadowed her and the three others along the path, waiting for them to separate enough for me to get to the three creatures from the Hell Gate.
After about ten minutes, I had my chance. The chickens would be on the first new trap in minutes, and I didn’t have much time. I’d wanted to be there, but this was more important. I unfurled Triple Fang and leaped onto the path, spinning my blades at the surprised monsters. I dispatched the zap cat first, cutting it in half. Without its Blink ability, it was helpless. I punted the gnome, and it exploded against the blue wall of the spiral. I spun, cutting off the tentacle appendage from the brigand, who fell onto the ground in pain and surprise.
I whipped my blade back to my belt and strode forward, picking up the terrified creature by the front of his shirt. Without the weird appendage, he looked just like a pale, normal human. The man was oddly light in my hands.
“Do you understand me?” I demanded.
“I… I don’t know what’s happened to me,” the brigand said. He had that same stupid drawl as before, but he sounded so terrified I loosened my grip. “I was waiting… No, I died. Then I was here, but I was wrong. I mean, my body was wrong. I’m missing something.”
Jesus. “Where were you before? Before you came here?”
“Please don’t hurt me. I don’t understand any of this. I had something sticking out of me. You cut it off. It was speaking to me. It told me to kill, and all would be forgiven.” He held his hands to his ears. “Make it stop, oh gods it’s still there. It’s angry with you.”
“Were you in The Lake before you came here?”
His eyes widened further. “The Lake?” He fell down to his knees, sobbing. I looked nervously at the distant curve. Kiyohime would round the corner at any moment. “Don’t let me go there. I’m so sorry. My brothers told me there was treasure in the sewers. We went down there. Now I’m here. That’s all I know.”
Son of a bitch. I looked around. “Okay,” I said. “You’re going to be all right. I want you to lie down and pretend you’re dead. Wait for that lady to pass by. When she’s gone, I want you to get up, turn the other way, and run out of the spiral. Make sure you go out the gate. If you don’t, one of these towers is going to shoot you.” He nodded and immediately threw himself to the ground.
The Hobgoblin Riot: Dominion of Blades Book 2: A LitRPG Adventure Page 36
