She scrolled through the photos on her phone, considering calling Layla. Maybe if she let Layla vent some more, she’d decide to move on. Emma hated the tension between them, and she missed their daily conversations.
Maybe Mom will help me out and talk to Layla for me. Or maybe I should just give it some time. Surely Layla won’t stay mad forever.
Though she knew Layla would calm down eventually, Emma was worried that their relationship was changed forever now. That Layla would never fully trust her or accept her and Cole being together. And Emma wasn’t sure she could forgive her sister’s lie or her behavior. Or maybe the problem was that she knew she could, she just didn’t know if she wanted to.
*****
The vibrant Christmas lights and colorful window displays in downtown Chicago made Emma giddy with excitement for the holiday. It was this – the decorations, the hot chocolate being sold on a street corner, bustling around in a wool coat with the throng of other shoppers – that made the bitter cold worth it.
“My parents will know I have a girlfriend when I walk in with wrapped presents,” Cole said, smiling. “That’s never happened. I’ve always been a gift card guy.”
“Well, I hope they like what we picked out,” Emma said, running her fingers over a delicate cream scarf that reminded her of Layla.
“They’ll love them. What are we doing for Christmas, by the way?”
“I don’t know.” Emma sighed. “My parents are hosting dinner, and I’m sure your parents will be there, and Layla. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas with the tension between me and Layla, so I’m wondering if we should just skip it and do something else.”
“How would we explain that?” Cole asked, raising his eyebrows.
“With the truth, for once.”
“My parents aren’t going to be there, actually. Mom called me last night and said they’re leaving early Christmas Eve morning to go see Shay. They’ll probably stay for Christmas Day, too. Apparently Shay’s really down, but I didn’t want to remind Mom she’s been down for more than a decade.”
Emma smiled as she reached into the bag of fresh roasted nuts Cole offered.
“God, these things are good,” she said. “Why do they only sell them at Christmas?”
“Good question.” He paused, looking like he was going to say something else, but then his brows shot up questioningly. “Did you get all your shopping done?”
“Yeah, but … I want to go back to that store sometime and get that scarf for Layla.”
“Let’s go now,” Cole said, reaching to take a loaded shopping bag from her.
“Shopping with a man is the best. You carry all the heavy stuff.”
“For you, I do.”
Emma smiled warmly at him. “Cole, I think you should go to Indy with your parents and see Shay.”
He scoffed dismissively. “I’m not leaving you alone on Christmas,” he said.
“I won’t be alone. I’ll go to my parents’ house. They won’t care if Layla and I aren’t getting along as long as we don’t have guests. They’re used to it.”
“It’s been so many years, though, Em. It would be weird, for me and Shay.”
“Please do it, Cole. It would mean a lot to your parents, and to me.”
“It would mean a lot to you?” he asked, surprised.
“Yes. Just please go, okay? She’s your sister, and it’s Christmas.”
He nodded, looking thoughtful. “Okay. Should I bring her a gift?”
“Yes! That means we get to keep shopping.”
****
The flannel sheets and soft old quilt on Emma’s bed held in the warmth of their bodies, and Cole wanted to stay wrapped around her and go back to sleep. He groaned as he reached over to the nightstand and switched off the alarm on his phone. Emma shifted toward him, making it even harder to get up.
He could just make out her features in the darkness. Her bright eyes were closed, allowing him to admire her long lashes. She was peaceful and perfect as she slept. He wanted to run a hand over her hair, taste the skin of her neck and feel her warm, flawless round breasts. Actually, he wanted even more. He wanted to make love to her; to feel the connection with her that reminded him everything would be okay. That he wasn’t alone anymore.
He’d felt it the night before, as they’d had slow, sweet sex for the first time. Emma brought out his primal urge to fuck hard and fast, but he wanted her to know he was capable of more. When she said she loved him right before she came, Cole knew nothing had ever felt better. He’d held her body close against him as she fell asleep, thinking about the trip ahead of him.
It was what he needed to be thinking about now, instead of sex with Emma, and he begrudgingly climbed out of bed, tucking the covers in around her. He approached the bathroom gingerly, running into boxes on the way. Emma’s apartment lease was up Dec. 31, and she was in the process of packing.
As he stepped into the hot shower, he thought about the last time he’d seen his sister. He was in law school then, and she was at home for a visit from the hospital over the summer. His parents were keeping her under wraps in the house, and she did okay for a while, but then she got emotional. She broke dishes, cried and worried the hell out of their mother all the time.
“Try not to make eye contact, it upsets her,” his Mom had whispered to him one morning. Cole went back to campus that afternoon and lived with friends for the rest of the summer. Damned if he’d be held responsible for her craziness.
He hadn’t even said goodbye to Shay, and he wondered if she remembered it. Maybe she was angry about it. He didn’t want to be the cause of tension in the family on Christmas. He shook his head and chuckled at how similar his situation was to Emma’s.
After he showered and dressed, he realized his parents were due out front any minute, so he shuffled through his bag and found the small black box tucked into clothes at the bottom. He’d never had a relationship serious enough for jewelry, and he hoped Emma liked the necklace he’d searched far and wide for. It would have been nice to see her face when she opened it, but warmth spread through him at the thought of her waking up to it. He sat the box on the pillow he’d slept on and walked around the bed to lean down and kiss Emma lightly.
“I’m going, baby,” he whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she said, sitting up to hug him tightly. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” he said as she sleepily tucked herself back under the covers.
He spotted his father’s Lexus when he walked out, and Cole threw his bag across the back seat before climbing in.
“Good morning,” his Mom said from the front seat. “When you gave Dad this address, you said you were staying with a friend, but who is it? Did you sleep here last night?”
Cole tried to suppress his smile. His Dad hadn’t even gotten the car out of park yet.
“I did sleep here last night, and it’s my girlfriend’s apartment,” he said.
“Oh? Why haven’t we heard about this? Don’t you ever tell us anything? If you’re staying over, it sounds serious, is it?”
Cole’s eyes widened at his Mom’s rapid-fire questions.
“Mom, which question am I supposed to answer?”
His Dad chuckled lightly from the front seat, and his Mom shot him a quick glare.
“I’d be happy with the answer to any of those questions,” she said, turning to give Cole a Mom look.
“Okay,” he said, smiling at her. “I have a girlfriend, Mom, and we’ve been seeing each other a few months. As for whether it’s serious -- we’re together, it’s exclusive, and I love her.”
Her mouth fell open and he tried to read her expression. Shock and slowly blooming happiness seemed to sum it up.
“Cole,” she said, drawing her fingers up to cover her mouth. “That’s wonderful. Tell us about her! When can we meet her?”
“You already have, Mom. It’s Emma Carson.”
Only a second elapsed before his Mom’s face bro
ke out into the happiest grin Cole had ever seen from her.
“You’re with Emma Carson? And it’s serious?”
They’d established that, but Cole wanted to let his Mom enjoy the moment.
“Yes to both,” he said. His Dad was driving, but shot him a quick smile in the rearview mirror.
“That’s … Cole, it’s wonderful!” his Mom gushed. “I couldn’t be happier. Emma’s a beautiful young woman. I always wondered if you and Layla would get together, but lately … wait! You said a few months! All those times we’ve all been over there! You were coming to see her! But you both acted like … why didn’t you want any of us to know?”
“Emma was worried about Layla, because Layla was interested in me for a bit, too,” Cole said.
“Both of those gorgeous girls fighting over you?” Cole’s Dad grinned from the front seat.
“Well, no … I mean, sort of. Layla did find out about me and Em the other day, and she is really pissed.”
“Cole, language,” his mother cautioned.
“Mom, I’m 27 years old. I can say pissed.”
“It’s vulgar,” she said.
Cole rolled his eyes, leaning back against the seat to relax during the drive. His mother chattered excitedly from the front seat.
“Tom, don’t you remember me saying after that dinner that Cole and Emma would make a nice couple? I must have sensed it somehow, with my mother’s intuition. Layla’s a little bit crass, anyway. I’d never want Eliza to know I said that, but it’s the truth.”
As he drifted to sleep, Cole wondered what awaited them at Tall Oaks Treatment Center, where Shay had lived for several years.
Does she look different? Is she all drugged up? Will she remember me? Does she remember the last time she saw me? Or worse, the time when I was in college?
Then – Five years ago
Cole stretched his legs out on the chaise lounge in his parents’ back yard. His college graduation party had wound almost all the way down, and now he sat alone with his high school friends Riley and Will. He hadn’t had anything alcoholic to drink until his aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents had all left, but he was making up for it now.
“Cooler’s almost empty,” Riley said, lifting out a bottle of beer. Cole got up from his chair to go in and get more. It still felt weird drinking in front of his parents, but he was 22, and he needed to get over it.
“Mom, do we have more beer?” he called, pulling open the refrigerator.
“Yes, it’s out in the garage, but I don’t want anyone drinking and driving,” she said from the living room. Cole smiled as he walked out to the old refrigerator in the garage. He’d realized that no matter how old he was, his Mom would always mother him. There was something familiar and comfortable about it.
He fished through the cases of soda and extra trays of party snacks until he found two cardboard cases of bottled beer. As he carried them out through the kitchen, he stopped for a second as he heard a female voice on the deck. When he walked through the sliding glass doors, his heart skipped a beat when he saw Shay leaning against the railing, staring stoically out into the back yard. Her hair hung to her shoulders limply and she chewed her bottom lip. His parents had brought her home for the weekend, but she’d stayed in her room for the entire party and no one even knew she was there but Cole and his parents.
“Who’s this freaky chick?” Will asked in a low voice as Cole bent down to fill the cooler up. Cole bristled, reminding himself not to be defensive. Shay could be unnerving.
“This is my sister, Shay,” he said, reaching for the beer he’d started before going to the garage and finishing it in one long drink. His friends both looked at him with surprise.
“Sister?” Riley asked. “I’ve known you for … seven years, and I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“I do,” Cole said, opening another beer.
“Well, nice to meet you, Shay,” Riley said. “Where do you live?”
“At Tall Oaks Treatment Center,” she said in a small voice. Riley’s brows shot up and he turned away.
“Are you like an alcoholic or something?” Will asked. Cole gave him a dirty look. He didn’t know how to handle this. Maybe there was something to his Mom not wanting anyone to know about Shay. This was awkward as hell.
“No,” he said, “She’s--”
“I’m crazy,” Shay said, looking intently at Will. “I probably would be an alcoholic if I could get alcohol, but I can’t anymore.”
“Hey, I like crazy chicks,” Will said, smiling. “And I can get you some alcohol. We’ve got some right here, you want one?”
Cole slammed the cooler lid shut as soon as Will opened it.
“She can’t have that!” he snapped. “She’s on medications and she can’t drink! Don’t be such an asshole!”
“You’re the asshole, Cole!” Shay yelled. Cole sighed with dismay as he looked at her and saw her blue eyes flashing with emotion. “You’re the perfect one and I’m the crazy one! It’s bullshit! Why should I come home for your party when you don’t even want me here?”
“Shay,” Cole said, keeping his voice level. “I do want you here.”
He was relieved to see his Mom pushing open the sliding glass doors. Her eyes widened when she saw Shay.
“Come inside, honey,” she said soothingly.
“No!” Shay’s expression was wild now, and Cole had a knot of nervousness in his stomach. “You’re all ashamed of me because I’m crazy!”
“Shay, please come inside,” their mother said, reaching for her arm. “We can talk inside.”
Shay glared across the deck at Will, and Cole’s body tensed. She looked like she was considering pouncing on his friend, and Cole knew he’d have to stop her if she tried. Finally, she turned and followed their Mom inside, and Cole let out a breath.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Riley said. “I didn’t know.”
“She’s hot,” Will said, chuckling. “I meant it about liking crazy chicks.”
Cole didn’t even think before he sprang up from the chair, his fist connecting with Will’s jaw. Will sprawled out on the deck, looking up in a daze.
“What the fuck?” He gingerly touched his jaw, wincing. Cole was about to jump on top of him when he was stopped by Riley moving in between them.
“Get the fuck out of here, Will,” Riley said. Will scrambled up and off the deck, turning to glare at Cole on his way out.
“You okay, man?” Riley asked.
“Yeah.” Cole shook his head with disgust.
“Let’s get out of here and go hit a bar,” Riley said. “I’m good to drive, I’ve only had one beer.”
Cole nodded and led the way into the kitchen. He just hoped they could get out of the house without upsetting Shay again.
Now
Tall trees huddled around the inpatient facility where Shay lived, but Cole couldn’t tell if they were oaks. His Dad pulled into a parking spot as his Mom chattered happily.
“We haven’t spent Christmas as a family in so long,” she said. Even though he only had a side view of her since he was in the back seat and she was turned in the front, Cole noticed that the lines in her face seemed softer. She was happy. Even if Shay wasn’t glad to see him, giving this gift to his Mom made the trip worth it.
Tall Oaks was as inviting as a place surrounded by a high barbed wire fence could be. It was a sprawling log building, with snow-covered benches lining a long sidewalk. A snowman had been built in the front yard, reminding Cole of all the times he and Shay had done that as kids in Wisconsin.
A wave of anxiety hit him when they walked through the door. There were a few people walking in the large lobby, which had rustic décor and a tall, vaulted ceiling. Cole scanned each face, looking for his sister.
“Hi, Carol,” his Mom said to the young brunette sitting at a reception desk.
“Jenny! Tom! Merry Christmas!” Carol said warmly.
“This is our son, Cole.” As his mother introduced him, Cole smiled awkwardly at Car
ol. Surely she was wondering where he’d been all these years.
“Nice to meet you, Cole,” Carol said. “I think Shay will be glad to see all of you. She just woke up a few minutes ago, and she knows you’re coming. So far it seems like a good day.”
Cole wondered if Carol noticed the sighs of relief both his parents gave.
They only had to wait a minute before being led down a long hallway by a nurse, who knocked lightly on Door 19.
“Shay,” she said, opening it and sticking her head inside. “Are you ready for a visit from your family?”
Cole shifted uncomfortably as the silence hung. Was this a good idea?
“I think she’s ready,” the nurse said, moving aside to allow them entry. Cole followed his parents in, not getting to see Shay before she flew into their mother’s arms, clinging to her tightly.
“I thought you were never coming back,” she said, her voice wavering.
“I always come back, Shay, I love you,” their Mom said soothingly. Shay went to hug their Dad, but stopped when she saw Cole.
“Shay, your brother Cole came to see you,” their Mom said, walking over to wrap an arm around Cole’s shoulders. “You remember Cole?”
Her blue eyes widened and though she was older, Cole recognized the sister he’d grown up with. Her blonde hair, the same shade as his, was cut above her shoulders. She was thinner than before, but she still looked okay.
“Are you with them?” Shay asked, eyeing him skeptically. Assuming he meant their parents, Cole was about to say yes when his Mom interjected.
“No, Shay, he is not with them,” she said in a firm, gentle tone. “He’s your family like we are. Cole loves you. He would never, ever hurt you.”
Shay’s face relaxed, and Cole wondered what that had been about. Clearly his hopes of finally connecting with his sister were pointless.
“Why don’t we go down to the game room?” their Mom said. “We can play ping pong if you want to.”
As they made their way down the wide, open stairway to the basement, Cole was amazed how quiet Tall Oaks was. Maybe it was just because it was 8:30 a.m., but the place seemed pretty zen. Even the lighting and décor were serene.
Now and Then Page 19
