Not stealthy enough – Caitlin shifted as I did. Her body pressed along my side, she gave me a quick hug, then sat up. Her light lips touched my cheek and she whispered, "Thank you," before I felt her weight lift off the bed. Her bare feet padded on the timber boards as she headed down the hallway.
I sat up as soon as she was out of sight. I'd slept in my clothes, so I was all set for the walk of shame to my car in front of Caitlin's whole street. Ah, it wasn't the first time I'd done such a thing and last night had been better than most. Even without any sex.
Caitlin returned, her face shiny and damp, an excited smile on her face. "Would you like breakfast?"
"Sure," I replied. "Do you have any cornflakes?"
Her face fell. "No. And if we do, they're so stale they'd be inedible." She walked out, one hand on the wall to steady her steps.
Not sure what I'd said wrong, I hurried to follow her. I entered the kitchen just in time to see the bin lid close over the cornflake box. Caitlin's eyes were on the box and she looked angry.
I opened my mouth to say the first thing that came to mind. "You really don't like cornflakes, do you?"
Her hard glare turned on me. "No, I don't." She reached into the fridge and pulled out two yoghurts, holding one out to me.
"I'm right," I answered. My stomach growled a different answer. To cover the noise, I continued, "I should probably head home."
Caitlin's smile was understanding. "I know. Thank you for staying." She hesitated, then went on, "Will you... could you... please, could you come over tonight and stay again? I feel safer when you're here and I'm not alone at night." Her eyes were suddenly huge.
"Sure. I'll take you out for dinner tonight, if you like. I'll stay any night you want me," I replied easily, without a second thought.
She smiled sadly and I realised that she'd never want me. But I'd be back anyway.
I waved and wished her a nice day, then climbed into my car to pick up breakfast from McDonald's on my way home.
61
I gorged on breakfast because I hadn't had hash browns in ages. I packed a bag of clothes to take to Caitlin's, then stretched out on my own couch and watched TV, calling Navid every hour for an update on her. By the fourth phone call, he answered with, "She's fine. If you're so worried, go bother her."
But Caitlin didn't expect me 'til the evening, so I didn't dare show up early. I had other plans.
It was Tuesday, when Chris had an afternoon off from university, so I waited for her to come home. I needed to know if she'd seen anything suspicious, anyone stalking her. If they weren't coming for Caitlin, they could be casing Chris.
She didn't get home until almost four, when I was starting to worry. I had my packed bag by the door, ready to go, and Chris's eyes darted straight to it as she stepped inside.
I opened my mouth before she could comment on it. "Chris, you haven't had anyone watching you or following you, have you? After Alanna and now spending so much time with Caitlin, I'm starting to worry..." I trailed off.
Chris snorted. "No. Why would anyone bother stalking me?" She dropped her keys on the hall table. "What is it about that girl that has you so obsessed with her?"
My reply was automatic. "She's been badly hurt and she needs my help."
She snorted again, louder this time. "Yeah, you've said that before, but she's not unconscious in hospital now. And if anyone was going to try to hurt her again, they'd have done it by now. This is getting ridiculous. How well do you really know her?"
I hesitated for maybe a minute, but when the words came, they flooded out. "I know how many times she still wakes up at night, screaming at the nightmares of what happened to her. I know how much she still hurts from her injuries and how hard she tries to hide it from everyone. She doesn't like strangers touching her. She hates breakfast cereal, my car, anything restrictive around her wrists and asking anyone for help. I know by the sound of her screams whether she's afraid or in pain." I closed my eyes, trying to push the sound of Caitlin in pain out of my head.
Chris was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Listen to yourself, Nathan. You're not talking about a healthy relationship. What you're saying sounds seriously fucked up. Is there anything good about her? Anything the girl actually likes?"
Thank you, Chris. The images in my head turned from dark to light. "She likes strawberries, music and ducklings." And occasionally me. I felt myself smiling. I opened my eyes again.
Chris shook her head. "Strawberries, music and ducklings. You know her real well, don't you?" She pressed her lips together. "Stay away from her, Nathan. That girl isn't good for you."
I shook my own head. Stay away from her? I'd go crazy with worry in a day. "You don't know her."
Chris looked grim. "Neither do you." She turned away, picked up a sponge and scrubbed the bench so hard it looked like she wanted to take the laminate off it. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?" she muttered, half under her breath.
I wasn't sure if she'd meant me to hear that last bit, but I was too pissed off to care. Nothing Chris said could come between me and Caitlin.
"Yes," I snapped. "I wouldn't die for her."
Chris turned around to stare at me, her mouth hanging open. She stood there in shock for maybe half a minute before she spoke. "Well... well, that's good," she said uncertainly.
"Do you want to know why?" I asked steadily.
"I..." Chris swallowed, seemingly lost for words. That didn't happen much. Another day, I'd have felt triumph, but today there was only anger. Caitlin was the key to keeping Chris alive, but today I didn't care any more.
"I wouldn't die for her because I wouldn't be able to protect her any more. What if I missed one of the people who hurt her and my absence let them get to her? I couldn't take that risk. She's too important." I walked out of the kitchen before she replied. I'd promised Caitlin I'd be back before dark and I didn't want to be late.
"... Fucking paranoid, delusional..." I heard Chris's voice say as I opened the front door.
Not as delusional as thinking that I'm safe and no one can hurt me, I thought. There are real monsters out there. The worst part is that they're human.
62
I stood at the garage door, wishing I didn't have to drive the car Caitlin hated so much. Maybe I should sell it and buy something so different this one would only be a distant, bad memory. I looked past it and my eyes fell on the dusty cover shrouding the car beside mine. Alanna's car, untouched since they took her. The car she'd never come home to drive again.
My feet moved of their own volition as I reached out automatically to take the cover off. I shook my head as I saw the car. I still didn't understand our parents' reasoning behind giving me the solid, dependable sedan while Alanna got the sporty convertible. She'd never had so much as a speeding fine driving this thing and there was no way she'd let me touch it.
I touched the smooth, white contours of her car, wishing she was here to say, "Don't even think about it, Nathan," as she shook her keys at me. I wished I could ask her about Caitlin, and whether she thought I was as crazy as Chris did. Would Alanna have let me take her car, when mine scared Caitlin so much? Or would she have told me I was being stupid and to leave the poor girl alone?
I'd never know. Alanna wasn't coming back and her car would sit here, gathering dust, until we got rid of it. Unless I got rid of my car and kept hers...
I wiped my eyes, which were tearing up in the airborne dust from shifting the car cover. I could feel my throat choking up, too. The dust must have been pretty thick.
I found Alanna's keys and turned them in the ignition. I got nothing. It hadn't been driven in months, so a flat battery didn't come as a big surprise. I hunted around the garage for jumper leads to jumpstart her car from mine. We'd never needed them – they were still sealed in the packet. I ripped the plastic open with a pocket knife.
Hooking up the cables, I started my engine, before clipping the last clamp to Alanna's car battery. I slid into the driver's seat and shifted
it back, so there was enough space for me, tossing the pocket knife into the glove box. This time, the ignition caught and as I revved the engine, I realised her little car had far more power than mine. Perfect Alanna, never a foot wrong, to the point where our parents had trusted her with a high-powered sports car when she'd turned twenty-one. God, I missed her. She'd have been able to tell me what to do.
I turned the Mercedes off and put the cables away. I climbed back into Alanna's car and headed for Caitlin's house.
Maybe half a kilometre from home, I decided to take the top off. I'd never driven a convertible before, much less a topless one, and it seemed like a really good idea right now. Maybe the air flow would help clear my head, or even just the dust from my eyes, which were still streaming.
Five minutes later, I could barely feel my hands in the freezing wind. When I stopped at the traffic lights, I looked around for something to wrap around me to keep warm. An old, padded jacket, with a logo from an airline company that had long since gone out of business, was spread across the back seat and I struggled to put it on before the lights went green. I managed to zip it up before I took off. I wondered who'd left the jacket in Alanna's car, but I realised I'd never know. It smelled faintly of her perfume, so I knew she'd worn it in the past. Or cuddled up real close to someone who had. I laughed aloud at the thought of Alanna doing anything like that in this car. She'd have insisted on dinner, a movie or a show, before even considering suggesting he provide a luxurious bed, several dates later. The exact opposite of me.
I took the onramp to the freeway and cheered as the car responded perfectly to the accelerator. It was a heady contrast to the slow, steady speed increase of my sedan. I checked my mirrors before merging and realised my hair was standing on end, blown everywhere in the breeze that had frozen me to the bone. Caitlin would laugh herself silly – never a bad thing – if I turned up with a crest like a cockatoo, but I didn't want to take her out to dinner looking like a cocky. I spotted a cap on the floor by the passenger seat and stuck it on my head, praying it would flatten my hair or at least hide it.
As I pulled into Caitlin's street, I took the cap off and looked hopefully at the mirror, but was sadly disappointed. I stuck the cap back on and wondered if Caitlin would agree to order takeaway food again or let me use her bathroom to fix my hair. If I'd thought to get my hair cut, this wouldn't be a problem. Only skinheads and bald blokes should drive convertibles with the top down, I told myself, resolving to shave my head in the morning.
I pulled into her driveway and checked the time. Shit, I was late. Arguing with Chris and jumpstarting a car had taken more time than I thought. I saw the lace curtain at the front window move and knew Caitlin had seen me. I pulled the cap down firmly to cover my hair and took a deep breath.
Caitlin flew down the steps, a look of terror on her face. She skittered to a stop in front of my car for a moment, staring.
Cautiously, I opened the door and started to climb out. Her eyes widened further and she took off down the street. I looked around, but I couldn't see what had scared her so much.
I expected her to come back, but Caitlin kept going, as if someone was pursuing her. I broke into a run, too, determined to catch up to her so I could keep her in sight. If someone was after her, I had to stay with her to protect her.
It had been too long since I'd last gone for a run. I couldn't catch my breath, but she was visibly flagging as she reached the end of her endurance. I was amazed she'd made it this distance from the house and I worried that Caitlin would push her body too far, doing herself even more injury.
She almost tripped, then righted herself before she hit the ground.
"No, stop!" I begged her breathlessly. "Come back. You can't..."
I meant to say she couldn't run far, but it seemed fear had driven her to do just that.
"... can't outrun me," I finished. That was true, at least. And I didn't want her to try.
"Come back. Please. Let me..."
She made a fearful sound in her throat and I redoubled my speed, desperate to catch up, stop her and find out why she was so frightened.
I reached out, desperately, trying to grab her shoulder. As my fingers touched her, she overbalanced, falling face-first onto the lawn of a stranger's house.
As soon as Caitlin hit the grass, she rolled over to face me, the tears in her eyes set on fire by the light of the setting sun. She let out a sobbing breath, her hands up as if to stop me from coming any closer.
My heart was already pounding from panic and the unaccustomed exercise. I felt it drop like Caitlin had when she'd fallen. "Angel, are you okay?" I asked, expecting the worst and hoping I was wrong.
A curtain in the house twitched and the front door opened. An angry-looking woman peered out of the partly open door, a hockey stick in her hand.
Caitlin's sobbing resolved into words. "How... could... why..."
I tried to smile, but it was hard. I wanted desperately to know what had scared her, but I didn't dare ask with an angry audience. "What do you think of my new car?" I asked, seeing movement around me as more of her neighbours emerged from their houses. I wondered which one held the piano-playing child. Most of them were armed with sporting equipment – I saw a couple more hockey sticks, some cricket bats and a tennis racquet. One bloke carried a massive axe that I hoped stayed on his side of the street, as far away from us as possible.
"Your... new car?" Caitlin managed to say.
"Yes," I replied patiently, glancing around. All of them seemed content to watch for the moment. "I know you didn't like the old one, so I figured it was time for something new." Forgive me, Alanna, but I'd drive a hot pink hatchback if it meant Caitlin wouldn't be so scared. You don't need your car any more.
She glanced around at the neighbours and lifted her lips in a forced smile. "The car's fine. Please, help me up and back to my house." She lifted her arms, looking up at me with a wide-eyed, desperate smile on her face.
I tried to lift her up, but she muttered, "Just help me walk."
"But you'll hurt yourself," I protested. "That's too far for you to walk."
Her smile was strained. "I got this far on my own, didn't I? Do it, Nathan. Or my neighbours will interfere and they're fairly protective of me when Dad's not around. Especially now..."
Against my best judgement, I helped her stand up, taking as much of her weight as I could as I helped her walk home, knowing I'd have nightmares about her tooth-grinding smile after this.
Her face was almost drained of all colour by the time she staggered up the steps to her front door. Even with me holding her, she was swaying on her feet. "Nathan... please... the door..." she panted. She looked like she was going to pass out.
I turned the handle and kicked it open, lifting Caitlin off her feet before she fell.
"No... must..." she murmured, her eyes closed.
"You must rest," I finished for her, carrying her over the threshold like my precious bride. At least the precious part was true.
I let her down onto the couch, where she sat with her eyes closed, unmoving, for a few minutes. I stood beside her, watching. I took my cap off, not caring how crazy a cocky's crest I had any more. I ran my fingers through it absently, probably making it worse.
I waited for her to catch her breath, for her eyelids to flutter open so I could ask her what had scared her so much and take care of it for her. But they didn't. Her breathing was shallow and slow.
I knelt down beside her. "Angel," I began.
"What is it, Nathan?" Her voice was flat but calm.
"Are you okay?" I asked, desperate to know.
A pause. "Not really. I'm hurting and hoping the pain will go away if I sit still long enough."
"Oh God," I burst out. "I'm so sorry I was late. What happened?"
Someone pounded on the door. I looked at Caitlin, unsure what to do.
She opened her eyes and struggled to sit up, but she didn't move much. She nodded toward the door. "Please."
I stood an
d opened the door. My least favourite of her neighbours stood there, the bloke with the block splitter. The heavy axe didn't seem to be in his hands any more. I breathed a sigh of relief until I realised he'd propped it up beside the door so he had his hands free to knock. Fuck. "Can I help you?" I asked nervously. Behind him, I could see people still on their front lawns, watching.
"I want to make sure Caitlin's okay," he said, looking me right in the eye.
"Me, too, mate," I replied.
"It's okay, Nathan," Caitlin said behind me. I felt her hand on my arm and moved aside quickly, grabbing her before she collapsed. I held her to my side, trying to make it look friendly instead of forced by her frailty. "Thanks for coming to check on me, Bruce, but my friend Nathan's here to help me. I fell over and I think I hurt something. I'll be okay. I just need to rest a bit." Her body was threatening to make her rest right here on the floor if I let go. I managed a smile for her nosy, scary neighbour.
"If you say so," Bruce replied doubtfully. "If you need me for anything, all you have to do is ask. You have our number." He eyed me as he picked up his block splitter, swinging it up onto his shoulder as he walked back across the road to his own house.
I carried Caitlin back to the couch before I closed and locked the door. This time, I sat beside her. "What happened?" I repeated, urgently.
She smiled tiredly. "Nothing. I... nothing." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Is there any chance we can go out for dinner another night? I'm a little too tired and you look like a cockatoo."
Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy) Page 13
