I'd failed. I didn't get all of them. Caitlin would never be safe and I'd never stop worrying.
"It won't be broadcast until Friday," I replied. "You still have time to pull the interview. You can contact the TV station and ask them not to air it." I kept my face blank, fighting a smile.
"Tell the news that they can't show an exclusive interview they paid for? Fuck, Nathan, they'd have a field day with that one." He glared at me. "How much did they offer you?"
I met his gaze squarely. "I don't know. I didn't ask for or accept any payment. I believe they offered money to Caitlin and she accepted it." Money to support her through her studies. A tiny amount of compensation for what she'd been through. Millions couldn't make up for her time in hell.
"What questions did they ask you?"
My breath hissed through my teeth. "They asked how I found her."
"And you said?" His voice was dead flat and dangerous.
"Nothing about the police, shots fired or even the other bloke on the beach. I didn't say which beach or how we knew she'd be there. I said I stumbled across the poor girl, lying on the sand, all alone."
"You know you can't be working for us when it airs. You're no use to us as some hero everyone's seen on TV. Any hope you had of continuing your contract died the minute you walked into that TV studio. And the moment you opened your mouth... you voided the contract, anyway."
My face was stony. "I was already photographed with her at the hospital. I had to go in, to find out what she'd say about what she remembered. She said... less than I did, and that's saying something. Half the interview is her describing her feelings about what they did to her! Fuck, that's something no one should hear. I answered questions to back up her vague story so they'd believe it. That's all." I looked at him, about as angry as I'd ever been at any boss, no matter what the job. "The contract ends tomorrow. Let me keep her safe for one more day." And try to find a way to get her to let me stay for longer than that.
"If it was anyone else, I'd say fix it or I'll fire you, for it's not fucking hard." His eyes burned with anger. "But you can finish up tomorrow, along with your contract. I don't want any more fuck-ups, so you'll be handing over all your gear – weapons, body armour, the works – today. I don't want to see you back here."
I nodded, knowing I couldn't ask for any more. "Do we have any more leads on the rest of them?" Please tell me so I know what to look out for to keep her safe, even when it's not my job any more.
He sighed. "Our team has been through Laura's house from one end to the other and nothing. We have her computer files, but no one's managed to break into those yet. The only records she kept on paper are in a diary she had in her handbag. She occasionally made reference to contact with someone she called 'Al Himar,' but we haven't managed to work out who he or they are. Once we have access to her computer, we'll call in the translators and see what they make of it. If we don't close this operation properly, we'll look like right asses."
"What if they come after Caitlin tomorrow when I'm unarmed?" I asked.
He snorted. "Let her take care of them. She has a pretty good track record so far – maybe better than yours."
I didn't laugh. I wanted to cry. Instead, I just tightened my jaw and left. I had a gun to hand in and a shitload of worry to carry, with nowhere to offload it.
87
I arrived early at Caitlin's. It was still mid-afternoon, but I didn't want to stay away from her any longer. My head was too filled with dread for her safety when we were apart.
I dragged myself up her front steps, trying to pull myself together into some semblance of company for her, instead of the wet dishrag I felt like.
It was piano-lesson day, it seemed. The child I'd heard practising the piano for the last fortnight had played a very simple song, but the virtuoso who played what I barely recognised as the same song must have been the child's teacher, demonstrating how something so simple could become a complex masterpiece. For the second time that day, I felt like crying. Caitlin and I were right there at the child's skill level – our relationship working well enough to appear to be music. Would she survive long enough for us to take it further, to be the symphony we could be together? I wanted it – God, I wanted it, almost as much as I wanted Caitlin herself.
I couldn't wait any longer. I knocked on her door, dying to see Caitlin again.
The piano-played song ended in silence. The music lesson was over for the day, it seemed. Oh God, please don't let anything else be over. Not yet.
I heard Caitlin's steps creak on the boards in the hall before she opened the door. "Nathan – you're early!" Her eyes lit up and she threw her arms around me, delivering a delightful kiss.
My heavy heart lifted a little and I felt my smile return. "Angel," I murmured, not wanting to let go. She was the only light I could see, even with the sun still in the sky.
She laughed as she pulled away from me. "Come on in. I was thinking about an afternoon snack and the cheese looked really good..." She took my hand and pulled me inside, leading the way laughingly to the kitchen.
From the fridge she pulled out something small enough to hold in her hand and proffered it. Nestled in her palm was a small cheese, coated in black wax. "Jo and I bought it this morning and I wanted to share it with you." She flitted around the kitchen, pulling out a cutting board and a wicked little knife. Caitlin stretched up onto her toes to reach the crackers in a high cupboard above the bench, but her balance was perfect.
She took the knife and touched the point to the wax.
"Let me help you with that," I offered, worrying about her hurting her hands by handling a knife and hard cheese.
Caitlin shook her head, still laughing. Her fingers were quick. With a few deft strokes she'd peeled the wax from the little cheddar and laid it naked on the cutting board. I watched her carefully as she started to slice the cheese, but Caitlin didn't show the slightest sign of any pain.
She's really recovering, I realised. My heart lifted a little more.
Caitlin held out a cracker, topped with a freshly cut slice of cheese. She popped another in her mouth, smiling as I took her offering.
I crunched my way through what was good cheese. Better still was the cheese-flavoured kiss Caitlin followed it up with.
Her smile was almost infectious. "What would you like to do tonight?"
I found my grin again. "I'll leave that entirely up to you. Dinner, maybe?"
"I was thinking about going out to the hawker's. I want to try with chopsticks again..."
I needed to ask her out for tomorrow night. Plan a special dinner and maybe something else after, anything to get her to let me stay again tomorrow.
I opened my mouth to suggest it and the phone rang.
Caitlin looked surprised and picked up. "Hello?" Her eyes widened as she listened. "Is your wife feeling better? She had a cold last time I spoke to you... the kids didn't get it, too, did they?" She listened for a little longer, nodding a little.
"You want me to... hang on." She put the phone down on the bench and hit the speakerphone button. "Sorry, Detective McGuinness, I'm in the kitchen so I just stuck you on speakerphone. Now, what was that about me coming in to identify someone?" Our eyes met and my mouth wouldn't close. Caitlin didn't need the memories of dead bodies on top of the other horrible memories she had. Who did she know who'd died?
"Some of these bodies were found last night in a place that links them to your kidnapping. We'd like you to take a look at them and see if you recognise them. We've already identified four of them, with one family member coming in tomorrow to confirm the last identification. We'd like you to come in on Monday to..."
Caitlin was shaking her head and I understood her denial completely. She shouldn't need to do this.
"Detective, I can't come in on Monday. I fly out tomorrow night..."
WHAT?
Caitlin's eyes were on the cheese as she carefully cut another slice.
"... so the latest I could come in would be tomorrow af
ternoon. How about right after lunch? Or is that too early?" She turned her eyes expectantly to the phone, as if she could see through the plastic and phone lines to the detective himself.
"We have a relative coming in at two, so maybe... at three? Would that be too late for you? It's probably best that you don't meet him, especially if you identify his son as one of the men who..." He coughed.
Caitlin glanced at me and then away before I could say anything. "That's probably a good idea. Can I bring a friend along with me... for moral support? I just..." Her fingers slid between mine, squeezing lightly.
I looked at Caitlin to find her questioning eyes on me. I nodded in response. Of course. Any support she needed and I'd be there.
Even the detective sounded sympathetic. "Of course. Whoever you need. I realise this is difficult for you. Is there any chance you've remembered more than you told me the last time we met? That kind of information could be really useful..." He trailed off.
Caitlin's eyes went to the cheese as she sliced a fair bit more. I felt each stroke of the knife seemed a bit harder than the last. "I'll bring along what I have. It's just as much of my memories as I could recollect. Not really in the kind of format you're after, but I've tried to group them into people, places and days..."
He was silent. I could hear him clearing a dry throat before he could speak. "Of course. Thank you. Anything you have for us would be wonderful. We really appreciate any new information you can provide. See you tomorrow." He waited for Caitlin's goodbye before he hung up.
My mouth was still open and I didn't know what to ask first.
Of course, Caitlin did. "Nathan, would you please come with me to the police station tomorrow? I don't want to do this alone."
My answer was immediate – without thought. "Of course. I'll hold your hand, no matter what."
She smiled and took another slice of cheese, savouring the taste with her eyes closed.
"Are you really flying somewhere tomorrow?" I blurted out, my voice sounding really forlorn.
Her eyes snapped open. "Yes. Jo told me this morning, while we were shopping for clothes. If you're really lucky, I may show you later." Caitlin winked, as she pulled down the shoulder of her shirt. I caught a glimpse of satin and lace before she covered her bra again. "The trip is my birthday present. She and Dad arranged with all of my friends to pay for me to have a holiday – she's coming, too. She wouldn't even tell me where – except that we'll be going clothes shopping, so she told me to pack light for warm weather, with underwear for two weeks, and I'll find out at the airport tomorrow." Caitlin looked so excited I couldn't bear to be anything but happy for her. She did deserve a holiday.
"Just you and Jo?" I enquired, not game to ask what I really wanted.
She laughed. "Yes, that's what Jo said. A girls' trip, now we're both old enough to travel alone." She looked sympathetic. "I'll be back in two weeks, Nathan. It's not like anyone will be following me – even I don't know where I'm going."
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to go with her, but there was no way in hell I was going to say it. I pasted a smile on my face. "So I only get you today and tomorrow? How would you feel about getting into the vodka tonight after dinner and we'll see what happens? I'd better make sure you enjoy yourself, so you don't forget me while you're away on holiday."
Caitlin's kiss was long and lingering. "I'll never forget you, Nathan. You saved my life, remember? And then stole my ice cream." Her smile was impish. "C'mon, let's take the cheese and crackers to the lounge room. Jo lent me some DVDs of her brother's, a TV series she said was really funny. It's about some secret agent who works with computers..." The cutting board in one hand and the box of crackers in the other, she led the way out of the kitchen.
Some hours later, when the episodes on the DVD faded to warning messages in a dozen different languages, I looked around. The coffee table was littered with the takeaway hawker food we'd eventually ordered, along with the empty vodka mixers we'd drunk afterwards. Caitlin snuggled closer to me, letting out a little contented sigh in her sleep. Smiling, I shifted her into my arms and staggered to my feet to carry Caitlin off to bed.
I considered waking her to ask about the very pretty underwear she'd tempted me with earlier, but I decided against it. I settled for sleeping with her in the somnolent sense tonight. I didn't know when I'd get another good night's sleep, what with worrying about her while she was away from me.
At least I knew that anywhere else would be safer than here.
88
Caitlin was so worried about getting to the State Mortuary on time that we arrived way too early. It was easier to humour her than argue. I'd never seen her so nervous – not even before the interview. In the waiting room, she hopped from chair to chair, convinced that she wasn't comfortable in what looked to me to be identical seats. When she settled in one for more than a minute, I shifted to the one beside her and slung an arm around her shoulders.
"It's okay, angel," I murmured, pressing my lips to the top of her head. I could feel her bouncing a little with a rhythm only she could hear.
She didn't reply, for her eyes were fixed on a lost-looking old bloke, standing by the reception desk. I hadn't seen him come in, but Caitlin couldn't stop staring at him.
The poor old guy noticed her staring and his eyes grew wide as he looked at Caitlin. The receptionist saw him and stood up, moving around the desk to stand by his side. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr Dennis. Would you like me to call you a taxi, or did you drive today?" She walked with the man out the doors to the car park outside. She returned after a few minutes, looking sad.
He must have lost his wife, poor bloke, I thought.
I looked at Caitlin. Her eyebrows were down and her forehead was wrinkled. I stretched out a hand to smooth the skin, stroking her hair, too. "Don't worry, angel. We'll be out of here soon."
Her smile was tight as it turned up her mouth, as if she were trying to convince herself as much as me. "You're right, Nathan. It'll be okay." I didn't want to think what would happen if circumstances conspired to make it any less than okay.
Footsteps sounded on vinyl and the detective I'd last seen trying to interrogate Caitlin in hospital stepped up to the reception desk. The receptionist said something to him, too soft for me to hear, before he turned to look at us. "You're early," he said with some surprise.
Caitlin pressed her lips together, looking at the floor, so I answered, "Caitlin really wanted to get this over with and I was worried about parking, so we made sure we had plenty of time to get here."
"And she brought you for moral support," he went on, as if I hadn't spoken.
"Yes I did, Detective," Caitlin said with a sweet, sad smile. "I couldn't do this without Nathan." She held out her hand, a CD case clutched between two fingers. "This is what you asked for – my memories."
I looked longingly at the CD, wondering how to ask her for a copy, but I didn't say a word.
"Thank you," he said in wonder, tucking it into the folder he held stiffly at his side. "Shall we?"
My arm tightened protectively around Caitlin as she stood up and I did the same. She leaned against me for comfort as we followed the detective deeper into the building.
He led us to a waiting room for the bereaved – the same place where I'd waited to see Alanna one last time. It was my turn to hold on to Caitlin for comfort, but the pain wasn't as bad as I remembered. As if she'd filled the gap somehow.
Caitlin's eyes looked up at me in surprise for a moment, before she settled closer into my embrace. Maybe it worked for both of us right now.
The detective sat on the couch across from us, a manila folder in his hands. He cleared his throat. "I have some pictures for you. Can you tell me if you recognise any of these people?" He opened it and held up a photo.
Laura in life. "She pushed me into her car, the red Mercedes," Caitlin said in a flat tone. He scribbled notes quickly.
Laura's photo disappeared into the bottom of the file. The next one was of a man,
his eyes closed in death. "The police officer who shot Nathan."
He shot you, too, angel, I thought but didn't say. And later, he shot himself when he tried to shoot me again.
The next photo showed a live man. I recognised it from the surveillance footage of the inside of Caitlin's house. Pete, the one who broke her fingers, before I shot his face off, I thought with some satisfaction.
"I don't know," Caitlin said softly. She looked at the detective in consternation. "I didn't see all of their faces. I remember other things about them in the dark. Their hands, the size of them, what I..." She took the photo from him and looked more closely at it. "He broke my fingers. After I broke his nose." She sounded proud of it, too.
I smothered a smile.
The next photo was of a dead man. The one who tried to walk away, outside Caitlin's house. Tom, after I shot him in the back of the head as he heaped insults on her injuries.
Caitlin shook her head. "I don't know."
"Last one," the detective said as he pulled out one more photo of yet another waxy male corpse. This one had a bullet hole through his forehead, but the blood I remembered was gone.
Caitlin's expression hardened. "He was in the car. And on the beach that night."
He slipped the photo back in the folder, leaving only Tom's photo out. "So, you've identified all of them except for this one." He shook the photo. "What else do you remember about them?"
Caitlin screwed her face up, trying hard to remember. "I bit someone's hand. I remember spitting out the mess." She pulled a face in distaste. "He had some chunky rings on that cut my face when he hit me." Her voice was so devoid of emotion I could barely believe it. It was as though she'd locked the tears away for later.
The detective looked as disconcerted as I felt. "Well, that's why we're here, so you can identify the bodies if the photos aren't enough. Have you ever seen a corpse before?" He looked intently at Caitlin, ignoring me entirely. If he had the surveillance photos, then he knew what my answer would be.
Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy) Page 21
