He sometimes wished he didn’t have this ability as it could be downright embarrassing, but it did serve a higher purpose. After all, he was The Guardian. With a blink, he disconnected from Lou as her thoughts led her away from him. He concentrated on more important matters — breakfast and Annie’s canyon cleavage, knowing full well as soon as Lou thought of him he would be there with her again and again and again, for she had been chosen, too, just didn’t know it yet.
Chapter 5
You’re Welcome to My Big Furry Beaver
AND THERE YOU have it — within moments of sitting down to his breakfast, Duane’s sixth sense reconnected with Lou. Douglas fir trees drifted past on both sides of the narrow two-lane highway that led into Big Beaver. He heaved a sigh with Lou as she spotted the reverse side of the town welcome sign up ahead. Wonder what the graffiti would be this time.
Sheriff Lou stood by the side of her patrol car with the two-way radio in her hand gazing up at the sign — “You’re Welcome To My Big Furry Beaver.” She smiled despite her hangover, thinking it just never got old, although “Furry” was a little lame. Even she had come up with better stuff than that in her teen years. More fool the idiot who named the town in the first place. She decided not to dwell on that. Which led her thoughts straight back to Duane. Damn it to bloody hell.
It was nine in the morning and the air was fresh and invigorating with the strong scent of pine. She breathed in the rejuvenating freshness in the hope that it would help clear her head.
“Nope, that’s not gonna cut it,” she muttered to herself, thinking, more coffee, that’s what she needed. Lou fished around in the car and removed her silver thermos flask. She poured coffee into the plastic top cup and leaned against the car savoring the strong beverage. A screech came from a red-tailed hawk circling for prey. You’ve got it so easy, she thought, staring at the hawk. All she had dealt with so far were drunken hunters shooting their own toes off and searching for stupid teenagers lost in the woods after being abducted by Bigfoot.
It was at that moment she remembered the busload of Japanese tourists arriving in town later that day. The silly suckers were hoping to get a glimpse of Bigfoot — perhaps be famous with a snapshot of Bigfoot taking a crap or whatever Bigfoot might do to get its picture taken — not thinking that if Bigfoot really wanted its picture taken there would be thousands of snapshots all over the place by now. With a sigh she watched the red-tailed hawk.
But Bigfoot was the least of her worries, for the last thing she needed right then was to explain what the graffiti meant to a busload of snap-happy Japanese.
“Why me,” she muttered. The answer to that was simple — her father was the town sheriff and before her parents went on their second honeymoon, he made damned sure she inherited the job as his favorite deputy.
Lou angrily clicked the two-way radio, “Dwight, come in.” She clicked again. “Rick, come in.” Lou clicked again. “Dick, come in.” And finally, “Heidi, come in, damn it.”
Not one deputy replied, and why should they? Nothing ever happened in Big Beaver.
“Geez Louise!” Lou clicked on to speak to Noreen. “Noreen.”
“Yes, Lou.”
“I can’t get any of my deputies on their two-ways. Get one of the boys out here and clean up the sign.” She paused then added, “Like now, Noreen.”
Noreen’s faint voice came over the radio, “But Lou, they’re all at Annie’s having birthday breakfast.”
Lou knew damned well where her deputies were. And it didn’t take any guesswork on her part to figure out her deputies had switched off their two-ways to have a quiet breakfast. It wouldn’t be the first time neither would it be the last.
“Yeah, I kinda know that, Noreen,” she said in an irritated voice. “Tell me something new.”
Lou listened to the thump-thump of her throbbing headache and longed to be back in bed sleeping it off. She gave the town welcome sign another glance and thought if Duane was responsible she’d kick his no brain ass so hard he’d come back with snow on his boots.
“Well, you know what to do. Go … next … door and tell them to switch their two-ways on, or I’ll be real pissed and put them all on report.”
“But, Lou, Annie’s baked a special cake for Dwight with lots of frosting and whipped cream and stuff.”
“Well, isn’t that so very nice for Dwight,” Lou replied sarcastically. She warned herself not to raise her voice realizing it would only give her headache further reasons to get more pissed than it already was.
“Well … seeing as it happens to be Dwight’s special birthday with his special birthday cake, I won’t ask the sweet special thing to come out here and clean the special sign. So why don’t you get up off your lazy, good-for-nothing ass and tell Rick or Dick to move their useless butts, right the fuck now!”
Shit — that did it. Now her hangover had jumped into overdrive. The hammers were pounding the back of her head. If she had any sense she’d never touch a drop again, she thought.
“Okay, Sheriff,” Noreen answered timidly with a quiver to her voice.
Lou hooked the radio back into the patrol car and stared at the sign.
“Crap,” she muttered, opening her flask and pouring more, black Colombian into the silver plastic cup. She sipped her lifesaver and sighed as the caffeine rush kicked in. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a bush quivering across the road. She smiled as she drank her coffee. Same old same old, she thought.
Back at the diner, Duane had a very bad feeling, almost making him queasy. Something was coming his way, something that needed fixing. He must focus on Lou and find out what she was thinking.
Chapter 6
Chief Mocking Bird Listens In
WHILE DUANE SIPPED his coffee he reconnected with Lou as she thought of him and MB. He knew who was concealed behind the quivering bush — Chief Mocking Bird. It was another of his favorite spying hidey-holes. How many times had he and MB waited at that spot as kids just itching to dash across the road and defile the town welcome sign. Sad to say, those days would not return as Duane now had responsibilities beyond most people’s reasoning.
Anyway, back to MB. Duane’s sixth sensed bounced like a ping-pong ball between Lou and MB.
MB assumed he was perfectly hidden in the undergrowth covertly watching the sheriff. His lean face was camouflaged with streaks of mud and dark green facial paint. He wore his usual camouflage fatigues that gave the required effect of the local flora. MB was a wannabe member of the BFRO — Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization. He wished that one day he’d become a fully-fledged member, but after his last attempt — insisting Bigfoot came from outer space and could vanish at will, they declared him a raving lunatic.
MB aimed his directional microphone at Sheriff Lou and listened intently — his favorite pastime. So far all he had was a boring conversation between the sheriff and Noreen over those dumpling deputies. He was tempted to go across the road and say hello, hence the quivering bush.
But MB guessed quite correctly Lou was in a particularly shitty mood because of what someone had done to the town welcome sign. And if he had to make a guess who had defiled the sign he’d have to say it was most likely Beau and his friends. Not that he was certain beyond all doubt, but it seemed reasonable to assume they were guilty as he knew they were in the vicinity and would have driven past the town welcome sign en-route to Little Beaver.
Another reason for Lou’s shitty mood might have something to do with the fact that yesterday had been her evening off and she’d probably spent an hour or two at Earl’s Bar & Grill and was hungover.
MB chuckled quietly, and mused, Lou would never find out who was responsible for defiling the sign. The law hardly ever did find out those responsible for scribbling on the town welcome sign. It just wasn’t a priority — not that there were priorities in Big Beaver, unless you include capturing Bigfoot and grab that one million dollar prize.
MB regarded himself as a stand-up, law-abiding citizen and knew he shoul
d tell the sheriff who he assumed was responsible, but he — Chief Mocking Bird, was no snitch. And besides, he didn’t want to give himself away, not just yet.
As for that Chief thing, well, MB liked to stretch the truth for the tourists, for Old Indian Legend tells us that man is judged by his nickname, and if he gains respect from nickname, then he is a fortunate man to be sure. Not to mention, said tourists were always ready to buy him a beer or two or three, and have their photo taken with the Big Brave Chief. Not bad this chief thing.
MB smiled to himself when he thought back a few years ago — five years to be exact — to when he’d been just a mere pup. He’d been hiding in the undergrowth in this exact spot — something he often liked to do, and had watched Lou magic-marker the sign with something lewd. She had done it on a dare — dared by Duane, and as far as he knew, she had only done it the once. It was something he would never let her forget and would often tease her about.
MB turned his attention away from Sheriff Lou to look at a yellow VW camper heading towards town. It was Beau and co — the very same ones who must’ve defiled the town welcome sign the previous night. He hoped they wouldn’t give the game away if Lou decided to stop them for no apparent reason, except for being guilty of something as all teens were.
Sheriff Lou watched the VW camper’s approach and decided to let it pass. She recognized the van as belonging to the notorious prankster, Beau Bruger. It suddenly occurred to her that Beau might very well be responsible for this crime. He was always up to something stupid, but if he didn’t do it, probably one of his friends did. Perhaps Duane wasn’t responsible after all?
Lou stared at the approaching VW. She could make out three individuals sitting in the front of the camper — Chad the driver, Sammi-Jo and Soozie. No Beau. He was probably sleeping off the excesses of the night in the back of the van. But there was something wrong, going by the agitated looks on the teenagers’ faces.
To Lou’s surprise, the camper screeched smoking rubber on the tarmac. The camper skewed alarmingly, stopping just two inches from her car’s front bumper.
Lou raised a curious eyebrow, folded her arms and half wished the teenagers had wrecked her car. It would have made this trip worthwhile.
MB frowned and wondered what they wanted to say to the sheriff. It wasn’t normal, getting the law’s attention like that. Something was up. He eagerly listened in and spied on Lou putting a hand on her hip and indicate with a come-here hand.
All three frantically bundled out of the camper, gesticulating down the road. They bombarded the sheriff with a cacophony of jumbled words — not making any sense at all, except it had something to do with Beau as his name kept cropping up.
They sure seemed upset about something, MB thought. And where was Beau? What if he’d had an accident? A brief look of angst flicked across MB’s face. He watched and listened.
Sheriff Lou put up her hands and shouted as loud as she dared, “Shut the hell up!”
The three teenagers faltered for a moment with over-excited faces.
Lou nodded, “That’s better.” She pointed to the road sign. “You kids do that?”
MB waited for the obviously guilty teenagers to answer as they gawped at the sign with blank, innocent looks.
Sammi-Jo went red as her hair, glancing at the sign and shook her head no. She became frantic. “Beau’s gone missing. He’s been missing all night.”
MB’s first instinct was to shrug with a sad understanding at hearing Beau had gone missing, but Old Indian Legend tells us man who eavesdrops should wait until the fat lady had sung. MB gave a mischievous grin as a thought struck him. Beau hadn’t really gone missing. He was just fooling around again. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d faked his disappearance, nor was it the second time either.
MB tried to remember how many times Beau had gone missing in the woods, claiming Bigfoot had abducted him. The answer eluded him. No matter. Yeah, sure, Bigfoot abducted him, as if, MB mused.
Sheriff Lou looked dubiously at Sammi-Jo. She glanced over at the other two fidgeting teenagers then back to Sammi-Jo. The sheriff’s instincts told her they were fooling around, as usual.
Twice she’d actually fallen for Beau’s antics and had mounted time-consuming search parties into the woods for the idiot, only to call off the search as Beau had miraculously shown up in town telling everyone — who was dumb enough to listen, that Bigfoot had abducted him.
How Beau managed to escape the clutches of Bigfoot was never determined, for not even Beau could come up with an adequate explanation. Small wonder then that no one believed Beau no matter how much he insisted he was telling the truth.
Pretending to be abducted by Bigfoot was a well-worn practical joke, she mused. But it was getting old. Many Beaverites and tourists alike had claimed Bigfoot had abducted them. A certain member of Beau’s family, namely his father, Walt, claimed he’d also been abducted by Bigfoot, not to mention regularly taken by tall, blonde aliens from the planet Abba.
“Oh yeah … gone missing has he? Spent the night in the woods again, have we?” Lou asked sarcastically. She sniffed Sammi-Jo’s breath. The teenager stank of stale beer. She shook her head warily, unable to summon up the tiniest amount of concern for Beau’s whereabouts.
“Hope you told your parents where you were last night?” she warned with raised eyebrows.
Chad’s pimples were deep red with emotion as he jumped nervously up and down on the spot. He pointed into the woods, directly at MB.
“You gotta believe us Sheriff … Beau went to take a piss behind the Big X and that was the last we saw of him … honest.”
Lou tilted her head and folded her arms as she looked at Chad. She gave him a dubious frown and wagged her finger in a warning fashion. “Better not be messing with me, Chad, I’m not in the best of moods right now.”
“It’s the God’s-honest truth, Sheriff,” Soozie interrupted.
Well, they were certainly putting on a good act, Lou thought. Seemed genuine for once. “I suppose you’re going to tell me Bigfoot took Beau … again?”
“Well, yeah? I guess … maybe … I don’t know.” Chad said. “It obviously wasn’t aliens.”
Sammi-Jo nudged Chad in his guts with her elbow, saying, “Chad’s right … it wasn’t the aliens … we don’t know who or what took Beau, but it’s the truth … he just vanished … and for real this time.” Sammi-Jo looked furtively to Soozie who was rolling her eyes.
Lou didn’t miss a thing. “Do tell, Soozie.”
Sammi-Jo kicked Soozie in the shin and shook her head.
Soozie shrugged, “Um … it’s nothing, honest.”
“Then why did Sammi-Jo try to shut you up?” Lou glared at Soozie. “Come on, out with it … the sooner you spill the better for all concerned.”
“Sorry guys, but I gotta tell … it’s for Beau,” Soozie said. She turned to Lou. “A real Bigfoot joined our party and well … how can I say this without sounding stupid?”
“Let me be the judge of that,” Lou insisted. For God’s sake get on with it.
“Well this Bigfoot … this female Bigfoot started partying with us … and ….” Soozie was interrupted.
“It’s true Sheriff, a real live Bigfoot danced with us … it was so cool,” Chad interrupted. “But it just vanished along with Beau, like poof and they was gone.”
“It wasn’t a Bigfoot,” Sammi-Joe said. “Come on Chad, we all know it was someone dressed up, like D ….”
“Shut the hell up, Sammi-Jo.” Chad smiled sweetly at Lou. “Look Sheriff, we all thought it was a real Bigfoot … at first, but when it vanished … well, we’re not so sure now, are we?” Chad looked to both girls. They nodded in agreement. A light switched on in Chad’s head. “I know … it was Phantom Bigfoot.”
All three teenagers giggled.
Lou rubbed her throbbing temple and sighed. Well this was a new slant on things. Beau’s friends always claimed they knew what had abducted Beau — a Bigfoot. She sighed heavily. What if they were
telling the truth this time? Lou doubted it, but what if they were? What a screwed-up start to the day.
But Lou had her job to do and that meant to serve the community to the best of her abilities. How could she take Beau Bruger’s disappearance seriously with his past history of fake Bigfoot abductions? But she knew she’d at least have to go through the motions and look like an interested sheriff doing her honor-bound duty.
Lou sighed heavily, “Okay … where exactly were you when Beau supposedly disappeared.”
Sammi-Jo pointed in the direction they had come from, a ways up the road. “Back there … at the picnic spot … up at Little Beaver … The Big X.”
The Big X! That place was becoming a tourist trap for alien abductions and Bigfoot sightings. She was reminded of last year’s incident when two runaway lovers — Joey and Tina — went missing for almost two days. Her father was on the verge of contacting the FBI when Walt turned up with both of them, claiming they had all been abducted by aliens and experimented upon. They would not divulge what those experiments were.
Better take a look, Lou thought. A glance from one innocent face to the next told her beyond all doubt she should have stayed in bed this morning. Nothing ever happened in Big Beaver. With a resigned sigh she walked up to the VW van and peered in the back to see a mess of camping gear, but no Beau. She opened the door and hopped in. She rummaged in the mess. Still no Beau.
“One of you had better come back with me. That’s you, Chad.”
Chad perked up and looked ready to go with a wide grin. “Cool!”
“You two kids had better get back to town.” She gave the girls a questioning look. “I don’t suppose you’ve been drinking more than just beer?”
Soozie and Sammi-Jo shook their heads, no, and tried to look like two little schoolgirls. They failed miserably.
Claws of Doom Page 37
