“No.”
“Would it kill me?”
She stared at him. He stared back. The field was dead quiet. “If you were unprepared, like you just were, and didn’t fight back, then yes, it would kill you.”
“And the lady just took the lead,” Tobias muttered off to the side.
Cayan let a hard breath tumble out of his mouth. “Then, for now, let’s just spar. I will need to practice before you do any real harm.”
“So the girl wins mentally, but we still have the physical battle. At your leisure, my lord,” Tobias mediated.
Cayan was no longer in a laughing mood. She’d shaken him. He had just learned how ill trained he really was. The next time he showed up to spar, she had a feeling she would be back-pedaling before she could fight him off.
The purely physical sparring lasted for the next hour. They were well matched, but Tobias had been right; Cayan was bigger and stronger, although not faster. At least not enough for it to count. His reach was what killed her. She had to duck in and out of his long arms, and a few times she got tangled inside. On those instances he grabbed her, gave whatever part of her body he had hold of a quick, though playful fondle, always laughing, then threw her across the field.
The first time it happened, the guys watching had sucked in a breath. Cayan had given her butt a hard pinch and a sound slap. They didn’t realize the extent of what she had done to him and to Sanders—she knew that she had started it, and also deserved it. Still, a swift though light kick to his balls had been justified. The guys had sucked in another breath at that one.
The last time, when Shanti was starting to get tired and sloppy, she had tripped over Cayan’s big boot and went head first into his chest. Before she could get her hands in gear to punch him in the gut, he had her face tilted and found her lips with his own. Startled, she froze, suffering his tongue to drift along her bottom lip, tasting her, daring her to open her mouth and taste him in return. Instead, she punched him in the balls as hard as she could, sending him back down to one knee.
In the quiet that followed he had smiled hugely and announced that it had been worth it. All the men cheered. Then all the men felt what it was like to have their brains lightly squeezed. It cut short the celebration, but not Cayan’s triumphant smile.
To Cayan, women were a game, and while it was funny, and to some extent also fun, she wasn’t in the mood to play for long. Not when he had denied her Jerrol. It was all a one-sided joke, in which he was in control, and she did not plan to forget it.
At the end Tobias ruled that the Captain had won the sparring and everyone collected their winnings. It was the first time Shanti had gotten nods and pats on the back. She was still the scary foreign woman, but she was less mysterious. Not that it really mattered to her, but she’d play along if it helped them sleep at night.
“Can I speak with you?” Cayan asked when the groups of men broke up.
She shrugged, finding a fire at the edge of the group and sitting down. The guy who had been there, a squeaky-voiced kid who was good with a bow and had just made it past Cadet, made himself scarce in a hurry.
“I know you have mostly healed,” Cayan started, sitting next to her. “I know that you don’t plan to come back with us. But I wondered…can you forestall your trip until after winter?”
She shook her head while he continued. “Winter gets very cold here. It has been known to snow. You don’t have provisions for that. You are newly healed after the last injury, and you were just newly healed before that. Another couple months won’t matter—no one can travel far in the winter. We are not in danger until then. In that time, you can represent your people as we draw others to our side.”
“I am in danger all the time, Cayan. I am forever in danger. If one of your people was to sell me out, or someone caught wind of me, the Graygual would not wait until the snows melt. They would come immediately to claim me.”
“But now my people know your value. And they know that I am like you. They cannot sell you out without also exploiting me.”
“Your army might adhere to that, but your citizens will not. They won’t understand me, or your Gift.”
“A couple months. The word cannot get out before then. We don’t trade in the winter, no one visits—it is like the world halts for the cold. In that time you can train me. You can work with your Honor Guard and the other young members of the army. You would have a home, a warm place to celebrate your holidays, a time to rest and rejuvenate.”
“You wish me to stay for you, then, is that it? To train you and your army? For your benefit?”
Cayan hesitated, his gaze boring into hers. “Yes. For me. For my benefit and your own.”
“What makes you different from the Being Supreme?” Shanti asked quietly.
Cayan’s blank mask melted in anger. “For one, my goal is not to rape and breed you. And two, I have wanted you within my walls from the beginning. My reasons constantly change, I will grant you that, but they have always been in your best interest.”
Shanti shook her head. “I’m not in the game of trusting strangers, Cayan, especially not those who are interested in their own gain. I need to continue on my way. We need to part.”
“But what of my Gift? Our mating Gifts?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers.”
“You don’t have any answers.”
“Fine, I don’t have any answers. It doesn’t change my duty.”
“I had planned to go with you,” Cayan said so quietly she almost didn’t hear him. “I wanted a couple months to prime Sterling and Daniels to handle the city while we were gone. I wanted to use the winter to get my allies lined up. Then I planned to go with you. I think we need to stick together, or else why are there two of us? Why did my mother’s long lineage of daughters suddenly end in a son?”
“Fate again, is it? Fate doesn’t exist, Cayan. I do not play the dutiful soldier well. If I had any family left alive to swear to that fact, they would tell you many a story. I travel best alone. It was how it was meant to be. I can reconnect with you if I can make it back.”
“That’s the point everyone understands but you, Shanti. You won’t make it back. Half of you wants to die in the next few months. More than half, now, I think. I think you’re eager for it. You can’t handle the burden anymore. What else is it but Fate? You, near death, were saved by the city that held the one person with your mating Gift. That’s more than coincidence. When you were ready to die, why did you suddenly find someone who wanted to help? Who wanted to keep you alive. Who watches over you, religiously, because you seem to look for battles that will end badly, or use you until you won’t get back up. Tell me that.”
“Unlucky, maybe. You don’t need me, Cayan. Actually, it sounds like you’d find much more peace without me. As you did before me. You can learn your Gift now that you understand the nature of it. You have what you need.”
“No, I don’t.” Eyes on fire, he grabbed her, capturing her face in his hands. He kissed her hard, his lips glued to hers, his mouth opening and willing her to do the same.
She resisted, pushing at him slightly, not understanding why her body was tingling, why his hands and mouth seared her face, why the smell and feel of spices overwhelmed her until she was leaning in helplessly, rubbing her hands up his chest and twining them around his neck. Or why she finally opened her mouth to his probing tongue.
He filled it in a rush, tilting his head for more contact, stroking her tongue with his, licking her lips and backing off to nibble. When he lifted his head, his eyes were smoldering, soft but aflame, his eyes glowing slightly, his mind wrapped within hers.
He was bloody attractive. All the girls thought so. He got whatever and whomever he wanted, even within his modest society. She was alone, and lonely, and grieving. He knew she needed intimacy—it was why she wanted Jerrol—and knew that capturing a girl’s heart was a way to override her logic. If he got her to believe in his love, she would fall in line. He was a master and she
was a sucker.
She closed her mind and pushed. His eyes went wide before his face dropped into a scowl. “You keep running.”
“That is my duty. But let me guess; now you are going to throw in something about how Romie would disapprove of me leaving like this. Or how I couldn’t be the woman he fell in love with, what with my lack of foresight. Or how my parents would be ashamed of me. Or how my grandfather would be disappointed. Or how Rohnan, my Chance, saved the cause, and now I am just waiting for it to finally kill me and succumb to failure? You tried lust, and now you will try guilt, right? If so, don’t bother.”
He shook his head. “I was going to say you are as afraid of succeeding as you are of loving, whether it be family, friends, or anything else. And then I was going to wish you goodnight. You have noticed, I’m sure, that you have no guards. I have left you to the edges of the encampment to give you space. You could have left at any time. Still can. I do not hold you here under lock and key, nor was I doing it in the city after you proved I could trust you. I urge you to think on what I have said. I know you were trained to be a leader, and those that relied on you trusted you a great deal. Since I know something of leadership, I can say that the woman in front of me is not thinking with her experience, but instead, with her fear.”
With that, Master All-Knowing got up and walked toward the center of the encampment, leaving Shanti to feel hollow and alone. Leaving to her to think on her options. To mull over what he had said. It would be really irritating if he was right.
Chapter L
MARC WAS IN A PANIC. She was gone. She wasn’t there anywhere. He had searched every tent, every shrub, accounted for every man…she was gone. She had left in the night sometime when everyone was sleeping. Leilius might have a lot of talent for sneaking around unnoticed, but she had trained him. If she had wanted to get out soundless, undetected, she would have had no problem.
Without thinking, half in disbelief, he sprinted up to the Captain. “She’s gone! Sir, she’s gone. She left us. Sir.”
The Captain looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “I know, Cadet. She left last night. We leave for home today. Without her. She made her decision and we will respect it.”
“But sir—“
Sanders walked up briskly, his body looking like it ached, but the man ignoring it. “I just overheard. Should I go after her?”
“I’ve already tried,” Sterling said as he rolled his sleeping mat. “Her tracks go to the brush line. I lose them after that. It is like she climbed the tree and jumped from branch to branch—without breaking any branches in the process. I’ve searched a wide circle and can’t find a trace.”
“She’s had a lot of experience hiding,” the Captain said with indifference. “If she doesn’t want to be found, she won’t be.”
“Can’t you search with your head, or whatever it is you do?” Sanders asked quietly. “I remember her mentioning that a time or two.”
“I’ve tried. I can get so far comfortably, but when I push the power gets slippery and implodes. She’s gone. We move on.” He walked away, ending the conversation.
Sanders looked at the ground a long time. He didn’t like it, that was obvious, but when he looked back up at Marc, he was resigned. “She has made her choices and there isn’t much we can do about it except not like it.”
Marc nodded. “But the others would’ve wanted to say goodbye.”
“So would we all, but it’s not in the cards. C’mon, pack your gear. We’re moving out.”
It was a long walk back. Leilius was constantly looking in the trees, disbelieving that s’am was really gone. He said he had a feeling. She wouldn’t have left them. He knew she hadn’t left—not for good. But when the Mugdock attacked on the way back, they had to fend for themselves. She didn’t pop out of the trees to help, and she didn’t look to be saved. Not that she ever did, but the fantasy of saving the lady in distress was always in their thoughts. Why else would a man want to be a hero, except for the rewarding kiss?
As they walked into the gate, they were greeted with cheers and smiles. The Captain was the big hero, as always, and he and a few of the other older, more handsome Commanders and Lieutenants were swarmed with pretty girls batting their eyes and throwing their scarves. Leilius puffed up his chest, trying to be noticed, but they were in the back and too young for any real attention. Not that Marc cared; he hated being the center of attention.
He went to his house where his family fawned over him. His stupid sister picked a fight, like she always did, and his stupid brother had used all his stuff while he’d been gone. But even though he settled in that night without his own swarm of girls, and even though he had his family close, and even though it was like every other night, something was missing and the effect was like a hole in his chest.
He wondered where she was. And if she’d ever come back.
Chapter LI
SHANTI SAT IN THE SHADE of a Cypress Tree, looking out at the valley below. Rolling hills covered in golden grass rose and fell around the sleepy town below. She could just make out a small horse carriage full of green vegetation, plodding toward the town’s gate on shaky wheels.
She’d walked away from Cayan and his people two days ago, cutting cross-country the fastest way possible. Left in the middle of the night like a coward. Like the coward he refused to call her.
She scoffed to herself as she brought her elbow up to her knee, squinting into the morning sun.
Thinking with her fear, he’d said. Well, he’d been right. Problem was, she didn’t even know what she was afraid of, anymore. Or, more aptly, what she was afraid of most. Was it going on and proving she was actually the Chosen? That this burden she carried would only get heavier and more intense, finally crushing her under the weight? Or maybe her fear was of succeeding and learning that her people were found by the Graygual. That they were dead, or worse, slaves. Or what if she wasn’t the Chosen, like she suspected? If she was going all the way to the Shadow Land only to be killed at the hands of strangers?
All those fears she’d carried throughout her entire journey. From one town to the next, those fears had kept her company. Through the pain, and the loneliness—through the doubt, and the famine—she’d relied on what she knew. Fear, and loss.
Yes, she was ruled by fear. He was right. But no more now than she’d ever been. It didn’t change her duty.
A ghost of a remembered kiss pressed her lips. Her palms tingled, remembering the feel of Cayan’s hard body. Remembering the flutter of her stomach as his gaze delved into her. The spices from his Gift tickling hers. Her power’s mate, wanting to mix and swirl, surging…
Shanti batted at the grass and pulled herself to her feet.
Fine. Yes. He was right, the meddling ass— she was afraid of more loss. Of watching her Honor Guard, boys she was helping shape into men, sliced alive by the Graygual. Of watching the city that brought her back from the dead crushed by a flood of the Graygual army. Of staying and letting that handsome bastard try and convince her she could love again, and then having him ripped away. The pain of Romie was diminishing with the final stages of loss—she couldn’t go through something like that again. It was best to freeze the part of her that could feel, and focus solely on her duty.
Shanti started down the hillside to the town below. She was doing him a favor—all of them a favor. Tomorrow she’d release a large blast of power, making sure she raised eyebrows and created rumor, in order to draw Xandre’s focus to her location. With just a release of power from one person, traveling alone, the rumors of a second power, if there were any, would be quelled. Cayan and his city would be in the same danger they were before her, and she and him would be even.
But that was for tomorrow.
Tonight she wanted a hot meal, a bath, and a bed.
She jiggled her satchel. The sound of coins rang out, bringing a smile to her face.
“Thank you, Cayan, for sleeping much too soundly.”
She might’ve been a coward operati
ng on multiple layers of fear, but she could still sneak and steal with the best of them. And now he knew.
Shanti kept her head down as she neared the Inn in the center of the town. Dusk was just starting to settle. She would’ve preferred staying closer to the outskirts, in case she had to leave in a hurry, but without options, she’d settled for keeping her head down with dirty, somewhat matted hair. With pretty bar maids and hopefully dancing girls around the common area of the Inn, she doubted anyone would grow interest in a slightly stinky stranger—she’d just have to wait to bathe before bed.
The smell of baking bread greeted her as she pushed through the rustic door, seeing the common room open up before her. It was somewhat large for the size of the town, with wiped down tables dotting the dining area. To the left sat a small stage, perfectly equipped for a juggler or performer of some kind. A small and empty dance floor was in front of that. The bar hugged the back wall, occupied by a large man making lazy circles on the countertop with a grayish rag.
She weaved in and out of the tables until she got to the back, tucking herself into a darker corner, giving her visibility of the room, but hopefully masking her somewhat from others. She left on her cloak despite the heat of the room, and kept the hood over her light hair. Her coloring would stand out in this town—she didn’t need trouble tonight. Or questions.
“Hello miss.” A busty maid with wide hips walked up, a cheery expression on her face.
“I’ll need a hot meal and a bed and bath for the night. Can you arrange this?” Shanti dusted the table with three silver pennies.
“Oh, O’ course Miss, yes O’ course. Wouldn’t you be needin’ the bath first, though, Miss? I can bring the meal to your room…”
Shanti almost agreed—it was a good idea to remain unseen. The problem was, she needed to know what she was potentially walking into on her continued journey. She needed to hear news of the Graygual advancement and any other important gossip, no matter how farfetched. Common rooms were excellent sources of information since men would gossip about even the most absurd things. If she left, she’d continue to be walking blind.
FIERCE: Sixteen Authors of Fantasy Page 55
