by Lora Ann
Her head moved back and forth in a “no” response. But I knew talking about your fears was one way to control them. I insisted, “C’mon, sweetness. Let’s get you in bed so we can talk.”
I felt her swallow hard as she looked up at me. “Will you stay and hold me?” she whispered tenuously.
My heart stuttered. Good God, she was so precious. Rare. Pure as the driven snow. I felt like a Neanderthal when my inner voice demanded, mine! Putting my inner beast in a figurative head lock, I guided Lacey towards the bed. Her eyes widened when they lit on the Glock. I stowed the gun inside a drawer as I declared, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
When she locked her hands around my neck and tugged me towards her, I admit her response shocked me. Also, I was fully aware my body couldn’t be on top of hers. That kind of control was beyond me. As it was, I barely contained the monster chomping at the bit to take her. Claim her. Instead, I eased beside her and wrapped a protective arm around her waist. I would’ve preferred spooning with her, but she had refused and was resting her head on my shoulder. Under ordinary circumstances, I would’ve forced my will over her. However these weren’t typical. Hell, nothing about Lacey could ever be summed up with the word normal, nor could my reactions to her. Something told me, my life was about to be forever altered. In return, hers would be too—only time would tell whether that was good or bad. Though, for right now, the unexpected closeness would have to be enough. I would keep my hands to myself, even if it killed me.
It just might.
Chapter Twelve
Lacey
The smell of him calmed me more than anything else ever could have. I loved his scent: expensive body wash mixed with a musk that was pure, masculine E. When I nuzzled in for a better whiff, he took in a sharp breath. My eyes were drawn to the impressive tent his rod made. What would it feel like to have that huge piece of equipment buried inside of me? I had been raised to believe waiting until you were married to have sex was the right course to follow. It wasn’t that I disagreed with that. But, for the first time in my life, I actually desired a man. Added with what he had given me earlier—my very first orgasm—and I was no longer sure what I believed. Keeley had always told me it was “easier said than done” once the need to make love overtook you. Well, she was right. Made me wonder just what else my twin had been correct about. Unfortunately thoughts of conversations past with my sister re-stirred the nightmare I’d had of her. I buried my face in the crook of E’s neck, trying to feel safe. At that moment, I felt anything but.
“Hey,” he drawled. “Talk to me, søthet.”
Hearing him speak in his native tongue distracted me. I lifted my head and look into his eyes. “Where are you from?”
“You are ignoring my question,” he pointed out.
“Well, maybe…but when you speak in that beautiful dialect, what do you expect?”
A smile played on his gorgeous, soft lips. “I’m American.” I was positive my look of confusion brought about the next part. “My parents were from Norway.” He leaned in so close our breath fused, but he never touched my mouth with his as he murmured, “My brothers and I speak fluent Norwegian.”
I licked my dry lips. “Explains the accent,” I acknowledged.
“Tell me what woke you up so horribly, please?”
That did it. Even was controlling and demanding on the best of days, yet, when he asked politely and was a complete gentleman—I couldn’t help but give him what he requested. “I dreamt my sister was being…” fighting for the word, I pulled back from his face, “tortured.” There was no controlling the tears that streamed down my face.
E leaned forward and began to kiss each one away. The gesture so tender it stole my breath. Reality was, I would give this man anything he wanted. That recognition caused me to gasp. He had misread why and pulled me back into his arms for solace. If he only knew what I was willing to give him, would he continue to be this kind? “Why don’t you tell me the whole story about Keeley? Before you object, hear me out. If I know and understand what I’m dealing with here, it will help me assist you better.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic, nor was it the first time he had asked for the whole story. While a part of me didn’t want to betray her, another part agreed with him. The latter won out as I started, “Well, I’ve told you some of this already.” He nodded not wanting to interrupt me. I continued, “What you don’t know is how my sister became an addict.”
He encouraged, “Go on. You can tell me anything.”
“It’s not my story to share.” I swallowed hard; gossiping was one thing I tried my best to avoid.
He reassured, “Listen…don’t tell me anything you’re uncomfortable with. Keeley can tell me herself when we find her.”
My smile was watery as I went on, “My sister wasn’t a party girl. She was, however, a rebel.” The memories hit me, so I shook my head to clear it. “You see, she would purposely stay out past curfew just to irritate our parents. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. On more than one occasion, I’d witnessed her passing a joint to someone else without taking a hit. And I had warned her she shouldn’t run with a crowd like that.”
“I would’ve advised her of the same,” E chimed in. “If one of my brothers had been hanging out with people doing drugs, I definitely would’ve spoken up.”
I hadn’t missed the shadow that crossed his eyes. Wonder why? “Believe it or not, it wasn’t any of those ‘friends’ that led her astray.” Tears began to trickle. “Actually she never would’ve started doing drugs on her own. At least, I don’t think she would have. I could be wrong.”
“Are you telling me one of her so-called friends deliberately laced a drink to get her hooked?”
Wow. He picked up on that without me having to come right out and say it. Impressive. Or was it first-hand knowledge he hadn’t shared with me yet? “Sort of.” I expounded, “She started dating our pastor’s son, David, whom our parents more than approved of. I never really liked him. He always gave me the creeps. But she fell for him, hard.”
I could see E was getting a pretty clear picture of what had happened. So I continued, “He’s older than us. Honestly, I think that was part of the appeal.”
He had a dark and dangerous look on his face. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was contemplating how to deal with David. Damn. Remind me to never piss him off. “He was twenty-one.” Not a question, a statement. Yes, he was connecting the dots rather quickly.
I nodded, “And we were seventeen.”
“Fucking A,” he swore.
“Needless to say, he took her to clubs—she had no business being in—and would slip things in her drinks without her knowledge.”
“Wait,” he responded. “If she didn’t know what was going on, how did you figure it out?”
“Didn’t take much,” I pointed out. “She’d come home completely out of it.”
“He fed her a roofie so he could have sex with her?”
“Um, no. He was giving her oxy so he could share her.”
He stood up so fast I barely saw him move. Swear words were flying in Norwegian and then English. “Motherfucker is going to pay.” There was no doubt in my mind he meant it. I buried underneath the covers, missing his warmth and, truthfully, a little scared of the violence rolling off of him. Once he had his anger under control, he sat down next to me. “Sorry. But guys like that royally piss me off.”
“I can tell.”
He stroked my cheek reverently. “I will never hurt you, not in that way. However, if it was for reaching great pleasure, that’d be another story.”
Did he have to say things like that?! Part of me wanted to ask for a demonstration. What’s wrong with me? “I know,” I acknowledged. At least he wouldn’t harm me without my consent. I had a feeling, though, if I gave him my heart, he would destroy me. I didn’t voice that. But I did confess, “I trust you.” For all intents and purposes, I did. He would go out of his way to keep from hurting me maliciously. That much I was s
ure of.
His eyes dilated before he leaned forward and brushed his lips across mine. I wanted more, but he quickly pulled back after the feathery touch. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.
I glanced up and saw how much my trust meant to him. Wow. I would do anything to receive that look again and again. Deciding it was time to finish this horrid tale, I spoke, “Keeley was addicted before we realized what had happened. David wanted nothing to do with her once she craved the drugs and alcohol more than him. After he dumped her, she went completely out of control.” Again, the tears fell. I still felt somewhat responsible for what had happened.
E softly asked, “Did you ever tell your parents?”
“I wanted to,” I admitted. “Keeley begged me not to. She said she could quit any time she wanted.” I shook my head in disgust. “I had decided to go behind her back and tell them everything. But before I could, they found out and kicked her out of the house.”
He filled in the rest. “And you’ve been searching for her ever since.”
“Yeah,” I replied, “That’s the whole story.” Well, most of it. Keeley needed to fill in the rest. I wasn’t sure I knew everything. The parts I had just shared with E were from what I had witnessed first-hand, and the little she had told me.
“Let me see if I understand this correctly,” he interrupted my thoughts. “You said you were seventeen when this happened?”
I bit my lip. “Our birthday was in December.”
“So, your sister has been missing for how long?”
Oh, I saw where he was confused. “Keeley and David ‘dated’ for a year-and-a-half. She had been kicked out of college due to her drug use and had moved back home. If he would’ve let her, she’d have moved in with him.”
E ran his hand through his hair. “Didn’t want the congregation to get the wrong impression?”
“You guessed it—especially since he was taking on a pastoral role.”
“Are you shittin’ me?”
One thing I loved about E was his honesty. Yeah, he swore a lot, but somehow that made me trust him more. Maybe because there was never any second guessing to his intentions, they were on display for all to see. Hiding wasn’t in his repertoire. I had been raised in a household where the word damn was the most awful thing someone could say. And if we did, we were forced to repent for our profanity along with having our mouths washed out with soap. However, my parents hid things all the time. Then there was David with all his wrong doings, which made me question, on more than one occasion, who really needed to be repenting. “No,” I answered. “Towards the end of his relationship with Keeley he appeared to be getting his act together.”
“You don’t fucking believe that, do you?”
“I suppose it’s not really for us to believe it or not.”
“Bullshit,” he barked out.
The fact that he was this angry for my sister caused my heart to beat double-time. He was fiercely loyal—that much was clear. I seriously doubted there was anything about Even Strand that wouldn’t draw me to him. I cupped his jaw and brought his mouth to mine. Against his lips I murmured, “Thank you.”
“For what?” he replied.
“Being you,” I acknowledged.
After that, he deepened the kiss as he eased me back onto the pillows, but he never took advantage of me. Gentleman through and through, and honestly, it made me crazier for him. Yet every time I tried to take things further, he pinned my hands down. Ugh. Somehow I needed him to understand I was ready to give myself to him. Although he was probably right, tonight was not the time. Instead, I reveled in the comfort he offered—in the safety of his arms.
For now, it was enough.
Chapter Thirteen
E
Superman came to mind every time I thought of how much effort it took me to refrain from claiming Lacey that night. Not because I was as strong as steel, or gave the appearance of having nerves of the same metal, no, it was due to the fact she was my kryptonite. Good God, the woman brought down my walls quicker than water froze in zero degree weather. Trust me, twenty seconds was pretty damn fast. And yeah, I’d done that teaspoon experiment as a young teen more than once. Lest I forgot she was an innocent, holding her willing body made me realize I couldn’t taint her. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to so much I was fairly sure my cock would explode from the damn pressure. But something—I didn’t want to name—deep down held me in check. How much longer I could keep a leash on the beast was anyone’s guess.
When I awoke with the rising sun and recognized I still had her warm body snuggled against mine, no one would’ve been more dumbfounded than me. Believe it or not, I had a few rules and was a stickler when it came to upholding them. One of which, never sleep with a woman I had pleasured. Shit. I needed away from her before I claimed her body with mine. Easing out of the bed so I didn’t disturb her, I beat feet back to my room. After I closed my door, I rummaged through the dresser drawers until I found my favorite pair of ripped blue jeans and a black t-shirt. Still barefoot, I made my way quietly into the kitchen for some much needed coffee. What the hell was I going to do about Lacey?
I heard the soft swishing of her robe before she spoke, “I missed you.”
“Fuck, Lacey.” I turned to look her in the eyes. “Baby, you can’t say things like that to me.”
Her mouth turned down in a frown. She looked so damn sad that I couldn’t keep standing there without her in my arms. Therefore, I remedied that quickly. With her head against my chest, she inquired, “Why? Have I done something wrong?”
“God, no!” I vehemently responded. “Listen, sweetness…I know you think I’m some kind of chivalrous man, but I’m not.” She shook her head in protest, so I eased her back slightly and then placed my forefinger under her chin, lifting to hold her regard. “I’m trying to be honest with you here. Please pay close attention. I. Am. Not. Your. White. Knight.”
She whispered, “I have no delusions when it comes to you, Even.”
“I think you might,” I countered. “Last night, I shouldn’t have stayed in your bed. For that, I am sorry.” Without humor I laughed, “Actually…I’m sorry I can’t be the man you want me to be.”
She yanked her head back, simultaneously, pushing against my torso. “How the hell do you know what I want?”
Whoa. That’d been the first expletive I had heard from her. For a moment, I studied her and realized, with not a little shock, she was pissed off. The fuck? Of course it didn’t matter how perturbed she was at me, I had to put my cards on the table. “You think if you give me the precious gift of your body, I will never let you go.” Her mouth gaped open, but I saw the look in her eyes. If I was reading her expression correctly, she wasn’t completely sold on that. Explained why she clamped her lips into a tight, thin line. I had touched a nerve. “That’s not the case, Lacey.” I took a step towards her and reached up to stroke her jaw line. “I do want to fuck you, frequently and thoroughly, but I can’t fall in love with you.”
She gasped before she found her voice. “How do you know that?”
“I’m twenty-eight and have been with more women than most men twice my age. If it hasn’t happened by now, chances are it won’t.”
“Maybe you haven’t found the right one,” she disputed.
“Perhaps,” I acquiesced. “But it’s more probable I won’t.”
“That’s really sad, E,” she attested. I couldn’t disagree with her. On more than one occasion, I had questioned why I had never felt anything other than concern and deep like for any of the women I’d had sex with. My conclusion: just who I am. I was comfortable in my own skin, and had no problem with who I was or what I did. Last time I checked, it wasn’t a crime to enjoy sex. Not to mention the feel of a woman completely surrendering herself to me. Now that was hedonistic and out-of-this-world, so I would never apologize for it. She was barking up the wrong tree if she thought I would. “Life is all about love,” she added. “You love your brother very much.”
“Brother
s,” I corrected. “You’re right, I do. I also love my new sister-in-law, but it doesn’t change the facts—they’re family.”
Her mouth popped open and then snapped shut again. I could see the argument she was preparing cross her features, but suddenly something changed and she locked her eyes with mine. “I’m not going to debate with you about this. However, I will point out that life isn’t worth living without love.” She had stepped backwards out of my reach and pivoted to make her exit. Before she did, she added, “You know how to love, Even, you’ve simply chosen not to give it to anyone who isn’t related to you in some way. That’s probably the most devastating thing I’ve ever heard someone say.”
I wanted to grab a hold of her and shout, at the top of my lungs, she was wrong that I had loved each one of my subs, just hadn’t fallen in love with any of them. Yet, somewhere in my subconscious, I knew she was right. Damn, the woman knew how to make a meaningful retreat. I sat down heavily, staring at the spot she had just left. What the hell had I been doing with my life? Was it me that kept a wall securely in place? I’d thought that had been Nik’s modus operandi—now, I wasn’t so sure. Aimee had brought his walls down. Did that mean Lacey would tear apart mine? Hold-up…what was I saying here? Could I possibly already have feelings for her? She definitely got under my skin, but did that mean she was the one? Unsure of the answer to that question, I went to grab the coffee I originally had wanted.
By the second cup I was more myself. I didn’t think I had become emotionally attached to Lacey. What I was dealing with was desire. Plain and simple. Since I couldn’t take her, I needed to find some kind of release. Mentally, I went through who I could go to for such a purpose. I came up with no one. Here’s the thing, I didn’t want anyone but her. So what did that mean exactly? I had no idea. As if thoughts of her brought her to me, she appeared in the doorway dressed in what she’d had on the day before. Hell, she was leaving.
