by Lora Ann
Aimee spoke first. “Sofie…I-I’m so sorry.”
Did she really think this was her fault? I stepped closer to her and hugged her, hard. “You aren’t the cause of this, Aimee. Please, please don’t do this to yourself,” I implored with all that was in me.
Nik wrapped thick arms around his wife’s waist. “See there…I’m not the only one.”
She shook her head, leaning forward and kissing my cheek, then walked away from her adoring husband. I stared at Nik. “Is she going to be okay?”
He held my gaze keenly. “Wish I knew the answer to that, Sofie.” Clasping my smaller hand in his huge one, he inquired, “How can I help you?”
Sincerity laced his words and that was what broke me. I began to sob uncontrollably as Nik held me in his kind arms, E and Lacey placing their gentle hands on me to offer comfort. How could I let them touch me after the way I’d treated their brother. A man who didn’t deserve any of the horrors I had bestowed on his life. Luckily, I wasn’t able to speak as they led me towards the front row.
I had requested that the casket be closed for the service but could be opened for final goodbyes while people made their way to the cemetery. The overwhelming crowd took my breath away. Young men and women wept and held each other as every seat in the large church was occupied. At one point, I noticed the aisles packed full. Dear Lord, my baby girl had touched so many. When I searched briefly for Alex and didn’t find him, I was partially happy. But then disappointed he had bought into my charade at the hospital. What the hell had I expected, exactly? Why wouldn’t he have believed such vitriolic words? As if my thoughts had conjured him out of thin air, he squeezed in beside me. I had no intentions of acknowledging him until his arm coiled around my shoulders. The unexpected show of compassion and sympathy overwhelmed me after I had been so reprehensible. He whispered softly, “I’m right here, kjære." The Band Perry’s “If I Die Young” began to play as I completely fell apart.
Alex once more murmured, “I’m not going anywhere, Sofie.” He promised, “Never again.”
If only I could believe him. Yet I knew some of my words from the hospital were true. After Lilly was buried, I would be leaving for good. This was the last time I’d ever see Alex Strand, so I greedily held on to that moment as if it were my last breath.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Alex
The woman I loved was beyond unreachable. So shattered. If Sofie thought I had bought into her little display at the hospital, she was in for a very rude awakening. I let her need to protect me trump my better judgement once, not again. I wasn’t some nineteen-year-old boy any longer. No, this time around I was a grown man who knew what he wanted and needed. Sofia Fields was it for me. Only woman who had ever captured my heart and still held it, therefore I had no intentions of letting her go. Not now, not ever. She would fight me tooth and nail over that. I actually looked forward to the battle. Didn’t she understand how beautiful her anger was? Sofie was breathtaking any time, but something about her ire made her spectacular.
After the lovely service for Lilly, I went with Sofie to say her final goodbyes. Not wanting to be intrusive on such a private moment, I went over to hug my sister-in-law. She wasn’t herself. Aimee’s curves were still there but she’d lost too much weight, too fast. Seemed not eating was the way many dealt with hardship. I’d noticed Sofie’s cheeks were hollowed and she had dropped a few pounds as well. I pulled my attention back to Aimee. “Tell me what I can do to ease this burden you’ve put on your shoulders, little sister.”
Her lips quivered slightly. “There’s nothing anyone can do.” She clarified, “I should be the one in that casket.”
Nik went visibly pale. God, my brother did not need to hear that. His hands shook violently as he placed them on her waist. Aimee was so lost within herself that she hadn’t picked up on it. I shot a sidelong glance E’s way. Nope, he hadn’t missed it either. His stare was relentless, as if he were willing Aimee to let this go for her and Nik’s sake. Ah, if it were that easy. Problem was, E and I had watched Nik disappear into hell before our very eyes. Helpless as to how we could bring him back. We couldn’t watch that happen to her. Nor would we stand idly by as our brother joined her. The silent pact was made between Even and myself, then and there. We would move heaven and earth to save Nik and Aimee.
The sight playing out beside Lilly’s casket tore at me. Sofie could barely stand as sobs racked her. I walked up from behind and coiled my arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against me. “Baby, I know this is the hardest thing a parent can do, but you need to let her go.”
“I-I can’t, Alex. She shouldn’t be gone. She had her whole life ahead of her. I just can’t,” she wailed, holding Lilly’s lifeless hand.
Tears fell down my cheeks and into Sofie’s hair as I reached forward and grasped her hand. “It’s time, sweetheart. I’ve got you. You can let go.”
She clutched tighter, refusing. And that was when I knew it was time to do the one thing I hadn’t wanted. “Nik. Could you help me out?” I was already sliding the sling off my shoulder, so explanation wasn’t necessary. He finished removing it for me. I ignored the sharp pain lancing through my wound as I picked Sofie up. Taking her hand in mine and shaking it until she released Lilly’s, once free, I carried her away.
Sofie’s attempts to beat me with her fists were futile. She gave up, hanging over my good shoulder like a wet rag, until we were outside. I eased her down my body, watching as she stepped backwards. Next came a slap, loud and precise, across my face. Shocked into silence, I stood there wide-eyed.
“You fucking bastard,” she spat out. “Until that’s your child lying in a casket, cold and alone, don’t you ever tell someone ‘to let go.’”
That was when it hit me what I had just done to her. And yes, it would haunt me. How had I not seen the devastation my actions would cause? Well, writing was on the wall: I was a jackass. “Sofie, I only wanted to help you, not hurt you. Never that,” I declared.
“Too little, too late,” she hissed as her eyes went to my shoulder. Her hand came up and I caught it. No way in hell was she getting another strike in. I didn’t care how pissed off she was. “You’re bleeding,” she stated with a hint of concern behind it.
I followed her gaze, and sure enough, blood was seeping through my suit coat. “Shit.”
Nik stepped out of the church holding on to barely functioning Aimee. His deep rasp carried across the tiny lawn. “Come on, Alex. We’re heading over to the hospital now.”
I shook my head. “I can’t leave Sofie.”
Lacey had pushed Even over to us via the ramp at the side entrance. “We got her, brother,” E reassured.
Everything in me wanted to protest that I should be the one to go with her, but blood was actually soaking my clothes. Whether I liked it or not, my head began to feel woozy. Nik’s arm came around me, fast. “Easy there, Alex. I’ve got you.”
Aimee removed her pretty white sweater and held it firmly against the reopened wound. “Let’s go, Nik,” she demanded. “He’s losing too much blood.”
As if Aimee’s words caused my brain to fire an ah-ha, my surroundings began to grow fuzzy and then…nothing.
*****
I woke up in a curtained area, quickly coming to the conclusion I was in the ER. Fuck. If I never stepped foot in that place again, it’d be too soon. Remembering what brought me there in the first place, I glanced down at the johnnie I’d had on over my pants. I tugged it down, inspecting the handy work. Nik yanked the curtain back. “Well, look here. You’re awake.”
“Piss off,” I muttered without heat.
“Ah, and just as happy as a clam, I see.”
“Asshole.”
“Been called worse.”
“Man, you’re full of sunshine, aren’t you?” I asked sardonically.
“Just call me Ray.”
I stared at him for a moment, thinking who the hell was this man disguised as my older brother? Then the laughter erupted, booming. Fe
lt good to cut loose.
A nurse rushed over and admonished, “Gentleman, you’re in an emergency room. Keep it down.” With a sly wink, she sidled up to the gurney I was on to check my vitals. “Everything looks good, Mr. Strand.”
I hadn’t missed the breathy words as her pulse fluttered in her neck. Fucking A, they’re just physical attributes. Honestly, I loathed my good looks—always had. My brothers were attractive men as well, but as they pointed out, somehow I got a double dose. Whatever. I attempted to redirect her attention. “Any word on when I’ll be sprung?”
“I just need the doc to sign off and you’re free to go.” She batted her eyelashes at me. For fuck’s sake, I needed a diversion. Suddenly the pieces locked into place. “Would it be okay if I used my cell phone to call my girlfriend?”
Her spine stiffened slightly. “I can bring her back if you’d like.”
Nik chimed in, “Oh no…she’s probably still at the cemetery, which is why he needs to check on her ASAP.”
Instant tears welled up in her eyes. Whether Nik knew what he’d just done or not, he’d touched the caregiver in her. If he’d done it on purpose, I would say he was a bastard. If it were coincidence, I had to thank him. Either way, I could kiss him. Yep, I would definitely burn for that one.
“Go ahead and make the call while I check on those forms,” she affirmed, walking away.
I mouthed, “I owe you one.”
“It was low and you know it,” he murmured.
“Yep,” I confirmed. “And I love your ass for it.” I hit send on my cell phone, but Sofie never picked up. Instead I got voice mail. “Sofie, please call when you get this.” Ending the call just as the doctor stepped into the area. He went over how I needed to keep the area dry and no heavy lifting, use the sling as much as possible—so on and so forth. Charlie Brown came to mind when adults spoke to the kids: whaa-whaa-whaa. Since I didn’t have a shirt to wear, they were kind enough to give me scrubs. Of course thanks to my size, they fit tighter than I was comfortable with. As Nik and I strode into the hallway, more than one woman was fanning herself. My brother capitalized, “Best get you somewhere behind closed doors before a lady spontaneously combusts.”
“You’re a real SOB, you know that?”
“Takes one to know one,” he retorted with a crooked grin.
“Fuck you.”
From down the hall we heard, “And the horse you rode in on.” Even stopped next to us—I should say Lacey wheeled him over—with a look on his face I couldn’t quite place, but knew in my gut I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
Nik turned towards our younger brother and studied him for a moment before he inquired, “What’s going on, E?”
I locked my gaze on Lacey. “Where’s Sofie?” Tears began to stream from her already swollen, red eyes.
With barely contained rage, I spoke precisely. “What? The. Hell. Happened.”
E reached over and clasped Lacey’s hand before he answered, “No fucking clue.”
“How’s that possible?” Nik queried.
“Sh-she,” Lacey stammered, “j-j-just dis-appeared.”
Nik stilled me by grasping my arm as I attempted to step forward. “Easy there, brother,” he cautioned.
Damn good thing, too, because there was no mistaking Even scooting to the edge of his wheelchair like he was about to stand. Hell, who was I kidding? He was about to hop up and kick my ass for upsetting his bride-to-be. The hurricane whipping through my body wasn’t directed towards Lacy or Even. Nope. That tempest was held offshore just for Sofie. I swear my hand jerked with the need to spank her ass. Something I normally enjoyed in the throes of passion. Seemed kink was also in the Strand genetic code, although E was most known for his. The truth, he was just outspoken about it. Visions of Sofie bent over the edge of a couch as I fucked her and swatted that fine ass did nothing more than stir up gale force winds within me. God help her when that squall unleashed. Pulling myself out of the storm inside me, I gave a stiff nod towards E. “My apologies.”
His temper had flared, so the replied, “Accepted,” was the most he’d been capable of at the moment.
Complete respect and understanding filled me for my little brother. Actually it was there for Nik as well. Their love and protection for Aimee and Lacey was unmistakable. The need to honor and cherish the loves of their lives held a ferocity all its own. And that right there had been why I was so furious with Sofie. “When did you last see her?” I inquired.
“At Lilly’s graveside,” Lacey responded.
“Didn’t she ride with you?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Lacey replied. “Which is why we’re so confused on where she could’ve gone.”
I paced, stroking my jaw when it hit me like a freight train. “I know where she is,” calling out as I raced towards Ari’s room.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sofie
I was on borrowed time. Acknowledging, I had to get in and out before being discovered raced through my veins, as if the Indie 500 were taking place just below my skin. Ari was looking better and better each time I saw her. Though the possibility this would be my last time to set eyes on the daughter I’d searched sixteen years for weighed heavily on me. Thank God she had her father, or I’d never be able to do it. As it was, my heart fractured while I gazed upon her beauty. Could she ever forgive me for this? Would she someday choose to stay with me? So many unanswered questions, and though I wanted to believe once Ari was well and out of here she would make it her mission to find my location, a part of me knew better.
A soft gaze met mine as I leaned over to kiss her forehead. After a quick peck, I eased back. “You’re looking much better.”
“Something’s wrong.” Her head angled to the side. “What is it, Sofie?”
For her benefit, I plastered on a big grin. But by the look she shot me, I hadn’t fooled her at all. Apparently she had her father’s brains, too. Just my luck. Third strike and I was out, might as well attempt to knock it out of the park. “I need to leave.”
Her posture changed as a speculative, “For a fashion show?” edged out. Ohhhh, she had all the makings of an excellent attorney. Would I ever learn what she decided to do when she finished growing up?
Chasing away all the melancholy thoughts, I replied, “Not exactly—though I will be working.” And I would. My decision to move to France was a profitable one. I already had an office and team in Paris, so the relocation career wise was smart.
Ari’s jaw stiffened as her voice hardened. “You’re not giving me the whole story.”
Well fuck. I had been called out by a sixteen-year-old kid. Either I sucked at fabricating or she smelled a crock of shit from a mile away. Neither would bode well for me. How could I convince her without blatantly lying? Let’s face it…abandonment would be an issue she’d have to deal with for the rest of her life. I’d need to heed that if I ever wanted any kind of a relationship with her. Since I did want that more than anything, this little tightrope walk was crucial. Who was I fooling? I was on a high wire across the Grand Canyon, a tiny misstep and I plummeted to the rocks below, becoming mangled and most likely unrecognizable. Might as well shoot me now, it’d be kinder. I chose my next words carefully. “There are issues that need handling, Arianna. I’m not comfortable sharing what those are, is all.”
“I see.” Her tone fell along with her face.
Poor girl, didn’t she know this wasn’t about her. I scooched up on the bed next to Ari and held her hand. “You, sweet girl, are not the cause or the reason I have to go. Trust me…if it was possible to take you with me, I would.”
Light returned to her eyes. Thank you, God. “So I’ll be able to contact you whenever I want?”
“Absolutely,” I said with excitement. The fact that she asked me brought joy I never thought to hope for. Convinced myself I’d never feel it again.
Once more her demeanor shifted, and in that moment, I understood just how wise she was beyond her years. “Is it ‘cause of Lilly?”
/>
“What? That I’m leaving?”
She only nodded.
“Partly.” Again, I spoke honestly and with candor. “Ari, burying Lillian was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” She deserved the God’s honest truth whether I wanted to give it or not. Funny, I did seem to want that.
“I get it,” she sighed. “What was the other?”
“I’m sorry.” My brow quirked. I was not following what she meant.
“You said ‘one of the hardest.’”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Having you taken from me was a devastation I thought I’d never recover from. Ha! Only thing that kept me going—made me want to live—was the knowledge you were out there somewhere.” Tears spilled down my cheeks with the confession.
“I-I,” she hiccupped from crying, “I didn’t know. I thought you didn’t want me.” Those last words were torn from her through a sob.
I wrapped my arms around Ari, pulling her against me tightly. “Oh honey, we were both robbed of so much by a vengeful man. I’m so sorry.” I lifted her chin with my thumb and forefinger, staring directly into those sad eyes and willing my love into her soul. “I wanted you. I loved you from the moment that pregnancy test confirmed you were inside my womb. I’ve loved you all these years. I still do, even though we’ve just met. My heart knows you. I know you. You are loved.” We sat and held each other, crying as Plumb sang “In My Arms” on Ari’s iPhone. Irony or divine intervention? nevertheless the words held true. Seemed my daughter had been broken as well, and I hated that her grandfather was responsible.
A barely audible, “Thank you, mom,” was whispered over my heart. Dear Lord, how could I leave now? I sat there holding her until my arms went numb and she fell into a deep sleep.
