by Elin Peer
Pivoting around, I search for a tree with branches low enough for me to climb it. There!
I spotted a large pine tree and forced my tired body to run for my life.
Another roar made me hurry up the tree, clasping at branches, ignoring the scratches I got on my hands and arms, and praying that Archer had been right when he said that the bears here didn’t eat people.
With a death grip around the tree trunk, I held on, my eyes searching for any sign of the bears.
What if they went after the children? My already hammering heart skipped a beat and with adrenaline as my fuel I moved myself into a position where I could access my wristband and call for help.
The band projected Archer’s face above my wrist and I knew he could see me too.
“Are you okay? Shelly said that you needed help.”
“Shhh…” With a finger to my lips I hushed him. “Quiet,” I whispered. “I’m in a tree, hiding from some bears.”
“You’re joking!” He sounded ominous.
I shook my head, my eyes still fearfully roaming the area.
“Shit!” he sputtered. “You know that bears are excellent climbers, right?”
“They are?” This time I wasn’t whispering. It came out in a small shriek.
“I’m coming, just tell me where you are.”
“How am I supposed to know?” I cried. “Somewhere in the forest in a big pine tree.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I held my breath when I heard noises coming closer. “Hurry!” I whispered frantically.
From the way Archer’s image was shaking, I could tell he was running. “Send me your location,” he ordered.
“I don’t know how to do that, I’m not very good with technology.”
A stream of curse words came from him, but I was too busy staring in the direction of the noise to mind and then I saw it: a large black bear came jogging in my direction.
Like any sane person who is hiding, I knew to keep calm and stay quiet, but unfortunately my brain temporarily malfunctioned and a loud scream of pure terror rushed out from the bottom of my strained lungs.
That caught the bear’s attention. He stopped, rose up on two legs, and looked straight at me with small gleaming black eyes. The way he leaned his head back and sniffed the air made me scream again.
While the bear slowly walked closer to investigate, I pushed higher up the tree, my hands now so sweaty from fear that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hold on.
It was tempting to close my eyes and pretend this wasn’t happening, but I was in survival mode and kept my eyes locked on the huge bear.
“I’m one of the good people,” I said in a brittle voice. “Where I come from we don’t harm animals. You have no quarrel with me so just go away.”
The bear sniffed the tree before he lifted up on his back legs again, planting his big paws on the tree trunk.
My crying intensified, and looking up I realized that I couldn’t go much higher or the branches wouldn’t be strong enough to hold me.
Bears are excellent climbers, Archer’s words played on a loop in my mind.
I looked around for things to throw at the bear when he started to pull himself up by his claws. But twigs, pine cones, and loud screams didn’t scare the beast off. He had only his right hind leg on the ground when Archer finally reached us.
Clearly he had been sprinting, because his chest was rising and falling with his panting and his face was chili red. “Stay where you are,” he shouted to me, as if I had the option of going anywhere.
I swallowed hard and felt dizzy when the bear turned to face him.
“Be careful.” My voice broke and it felt like I had a second heartbeat in my throat. I would never forgive myself if something happened to Archer while trying to save me.
Archer had his eyes locked on the bear and moved sideways to pick up a big stick from the ground. Holding the stick in front of him he started roaring and shouting, making himself big and threatening. “Get out of here, go!”
The bear swayed from side to side before it charged him.
“Hey, knock it off,” Archer yelled at the bear and raised his arms up high. “Don’t make me hurt you.”
The bear took a left and stopped outside Archer’s reach, making deep guttural sounds that sounded to me like someone roaring underwater.
In an explosive motion, Archer rushed forward shaking the stick in front of him. “I said run the fuck off.”
This time the bear did and I gave a shriek of relief.
With the bear still storming off, Archer threw the branch to the ground and looked up at me. “Didn’t you listen to anything I taught you about bears?” he asked with both arms flapping in the air. “Don’t run, don’t fucking hide in a tree, and don’t scream like a girl.”
“I was scared,” I defended myself.
“I get that, but you can’t show them your fear. Black bears are skittish and easy to scare off. You make yourself big and threatening and you show them who’s the boss.”
“Don’t yell at me,” I cried and tried to calm my pumping heart by taking deep breaths. “If you hadn’t arrived he would’ve climbed up here and mauled me.”
“He?” Archer angled his head. “That was a small female and she was probably just curious to see what you were doing up there.” With a smile, he added, “Maybe she thought you needed help.”
“Very funny.”
“Can you even get down from that tree?” Archer asked, and a new wave of fear hit me when I looked down and realized how far up I was.
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
“You’ll be fine, just take it one branch at a time.” With a series of instructions Archer slowly guided me three branches down.
“Hey, is everything all right?”
We turned our heads to see Magni running toward us. “I heard yelling.”
“Kya met a small bear,” Archer explained dryly. “I scared it off but unfortunately she managed to climb into that tree before I got here.”
“It wasn’t a small bear. It was huge and very aggressive,” I pointed out.
Magni frowned and looked at Archer. “Do I need to find it and kill it?”
“No.” Archer shook his head. “It was just a small curious female.”
The two males exchanged a glance. “You sure?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“But I heard roaring – that’s why I hid in the tree. Surely they only roar when they’re aggressive.”
“Black bears don’t roar,” Archer informed me.
“Then what am I supposed to call the sounds it made?”
“You should worry less about what sounds it makes and more about getting down from that tree.”
“But I’m scared,” I said and searched for a safe place to put my foot.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Magni didn’t have the same patience as Archer and instead of helping me from below, he quickly climbed up to where I was. “Just do as I tell you,” he said and showed me exactly where to put my foot and what branch to hold onto. With his help, I was down in less than two minutes.
“Thank you,” I said and brushed my hands together. “I’m grateful to both of you.”
“Can you run back to the school?” Magni asked me.
“I don’t think so. Maybe I can jog, but there’s no way I can keep up with the pace of you two if you start running full speed.”
“I’ll jog with you,” Archer offered and turned to Magni. “I’ll make sure she gets back to the school safely.”
My big protector hesitated and I figured it was because he knew how much I disliked Archer after the spanking. “Kya, do you want me to stay with you or are you okay with jogging with Archer?” Over the last month, Magni had eased up and wasn’t hovering as much as he used to.
Grateful that I had survived my encounter with the bear, and thankful that Archer had come to my rescue, I waved a hand at Magni. “It’s fine, sprint all you want,” I assured him.
“Great.” Magni took off
with the grace of a panther, leaping over logs and disappearing with a speed that I would never be able to keep up with.
“I’m sorry that you had to come back for me,” I told Archer in a tone that was as friendly as on the night we had met. “I told Shelly it wasn’t necessary, but that was before the bear almost attacked me, and now I’m grateful you came back to save me.” We were walking and I was surprised that Archer didn’t try to hurry me on. Maybe he wasn’t so rude and horrible after all.
“Why do you let the children sleep with you?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Because I don’t like the idea of them crying themselves to sleep. It’s not normal for kids to sleep at their school in the Motherlands, so this is a new situation for everyone. If they were at home, their parents would comfort them after a nightmare or if they were sad about something.”
“But our students aren’t small children, they’re preteens and teens.”
“I know, but don’t forget that many of our students from the Motherlands have experienced something traumatic and will be more sensitive than other children.”
“So, you would let any of them sleep in your bed, as long as they were sad and had a nightmare; even the boys?”
“Tommy and Nieall are only ten and eleven years old. I give them the same amount of love that I give my other students, but they haven’t needed it.”
Archer raised an eyebrow. “And what about the Nboys? Would you let them sleep in your bed too?”
I started jogging. “None of them have ever come to me for comfort,” I said dismissively.
“Yet.” Archer fell into my pace. “But don’t forget that those ten boys miss their mothers too.”
I shot him a sideway glance. “None of them can remember their mothers.”
“Tell me what it was like growing up with parents who kissed you and doted on you?” Archer asked.
“Well, it was wonderful,” I answered. “It’s the way it should be for all children.”
For a while we ran in silence, then he said: “It takes a while, you know.”
“What does?” I shot him a sideway glance but Archer was looking straight ahead with a guarded expression on his face.
“For the little boys to stop crying when they first arrive here.”
I furrowed my brow. “Can you remember when you first arrived?”
He shook his head. “No, not in specific detail, but when I trained to be a mentor I worked in an early childhood learning facility for two months. That’s where the toddlers arrive and they stay there until they’re ten years old.”
“You told me that.”
“Yes, but I didn’t tell you what happens when the boys first arrive.”
“What happens?” I asked with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
“It’s kind of heartbreaking really, because they are so small and they will try to touch every adult they see, longing for connection and love, I guess.”
The sadness in his voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
“We were told not to pick them up, kiss them, or comfort them with physical contact.”
“Why not?”
“Because we had to toughen them up,” he said matter-of-factly. “That rule got me in a lot of trouble, but finally I figured out a way to wrestle with them for fun and sneak in a hug or two. Still, after my two months, I knew I wanted to work with the older boys. I didn’t like all the crying.”
“But what about the sensitive boys? You must have some of them.”
Archer huffed out air. “We do, but as I said: we toughen them up. In time, they learn to swallow their tears, fears, and need for touch.”
For a while we just ran side-by-side, my empathy making it impossible not to cry on the inside for all the little boys who had cried themselves to sleep, and buried their pain behind brave faces. “So, after the age of three there’s really no physical contact other than fighting, is there?” I found it the saddest thing ever. Human touch was such a vital part of any child’s development. No wonder the Nmen grew up to be inflexible, unreasonable, and confrontational.
He shrugged. “I suppose it’s different for everyone. I can remember hugging friends that were sad and receiving hugs in return. For those lucky enough to form deep friendships, I think touching is part of it, although typically rougher than what you would be used to.”
With my heart overflowing, I slowed down and came to a halt. “I feel like you’ve been robbed of something very precious.”
Archer stopped too and was looking back at me. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” I took the five steps to stand in front of him. “You were taken from the people who loved you and even though you don’t remember it, you were once that lonely little boy longing for touch and connection. I think you’ve been robbed of love in your life.”
“Maybe, but it’s hard to miss something if you’ve never had it,” he said pragmatically.”
“I suppose that’s true,” I agreed softly with an overwhelming need to pour into him a fraction of the warmth he had missed out on in his lifetime. I could forget about the annoyance and frustration I felt with him for long enough to see Archer for the small boy he had once been: sad, scared, and deprived of love. Lifting up on my tiptoes, I placed my arms around his neck.
At first Archer tensed up and I could see why he would be confused, inasmuch as I had avoided him as much as possible since the humiliating spanking he gave me a week ago. “It’s okay, I just want to hug you,” I whispered.
Finally, his arms wrapped around the small of my back and he pulled me closer and buried his head in my hair.
I rested my head on his collarbone, not caring that he was sweaty from his run. Unlike some of the boys, who could smell like trolls when they were sweaty, Archer always had a fresh, outdoorsy scent to him that I liked.
After no more than ten seconds, he tried to pull away, but knowing the science behind a good hug, I knew we had to stay like this for at least a full minute to get the benefit of the healthy hormones that hugging released. Tightening my grip around his neck, I signaled that I didn’t want our hug to end.
“What are you doing?” Archer whispered in my ear.
“I’m hugging you,” I explained and nuzzled the back of his hair.
“But I thought you were angry at me for the spanking.”
“I am. But you did something heroic for me today and I want to give you something back.
“Well, in that case.” His voice took on a seductive tone, “how about a night in your bed?”
I released him immediately. “I don’t think so,” I said and started jogging again.
“Why not? You said it yourself, I did something heroic and I deserve to be rewarded.”
“Which is why I just gave you a big hug,” I explained calmly.
“But I really miss my mom,” he said in a singsong voice.
It was getting harder to speak now with the pace I was setting in my eagerness to get back to the school. “Maybe I would’ve been tempted if I had forgiven you for the spanking, but I never will.”
Archer took that as an invitation to discuss disciplining children and before we reached the school, I was back to being frustrated with him again.
“Just run ahead,” I told him. “I can see the school now and you don’t need to wait for me.”
“Stop giving me orders.”
“I’m not giving you orders, I just think Shelly and Marco might need your help. We’ve been gone for a long time, and you’re a much faster runner than me.” It was needless to say that anyone at the school was a faster runner than me.
With no further words, Archer took off. Even the irritation I felt with him didn’t stop me from appreciating the sight of his athletic body picking up speed and moving gracefully through the forest. He made running look easy, and I envied him his strength and physical confidence. One thing I had to say for the boys and men that I had met here in the Northlands: they were all very much at home in their bodies and spent hours pushing th
emselves.
Again, I thought about our kiss that first night. It might have started out as curiosity, but it sure had set off a whole series of wildfires in my body that I didn’t have much control over. I stopped jogging abruptly when something suddenly stood out so clear to me that I smacked my palm to my forehead. How did I not realize this a lot sooner?
CHAPTER 13
Motherhood
Kya
Christina tucked her feet up under her on the sofa. “Come again?”
“It makes perfect sense,” I exclaimed with eagerness. “I argue with Archer all the time because it’s a way for me to stay un-attracted to him.”
Christina pulled on her earlobe, squishing her eyebrows together. “But Kya…”
She didn’t get a chance to speak the sentence because I kept going. “How else would you explain such a radical change in my behavior? I used to be kind to everyone, but for some reason Archer riles me up and makes me say things that border on being unpleasant. I even kicked him once.”
Her eyes grew big. “You kicked Archer?”
“See?” I threw up my hands. “It’s like I don’t even recognize myself anymore and just for the record I feel awful about it.”
“And you think you’re behaving irrationally because you’re attracted to him?” Christina asked.
“Well, not by choice obviously,” I clarified. “I don’t even like him.”
A slow smile grew on her face.
“Oh no, I know what you’re thinking, and you can stop it right now,” I told her.
Her smile was growing goofy. “But I can hope, can’t I?”
“No, you can’t, and you better not tell Boulder about this.” I raised my index finger in warning. “If he talks to Archer things are just going to get worse between us.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” Christina assured me and reached out to take my hand. “I won’t say another word about this unless you bring it up.”
“Thank you.” I exhaled deeply and felt tension lift from my shoulders, but it didn’t last long before Christina brought up another headache in my life.
“Did you decide on whether or not you’re going to adopt Raven?”
