by Chris Colfer
“General, I’ve got a clear shot on the girl from the library,” he said into his radio. “She seems to be the one generating the shield over the park. Do I have your permission to shoot before it reappears?”
“We’re a little busy with monkeys and flying ships over here,” the general replied. “Fire at your own discretion!”
“Target is locked,” the sniper said. “Preparing to fire in three… two… one!”
The sniper pulled the trigger, and in a split second, a bullet traveled more than a thousand feet from the rooftop and pierced the beating heart of an unsuspecting misunderstood teenager. Conner and his friends heard the gunshot echo through the park and looked up at the hill in terror.
“NOOOOOO!” Conner screamed.
The sound of her brother’s panicked voice broke Alex’s curse for another brief moment. She looked down at the Great Lawn and saw Conner, Bree, Froggy, Red, Cornelius, Arthur, Mother Goose, Merlin, the Knights of the Round Table, and the Fairy Council staring up with horrified expressions—but they weren’t looking at her. Alex turned to her left and saw Rook standing by her side with blood dripping from a small hole in his chest.
“Alex…” he gasped. “I hope… I hope… I hope this will make things right.”
Rook collapsed, rolled down the side of the hill, and never got up. He had gone to the hill hoping to save Alex. Tragically, his mission was even more of a success than he’d intended. Alex stared down at her friend’s body in shock.
“Rook?” she said softly. “Rook, please get up! Please get up!”
The farmer’s son didn’t move, and Alex realized that her worst nightmare had come true: Someone she loved had been hurt. A tsunami of emotion rushed through her body, and the witches’ curse returned. Her eyes glowed brighter than ever, her hair flickered above her head like the flames of a rocket, and power she had never possessed before surged through her veins.
Alex pointed at the sniper in the distance, and the building he stood on imploded underneath him. The man jumped and made it to a nearby rooftop only a moment before he would have plummeted to the ground.
“Alex, please, you need to calm down!” Conner yelled up at the hill. “You’ve got to control your emotions before they control you!”
His sister clapped her hands, and a bright spiral of light like the Milky Way Galaxy appeared above her. Alex and the lion statues disappeared inside the light, and the spiral whirled out of Central Park. With no witches to control her, the curse had transformed Alex into a destructive force without bounds—and she was loose in New York City.
“We need to find her at once!” Emerelda told the others. “If we can’t find a way to break the curse, Alex could destroy the city—and maybe herself in the process!”
Conner, Bree, Froggy, Red, Mother Goose, Merlin, and the Fairy Council ran out of Central Park and headed in the direction of Alex’s light. Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table knelt beside Rook’s body to pay their respects. Cornelius nudged his friend with his snout and waited for him to wake up, but Rook never opened his eyes again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
WAR OF THE WORLDS
While the fairies battled the witches in Central Park, General Wilson and his Marines were up against the fight of their lives. The Literary Army had the strongest, fastest, and most efficient opposition the United States soldiers had ever faced. The flying monkeys swooped in from the sky and yanked the Marines’ weapons out of their hands before they even knew what was happening. The Jolly Roger blasted their cannons at all the Marines’ Hummers and tanks, and at the rooftops where the pirates spotted snipers. Once they were virtually defenseless, the Winkies and card soldiers rounded up all the Marines in Midtown Manhattan and forced them to kneel in the middle of Fifty-Ninth Street on the edge of Central Park.
The Winkies and card soldiers surrounded the captured Marines while the Jolly Roger and the flying monkeys watched them from the air above. The literary soldiers only parted as the Wicked Witch, the Queen of Hearts, and Captain Hook came to have a word with the prisoners.
“Which one of you is in charge?” the Queen of Hearts asked.
Against his sergeant’s advice, General Wilson got to his feet and addressed the literary villains.
“I am,” he announced. “I’m General Gunther Wilson of the United States Marines. Who the heck are you people?”
“Now, now, General,” the Wicked Witch said. “That’s no way to speak to your new commanders.”
“The United States Marines only answer to one commander—and that’s our commander in chief,” General Wilson said.
“And where is he?” Captain Hook asked, and looked around the New York street. “He must step forward immediately and surrender the Otherworld to us!”
“She is in Washington, DC,” General Wilson said. “And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ll never get close to her. You see, we’re just a fraction of the United States military; the rest of it is surrounding the city as we speak. The minute you step off this island, you’ll all be annihilated.”
The Wicked Witch, the Queen of Hearts, and Captain Hook were amused by the general’s remarks. The villains looked at one another and howled with menacing laughter.
“Then we’ll disarm them just as easily as we’ve disarmed you,” the Queen of Hearts said. “This isn’t the first world we’ve conquered, General, and it won’t be the last. Soon the heads of your precious military and commander in chief will be mounted on our wall!”
“But you and your men don’t have to perish in the process,” the Wicked Witch said. “You and your men could join our army and be part of our great empire.”
General Wilson took off his sunglasses so the villains could see every inch of his disgusted and impassioned scowl.
“We’d rather die than join the likes of you!” he shouted.
“So be it,” Captain Hook said. “Mr. Smee, prepare the cannons!”
The pirates aboard the Jolly Roger loaded the ship’s cannons and aimed them at the Marines. The general and his soldiers closed their eyes and braced themselves for a massacre.
“On my count of three!” Captain Hook ordered. “One… two…”
Suddenly, the Dolly Llama descended from the sky and shielded the Marines from the Jolly Roger’s cannons. The floating ships were so close to each other, the pirates could see the whites of one another’s eyes. Peter Pan stood beside Captain Auburn Sally and Admiral Jacobson on the upper deck.
“Oi! Codfish!” Peter Pan called down to Captain Hook. “Miss me?”
The sight of Peter Pan made Captain Hook growl like a wounded animal.
“Peeeter Paaan?” he roared. “What are you doing in the Otherworld?”
“I couldn’t let you have all the fun without me, now could I?” Peter Pan taunted him. “Leave these Marines alone, Captain. Finish your fight with me before you pick another one.”
Captain Hook glared at the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up with so much hatred, it was a miracle his face didn’t catch fire.
“Smee, drop a ladder!” Captain Hook ordered.
Mr. Smee rolled a rope ladder off the side of the ship and it touched the ground. Captain Hook grabbed hold of the ladder and pointed to the Dolly Llama with his hook.
“After that ship!” he commanded.
Peter Pan stuck his tongue out at Captain Hook. Admiral Jacobson spun the Dolly Llama’s wheel, and the ship rose higher into the sky, with the Jolly Roger soaring after it. The flying monkeys also flew after the Dolly Llama to assist the Jolly Roger, but the creatures came to an abrupt stop when the Ziblings’ colorful jet zipped into their path. The superheroes and their adoptive father waved at the monkeys from inside the cockpit.
“Attention, Hominidae-Accipitridae hybrids,” Professor Wallet said through the aircraft’s speaker. “Resist your animalistic urges and spare yourselves from a cataclysmic fate!”
The flying monkeys scratched their heads and looked at one another in confusion. The Ziblings rolled their eyes at
the professor’s terminology, and Bolt took the microphone from him.
“In translation: Just ’cause monkey see, don’t mean monkey should do,” Bolt said. “Ditch the flying ship and come with us! We’ll make it worth your while!”
Morph transformed into a pile of bananas to tease the monkeys. The winged creatures were tempted to go after the Ziblings’ jet, but they glanced down at the Wicked Witch for permission first.
“Tear that flying chunk of metal apart!” the Wicked Witch ordered them.
Since the flying monkeys were under the witch’s spell, they had no choice but to obey her. The winged creatures hurtled after the Ziblings’ jet with their claws raised and their sharp teeth exposed. The superheroes yanked on their aircraft’s gears, and the jet zoomed into the clouds.
“I DARE SAY, MERRY MEN,” shouted a boisterous voice. “WHAT SORT OF SELF-RESPECTING MAN REFERS TO HIMSELF AS A WINKIE?”
The Wicked Witch looked down Fifty-Ninth Street and saw Robin Hood, Little John, Alan-a-Dale, Will Scarlet, and Friar Tuck standing at Columbus Circle. The circle was a New York City landmark and had a tall statue of Christopher Columbus in the center of a roundabout connecting Fifty-Ninth Street to Broadway.
“WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT HIDEOUS WOMAN THE WINKIES TAKE ORDERS FROM,” Robin Hood said. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE IN LOXLEY CALL A WOMAN WITH ONE EYE, TERRIBLE CLOTHES, AND A HAGGARD FACE?”
“I don’t know, Robin,” Little John said. “What do you call her?”
“SINGLE!” the Prince of Thieves declared.
The Merry Men burst into a fit of haughty laughter. The Wicked Witch grunted at the insult, and steam piped out of her ears.
“After those arrogant men!” she ordered.
Also under the witch’s spell, the Winkie soldiers immediately sprinted down the street and dashed after the Prince of Thieves. The Wicked Witch sat sidesaddle on her magic umbrella and flew above her soldiers. Robin Hood and the Merry Men hightailed it out of Columbus Circle and ran north on Broadway, leading their followers to another part of the city.
As the Queen of Hearts watched the Wicked Witch and the Winkies race off, a stiff hand unexpectedly tapped her on the shoulder.
“Excuse me, ma’am?” asked a voice behind her. “Would you happen to know how to get to Grand Central Station from here?”
The Queen of Hearts turned around and discovered the Tin Woodman standing behind her. The queen had never seen a man made of metal before, and a delighted squeal escaped her lips. She stepped toward the metal man with eyes like a predator.
“My word, what a remarkably rare head you have,” she said, and stroked the side of his face. “It would be a wonderful addition to my collection.”
“Come again?” the Tin Woodman asked.
“GUARDS, SEIZE THIS MAN AT ONCE!” the Queen of Hearts shouted. “AND OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
“And this is why you don’t ask for directions in strange cities,” the Tin Woodman said to himself.
The Ozian ran from the deranged queen as fast as his tin legs would carry him. He took a sharp turn on Fifth Avenue, heading south into the city, and the card soldiers hurried after him. The Queen of Hearts snapped her fingers, and two of her soldiers joined hands, scooped her up, and carried her with them as they chased after the Tin Woodman.
Unbeknownst to the Literary Army, they had just been strategically lured away by Conner’s friends and characters—and the villains had taken the bait like a hungry school of fish. Now that the Jolly Roger was flying after the Dolly Llama, the flying monkeys were following the Ziblings, the Winkies were running after the Merry Men, and the card soldiers were chasing the Tin Woodman, the general and the Marines were left completely unattended on Fifty-Ninth Street.
The Marines looked around the street in total bewilderment—how had they gone from facing certain execution to freedom so quickly?
“Sir, what just happened?” a Marine asked.
“That was called luck, Sergeant,” General Wilson responded. “Let’s not press it any further.”
“Your orders, sir?” asked another Marine.
“Evacuate Manhattan immediately,” General Wilson said. “And someone get the president on the phone at once. We need authorization to wipe out these barbarians before they disperse.”
“Sir, what does that mean?”
“I’m saying we are at DEFCON-2, Sergeant,” the general barked. “We need to vaporize this island while those savages are still on it. In less than an hour, New York City will only exist in our memories.”
The Dolly Llama snaked between the city’s buildings with the Jolly Roger hot on its tail. The pirates fired their cannons at one another, but the ships floated so freely, it was difficult to hit their targets. Cannonballs slammed into the high-rises they sailed past, leaving a trail of shattered glass, broken antennas, and busted corporate logos throughout Midtown Manhattan.
“Enough cat-and-mouse games,” Captain Auburn Sally announced. “It’s time to confront these scallywags face-to-face!”
The Dolly Llama set sail for the Empire State Building, then made a dramatic turn. Admiral Jacobson tied down the ship’s helm, and the Dolly Llama began circling the Empire State Building. The Jolly Roger mimicked the maneuver and also revolved around the building.
Captain Auburn Sally and her crew swung onto the observation deck while Admiral Jacobson and his fleet manned the cannons. Captain Hook and his men joined the women on the observation deck, leaving Mr. Smee to operate all the Jolly Roger’s cannons on his own. The men of the Jolly Roger and the women of the Dolly Llama formed lines at opposite ends of the observation deck and drew their weapons.
“Men like you give pirates a bad name,” Captain Auburn Sally said.
“You aren’t pirates,” Captain Hook said with a laugh. “You’re just a bunch of little girls with attitude!”
“Then I feel sorry for you, Hook,” Auburn Sally said. “Because you and your men are about to get your booty handed to you by a bunch of little girls. Ladies, charge!”
The pirates from Starboardia and the pirates from Neverland clashed in a swashbuckling spectacle eighty-six stories above the ground. Cannonballs flew above their heads as the circling ships sparred in the air. The sounds of clanking swords and firing cannons echoed in the streets of New York City.
The crew of the Dolly Llama were gifted swordswomen, but they also used some of their signature moves to battle the men of the Jolly Roger. Winking Wendy made her opponents sick by flashing the empty socket under her eye patch. Fish-Lips Lucy gave her adversaries painful hickeys when they least expected it. Somersault Sydney tumbled across the observation deck and knocked down the men in her path like they were bowling pins. Stinky-Feet Phoebe held her smelly feet against her challengers’ faces until the fumes made them lose consciousness. Too-Much-Rum Ronda broke empty bottles of rum over the pirates’ heads—and after a long week at the Saint Andrew’s Children’s Hospital commissary, Ronda had a lot of empty bottles.
While the pirates battled on top of the Empire State Building, Peter Pan covertly flew over to the Jolly Roger. He quietly searched all the ship’s decks for Tinker Bell, but the fairy was nowhere to be found.
“Looking for this, Peter?” Captain Hook called to him.
Peter Pan jerked his head toward the sound of Hook’s voice. The captain was standing on the edge of the observation deck with a jar dangling from his hook, and Peter saw Tinker Bell trapped inside it.
“Give her back!” Peter Pan shouted.
“If you want her, come and get her!” Captain Hook yelled.
Peter Pan removed the dagger from his boot and met Captain Hook on the edge of the observation deck. The literary characters fought each other with more intensity than ever before. The more they fought, the higher they climbed, and soon they were dueling on the roof of the observation deck. Captain Hook climbed a ladder up the side of the building’s spire while Peter hovered in the air beside him—all while blocking deadly blows from the other’s weapon. Finally, the c
aptain reached the very top of the building’s spire and couldn’t climb any higher.
“Hand over the fairy,” Peter Pan demanded.
The captain couldn’t tell if Peter was deliberately taunting him, but he still cringed at the word hand.
“Do you know what I wish I could do more than anything else in the world, Peter?” Captain Hook asked.
“Clap?” Peter Pan guessed.
“What?” the captain asked. “No!”
“Do a handstand?”
“NO!”
“Play the piano?”
“STOP IT! STOP MAKING APPENDAGE JOKES!”
“Why? Is it getting out of hand?”
“YOU ARE SO IMMATURE!”
“Captain, now is not the time to point the finger.”
Peter Pan was beside himself with laughter. Captain Hook growled angrily and got back to his point.
“More than anything, I want to see you lose something you love,” the captain said. “But since it’s impossible to hold you down and cut off your hand, I’ve decided to hit you where it hurts the most. You want Tinker Bell back? Catch!”
Captain Hook threw Tinker Bell’s jar into the air, and it plummeted toward the streets below. Peter Pan dived after the jar—and as he passed the Jolly Roger, Mr. Smee fired a cannon at him. Instead of a cannonball, though, a wide net erupted from the cannon and wrapped itself around Peter. The boy landed on the roof of the observation deck and was too firmly tangled in the net to save Tinker Bell.
“TINK!” Peter Pan screamed.
The Rosary Chicken hadn’t moved from the deck of the Dolly Llama since the battle began, but as she watched the helpless fairy fall to her death, the chicken knew this was her moment to contribute. The Rosary Chicken plunged toward the jar, but just as she clutched the jar’s handle with her beak, the chicken suddenly remembered she couldn’t fly!
“SQUUUUAW!” the Rosary Chicken squawked as she fell toward her own certain death.
Fortunately, her desperate chirps were heard by another one of Conner’s characters. At the top of the Dolly Llama’s mast, the Blissworm emerged from its cocoon to save its friend. However, the Blissworm didn’t exit its chrysalis as a smiling, squishy space worm. Instead, a massive creature slipped out of the cocoon and landed on the deck of the Dolly Llama with a loud thud. The creature had bulging biceps, defined abdominal muscles, three feathered antennas, and a wide set of wings whose pattern, when they stretched open, resembled a sad face. The Blissworm had evolved into the next phase of its metamorphosis: a ferocious Mad Moth.
