by Kelly, Erika
So under that calm façade, that shiny surface, roiled a very complicated man. Why did he hold so much inside?
After a few moments, he got up, dug some pebbles out of the sand, and hurled them, one by one, into the ocean. And then he turned to her with a wild look in his eye. “I don’t love her like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like a boyfriend. I was with her six years. I’m close to her family. It’s not easy to break up with someone you’ve known that long. She’s got issues. She needs me.”
“You like to be needed?”
“No, it’s not that. Don’t you have friends you’ve known a long time, and when they need you, you just have to be there?”
“Yes, definitely. But I don’t think you have to stay romantically tied to her. That isn’t fair to either of you.”
“I know that.” He crashed onto the chaise, and he stretched out alongside her. “Of course I know that. She just has a way of getting to me.”
“You mean she manipulates you?”
“I don’t want to talk about this shit. It drives me crazy.”
“A lot of things drive you crazy right now.”
“Exactly.”
“So maybe you shouldn’t break up with her. Not until you feel less crazy.”
He rolled to his side, looking all fierce and badass. “You think I broke up with her rashly? Are you kidding me? She’s got so many damn issues I can’t stand it. She won’t eat anything, so she gets bitchy and depressed. She takes forever to get ready—she won’t just go somewhere spontaneously. Ever. And even when she’s ready, she’s worrying about how she looks. Drives me up a fucking wall. So I get sick of her shit, I break up with her, and then she reels me back in. She gets all sweet and loving, but you know what? That’s not who she is. She isn’t sweet and loving. She’s neurotic.” He lowered his head, swearing under his breath. “I’m being an asshole. Making her sound like a bitch. She’s not a bitch. But she’s got a lot of issues…You know what? She’s a great girl, but I don’t love her. And that’s it. I just don’t love her.”
“You feel guilty about breaking up with her, don’t you?”
“Yes. Fuck, yes.”
“So maybe there’s more to it. Are you afraid of letting her dad down? He was like a dad to you, so maybe you think you’re losing a dad, too?”
“I have a dad.” But he said it quietly, the fire in him doused. He looked out to sea, pulling on his chin whiskers. “But, yeah, you’re right. Breaking up with Emma will hurt my relationship with her family. She says she wants to stay friends and, because of her dad, I told her that was fine.”
“But you don’t want to be friends?”
“She doesn’t really want to be friends. She wants me back, so we can continue on exactly the way we were. And that is not going to happen. Ever. I can’t…”
“What?”
“I can’t be with her. I don’t want to recycle the same damn stories from our childhood. I don’t want to listen to her experiences in clubs or what the photographer on her shoot made her do. I don’t want to pretend I’m interested in what she has to say. I don’t want to be so fucking careful with her. I want more. I want to feel something. I don’t want to fuck a rag doll.”
Whoa. Wow. She tried not to show any emotion. She didn’t want to stop him from venting. Clearly, he needed it.
His eyes closed and he rammed his hands through his hair. “I’m such a piece of shit. I shouldn’t be talking about her like this.”
Sophie smoothed a hand up his arm. “Hey, it’s okay. I don’t know her. I don’t know your friends. We live on opposite ends of the country. You can say anything you want.”
“It’s not her fault.”
“It’s no one’s fault. You’re twenty-one. You had six years with her. That’s a really long time.”
“Yeah.”
“So, to recap, it sounds like you’re done with her, but she doesn’t want to let you go, and you’re afraid to cut her loose because she’ll go crying to her dad, the man who’s like a dad to you, and then she’s going to turn her family against you, shutting you out. And you’ve worked really hard to be the good guy, and she’s going to destroy all that, turning you into the asshole boyfriend that broke her heart and carelessly tossed away everything she and her dad did to help make you into the man you are today, and that’s what’s making you crazy.”
He looked at her a long time, revealing nothing. And then a slow smile spread across his unbearably handsome features. “Yes.”
“Why do you look surprised?”
“Because I didn’t know that.”
“You don’t know a lot about yourself.”
“I’m beginning to see that.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Electricity arced between them.
The way he looked at her mouth sent a sizzle down Sophie’s spine, and she thought he might kiss her.
But he didn’t. He just blew out a breath and looked away. “I don’t want to talk about me anymore.”
“Okay.”
“Tell me what happened to you after your parents died. Your sister was eight years older than you, so who took care of you?”
She loved that he remembered so much of what she’d said. “My sister had graduated business school a year earlier, which made her really happy, since my parents got to see her turn out just how they wanted. She wasn’t exactly up for raising a sixteen-year-old, but she moved back home with me anyway. A few months later my aunt Georgie came for a visit and saw how I was living, how Abby was partying and all that, and she moved in. Which was great. My aunt’s amazing. She lives in Montana, in a really cool ski town.”
She rarely talked about this stuff, since it was personal business and she didn’t like to badmouth her own family. “Sometimes I feel closer to her than my own mom. My mom and I didn’t have much in common. She and my sister would go shopping and to the spa. They both ate the same way—coffee for breakfast, lettuce leaves for lunch.” Guilt boxed her ears, and she cringed. “Promise you won’t say anything?”
“Promise.”
She held out her pinkie. “Pinkie swear. Everything we say tonight stays between us.”
He lifted his pinkie, and they hooked together. His heated gaze made her heart pound. “You can count on me, Soph.”
“Now I know how you felt talking about Emma. It feels disloyal to say I felt closer to my aunt than my mom. I’ve never said that before. But since I’m on a roll, I can tell you I’m the opposite of my mom and my sister.”
“Yeah? How?”
“I’m independent. I eat. I’m low-maintenance.”
“Is that right?”
“Wait, does it sound like I’m selling myself to you? I’m not, I swear. I mean, obviously, I’m not your type.”
“I don’t have a type.”
“Well, I mean, you’re an athlete. Fitness is essential to you and Emma. And that’s just not my thing.”
“Emma’s not fit. She’s thin. She doesn’t eat.”
“I know. I’m just saying.”
“What’re you saying?”
“Just that, obviously, I like to eat.”
He smiled.
“I like to eat more than I like to wear skinny jeans.”
His smile broadened.
“I mean, of course I want to be thinner. Who wouldn’t, right? But I really love food. I’m not disgusting. I eat good food. I just eat. I think about my next meal. I plan it. I think about everything that goes into my mouth.”
His features hardened and his hips shifted. “Sophie.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, perv.”
“I’m not a perv.” His gaze remained fixed on her mouth. “I don’t have a type, Sophie. Just because I dated Emma for so long doesn’t mean she’s my type. But there’s something about you…” He seemed surprised by his own admission. But then he just shrugged. “It’s more than your body. Well, it’s your body, too, but I like you.”
“That’s probably my cue to go.”
“No.” He grabbed her arm.
“Ryan…I’m not going to have sex with you. I mean, sure, I’m attracted to you, but if I did, then tomorrow I’d have to watch you hooking up with someone else. And that would make me feel bad.”
“Okay.” A flash of need was quickly replaced with his dazzling smile.
She wondered if he knew he didn’t need that phony smile to charm people. “Okay what?”
“Okay, I understand. I don’t want you to feel bad.” He didn’t say it like some charmer. He said it with sincerity.
She believed him. “You’re awfully nice.”
“I’m a very nice guy. Ask anyone. I’m nice.” There was a little acid in that last word.
She was starting to figure him out. “Are you tired of being nice, Ryan?”
He nodded, and she could see a hint of not-so-nice burning in those eyes.
“I see why your friends brought you here. They’re right. You do need a place like this. You need to let go. And I get the feeling with these women you don’t need to be so nice.” She drew in a breath. “I suspect you can just fuck them.”
His gaze fixed on her mouth. “Say that word again. Slowly.”
“See? You are a perv.” She nudged him. “You should take what these women want, Ryan. Because…I don’t want that.” She sat up, ready to go back to her room.
His grip tightened on her wrist, but she shook her head. She got it now. “If you hang out with me, you’ll just have to be nice. And that’s not why you came here. Go back with your friends. Get rid of some of the crazy before you go back to school. Goodnight, Ryan.” The panic she saw in his eyes matched what she felt inside. But it didn’t matter. What he needed, she couldn’t provide.
On shaky legs, she hurried to the path. The ocean breeze cooled her skin, and she filled her lungs with the humid air. Once on the pavement, she clapped her flip flops together and shoved her feet inside them.
And then she heard his voice. “Wait up.”
Once he caught up with her they walked in silence past the hot tub, the pool, and the tables. Flashes of bare skin in her peripheral vision kept her focused on the hotel doors.
The beat of attraction still pulsed in her veins. Really, the sooner she got away from him the better. She reached for the door, but he got there first, pulling it open for her. Drawing in a shaky breath, she gave him a smile. “I’ll, um, I’ll see you around.”
“I’m walking you to your room.”
“Oh, God no.” That was the last thing she needed.
“It’s nearly three in the morning. People are drunk. I want to make sure you get in safely.”
“It’s a resort. I’m perfectly safe.”
“I disagree, but you owe me a Crazy Heart anyway, so I’m collecting.”
The way he looked at her, the warmth, the intimacy, the need, sent her pulse skittering out of control. He was not making it easy to walk away from him. “Okay, sure.”
Brushing past him, she entered the quiet hotel, the slap of her flip flops against the soles of her feet distinctly loud in the carpeted corridor.
The elevator bank was straight ahead, the restaurant, which was open twenty-four-seven, to her right. “I have to order breakfast, so I can just leave some Crazy Hearts for you at the desk.”
“Walking you to your room.”
“Right.” As long as he didn’t think walking her to her room was code for banging her in the hallway. Desire roared through her at the image of his hands grasping her bottom, lifting her, and slamming her back against a wall. She could just feel his erection between her legs, his hard chest pinning her.
Holy hell, she’d never felt this kind of attraction before.
Finding the hostess at the podium, she said, “Can I please order breakfast in my room tomorrow morning? Well, I guess this morning.”
“Sure thing.” She reached underneath and pulled out an order form. “What time?”
“I’m taking a boat out at nine, so…how about eight?”
“Sounds good. Would you like to see a menu?”
“No, that’s all right. I looked at it in my room. I’d like a spinach and cheddar omelet, whole grain toast with butter and strawberry jam, a mango juice, and a papaya juice.”
“You got it. Is that it?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Room number?”
“Six-thirty-two.”
“All set.”
Sophie turned to find Ryan leaning against the wall, bare foot propped on it. He looked so freaking handsome her mind started blasting out warning signals. Do not let this man into your room. Repeat: keep him out of the room with the very large and comfortable bed inside it.
She breezed right by him, but of course he fell into step beside her. She pushed the call button. The doors opened immediately, and they got in. His presence filled the space, his intense energy closing in on her. She could see him from every angle in the mirrors—his broad shoulders, the thick muscles of his biceps, the strong jaw and golden brown eyes. He seemed coiled, his energy restrained.
She looked away. “Someone needs a cookie.”
“Pretty sure it’s not a cookie I need.”
“That’s because you haven’t had one in a long time. You’ve forgotten the simple magic of a Crazy Heart.”
He shifted restlessly, color rising in his cheeks. “I think you’re right.”
She had the feeling he’d missed out on a lot of things people their age took for granted.
With a ping, the doors opened, and she quickly strode out. Pulling her key card from her pocket, she moved down the plushly-carpeted hall. Crystal sconces lit the path to her suite.
Once at her door, she swiped the card. “Hang tight. I’ll grab your cookie.” She stepped into the room, and then hesitated. Was she really going to keep him in the hallway? She quickly swung around to catch the door before it closed but found his hand on it, keeping it open. “Come on in.”
The door slammed hard behind them. Her huge corner-suite smelled like her vanilla and gardenia body lotion.
He stood there, this big, powerful guy, watching her with a vulnerability in his eyes that touched her. “I’ll just…Give me one second.”
She’d unpacked, stowed her luggage in the walk-in closet, but she’d left the carry-on filled with cookies on the other side of the desk. Unzipping it, she pulled one out, and then handed it to him.
He took it. “I haven’t had one of these since high school.”
“Then my timing’s excellent, what with you going rogue this week and all.”
“I can only do this if you share it with me.” His lips parted, the corners curling, and then his features bloomed into a devastating smile. “One bite?”
Her body went hot and electric. The curve of his mouth, his penetrating gaze, the sheer masculinity of him—he just overwhelmed her. “I’m not the one with issues. I can eat the whole thing.”
Heat flared in his eyes. He kicked the chair back, dropped into it, and then patted his thigh.
Oh, no. She wasn’t sitting on his lap. When she swallowed, it sounded like an aluminum can crumpling in her ears.
After ripping open the plastic wrapper, he pulled the cookie out. The powdered sugar drifted onto his board shorts. Tossing the wrapper onto the desk, he reached for her hand and gave it a tug.
Okay, fine, she’d sit on his lap. Just while he ate the cookie. Perched on his strong thigh, she nearly swooned when his arm banded around her waist. She tried to tear her gaze away, tried to focus on the cookie, but his body was so hard and his gaze so filled with want, she just couldn’t.
And, oh, God, was she squirming on his thigh?
He lowered the cookie, wrist propped on his thigh. “Hey, so why don’t you drink?”
She shot him a look. Where had that come from?
“Earlier tonight.” He gave her thigh a squeeze. “You said three things about you. You don’t drink, you don’t do one-night stands, and you needed to find your friend.”
Did
he remember everything she said? She seriously wanted to kiss this man.
No, that was a lie. With the way he looked at her, the curve of his sensuous mouth, the heat in his eyes, she wanted so much more. Would it be so terrible to have one night with him?
Yeah, actually, it would. “It’s not a big deal. Just a preference.”
“I don’t know many people who don’t drink, so I’m curious.”
“I guess it was just watching my brothers and sister get in trouble all the time. My parents were always yelling at them, grounding them. Obviously, they all pulled it together and they’re not like that anymore, but watching them…I can’t even tell you…” She stopped when she realized he knew exactly what she was talking about. He’d grown up with an alcoholic mom. “Well, you know. The throwing up, the hangovers, the totaled cars.”
“I do know.”
“They scared me. I remember this one morning, New Year’s Day. Abby didn’t come home from a party until six in the morning. And my parents were crazy mad. They started in on her, but she just ignored them. Kicked off her heels and passed out on the couch, while the rest of us watched football. And then she woke up, looking completely wrecked, and stumbled into the kitchen. And all of a sudden she dropped to her hands and knees and threw up all over the floor.”
“Attractive.”
“Yeah, and I’ll never forget my mom watching with her hands on her hips, and she goes, Is this the woman you always wanted to be?”
Ryan smiled. “I like your mom.”
“Yeah, I wish I still had her. But even when I got older and watched my friends doing the same things, I just thought it looked boring and stupid. I mean, I’ll go to frat parties, but I’m the first to leave. What about you? I mean, with your mom, how did that affect you? Do you drink?”
“My brother, sister, and I are like the Three Bears. I’m a social drinker. I drink but not enough to get drunk. My brother drinks a lot, and my sister has no interest in partying whatsoever.”
