“Just meet me at Aunt Joanie’s.” I heard him say okay, and then I was disconnected.
I caught the bus to my aunt’s house. She lived in a small apartment in Logan. She was a crossing guard and home every day by four. I rang her bell and she came to the window. She said she would be right down. She buzzed me in and I walked up one flight of steps to her apartment. She was sitting on her plum-colored sofa watching Oprah. She smiled at me, then pushed a few green and plum pillows to the side so I could have a seat. She took her remote and turned the volume down. I could hear the sizzling of hot oil and smelled chicken frying. The aroma smelled extra good because I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten all day.
“Your chicken smells good,” I said, I hoping she’d offer me some.
“You want something to eat?” she asked.
“If you have enough,” I said.
She said that there was more than enough and she had peas, white rice and gravy to go along with it. She began making me a plate and asked, “What are you doing in these parts?”
“I’m meeting John here. My mom went into rehab this afternoon.”
“That is so good. Oh, I’m so happy. Thank you! She needed it. I’ve been praying for her.”
“We have to get the rest of her supplies, though.”
“What does she need?”
“Toiletries, underwear and seven days’ worth of clothes. The man at the place said just get her a bunch of sweat suits. So John is going to take me to get her stuff.”
“This is so wonderful.”
“It is,” I said as I took a long sigh. “Only thing, while I was out with her I didn’t check in last night at my foster mom’s house and if I go back she might have already called the social worker and she is going to send me away.”
“They will understand you were with your mother. You want me to call?”
“No, they won’t care. I’ll figure something out.”
I ate my food and John picked me up. We went to Forman Mills, this discount store, and got my mother the things she needed. During the ride I began to tell John about how Lana did us the other night.
“You know Lana wouldn’t let me and Mommy stay at her house.”
“Lana got problems. If you want you can come stay with me and Marcus. You’re almost eighteen.”
“His dad won’t mind?” I asked.
“No, he don’t care and they have an extra room.”
“Where his mom at?”
“His mom died when he was younger.”
“Dag, that is a shame, but I don’t know. I don’t want to be around a strange man.”
“No, his dad stays downstairs. He lost both of his legs because he got diabetes and don’t be taking care of his self. His bed and bathroom are set up downstairs. Mr. Skip don’t do anything but sip on something and smoke a cigarette every day.”
“I’ll check it out.”
“No, I’m telling you…long as you buy Mr. Skip some cigarettes, he is good.”
“I have to think about it. Right now I’ll just try to see if I can go back to that house so I can keep an eye on the kids.”
John then suggested I call first to see what she said. If she was talking crazy, he said, I just wouldn’t go back.
“You have some change?” I asked him. John gave me the change and I got out of the car. I dialed the number and took deep breaths as the phone rang and rang. Thank God, Bubbles picked up the phone.
“Bubbles, where is Ms. Waters?”
“Kendra, you is in big trouble. Ms. Waters said she is going to tell Ms. Norton you didn’t come home last night.”
“Do you know if she told her yet?” I asked.
“No, but I think she called her at her job.”
“Put her on the phone.” Bubbles gave Ms. Waters the phone.
“Hello, praise the Lord.”
“Hi, Ms. Waters, I am so sorry I didn’t call you. I totally forgot. I stayed over my friend house and accidentally fell asleep, then we went straight to school. I didn’t want to be late.”
“Well, you know we got rules in the house. You can’t be breaking these rules. Just come on home and we will discuss it when you get here.”
I didn’t know if I could trust her. She might call Ms. Norton, but I didn’t think she was going to. I got back in the car and closed the door.
“What she say?” John asked.
“She said she didn’t tell the social worker yet and I should just go on back to her house.”
“You know, just tell her you were so sorry and it will never happen again.”
I took John’s advice. I came in and told Ms. Waters I was so sorry, and she said it was okay, just come and eat. Her house wasn’t home, but it felt so good to have somewhere clean to rest. I went upstairs to wash and change my clothes and Bubbles and Bilal ran into the room, gave me a hug and asked where I’d been.
“I’ll tell y’all later. Go eat.”
After dinner they both came into my room. “Listen,” I told them, “I was with Mommy.”
“Is she okay?” Bilal asked.
“Yes, but listen. She is going to get us out of here, but it’s going to take some time. I need y’all to just do whatever Ms. Waters says to do. Mommy is in treatment for her drinking problem, and once she is out she can get a house, and we’re going to move.”
After a while I realized that Ms. Waters’s was not that bad. I went to school like I was supposed to, then to work, and then I came in on time and was very sweet to her. I brought her the Philadelphia Daily News and TV Guide from the pharmacy. She trusted me so much, she even let me take the children out.
I asked Ms. Waters if I could take the kids to the movies. She said it was okay, but instead of going to the movies I took them to the rehab center to see my mother. She was in recovery only a week, but already she looked better. The children were excited to see her. They sat on her and just clung to her. As she hugged them back she told me, “Listen, I got all this info from this woman in here. She said they’re taking applications for these low-income houses over in Camden starting tomorrow. You go over there and just act like me. Just put down my old job information. You know what to do.”
We were there visiting my mom for a while, but I didn’t want to stay too long and have Ms. Waters get suspicious. As we left I made the children promise that they wouldn’t tell where we had gone.
The next morning I got up extra early and took the bus from downtown Philly to Camden in New Jersey, across the bridge from Philly. I wore glasses so I could appear to be older. The office opened at eight, but I was there by seven-thirty and I was glad because by the time the lady opened the door a little before eight, there were thirty people behind me. She handed me a clipboard and said, “Fill this out,” without looking at me twice. After I’d finished filling out the two-page application the woman looked it over and said, “We give first preference to New Jersey residents.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “How long before I know if I’ve been approved?”
“In about a month or two. You’ll need a first month and last month security deposit.”
“How much is that?” I asked.
“That’s fifteen hundred dollars.”
“Okay.” I thanked the woman and began thinking about how I was going to get the money up. I knew I could ask Mr. Newman to give me more hours. Maybe I could come in on Saturdays and Sundays and maybe stay all the way until closing.
I was back across the bridge and in school just before advisory ended. I walked into the classroom and immediately I felt everybody smiling and looking at me. I don’t know why, but I put my head on the desk. Then I heard our teacher, Mrs. Edmonds, say, “Excuse me, Kendra, can you come to the front of the classroom?”
I lifted my head off of my desk and walked up to the front of the classroom. I assumed she wanted me to take the attendance sheet down to the office. She said, “Stand right here,” then she pulled out this manila envelope and said, “Kendra, on behalf of your advisory class and James T. Pat-tison High
School, here is six hundred eighty two dollars and twenty-nine cents. We know about your family’s tragedy, and we want you to know we are your extended family and we are here for you.” She handed me the big heavy envelope. It was slightly open and I saw piles of dollar bills. Then she hugged me and everybody started clapping.
I quietly said, “Thank you,” and walked to the back of the class. I looked around the room and I was about to cry, but I couldn’t. I was so mad at Chantel. She was the only one that knew. Why would she tell my business? The gesture was nice, but I’m not feeling everybody feeling sorry for me. I put my head on my desk again and tried not to cry, but I couldn’t hold back my tears. I didn’t want people to know I didn’t have any clothes, that I was living with Ms. Waters, that my mom had lost everything. I wanted to keep that to myself. The bell rang for first period. I could hear everybody collecting their stuff and walking out of the classroom. As they walked past me they began trying to hug me and pat me on my back. I didn’t lift my head because I was so ashamed. My head was buried in my arms. All these burdens on my shoulders were coming out all at once.
“Leave her alone and go to class,” Ms. Edmonds yelled. After everybody was gone she came with a box of tissues and then Chantel walked me to the bathroom, where I dried my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it would upset you,” Chantel said.
“No, it’s just like…I didn’t want anybody in my business. I know you were trying to help. I just feel so bad now…like I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t feel like facing anyone. I’m going home.”
“You sure? You want me to go with you?”
“I’ll be all right. I’ll try to call you later.” I placed the money-filled envelope in my book bag. I didn’t want to go to class; I didn’t want everybody looking at me. Plus I don’t like everyone asking me about my family—about how my mom was doing and all that other bullshit. I went to work early and asked Mr. Newman if he could give me more hours during the week and maybe weekend and until closing.
“I know your family had a tragedy but I can’t give you any more hours. You have to go to school. I wish I could help, but I can’t,” he said.
“All right, thanks,” I said. He didn’t understand, my family needed money now and if he didn’t give me more hours I wouldn’t be working here.
The next day I went downtown and walked around, looking for a job. I went into a clothing store. A girl about my age was folding jeans. I saw a lady behind the register and I asked her if they were hiring.
“Yeah. What kind of hours can you work?” the lady asked.
“Whatever hours you need after one p.m.”
“Are you still in school?”
“Yes.”
“How old are you?”
“I’m seventeen. I’ll be eighteen in a few weeks.”
“You have to be eighteen to work here.”
I thanked her and walked out of the store. I filled out another application at this restaurant called Holmes. I told them I was eighteen and they hired me on the spot. They were going to give me forty hours a week, so I quit the pharmacy. I was the hostess, so all I had to do was get a white shirt and black pants. I seated people and if it got really busy, I would clean the tables and help the waitresses carry food to the tables.
I stopped going to school. I didn’t care about prom, graduating, or any of that. I could always go to night school when all this was over and get my diploma. I just wanted my mom to have somewhere to come home to when she got out and I was going to make sure she was all right. Bubbles and Bilal were doing okay at Ms. Waters’s, but they needed their own space too. They not used to having to ask permission to do everything—even to get something to eat or use the telephone. I just wanted my family back in the same house.
“Ms. Norton called and said that she would be over,” Ms. Waters said as I came in the house one evening. I knew what that was about. My job at Holmes was working out, but I hadn’t been to school in two weeks. She probably was going to try to come and get me and ask why I wasn’t going to school. I wasn’t going to allow her to send me anywhere. I had money and I had a job and things to do, and I wasn’t going to sit there and wait for her to come. I was out. I packed my things. My mom would be home in a few weeks and Bilal and Bubbles would be okay until then. In a few weeks Ms. Norton wouldn’t be able to do anything to me. I could just stay with John’s friend Marcus.
I rode with John to Marcus’s house. Just like John had said, Mr. Skip was sitting downstairs in his chair smoking a cigarette. He didn’t have his legs from the knees down.
“Mr. Skip, this my sister. Can she stay here for a couple of weeks until my mom get herself together?”
“Huh? She going to pay me rent?”
“Yeah. How much you want, Mr. Skip?”
“She know how to cook?” he asked.
“No, Mr. Skip.”
“I was only joking. Just tell her I smoke Newports and I like Johnnie Walker Red.”
“She can get you your cigarettes, but she is not old enough to get any liquor.”
“How you doing?” I said, looking down looking at his missing legs.
“Make yourself comfortable. The boys will help you out.”
“I’ll stay here with you the first couple of nights to get you situated,” John told me. “I’ll tell Nitra to come over here.”
Marcus came in the door. “My dad said it was cool, right?”
“Yeah.”
“All right, well, I’m going back out. I’m going to the movies with that girl Nikki.”
“See you, man.”
John took me to the middle room, right next to the bathroom. The paint was peeling off the wall and the sheets on the bed were dingy. But I could clean it up. And it was better than Ms. Waters’s house because I could do whatever I wanted and go to work without being sent away. I took my clothes out and begin to unpack.
“You know me and Mommy are trying to get money together for a house over in Jersey. I filled out this application for her to get this house. The only thing is you have to be ready to move in. They just want you to have your fifteen hundred down: I got six hundred so far.”
“By the time Mommy out and y’all ready, I’ll try to help as much as I can, but Nitra pregnant.”
“Oh my God!” I said.
“Yeah. We ain’t really ready, but we happy. We just have to get our place before she tell her mom and start showing. You know her mom is going to kick her out.” John helped me get settled in, then he left.
I walked into the bathroom and you could tell that only men lived there. The seat was up and a yellow circle stained the inside of the toilet. The only thing that was left from a roll of tissue was the spine. I walked to the corner store and bought myself some chicken noodle soup, cleanser, bleach and dish detergent so I could clean the kitchen and try to clean the room I was staying in, and some cigarettes for Mr. Skip. I handed him his cigarettes when I came in the house, then I disinfected everything, washed my sheets by hand and let them air dry.
I had been staying at Marcus’s house for four days. I knew by now Ms. Waters hadn’t had any choice but to call Ms. Norton. But I’d be damned if they sent me to some Youth Study Center. All I had to do was wait to turn eighteen, and when my mom got out we’d have to go down there and get everything settled so I wouldn’t have a warrant.
I took a shower and sat on the bed. I called and checked on Bubbles.
“Ms. Norton keep asking me where you are.”
“Tell her you don’t know. Bilal okay?”
“He was fighting Dennis.”
“For what?”
“They were fighting over a truck.”
“Who you on the phone with, gal?” I heard Ms. Waters say in the background.
“Get off the phone. I’ll call y’all tomorrow.”
I heard Marcus come up the steps and go to the bathroom, then walk down the hall to his bedroom and b
egin blasting his music. He played that music all night. I just put my head under the pillow and went to sleep. Somehow he still managed to get up and go to work in the morning. He worked at UPS lifting boxes.
The next day John and Nitra came to the house to take me to get something to eat.
“Hey Nitra.”
She was always so happy. She said, “Heeeey Kendra, you okay?”
“I’m all right.”
“Well, if you need someone to talk to just call me.”
“I will.” She smiled at me. She was cute girl; she had been following my brother since they met working at a summer camp two years ago. She had a chubby face but was petite. Her eyes were hazel which made them pop out against her walnut skin. Nitra wore her hair up in a pony tail all the time with hoop earrings.
John hadn’t been there in a few days. I heard some noises, and I looked down the steps and saw Marcus coming in. I went back in the room and turned on the radio. Seconds later there was a knock on my door.
“You good?” Marcus asked as he opened the door and walked in. I turned the radio down to see what he wanted.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“All right. I was just checking on you.”
“Thanks, I’m okay.”
“If you need anything just ask me.”
I turned the radio back up and started getting my work clothes ready for the next day. I went to take a shower before I went to bed and I realized there was no soap.
“Marcus, is there any soap?” I asked as I peeked my head out of the door.
“Yeah, hold up.”
I stuck out my arm to reach for it. Instead he opened the door. I ran into the shower and screamed, “Marcus, get out of here!” I didn’t like Marcus like that, so he’d better stop playing with me.
“Kendra, nobody’s looking at you. I’m a grown man. I seen a naked woman before,” he said as he pulled the shower curtain back and handed me the soap as I tried to cover my private areas. Marcus made me feel very uncomfortable. He wasn’t supposed to be walking in the bathroom on nobody.
I awoke to a light wet feeling going on between the inside of my legs. I looked down and saw Marcus. He was licking me up and down. I hadn’t been kissed there yet. I wanted to protest, but I kind of liked it. Girls had told me it would feel so good I wouldn’t be able to speak, and now I was lying there speechless. His hands were gently stroking my breasts. I’d had sex before but nobody had ever done that to me. I didn’t know what to do. I sat up a little and he pushed my head and body back down. It felt good, and instead of stopping him I opened my legs wider and brought my hips up higher to connect with lips, tongue and face. Marcus knew what he was doing, so I was wet soon. My legs shook, and I was jerking. I grabbed his head and pulled it closer into my body and then everything in me exploded.
All I Want is Everything Page 6
