“Peter, when is my album going to come out?” I asked him.
“I will let you know next week when you come to see me.”
I didn’t like my life being in limbo. I didn’t know what was going on with my album. I still didn’t have an actual date in August just a month and I didn’t know what was up with me and Corey. He had not called me one time since he had been in Los Angeles. So I called him.
“Corey, this is Kendra. Give me a call when you get back home.” I knew he was returning Friday. I felt like he was avoiding me. He finally answered his damn phone.
“I’ve been calling you,” I said.
“I know. Well, I was mad busy.”
“Okay, so what’s up with us?” I asked.
“Kendra, I don’t think I want to jump back in a relationship so soon. We had fun, but I think we were rushing. I realized that when we were in D.C. and you was giving me attitude.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I did some soul searching and I think I want to be by myself.”
“You want to be by yourself, huh? So what you back with Aisha?”
“No, I’m not with her.”
“Well, why are you breaking up with me?”
“I don’t want to be with anybody. I want to be by myself.”
“So that’s it.”
“Yeah, basically. I’ll holla at you some time. We’ll still keep in touch.”
And just like that me and Corey were over.
Chapter 26
I still had to wait and see what was going to happen. Tony called me and said that they were going to give me another release date because August might not work. They were just getting everything in order. I was making some progress though. I wasn’t dealing with Peter’s ass for nothing. I had been to his office twice. Both times, I’d come in, and got onto my knees and left. I tried to give him the best head possible. He’d never asked me to do anything else until today. Today when I walked into his office he was watching television. I looked over and on the screen were two naked men; one was penetrating the other roughly. I couldn’t believe he was watching gay male porn. I wasn’t sure if he was into it—until he placed K-Y Jelly on two of my fingers and asked me to ram them in his ass. I was shocked. “Kendra just do it,” he said as he got on all fours and took off his pants and pushed his booty towards me. I closed my eyes, and he squirmed and moaned. His hole felt squishy and wide. It felt like my fingers weren’t the first to be inside as I poked his inner hole. He jerked his own dick back and forth towards the television screen. After he was done my finger was filled with moisture. I couldn’t look down. I ran out of his office to wash my hands. All the other times I was with him I never felt sick, but today I felt like I couldn’t move. As I walked out of door Peter asked me to come to his house for the weekend.
“You think you can make it?”
“Where will your wife be?” I asked.
“She is out of town. Come around nine tonight. Here’s my address,” he said while writing the information down. “And I’ll make sure it’s worth your while. We will discuss a little business and a little pleasure.”
I drove to his house in Long Island. The house was amazing. It looked like too much space for one couple.
“I’m glad you came,” he said, rubbing both my arms simultaneously. “Now relax. Have some wine,” he said as I entered and had a seat.
“I’ll take a glass,” I said.
I didn’t know what to expect with Peter. I wanted to be so drunk that I didn’t remember anything the next day. He might want to do something even nastier. I figured I only had to do this a little while longer, until my project was set to be released. In all I had about eight glasses of wine to relax my nerves to allow me to be able to tolerate him.
Peter took my hand and walked me into the bedroom he shared with his wife. It was a big room, with two walk-in closets, a flat-screen television in the wall and a fireplace. The bedroom set was black lacquer. He didn’t waste any time in attacking me. Peter pushed me on the bed and began licking all my fingers one by one. I went right along with it. I started kissing him like I liked him. I made my hands scratch his back roughly through his shirt. He bent me over, pulling my dress up far enough that he could see my ass. Then he slapped it, giving it a slight sting. He pulled my nipples, stretching them apart, and inserted two of his fingers inside my body.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere I saw someone in the doorway. His wife, Molly, walked in the room and began to watch us. I jumped up, but he didn’t. Her eyes were piercing and her dark hair was pulled into a ponytail, and she wore a see-through dress. She sat on the bed and stroked his back and kissed his neck. I sat back on the bed and he re-entered his finger deep inside of me. That’s when it clicked that this was all a setup. I didn’t know what to do. I just closed my eyes and acted like I didn’t know what was going on. I opened my eyes to see what she was about to do. Then she pulled out a double-headed dildo and put lubricant on both ends. Then Molly stuck the dildo in herself and me, and we both began moving back and forth on it. I moved my hips on it. It felt just as good as the real thing. Peter was fondling both of our breasts. I opened my eyes and saw her jerking at the other end of the dildo. It was like we were in each other because every move she made, I could feel. I wanted to get up and leave, but I knew that I couldn’t. No matter how unwilling I was to participate, I had to. The sad thing was I felt myself enjoying it.
Peter then put his dick in my face. I sucked on him until I almost choked. She licked the right side, and I took care of the left. Our tongues met at the tip of his dick. He watched in enjoyment. Now that he was aroused, he thrust himself in me. My breasts were bouncing back and forth, and my mind was racing. He kept going and going between the both of us. I felt like their personal sex slave. They didn’t want to stop. They never were satisfied. They were sexual beasts with animalistic appetites. I cried during every position they put my body in.
When I awoke I was at the end of the bed. Molly was on the floor and I heard the shower running. Peter must have been in there. I grabbed my dress and left out the door. I went home and soaked. I felt so dirty and disgusting. The vision of last night kept appearing in my head. I got back in the tub thirty minutes later because I still didn’t feel clean. I couldn’t stop crying.
Chapter 27
My album had a new release date—Tuesday, August 16, 2005. They had set me up with more interviews and I had to go on another promotional tour. Tony thought he was responsible for the change but actually I could thank myself, because in the last three months I’d had to sleep with Peter and Molly so many times I lost track. They were swingers all around the board. I didn’t like being intimate with Molly, though. I felt so nasty everytime she looked at me. I had actually convinced Peter that I was really into him. So now me and him would meet up for cocktails, and he even gave me his American Express card. I had been on three shopping sprees courtesy of him. He really had been fighting for me, so much that I was about to shoot my video next month.
Even though they had leaked “Don’t Wait,” it was too late for a video. The label decided that “What’s It Going to Be” was going to be the first official single.
Shit was finally coming together and I was so grateful. I was working with this choreographer, Mina. My career was about to take off, and fuck anybody who wasn’t down with me. I heard Corey got back with Aisha. That’s cool. He was a distraction anyway.
Chapter 28
I was scheduled to film my video at this warehouse in Brooklyn on Thursday. I was so excited. Me and Shelly went out shopping for some different looks for me when I got a call from Maya saying that it was canceled with no explanation. I was about to get gangsta on somebody if they didn’t call me and tell me what the hell was going on. Something had better give. I called Tony but he wasn’t calling me back. I went off on him on his answering machine. I dialed him four times in a row. Then he finally picked up.
“Hello?” I said angrily.
“What’s wrong?�
�
“Did you know my video shoot is canceled?”
“No, I didn’t. I’ll call you right back. I’ll make some calls today. Calm down. Something probably came up.”
“No, you calm the fuck down somebody needs to be hype. That’s the problem—you been too busy running behind those fake-ass singing boys that you haven’t been paying attention to me. You call them and call me back,” I said as I hung up on him in disgust. I thought about going up to the office myself and going off on them. I heard that had worked for this rapper back in the day. I needed to show them I wasn’t playing. My phone rang again.
“Hello?”
“What’s wrong with you?” my mom asked.
“Nothing, Mom I can’t talk to you right now.”
“I’m about to take Bubbles to school. You know she has to start her summer program at college so if you need me just call my cell phone. I didn’t want you to come home and I wasn’t there.”
“I’m not coming home. I have to go. I’m busy,” I said as I cut her off.
I saw Tony’s number come across the screen of my phone. I clicked back over and Tony asked, “Kendra, where are you?”
“I’m at the apartment. Why?”
“Well, you know, some changes been going on at Touchlight. They are merging with Millenium/Aprise Records, and I’m going to make some calls tomorrow. And don’t worry. I got everything in control because you’re going to do all right.”
“Stop rambling, Tony. What are you saying? Don’t beat around the damn bush, What’s going on?”
“Kendra, they are not putting your CD out. Your project was shelved indefinitely.”
“Huh. You’re joking, right? What do you mean?” I knew that it was a possibility that it could happen, but not like this. Damn it.
“I talked to Thomas this morning. It wasn’t his decision. He tried to fight for you but he couldn’t. They wanted to take the project that was already up and running. They heard the album and they just aren’t feeling it. Plus they feel like they already have another artist like you.”
“Who is the other artist close to me?” I asked.
“I think they talking about Tashay.”
“That bitch ain’t nowhere next to me as an artist.” I screamed.
“Tashay has a name. They just really like her. Don’t worry. We can find you a new home.”
“What about everything I already recorded. All my hard work.”
“It belongs to them.”
“And I can’t get none of my songs back?” I asked.
“No, they own them. The good thing is you don’t have to pay back your living allowance.”
“The good thing? There ain’t no good thing. I don’t have a deal. You know what? You are a fucked-up-ass manager.”
“Yo, I know you are upset, but come on now. Don’t talk to me like that. I’m here for you.”
“No, I mean it. You let this go down. You suppose to have my back. Whoever is at Millennium they’re sitting behind the desks. They don’t know what’s hot, they don’t know what it takes to make a good artist. They get a paycheck every two weeks while I’m out here trying to survive.”
“Kendra, you have till the end of the week to move out of the apartment.”
I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t even get till the end of the month?
“Ain’t that something,” I said aloud to myself. I hung up on him again and called Peter—Mr. Vice President—Sutton.
“So, I guess all that sucking dick went to waste,” I screamed at the top of my lungs as soon as he picked up.
“Who is this?” he asked nervously.
“It’s me Peter, Kendra. I fucked your ass for nothing.”
“Calm down. What are you talking about?”
“You knew I was getting dropped.”
“Kendra, I had no idea. When did this happen?”
“What-the-fuck-ever,” I said as I madly kicked a hole in the wall.
“Fuck you and your fucked-up-ass wife. Peter you are going to pay.”
I started packing my things. I didn’t need this apartment. I didn’t need them. How could they do this to me? The only thing I could think of was that I had a good album that nobody would ever get to hear. I was so mad. All those hours, all that fucking work. I was so damn frustrated. I knew I had done everything in my power to make shit happen.
Tony called me back and told me that he knew another manager who had a girl group that needed a lead singer. I was so not interested in being in a group, I screamed.
“Hell no. I am a solo artist. Why would I get in a group?”
He pleaded with me to give him a few days to make some calls to see what he can do. Sometimes, he said, a hungry A&R will pick an artist up and sign them when he knows they were dropped just because of the label politics.
“That’s all fine but what am I going to do for now?”
“I can get you some dates overseas.”
“I’m not going overseas to perform,” I told him. “Fuck it. I give up—it ain’t meant to be. It ain’t meant to be. I’m going to move out of their stupid ass apartment. I have my own house.”
Actually I didn’t know what I am going to do. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t believe this bullshit. I went to the label’s official website to see if I was on there but my name was already deleted. So it wasn’t a mistake—I was officially off the roster.
Chapter 29
I drove down the Atlantic City expressway. I had all the windows down and the wind was blowing all over me. I had the radio blasting, but I didn’t even know what song was playing—everything was a blur. I was so miserable I couldn’t think. I didn’t even know where I was going. I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I had been dropped. That my album was not coming out. How could have this happened? Why didn’t Tony fight for me? Who made the decision to ruin my life and say I’m not good enough? I can sing and I looked good. Why me? Why not somebody else who didn’t deserve it—like Tashay? She can’t sing. But she still got a record deal. How? Why? This shit ain’t fair. All those thoughts flooded my mind at once.
I was too frustrated to even think right now. I punched the steering wheel. I didn’t expect this to happen to me. To me, Kendra Michelle. I was supposed to be coming up. Everybody said that I was the next big thing. I was about to be rich. Thomas told me that, Beazie told me that, and now look at me. I was tired of trying, God, I was so tired. I tried and I tried and nothing seemed to pan out for me. Why did they let me go? I’m a good person. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t blessed, if I was doing right. I didn’t deserve this. I was a real good person. I did right. I took care of my family. And look what I got. Look at what I got. Fucking nothing. Not a thing. I shouldn’t have felt this way but I did. I felt so drained, so powerless and frustrated. My hard work for nothing. I felt like I was by myself. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was so behind in life. I needed to give up on the dream. I wasn’t going to be famous, I wasn’t going to be rich, I was going to be who I was—just another person with a dream unfulfilled. I needed to go to work like everybody else, get paid every two weeks, take a vacation once a year, and have the weekends off to yell at my kids and argue with my husband. I didn’t know how I was going to pay my bills. I didn’t know nobody who had my back. I wanted to take a bus somewhere and go off far away from everybody and disappear.
I got to get money some other way. This was not going to happen. I was chasing a fucking dream. This shit was for the damn birds. I wish I hadn’t tried at fame. Marcus was right. I must have been a fool to think I really was going to be somebody.
I couldn’t go home, so I found myself parking in valet at the Bally’s Hotel and Casino and getting a room using the American Express credit card Peter gave me, so all charges would go to him. I was going to stay there for a few days because I didn’t want to talk to anyone—I just wanted to get my thoughts together. I went upstairs to the room and closed the drapes. I didn’t even want the sun in there with me. I wanted ev
erything to be dark and quiet. No noise, just me with my thoughts. Maybe I would wake up and this would all be a bad dream.
Tony, Beazie and other people who had heard what had happened kept calling. Fuck them all. I was so tired and not in the mood. Nothing anyone said could change the way I felt. I was going to stay right there in that room until I got kicked out.
I spread my body across the bed and began to think about where I went wrong and what I was going to do for money. I had thirty-five hundred a month in mortgage and an eight hundred–dollar car note and other bills. My money wouldn’t last any time. I use the hotel stationery and tried to add up what I’d spent my money on. What did I do with eighty thousand dollars? How did I spend all that money? I kept thinking about how I could have bought a car and house and still had money in the bank. All these fucking boots and shoes. I bought my car and house, and loaned my brother ten thousand, and now I had exactly twenty thousand dollars left. If I had a gun right now I’d kill myself. I mean, I really wanted to die. I’m sorry—that’s how I felt. My phone kept ringing and I shut it off. I felt like throwing it out the window. Everybody was thinking I was about to be this big star, and now I wasn’t going to be nothing. I was so embarrassed. I felt like the biggest failure. I didn’t know what to do. I gave this business my life. All that freaky shit with Peter and Molly—I sold my soul. Before I started in this business I never smoked or drank. It was not only the in thing, it was the only thing to do. I got these stupid breast implants in my body for fucking the rest of my life. I screamed loudly and fell into the bed.
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