“I have a surprise for you. Guess who is out here,” she said. “Who?” I asked as I stepped out of my dressing room and saw Marcus standing with a huge arrangement of roses. I hadn’t talked to him since I left home.
“Hey, lady,” he said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. He was holding Taylor’s hand. She had gotten so big. She had on a pink corduroy dress with pink ballies and barrettes in her hair. I bent down and spoke to her. “How are you?” I said. She pulled away from me and held on tightly to Marcus’s leg.
“Say hi, mom mom. Stop acting shy, Taylor,” Marcus said.
“She probably forgot me,” I said, smiling.
“So how you been?” Marcus asked.
“Good,” I said standing up.
“I see. I am so proud of you. You really did it. Look around, Kendra. You did it. We used to talk about this.”
“Yeah, I know. Isn’t life crazy?” I paused for a moment and walked back to the mirror and looked at my self and him through the mirror. He walked closer to me I turned around as he said “I’ve missed you.” I didn’t respond. It was an uncomfortable silence. Then Marcus said, “I’m so damn proud of you. I be telling everybody at my job, my baby said she was going to do it. And look at you. Then I’m riding down the street and I saw you on the side of the bus. That big picture on your album cover. I was so proud. You know I always believed in you. I just didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t think it was possible,” he said as he looked me directly in the eyes he pulled me into his chest gave me a hug. It was a long, silent hug. I knew he was sorry. I knew he didn’t mean it. I pulled away from him. His presence alone was bringing back memories. Then him apologizing made it hard for me to keep my composure. I felt the tears about to come, so I started fanning my face. I began holding my head back, trying not to mess up my make up.
“I am so sorry. Look Kendra I’m not trying to make you cry. Let’s talk about something else.”
“It is so nice to see your mom and Bubbles. I can’t believe how she is grown now.”
“Yup, she is entering in her third year of college,” I said relieved that I was able to keep the tears back.
“Wow!”
“How is your dad?”
“He is doing good. I’m still trying to get him to stop smoking.”
“Mr. Skip ain’t letting go of his cigarettes.”
“So where are you going next?”
“To Los Angeles. I’m reading for this movie.”
“Wow, a movie. You are really doing it.”
“I’m trying,” I said.
“Maybe we can have dinner when you come back?” Marcus said.
“Okay, I’ll see.”
John came in the room and said, “Hey, man, what’s up?” and shook Marcus’s hand. Then he said, “Kendra, come on.” I said goodbye to Taylor and Marcus. He gave me another kiss on the cheek.
“I hope you enjoy the show,” John said to Marcus as he pulled me away. Marcus picked up Taylor and had her wave bye to me. Marcus looked so sad; he knew he had messed up with me. I wanted to forgive him and be with him, but I couldn’t. His outlook on life was too small. And I wasn’t seventeen anymore. I couldn’t be with him. He was right there, a part of the dream since the beginning, but he wasn’t man enough to stick around to see it manifest. It was too little too late. John was right—he needed a lesser woman to feel like he was in control, and I wasn’t the one.
It was time for me to go on. The host introduced me and the crowd applauded loudly. He said, “Philly, welcome home your very own Kendra Michelle.” I heard the crowd go crazy. They played the introduction of my song “All I Want” and people started screaming louder. I stood under the stage. They lifted me up to the stage on this crane. My ten dancers ran out on the stage with me. I walked out and stood and put my head down and began to sing. The music was so loud. I could hear the screams through my earplugs. I was in the middle of the stage and yelled into the mic, “It is good to be home. It’s good to be here. I have been all around the country, but nothing feels like this.” People in the front row were trying to get my attention. I smiled and waved to everybody in the audience. “I see you in the balcony,” I said. The yellow, red and purple lights were flashing in my face. I closed my eyes and sang, “All I want is everything and everything is all I want. Been on this grind since ninety-nine, it’s time for me to get mine. I paid my dues. Let me tell you what I’ve been through. Sometimes life ain’t fair. Almost lost my brother in a fire. A long time
ago should have retired. But I didn’t give up. Dad pulled out, left mom alone. She didn’t have nobody else to lean on. She started drinking. Didn’t know what she was thinking. I basically raised myself. Going to work and giving her help. Doin’ hair and checking homework. People was telling me that it won’t work. I didn’t listen and now I’m here because all I want is everything. And everything is all I want.” When I opened my eyes I looked out into the crowd of twenty thousand plus. They were yelling my name and singing along with me. I almost forgot my lyrics because I was so excited. I took the mic away from my mouth, and the crowd of thousands completed my next verse. It was an indescribable feeling. I didn’t want it to end.
Everything I have been through has kept me grounded, although in my mind I felt like I should have been here years ago. I am happy everything happened the way it did. Sometimes when you are too big too fast, it doesn’t last. I am in is for the long haul. I have so much to be grateful for. I’m happy that I have seen the other side of the business. I’m smarter because of it. I value all my hardships, because I know at any time it can all be taken away. But I’m never going back. This feels too good. I want to be a timeless singer. I’m here to stay, like Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross and Patti LaBelle decades later. All I ever wanted is everything, and I’m on my way to getting it.
A READING GROUP GUIDE
ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING
DAAIMAH S. POOLE
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The following questions are designed to facilitate discussion
in and among reader groups.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Was it right for Kendra’s former classmates to judge her occupation? If you were in that situation, how would you have handled it?
Do you think Kendra was a strong character? If yes, what made her strong? Did Kendra’s family rely on her too much?
Who do you blame for Kendra’s family’s financial troubles? Her father or her mother?
How do you feel about singers like Tashay who are very successful but have no talent?
Did Kendra really love Marcus, or was their relationship built out of convenience?
If Bubbles was your sister, would you have given her money to go to college?
Would you have had a relationship with Peter Sutton if he had guaranteed you success?
Would you have allowed Marcus back into your life after he didn’t believe in you? Why or why not?
Where do you see Kendra’s career in five years?
What is the dream that you haven’t fulfilled yet?
DAFINA BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
850 Third Avenue
New York, NY 10022
Copyright © 2007 by Daaimah S. Poole
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Dafina Books and the Dafina logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
ISBN: 0-7582-4230-1
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