In his estimation, she was missing something very basic. "Did it ever occur to you that Ben might want that anchor? That feeling of staying put?" He thought of what Ben had said to him a few weeks ago, that he envied him his life. What Ben envied, what Ben wanted, was a family of his own. And now Heather had turned away from him.
"No," she replied truthfully. "It didn't. Because that's not Ben."
Shayne started to argue but never got to make his first point.
"Mama?"
The small voice sliced through the conversation, wiping everything else from Heather's mind except for her daughter. Instantly she hurried back to the bed and the small figure lying in it.
Summoning her brightest smile, she looked down at the precious life that had almost been taken from her. "Right here, pumpkin."
"You, young lady," Shayne admonished, following Heather over to the bed, "were almost pumpkin pie yesterday." He gave her a semistern look. "I always thought of you as the sensible one. What happened?"
Hannah's voice grew very small. "I got tired of hearing Hayley say I'm a baby. That I'm scared of everything."
"Being scared of breaking your neck is a very good thing in this case," Shayne told her. "No more flying lessons, deal?" He put out his hand to her.
Hannah slipped her small hand into his, a hesitant smile shyly blooming on her lips.
"Deal," she murmured. And then she looked at her mother. "Can I go home now, Mama?"
"Not yet," Shayne told her. "We'll see about that this afternoon," he added when she looked too sad for words. "But you have to promise me to stay in bed and do everything your mother tells you to."
Hannah solemnly nodded her head. "I promise." Her eyes scanned the room. Clearly she didn't see what she hoped to see. "Can I see Dr. Ben now?"
Heather felt her heart twist in her chest. "He's not here, honey," she began.
"He had to go to Seattle for a few days," Shayne quickly said.
"But he'll be back?" There was a note of uncertainty in the question and the kind of sadness that only a child who had gotten attached could summon.
This was where she had to start laying the groundwork, Heather thought. In her heart she felt certain that Ben wasn't coming back. That finding out Hannah was his had shocked him enough for him to want to leave after he'd thought the matter over.
"I think that—"
"Sure he'll be back," Shayne assured her, cutting Heather off. "In a few days. Or maybe a week."
Or maybe longer, Heather thought. A lot longer.
Chapter Fifteen
"Why don't you come with us, Heather?"
The irony of the invitation made Heather smile despite what she was feeling. It had come, not from Ursula, who seemed to have made a regular habit of stopping by the house these days, but from her mother. Her reclusive, sour-dispositioned mother. The very same woman who had spent all of her adult life seeing the glass not only half empty but cracked and about to shatter. Bit by bit she had transformed into a person who now looked at each day as one that had definite potential. That teemed with hope.
Moreover, her mother was dating, actually dating. Or, to put it in the terms her mother preferred, "keeping company."
Whatever she chose to call it, Martha Ryan was seeing a man on a very steady basis. Yuri's cousin Jan had decided that living in Hades suited his purposes just fine, and he had moved into the old Fitzgerald place. Her mother had even gone to see it on several occasions. And stayed the night twice.
It did Heather's heart good to see this. Which was fortunate because the state of her heart was not too good otherwise. It felt pretty beaten up and battered for the past month.
At least there were some miracles left in the world, Heather mused. In that area, she supposed she really shouldn't complain. Hannah had recovered and was back to her old self. That in itself was a miracle. When she allowed herself to think of what might have happened to the little girl, her blood ran cold. As for Hayley, her last born was properly contrite these days for her part in her sister's accident and still very eager to make amends. She couldn't do enough for Hannah.
Both girls had finally ceased asking her when Ben was coming back. They seemed to instinctively sense that whenever she said, "I don't know," her heart hurt to the point that she could hardly stand it.
She was still struggling to make herself accept the obvious.
He wasn't coming back.
She knew that, and still she waited, still she hoped, although much less than before. One day had gone by, then two, then three, until a lonely week had formed. It dragged another in its wake, knitting together until somehow, inexplicably, a month had gone by. A month and still no Ben.
Why couldn't she just accept that and be done with it?
"Heather," her mother was saying, bringing her wheelchair around so that she was directly in front of her, "I don't want you rattling around in this house by yourself again tonight."
Heather's mouth curved. She couldn't remember her mother ever being this thoughtful, this concerned. Being in love was obviously good for her. "It's hardly big enough to rattle in, Mother. Besides, it's nice to have some time alone."
Martha exchanged glances with Ursula. "Not when all you do is think and brood," Martha chided, the old reproving note back in her voice.
Funny, Heather couldn't help thinking, that could have been her talking to her mother not three months ago. But that had been before Jan had come into her mother's life. And Ben back into hers.
Only difference was, Jan was still here.
Martha looked torn. She glanced at Jan. He nodded, as if he could read her thoughts and gave his approval.
"Maybe with the girls sleeping over at Ike's house, I should stay home," she offered.
Touched, Heather could feel tears forming. She dug her nails into the palms of her closed hands, willing the tears back.
"No, you should not," she informed her mother firmly. She appealed to the tall, muscular Russian. "Jan, help me out, here. Please take your girlfriend and go," she entreated.
But even Jan looked a little hesitant. "You will be all right?" he asked, his voice kind.
If she gave even the slightest indication that she wasn't going to be "all right," Heather knew she was going to have four people hovering over her. And while she was grateful for the display of concern, all she wanted to do was be left alone to grapple with this monkey on her heart as best she could.
She needed time, that was all.
It wasn't as if she hadn't seen it coming. From the very first moment she saw him at the clinic, she'd been bracing herself for Ben's departure. At least this time she wasn't pregnant. This time all she'd wound up nursing was a broken heart.
"I'll be fine," she assured Jan as his dark eyes seemed to delve into hers. "Really," Heather underscored when she found herself the focus of not one but four sets of eyes. She was not about to stand still for pity, however well-intentioned. "Now go," she ordered, shooing them toward the door. "Beat it. I mean it."
"Bossy little thing," Ursula commented to Martha as Jan got behind the wheelchair and began to push Martha toward the front door. She smiled as she looked over her shoulder at Heather. "Reminds me a great deal of April."
The door finally closed as Yuri pulled it shut behind him. Heather allowed herself a loud sigh of relief.
It echoed back at her in the empty house, bringing with it a fresh wave of loneliness.
She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, not moving another muscle. The evening stretched out before her like a darkened desert with no discernible shape, no form whatsoever.
Hannah and Hayley were at a sleepover and, with her mother finally out, she had the entire evening all to herself.
To do what?
She had to do something, Heather insisted silently, refusing to spend another minute devoted to self-pity. She had a life and she had to get on with it. Spending another moment waiting for a knock on the door was just stupid because—
Heather stiffened.
Someone had just knocked on the door.
Could be anyone, she told herself. After all, she wasn't a hermit. People occasionally did drop in on her. Especially now with Ben gone. Everyone and his brother in Hades seemed to think she needed cheering up. As if she were some lost waif they'd taken in.
Well, she wasn't a waif, she was the mother of two and a woman who would go places eventually. Since Ben had left so abruptly, she had made herself enroll in an on-line college and was finally taking courses toward that degree in art that she'd always wanted to get. Maybe once she had her degree, now that her mother looked as if she was going to be taken care of, she and the girls would leave Hades, try someplace new. Someplace where she would be too busy to let herself dwell on Ben.
The knock came again. Crossing to the door, Heather twisted the doorknob, opening it.
Her mouth dropped open.
He filled her doorway the same way he had filled her heart. Completely.
It took her a second to find her tongue and get it in gear. "Ben?"
He flashed her a grin, doing his best to hold on to the gift he'd brought. The gift had other ideas. It scrambled up his shirt, licking its way to the top. Tightening his hands around the plump middle, Ben eased it down again. "Hi. The girls around?" He glanced about the area as he asked. "I brought them a puppy."
"Ben," Heather repeated, as if to convince herself that she wasn't looking at a mirage, or a ghost from her not-too-distant past.
"Yes." He inclined his head, amused. "I think we've established that." And then he laughed because the Labrador puppy, in another attempt to scale his chest, was licking him so hard she was tickling him.
It was hard for Heather to process anything when her brain had gone numb. She struggled to sound coherent. "What are you doing here?"
"Trying to give the girls a puppy," he said, laughing. Grasping the dog firmly by the middle, he set it down on the floor. The dog instantly began to explore and sniff, sealing everything into its memory banks.
She didn't know whether to scoop up the puppy and shove it back into his arms or just slam the door in Ben's face. Four weeks. Four whole weeks and not a single word. Who the hell did he think he was, putting her through that?
Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him. "You can't do this. You can't just waltz back after a month and bring someone a puppy and think that everything's going to be all right just like that." She snapped her fingers to underscore her point.
"I know that," Ben replied quietly. His eyes were looking into hers. Looking into her soul. Stepping over the threshold, he pulled the door shut behind him, never taking his eyes off Heather. "I know it's going to take work. And time." Once again he scanned the immediate area. The puppy was sniffing Hayley's doll on the floor. "Are they…?"
"They're at a sleepover," Heather informed him tersely, chagrined at her loss of control. She struggled to reclaim her composure.
Dragging her hand through her hair, Heather felt utterly confused and torn. She wanted to beat on him and throw her arms around his neck at the same time. With effort, she forced herself to focus on the dog. It was the kind of dog that the girls had been after her to get, pleading until they ran out of collective breath. She'd remained firm, saying that she had enough to take care of. But now that the puppy was here, she couldn't continue saying no. Not to a sweet, loving puppy that seemed to be all feet and enthusiasm.
Remember what he's done. Remember how you feel.
Her eyes narrowed and she fisted her hands at her waist. "Do you have any idea how much they've been asking after you? How many times they asked me when you were coming home?"
He had the good grace to flush and look guilty. A little. "I had something to take care of," he told her.
Or someone, she thought, at this point confident that the lure of another woman had drawn him away. But that was no concern of hers, she insisted silently. She had to get him to leave. Her heart couldn't take this emotional volleyball. "Look, I know I have no right to be annoyed. I also know that you are your own person and that there's nothing between us—"
"Nothing?" he demanded incredulously, cutting in. "You call that month we spent together nothing?"
"I call it wonderful," she snapped, "but it obviously didn't mean anything to you—"
"I asked you to marry me," he reminded her.
But actions spoke louder than words, and his had spoken volumes. "You disappeared. For a whole month. You've been gone a whole month," she repeated. She drew away, not wanting to be close to him. Not trusting herself to be close to him. Already crazy thoughts were filling her head. And desire was seeping into her veins. She had to be strong. "Is that how it's going to be? Here one month, gone the next?"
"Why are you so angry?" he asked.
She realized that she was shouting. She consciously brought her voice down. He was confusing her. "I don't know."
"I do," he told her. He framed her face with his hands. "It's because you love me."
With effort she drew her head away. It would have taken a great deal less for her to remain just where she was. To let nature take its course. And then, tomorrow, she would have to wage this war within herself all over again. "Look, Ben—"
"Which is okay," he went on as if she wasn't trying to cut in, "because I love you."
Her eyes narrowed into angry slits. She expected more of him. "Men who love women don't disappear for a month without calling them."
There was a reason for that. And it had been hell maintaining his silence, because all he'd wanted to do was just hear the sound of her voice, to feel the softness of her body.
"I wanted you to miss me." He took a breath, steeling himself off. "Or find out that you didn't. Either way, I thought things would move along better without me here for a while. Besides," he repeated, "I did have something to take care of."
Heather decided to call his bluff. "What?" she asked, fully expecting him to stumble his way through a lie.
He could almost read her thoughts, he realized. That happened when two people were in tune with each other. The thought heartened him. "I belonged to a very upscale practice before I came back to Hades."
"And you wanted to see if they would take you back," she guessed. Even as she tried to maintain an angry facade, she could feel her heart sinking. Feel him figuratively moving farther and farther away from her. It hurt like hell to be right, she thought.
"No," he contradicted patiently, "I went there because I wanted to see if my old partners would help me with a fund-raiser."
She repeated the words, although for the moment it made no sense to her. "A fund-raiser?"
He nodded. "In case you haven't noticed, things are not exactly state-of-the-art at the clinic." There was a whole host of things they needed, but he began with the ones he'd targeted this time. "Among other things, we need an MRI machine. We need an operating room that doesn't do triple duty as a recovery room and an exam room."
Heather stared at the expression on his face. Ben was serious. He was really serious. "So you held a fund-raiser for that?"
"Yeah." He grinned, thinking of the final amount that he had personally tallied. He'd gone on to collect the pledges himself, depositing them into an account he'd opened for the clinic at his old bank in Seattle.
"We did pretty well, too. I stopped by and gave Shayne the check before coming here." It was a tough call to say whether Shayne looked more surprised to see him back, or to see the check Ben had handed him. Shayne had been speechless. Not that his older brother had ever been all that talkative to begin with, Ben thought fondly.
"Seeing as how he's in charge of the clinic," he continued, "I figured that he'd want to be the one to have final say on the machine. And the plans to expand the clinic."
It all sounded so incredibly selfless. And just the way she'd always dreamed he'd be. But dreams like that belonged to an adolescent and it had been a long time since she'd been that.
Heather looked at him for a long moment. "You did all that?"
; "Yes."
"Why?"
He shrugged. It should have been self-explanatory, he thought. "Because I've gotten accustomed to the best, and if I'm going to stay here, I want conditions at the clinic to be less primitive. Hades is growing." Humor twisted his lips. "There are at least ten more people here now than there were when I left seven years ago." He struggled to keep a straight face, but he lost.
The grin went right to her heart. She was lost and she knew it, but she tried to maintain the charade a little longer. "So you're staying."
Ben nodded. "That's what I said."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the puppy had made friends with what looked like Hannah's old slipper. The animal must have retrieved it from under the sofa. Right now, the puppy was getting to know her new friend. From the inside out.
Heather gave a quick, careless shrug of her shoulder. "The girls will be happy."
He took a breath. This was going to be slow going. "I'm through with that part of my life, Heather, I—"
"My girls," she emphasized. "Hannah and Hayley. My girls will be happy to hear that you're staying."
"Oh." He flushed ever so slightly beneath his tan. "I thought you meant—" And then he waved his hand at the error, dismissing it. "Never mind what I thought." Before he suddenly got tongue-tied for the first time in his life, Ben decided to take no chances. Reaching into the front pocket of his jeans, he took something out. "I also went back to Seattle to get this."
Holding his hand out to her, he uncurled his fingers. The overhead light caught one of the surfaces of the diamond ring in his palm, throwing out bright prisms that streamed about the room. Heather caught her breath.
He watched her face for a reaction. "I know I'm repeating myself but, marry me, Heather."
It took everything she had, not to grab the ring and put it on her own finger before he changed his mind. Instead she raised her eyes to his. "What if Lila comes back to Hades?"
"She won't."
That didn't answer her question. "But if she does?"
He shook his head. "Won't matter. I told you, I'm accustomed to the best." Leaning forward, he whispered against her ear. "And in case you don't know, that means you."
The Prodigal M.D. Returns Page 16
