‘Precisely.’
‘But why didn’t you tell me?’
He said reflectively, ‘I had several motives, Arizona. I didn’t want to add any more burdens for the kids to have to cope with so soon after losing their second parent, and I thought it would be difficult for you to carry on unconcernedly once you knew.’
‘Well, you’re right,’ she said through her teeth, ‘but it would have been on their behalf not mine that I would have been unable to remain unconcerned despite what I have no doubt you’re implying!’
‘Perhaps,’ he said mildly.
‘So what were your other motives?’ she demanded.
He raised an eyebrow. ‘I guess I wanted to see how you did—conduct yourself over the last twelve months.’
‘Before you came back and asked me to marry you again? How do you know I haven’t taken a legion of lovers in the interim?’
‘Have you?’
Arizona made a sound of pure, despairing exasperation.
‘Look, don’t answer—I know you haven’t,’ he said with a lightening grin.
Arizona opened her mouth, closed it then all but spat, ‘Have you been having me followed or something like that?’
‘No, nothing like that, but I do have my sources,’ he replied imperturbably. ‘In fact,’ he continued softly, ‘it’s almost as if you’ve been waiting for me, my dear.’
‘So…it’s never entered your calculations,’ she said with difficulty, ‘that I might just have been grieving and not interested in forming any liaisons?’
‘Well, one day I’ll probably know a lot more about you, but in the meantime, will you marry me, Arizona?’
‘No. Definitely not,’ she added to give it more force and then tried a little more force. ‘It would be the very last thing I’d do. Do I make myself clear?’
His blue gaze didn’t alter much—perhaps a tinge of amusement crept into it. ‘Not even if I told you that it was one way, probably the only way, to save Scawfell for Pete’s kids?’
Arizona realized suddenly that she could hear her heart beating heavily, that her lips were dry and her breathing ragged. And nearly a minute passed before she said in a voice quite unlike her own, ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean that if you married me I would pay off the mortgage on the estate so that the children had something to inherit as well as a familiar beloved spot to live out their childhood, and I would support them as my own—as our own.’
‘Do you mean you would bring them up as your children?’ she said uncertainly.
‘We could bring them up as ours.’
Arizona stared at him dazedly then licked her lips. ‘What’s the alternative—for them, I mean?’
‘Well, I would certainly never let Pete’s children starve, but taking them on single-handedly wouldn’t be the same for them—I’d probably have to relocate them. I wouldn’t have a great deal of time for them although I suppose I could always get another governess for them.’
‘Stop,’ she whispered then cleared her throat. ‘This is the most arrant blackmail I’ve ever heard—why?’ she asked intensely.
‘Why?’ he mused. ‘I should have thought that was obvious—I want you, Arizona!’
‘There’s a saying about hell and fury and women scorned—are you sure you’re not suffering from being scorned, Declan?’ she asked scathingly.
He laughed. ‘It could be a bit of that, too, I guess.’
‘On the other hand what would you have thought of me if I had responded to your eyes across the fence?’
‘Well, I probably wouldn’t have had to marry you, would I?’ he said placidly.
‘That doesn’t make sense—it’s worse,’ she declared bitterly. ‘It puts me in a no-win situation, which is simply crazy!’
‘Well, now, that remains to be seen. Being married to me won’t be nearly so bad as you’re cracking it up, Arizona. At one stroke you’ll retain Scawfell, you’ll retain four children you’re very fond of and who need you—think of that if nothing else.’
Arizona closed her eyes and for the life of her couldn’t help thinking of it. Thinking of Daisy, whose natural mother had died when she was two, Daisy who didn’t remember her and didn’t understand about stepmothers and thought Arizona was her mother, Daisy who worried… Thought about Sarah and Richard, charming twins so long as you understood the full extent of their dependence on each other, and Ben. Poor, tortured Ben who was still bereft without his father, who now viewed the world with cynicism and disenchantment and was increasingly disruptive … She opened her eyes and stared blankly at Declan Holmes.
‘Also,’ he said quietly, ‘you’ll have your sex life taken care of—and an awful lot of pin money to spend, Arizona.’
‘If I didn’t hate you before, I do now,’ she responded equally quietly.
He smiled briefly. ‘But you’ll do it?’
‘Only because I have no choice.’
‘Not entirely true,’ he drawled, ‘but nevertheless, when?’
‘Oh, I think I’ll leave it to you to name the day, Declan.’
‘Is that some kind of a cop-out, Arizona?’ he murmured.
‘No,’ she said baldly. ‘Merely an indication of my lack of interest.’
His Lips twisted but he said only, ‘How about a month from today then? It will give the kids a bit of time to get used to the idea.’
‘If you say so—me, as well, I suppose.’ She grimaced.
‘You’ve had a lot longer than that,’ he remarked softly. ‘If it’s so repugnant I’m surprised you haven’t left the country or something equally dramatic.’
‘But you knew damn well you had me here as some kind of a hostage, didn’t you, Declan?’
‘Did I?’ he reflected. ‘Exactly what kind of a hostage, is what one wonders, to be honest. While I don’t doubt your devotion to the kids—oh, well—’ he gestured with one long, strong hand ‘—time will no doubt tell. Why don’t you invite me for the weekend, Arizona? We could start the process of apprising the world of our intentions.’
‘Come, by all means,’ Arizona replied with utterly false cordiality. In fact her stance and the look in her eyes said something quite different—come and do your damnedest, in other words.
To which, after a long, challenging moment, he merely smiled gently as if to say, We’ll see, we’ll see…
‘Dearest Mother,’ Arizona wrote that night. ‘I suppose it’s still all right to call you that and not Sister Margaret Mary, but I digress. The news is that I’m getting married again—now I know how you opposed, from the seclusion of your convent, my first marriage but from a purely materialistic sense, this one is even better. You’ve probably heard of Declan Holmes—who hasn’t? Yes, the same one who took over his father’s media empire (small media empire) at the age of twenty-six and now, at about thirty-three, could probably be justifiably termed a media magnate. Well, he was a good friend of Peter’s, he’s the children’s trustee and guardian and as I’m the children’s stepmother, it seems like a good idea. So far as your objections to my previous marriage go, he’s only ten years older than me, he’s not a father figure or anything like that, he’s a mighty marriageable man, but no, I’m not in love with him and I don’t think he’s in love with me. What else can I tell you? It’s to be a month from today…’
Arizona lifted her head and stared into the middle distance. Can I tell you that I’m incredibly confused, desperate and afraid? That I’m wondering whether I should leave the country or something like that—but how to leave the kids?
She closed her eyes then impatiently tore the sheet off her notepad and threw it into the wastepaper basket. A moment later she reached down and tore it up into little pieces, which she let fall like confetti into the basket, thinking at the same time that it was a cheap shot writing to her mother like that, that it was continuing a feud that should be over, that if the one thing her mother had done right in her life, it seemed she was making a good nun.
The next morning as she dressed, she
observed the slight shadows under her eyes, grimaced then tossed her head. She pulled on jeans and a blue sweater, tied her hair back and went on her rounds of waking the children. And when they were dressed and assembled at the big table in the kitchen, she went out of her way to be as normal as possible over breakfast, served by Cloris.
‘Let’s see, Sarah and Richard, you have drama this afternoon after school. Daisy, you’re going to play with Chloe straight from school and I’ll pick you up at five o’clock and Ben—’
‘I know exactly what I’ve got on, thanks, Arizona, you don’t have to treat me as a child,’ Ben interrupted intensely.
‘Okay!’ Arizona smiled at him and got up to give Cloris a hand with the school lunches. ‘Oh, by the way,’ she said casually over her shoulder, ‘Declan is coming to spend this weekend with us.’
‘Yippee!’ the twins chorused, and Daisy followed with a similar exclamation.
It was Ben who said moodily, ‘What’s he coming for? I thought he was here yesterday.’
Arizona narrowed her eyes. ‘And I thought you liked Declan, Ben.’
‘He’s all right,’ he said ungraciously. ‘But what is he coming for?’
‘It doesn’t matter what he’s coming for, Ben,’ Daisy said earnestly. ‘What matters is that he’s nice and we should be nice back, shouldn’t we?’
‘For God’s sake,’ Ben entreated, ‘can’t you make her stop lecturing us, Arizona? She’s only six—’
‘Ben—’
‘And you shouldn’t say that,’ Daisy continued solemnly. ‘Should he, Arizona? I mean talk about God like that?’
‘Eat your breakfast, Daisy,’ Arizona said smoothly.
‘But I’m right, aren’t I?’
‘Yes, you’re right,’ Arizona replied with the patience of long practice.
‘Well, for crying out loud then,’ Ben muttered moodily, ‘what happened to the old saying about children—’ he glared at his baby sister ‘—being seen and not heard?’
‘Daisy not heard!’ Sarah said with a giggle.
Richard piped up, ‘That’ll be the day!’
Whereupon Ben got up and flung out of the kitchen with his breakfast half eaten.
Cloris wrung her hands and murmured something about growing boys, Daisy embarked upon the hazards of not eating one’s meals and wasting away, Sarah and Richard became convulsed with giggles, and Arizona raised her eyes heavenwards as she wondered where this golden, solemn little girl had inherited her lecturing and worrying tendencies from—because Daisy worried dreadfully about everything and never hesitated to expound upon it.
‘It’s all right, pet,’ she said to Daisy. And later when she dropped Daisy off, last, at school, reassured her once again.
‘Ben’s not really cross with me is he, Arizona?’ Daisy hung back in the car.
‘No, but it might be an idea not to, well, lecture Ben at the moment.’
‘What’s lecture mean?’
‘Uh—tell him what he’s doing wrong all the time—’
‘Because he might go away and never come back? You wouldn’t ever go away and never come back like Daddy did, would you, Arizona?’ Two large tears began to glisten on Daisy’s lashes.
‘No, no,’ Arizona said hastily and gave her a quick hug and a kiss. ‘Look, sweetheart, there’s Chloe waiting for you. Now, don’t forget you’re going home with Chloe and her mum after school!’
When she got back to Scawfell it was to find Cloris in a suppressed state of excitement. ‘Staying for the whole weekend, Arizona?’. She beamed widely. ‘I’ve already started on the blue bedroom and I’ve made a little list of menus—what do you think?’ She fluttered a piece of paper at Arizona.
‘I have absolute faith in you, Cloris, just don’t make it too grand.’
Cloris managed at the same time to look pleased yet slightly crestfallen. ‘Well, all right,’ she said slowly then smote her cheek. ‘The garden,’ she said anxiously. ‘It’s in a bit of a mess and we’ve only got two days, it’s Thursday today—’
‘I’m about to attack it, Cloris,’ Arizona reassured her.
‘Well, you are so good at it, but I did wonder if we shouldn’t get a gardening firm in, and then there’s Ben!’ she added dramatically. ‘What do you think is wrong with the poor boy?’
Arizona looked at her ruefully. ‘Still missing his father I would say—Cloris, don’t get into too much of a flutter about Declan Holmes, he’s only a man.’
‘I know.’ Cloris blushed nevertheless. ‘But it is a bit of an honour to know him, don’t you think, Arizona?’
‘As a matter of fact I don’t.’ Oh, hell, Arizona thought immediately, I’m going to have to do a bit of an about face soon, aren’t I? And with an impatient grimace, took herself off to attack the garden.
She backed the ride-on mower out of the shed and started on the wide expanse of lawn in front of the house. Scawfell, which Peter Adams had inherited from his parents, was situated on the south coast of New South Wales and comprised about fifty acres. The house was old, two-storied, large and rambling on the outside, but over the years Peter had redesigned the inside so that it was light, modern and very comfortable. It stood with its back to a tree-lined ridge and faced, over its several acres of lawn, the sea. There was a fairly steep cliff face beyond the lawn down to a perfect little bay with a crescent of sandy beach. It was a wonderful place to live if you liked the out-doors, sweeping vistas and the sea. Arizona, born in a city and carted from city to city, excepting while she’d been training to be a teacher, had taken to Scawfell and country life as if she’d been born to it. Always an energetic person, she’d found she loved gardening, grew her own herbs and vegetables and had reclaimed the orchard from a charming wilderness to a garden of bounty. She’d also had the stables renovated, and at present they housed three hacks and three ponies. All of which Declan Holmes had been paying for, she thought with a sudden pang.
Which led her to think further, as she drove the mower expertly and the scent of freshly cut grass filled the air, that she’d been proud of her achievements in her three years at Scawfell, proud in her first year as governess of what she’d achieved with Pete’s children, then in her second year all she’d achieved with his estate. And I even thought I was holding it all together over this last year, she reflected a little bitterly. Little to know…at least I was a model of thrift and resourcefulness. Little to know that the money Declan was feeding into the bank as per the arrangement after the will was read and until probate was his own. Not that it’s helped me much, being so thrifty and resourceful, he still views me with the utmost cynicism and he’s still determined to marry me…
She sighed again and thought of Peter Adams, who had been a vague, warm, friendly man, a genius at designing buildings but not a good businessman, apparently, yet a man who had understood her and had known something of the forces that had moulded her. Why did he have to die? she thought sadly. For the first time in my life I felt…safe.
She spent that day and the next working extremely hard, often alongside Cloris although certainly not in the same mood. But she couldn’t deny that she was also motivated to have Scawfell looking its best. It was unfortunate that Declan Holmes, who’d said he would arrive on Saturday morning, arrived late on Friday afternoon, catching her unkempt after a bout in the orchard. But the news he brought with him upset her all the more…
CHAPTER TWO
SHE was crossing the driveway, hauling the dead bough of a peach tree, when he drove up in his dark red convertible Saab.
She dropped the bough and stood with her hands on her hips as he stopped the car only feet from her. It was a windy, cool dusk with the promise of rain in the air, and she wore a pair of denim dungarees over an ancient checked shirt, wellingtons, gardening gloves and had her hair bundled into a red scarf.
On the other hand, as he opened the door and stepped out of the Saab, she saw that he was wearing well-pressed khaki trousers, highly polished brown moccasins and a white knit sports shirt ben
eath a beautiful dark brown leather jacket.
‘What are you doing here today?’ she said crisply as his blue eyes drifted amusedly over her.
‘Came a bit early, that’s all,’ he drawled. ‘Is there a problem?’
‘You could have warned us!’
‘Sorry,’ he said entirely unrepentantly. ‘But if you’re embarrassed about how you look, may I say that it makes no difference what you wear, you still look like a goddess, Arizona. Although in this case an avenging goddess,’ he added with soft mockery.
Arizona’s expression defied description for a moment, then she said tautly, ‘Cloris will be thrown into despair. She’d planned to roll out the red carpet for you and make every meal a masterpiece, whereas it could well be mince on toast tonight.’
He laughed. ‘I quite like mince on toast, and I loathe red carpets, but I will make my formal apologies to Cloris.’
‘Not to me, though.’ She gazed at him coolly.
‘I really don’t think there’s anything I need to apologize to you for, Arizona, is there?’ He raised an eyebrow at her.
‘No, nothing!’ she marvelled. ‘Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll get rid of this and—’
‘Incidentally,’ he broke in as she turned away, ‘I’ll be staying for the week.’
She turned back immediately. ‘A week! Why?’
‘I felt like a break, that’s all.’ He shrugged. ‘And seeing as we’re betrothed, who better to spend it with than you? Of course I didn’t expect the prospect to fill you with undiluted joy, but—’
Arizona muttered something under her breath and went to turn away again, whereupon he stopped her with a hand on her wrist. ‘But we do have a bargain, don’t we, Arizona?’
‘Let me go,’ she said proudly.
‘In a moment. Don’t we, Arizona?’ he repeated evenly.
‘Yes,’ she said through her teeth. ‘However, in private, Declan, don’t expect much joy at all!’
His blue eyes narrowed but he said merely, ‘And in public, Arizona?’
‘I have no idea how—things will come out,’ she said through her teeth.
‘Then you better start thinking about it,’ he replied dryly. ‘Or thinking about the kids,’ he added with all the pointedness of an unerringly aimed arrow. ‘Are they all home?’
Married for Real (Harlequin Presents) Page 2
