She managed a smile. “I have to eat anyway, and you’re welcome to join us.”
As she had expected, Ian’s presence did attract attention. Worse yet, Captain Thompson joined the gathering. Everyone sat around one large table, with Captain Thompson at one end. After being introduced to Captain MacDonald by Sandra, she invited Ian to sit opposite her at the other end. Sandra quietly suggested Elisabeth sit to his left, and she took the seat across the table to his right.
Lively conversation swirled around the table as the other nurses directed a multitude of questions and comments at Ian. He fielded them all with both respect and laughter. Elisabeth watched in awe. Had she been in his position, she knew she would have been a stammering mess. Every once in awhile, he glanced her way with the slightest of winks, just enough to let her know he remained aware of her.
The meal concluded when Captain Thompson left the room. The nurses on afternoon shift departed shortly afterward. Elisabeth knew Sandra also needed to leave for her shift but appreciated her continued presence as a buffer until everyone else had left. At long last, the other nurses drifted over to the recreation room, leaving Ian, Sandra, and Elisabeth alone in the dining room.
“Thank you for the lovely lunch, ladies. I felt like a rooster in a henhouse, but it was fun.” Ian turned to Elisabeth. “Thank you for keeping yourself awake. I’ll leave so you can get to bed, but I’ll be in touch.”
Elisabeth walked him to the front door. When it closed behind him, she turned back to find Sandra still watching.
For once, Sandra’s face looked solemn. “I hope someday someone looks at me the way Captain MacDonald looks at you.” She held up a hand to stop Elisabeth’s protest. “I know you think you don’t want this. But consider carefully. What’s budding between you two is too precious to throw away just because you might lose it.”
Chapter 5
Pure physical exhaustion caused Elisabeth to drop into slumber, but she slept lightly. Cynthia tiptoed into their room and back out again, and other nurses murmured in the hallway. But all of those disturbances were minor compared to her inner restlessness over Sandra’s parting words. Was there really something special between herself and Ian? If so, did she want it or, worse yet, did she even have a choice?
She dragged herself to the ward for duty at 2300 hours. Three nurses typically covered both wards for the night shift. As the junior nurse, Elisabeth moved back and forth between the wards as necessary. In spite of a heavy patient load, the night was quiet enough to allow her thoughts to continue tumbling over each other like pebbles tossed down a slope.
Her rest didn’t improve on Monday afternoon. By the time she got off shift at 0800 hours Tuesday morning, she felt as though she were walking in a stupor. She fell into bed without a meal and slipped into sleep. When she woke, it took her a few minutes to orient herself. A glance out her window showed deep darkness. Cloud cover obscured the stars. The shadowy shape of her roommate huddled beside the window. “Cynthia?”
The other woman turned her head, her long brown hair black in the semidarkness. “Sorry to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” Elisabeth sat up and draped a blanket around her shoulders against the chill in the room. “What time is it?”
“It’s four in the morning.” Her voice sounded as though she might be smiling. “Sandra stopped by around eight last night to see if you were okay. You didn’t even stir.”
“I was beat. So what are you doing awake at this hour?”
“Just thinking about things.” Her voice now sounded distant and sad.
“I know the feeling.” Elisabeth sank down on the bed and studied her hands. All the uncertainties of the past few days flooded her mind once again.
Cynthia moved to sit on her own bed, opposite Elisabeth. “If you want to talk about it, I’d love to think about someone else’s problems.”
Elisabeth looked toward the other nurse, even though the night obscured her expression. “A couple of weeks ago, I met a Canadian pilot.” Somehow, being unable to see her roommate clearly made her words form more easily, even made her feel eager to talk.
“Ah, a man,” Cynthia commented in a quiet tone. “Many a nurse’s sleep has been disrupted by the opposite sex.”
Elisabeth smiled. “We haven’t spent a lot of time together, but he’s different than any other man I’ve ever met. I want to be able to trust him.”
“What’s stopping you?” Gentleness filled the other woman’s voice.
“I don’t want to fall in love with someone who might not live past next week.” For the first time, she voiced the crux of her fear, laid it out bold and bald.
“Do you have any idea how he feels about you?”
Elisabeth shrugged. “We’ve seen each other only three times, so we haven’t come close to discussing our feelings, or lack of them. Sandra is sure there’s something between us, though.”
Cynthia sighed deeply. “Elisabeth, I don’t claim to have a lot of wisdom, but I do know this war has put us all in a place where everything about life seems more urgent than it did before we became involved. We look death in the face every day—you and I in helping the wounded, your pilot in his sorties over the Atlantic. In times like this, we don’t have the luxury of slow and easy courtships. More than once I’ve seen two people meet, and it’s like their hearts recognize each other instantly. I don’t know if that is what is happening between you and your pilot, but I would advise you not to throw away the possibility just because you’re afraid of loss. Loss is going to touch all of us personally before the war is over. We can’t hide from it, so we might as well embrace the joy that comes our way, no matter how unexpected.”
Elisabeth had never heard her roommate sound so philosophical—or so urgent. Usually, she remained calm and quiet, with not a lot to say. She didn’t battle shyness as Elisabeth did, but she didn’t speak unless she felt it necessary. Her usual reticence made these words all the more weighty. “Cynthia, what’s happening with you? Something serious is bothering you.”
Cynthia sighed again. “Later today, I fly out on a cargo plane bound for England. I’m needed to accompany a planeload of wounded back to Gander. My mind has been buzzing all night with the what-ifs.”
Elisabeth knew exactly what she meant. Cynthia’s trips as a flight nurse had been mainly to and from the Arctic bases, as well as a couple of rescue missions over the Atlantic—but still close to the North American coastline. This trip would take her right over some of the worst of German U-boat activity. She pushed back her covers and moved to sit on the edge of the other bed. She found her roommate’s hands in the semidark and clasped them tightly. “I don’t know what to say, Cynthia, other than you’d better come back.”
“I’m not so much afraid of death for myself.” Cynthia talked as though thinking out loud. “I know Jesus is my Savior and heaven is where I’ll go. But what about those wounded men I’ll be responsible for? They’ve already been through so much. What if we get shot down and I can’t do anything but watch them drown in the ocean?”
Elisabeth didn’t want even to imagine the horror of the experience. She didn’t consciously think the words before they came out of her mouth. “I have no doubt you’ll know exactly what to do if the worst happens. You’ll do the best you can, and God will take care of the rest.”
Tears seemed to hover in Cynthia’s reply. “Thanks, Elisabeth. That was just what I needed to hear. The same holds for you. He’ll show you what to do, as long as you’re not afraid to listen.”
Elisabeth enfolded her friend in a tight embrace, then returned to her own bed. Was she ready to listen for what God might say about this attraction between her and Ian? She lay down to think about it and drifted into a dreamless sleep.
When she woke at midmorning, she felt peace in spite of her uncertainties. With the rest of that day off as well as the following day, she had plenty of time for long walks, more rest, and opportunities to enjoy friendly Ping-Pong competitions in the nearby recreation hall. She’d hear
d nothing from Ian since his Sunday dinner with the nurses. When her thoughts drifted in his direction, she reminded herself that there could be nothing between them. Obviously, time and circumstances weren’t going to allow even a basic friendship. Before she could acknowledge the sliver of disappointment, she redirected her thoughts by saying a prayer for Cynthia’s safety. She did her best to ignore the ball of fear in her middle every time she thought of the extreme danger the flight nurse would have to experience.
Her first day back on shift was Thanksgiving Day. The hospital kitchen had managed to create a full-course dinner, which Elisabeth and Sandra served to the patients at noon. Though the two of them had been on different shifts for the past two weeks, Elisabeth felt gratitude for their togetherness on this one day. Sandra’s cheeriness helped alleviate some of the loneliness Elisabeth felt for her own family. One of the youngest soldiers seemed to become more despondent during the meal. She made an opportunity to stop by his bed for a quiet chat.
“Are you okay, Private Keller?”
He looked up from his half-eaten meal with naked homesickness in his eyes. “It’s the dinner, Ma’am. Puts me in mind of Thanksgiving dinners at home, with both sets of grandparents there and a ton of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Since I can’t be fighting, I can’t help but wish I were home. Tomorrow they’ll put up the Christmas tree.”
Elisabeth forced a smile. “I don’t have a huge family like yours, but I miss being with them today as well. Being away from them is part of doing our duty, but that doesn’t make it easy.”
“No, ma’am,” he whispered, looking back down at his tray.
But her words must have helped, because when it came time to clear the trays away, Private Keller had eaten every scrap and had found a crossword puzzle to work. The rest of the afternoon was hectic as the captain opened both wards for unlimited visitors. “It’s bad enough that our boys have to be away from home on Thanksgiving; I want them to be able to be with their comrades, at least,” she explained to her staff. It meant that the first shift of nurses had to work an hour later, but seeing the brightened spirits of all the patients, none of them seemed to mind.
Elisabeth returned to the barracks that night with her spirits heavier than ever. As she’d told Private Keller, she missed her family terribly. But she hadn’t told him about Papa Johan’s Thanksgiving dinner prayer. Usually his blessings over meals or his prayers for other occasions varied according to circumstance. He wasn’t given to ritual or flowery language, but every year on Thanksgiving Day, he used the same words. Elisabeth came to understand them as the only words he could find to express his gratitude for what he valued most—his family and world peace. She pondered the words now:
“On this day of Thanksgiving, our Father, we thank Thee for our blessings too numerous to count. Dearest to our hearts is the gift of family You have bestowed on the three of us, brought together by heartache and war. We also thank Thee from the depths of our hearts for the gift of peace that You have bestowed on our world. We ask Thy guidance in the year to come as each of us continues in our work to ensure continued peace. In the name of the Prince of Peace, amen.”
Elisabeth’s homesickness only made her more aware that this prayer from Papa Johan’s heart had not been answered. What had he prayed this year? Something in her soul told her he’d still asked for peace in the world but had also added a plea for her safety and happiness.
She knelt by the side of her bed and repeated the first part of the prayer. Then she added, “Though I cannot understand why You would allow war to sunder our world again, I thank Thee for the opportunity to serve those who would do their duty in the fight. Please bless Mama Glorie and Papa Johan and keep them safe. In the name of the Prince of Peace, amen.”
Tears fell onto her hands for just a few moments. Just as she was getting to her feet again, Cynthia came through the door. The two women collided in a joyful hug. “Welcome home, Cynthia! How was the trip?”
“Not bad,” the flight nurse replied, her brown eyes shining. “The Germans tried to nail us, but we got our boys home. I’m supposed to leave on another mission on Sunday.”
Apprehension almost forced words of protest from Elisabeth’s lips, but her training held them back. As members of the Army Nursing Corps, they were trained to render service anywhere. She could not dishonor herself or the Corps by speaking of her fears. But the sick dread didn’t vanish for being left unspoken. On the contrary, it finally brought resolution to her questions about Ian. She could not, must not, risk more than the most casual friendship with him. To allow herself to become attached to his companionship would only put her at risk for a broken heart. This war had already demanded more than her heart felt able to give. She simply could not give more.
With her decision made, Elisabeth plodded through her days. Cynthia once again returned safely from her overseas mission. That Friday night, Elisabeth accompanied Sandra and a few other nurses to the officers’ mess for the Social Evening. Though she tried to tell herself she wasn’t looking for Ian, she couldn’t deny the disappointment she felt over not seeing him. She sidestepped the many offers to dance, though she did try to maintain pleasant conversations with those who approached her. Thankfully, no one seemed to remember the duet she’d sung with Ian, or if they did, they didn’t mention it. For her part, she just tried to ignore the piano on the other side of the room. She couldn’t look at it without remembering how well their voices had blended in song. Sandra had to leave at 2200 hours to get ready for her night shift, so Elisabeth accompanied her back to the barracks. She promised herself she wouldn’t visit the mess again. The memories were simply too vivid and the uncertainties too unsettling.
The next morning she awoke after a restless night, resolved to let Ian MacDonald occupy no more space in her thoughts. Nursing was what she’d come here to do, not pine over someone she barely knew. As an ever-present reminder of her determination, she fastened the clasp of Mama Glorie’s lamp pin over the chain of her dog tag so she could wear it under her uniform.
She glanced over at her roommate, who had donned her flight suit. “Where to now?”
Cynthia grinned. “Just to Gander and back on a training flight. We should be back tomorrow night.”
Elisabeth hugged her roommate, relieved beyond words that she would be out of range of enemy fire. “If you get home early, I promise to let you win at Ping-Pong.”
“It’s a deal.” Cynthia hurried out, and Elisabeth pulled on her outdoor clothing for the walk to the hospital. She reported for duty, determined to focus on her nursing duties to the exclusion of anything else. When a few moments of unoccupied time occurred between patients’ needs, she helped the corpsmen with their cleaning and scrubbing.
Toward the end of her shift, she looked up from making a newly emptied bed to see Captain Thompson talking with the other nurse on duty in Elisabeth’s ward. Both nurses looked over at Elisabeth then continued their whispered conversation. After a few moments, the captain approached. “Lieutenant, I need to speak with you outside the ward, please.”
Elisabeth checked the nursing supervisor’s face for a sign of censure but saw none. “Yes, ma’am.” She followed the other woman out into the hallway.
“Lieutenant, I have difficult news for you. We just got word that Lieutenant Jenkins’s plane crashed at Gander. All the crew, including Lieutenant Jenkins, were killed.”
A horrified numbness settled over Elisabeth. The only words that would come out of her mouth were, “Are you sure?”
Captain Thompson’s voice remained brisk and matter-of-fact. “Yes, Lieutenant, we’re sure. I trust I can count on you to finish your shift.”
Elisabeth shook her head as if to clear away the fog of disbelief.
“Lieutenant?”
The sternness in her supervisor’s voice penetrated the cloud. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be fine.” Elisabeth returned to the bed she had been making and finished the job mechanically. She had no idea how she finished that last hour or even how she mana
ged to return to the barracks.
But in her room the grief broke over her. Never again would she turn to the soft-spoken woman for advice or even just for company, when homesickness became too intense. She felt something precious had been ripped away from her. She lay facedown on her bed and let the sobs shake her. Into her pillow she cried out, “God, how could You let this happen?”
But no answer came. After awhile the tears abated, leaving only an ache just under her rib cage. She stayed in her room as the twilight deepened into nightfall. Supper would be served soon, but she had no appetite. It just made no sense. Cynthia had survived two round-trip flights across the enemy-patrolled Atlantic. How could she have died on a training flight?
Elisabeth sat by her window staring into the night, as Cynthia had just a few days ago. A hush seemed to have fallen over the entire barracks. Only faint sounds of other nurses’ activity reached her ears. Then came a knock at her door. She opened her mouth to respond, but the tears spilled over and choked out her reply. The knock came a second time, and this time the door opened slightly. Sandra’s worried face peered through the semidarkness. “Are you okay, Elisabeth?”
Elisabeth couldn’t move, other than to nod.
“You don’t look like it. May I come in?”
Again Elisabeth could only nod. She heard her friend’s approach, then felt comforting arms slide around her. She tried to hold back the tears, but they refused to be denied. With her head resting on Sandra’s shoulder, she sobbed afresh.
Sandra murmured quieting words, barely more than nonsense. Then Elisabeth felt a dampness on her own shoulder. With it came the awareness that she wasn’t alone in her grief. There were so few of them among so many men that they were like their own extended family. This loss would scar them all.
Chapter 6
Elisabeth forced herself through the days that followed. A memorial service took place three days after the crash, but she refused to attend. Her loss only felt bearable when she focused stubbornly on her nursing responsibilities. Regulations forbade any communications home about the loss, for which she felt grateful. This way she didn’t have to decide whether or not to tell her parents.
A Sentimental Journey Romance Collection Page 55
