“What is he planning?” I asked.
“We don’t know. Odette hasn’t seen that future,” Serenity said.
“That must be killing her,” Daniel said.
Serenity’s eyes hardened. “Marcus is not one to spend money and resources kidnapping people to do nothing. He will use it.”
“We already figured that part out,” I said.
“Have you figured out how to stop him?” she asked me.
“We haven’t got that far,” I said. “We’re still playing catch up.”
“You need to be faster, quicker, better,” Serenity said. “Lives depend on it.”
“Do you have a reason for interrupting us?” Daniel asked.
“I do,” Serenity said. “I have a debt to collect.”
“Does she have to go right this minute?” Daniel asked.
“What are you talking about?” Beatrice interrupted. “What debt?”
The fear that Daniel had made a promise he would regret was in Beatrice’s eyes. She obviously was not as fond of Serenity as the neutral expression on her face suggested.
“Clare agreed to meet with Odette in exchange for Serenity’s help in rescuing you,” Daniel said.
“You didn’t!” Beatrice said in a low, chastising voice.
“I did. And I would make the promise again,” I assured her.
She took my hand in a motherly gesture. She was grateful for the love, but not for the choice I had been forced to make. She was not glad I had given in to Odette. Serenity was waiting for an answer. Her face showed her impatience.
“When Alex is awake,” I said.
“Fine,” Serenity said.
Serenity started to turn away, but Daniel put his hand out to stop her. His hand blocked the way. She didn’t try to move past – to do so would have been an invitation to fight. It would be an invitation Daniel would accept gladly.
“I’m coming with Clare to meet Odette,” Daniel said.
“Odette is already expecting you,” Serenity said. “She said for the girl to bring along Alex, Reaper, Spider and you.”
“Why the interest in Spider?” Daniel asked. “This is the second time you’ve included him in something you normally wouldn’t bother to include a human in.”
Serenity smirked at Daniel, but did not answer his question.
“Are you going to let me pass?”
Daniel’s eyes narrowed at her words. He moved his arm, and Serenity moved down the hallway with her hips swishing a sultry retreat. Reaper passed her in the hall with barely a glance in her direction. He was rubbing his neck thoughtfully. His eyes still had a fuzzy look in them, but he was infinitely more aware. He stopped in front of us.
“Serenity plying you to uphold your end of the bargain?” Reaper asked.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
Daniel moved behind Reaper and looked at his head wound. “It’s healing okay. How are your symptoms?”
“Just a general fuzziness. Nothing I haven’t faced before,” Reaper said.
I pulled his lighter out of my pocket and held it out to him, to return what was his. Reaper’s mouth twitched when he saw it. It was a strange twitch – almost as if there was more to what he was about to say then I knew.
“Keep it,” he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Definitely,” Reaper replied.
“Thanks,” I said.
“How’s Alex?” Reaper asked.
“Sleeping,” Beatrice said.
Reaper nodded. “Good.”
He looked at Beatrice and Han curiously. They looked back at him just as curious. Han and Beatrice were interested in the man who had helped them escape…they were also curious at Daniel’s obvious familiarity with Reaper.
“It’s nice to meet you finally,” Reaper added.
“Thank you for helping in our rescue,” Han said. “It was very kind to rescue strangers for no payment or reward. There are many people who are safe today because of you.”
“It was my pleasure,” Reaper said. “Though I don’t feel as if you are strangers…”
“How do you mean?” Han asked.
“This is Ashley,” Daniel said.
“Your friend from the streets?” Beatrice asked.
She had obviously heard the story – not only heard, but had lived through the depression Daniel had faced when he had heard of Reaper’s supposed murder.
“Yes,” Daniel agreed.
Beatrice’s smile was twice as warm with the knowledge that Reaper was an old friend. Reaper looked affected by her affectionate smile. He returned the smile without thinking. There was something else; a longing to have that motherly smile directed at him more often.
“I am so glad that rumors of your death are not true,” Beatrice said.
“Thanks…” Reaper replied. “You are welcome to stay on our boat as long as you need. It’s not much…but it’s safe.”
“Thank you,” Beatrice said.
Reaper put a hand on Daniel’s arm. “Can we talk for a minute?”
Daniel looked at me then at his parents. It was as if he was looking for permission. Han nodded once at the unasked question.
“Yeah, sure,” Daniel said.
Daniel put a hand on my cheek and gave me a small smile. Then he and Reaper walked down the hall and out of sight. Beatrice put her hand around my shoulder as they walked away.
“Did Daniel give you that ring?” Beatrice asked after a brief pause.
I looked down at the ring Daniel had fashioned out of a tear he had shed when he had lost me to the torture room. It glittered in the light. It was also very prominently displayed on my ring finger on my left hand.
“Yes,” I replied a bit sheepishly.
“I think it’s wonderful,” Beatrice said.
A blush was heating my face. It wasn’t just because they were his parents. It was because I wasn’t sure what the ring really meant. He had given it to me with a promise to be there for me forever. But a promise to be there forever wasn’t the same as the conclusion Beatrice had jumped to.
“We need to check on the others,” Han said gently, seeing my blush. “There’s a lot of confused, scared people who could do with some kindness.”
“Okay,” I said.
Beatrice took her hand off from around my shoulders, and Han claimed her hand. They shared a look of absolute love they did not think I noticed and walked away. My heart sang with relief to see them again. When they had turned the corner, I went in to Alex’s room.
Alex had a blanket tucked around her shoulders, to hide her naked body, and her eyes were closed. Her face twitched with her dreams, which looked violent. I squeezed in to the tiny space between her bunk and the wall and sat on the floor next to her. I put my back against the wall and looked at her. The emotions and the sense of darkness that had found its way in to my brain with Han and Beatrice’s admission of a virus finally found the space to breathe.
“Well, we did it,” I said to Alex, knowing she couldn’t hear me but needing an outlet for the emotions I was feeling. “But it doesn’t feel like much of a victory. I mean, I’m glad Han and Beatrice and the others are free. I’m glad we did that. But it feels like a pinprick to Marcus’ overall plan. He has a virus. He could kill a lot of people. He will kill a lot of people. And nothing’s changed with me. I still can’t control what I can do. I don’t know why Marcus wants me…everything is just…blah.”
Alex didn’t reply, but I hadn’t expected her to. We sat in silence and I contemplated another truth I had discovered in the caves.
“I was terrified down there,” I said. “The cave-in almost killed me...I almost couldn’t think to move in to the space in-between. I’ve never been so scared in my life. What if I find that kind of panic in a situation where I have to act? What if it means yours or Daniel’s life?”
Alex groaned and put a hand to her forehead at my words. I sat up straighter and looked at her face. Was it part of her dreams that had her groaning or was she waking up?
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Her eyes fluttered briefly then opened. Clear blue looked back at me. She looked tired but very aware of her surroundings.
“I had the strangest dream that I was trying to sleep and this girl kept going on and on about impossible destinies and uncertain powers. It was really quite annoying,” she said.
“I didn’t think you’d hear,” I said.
Alex smiled at her teasing. “I did.”
Her smile disappeared as she took stock of her body. She looked under the blanket with a confused look on her face.
“I’m naked.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“What happened?” she asked.
“You turned when you saw Eli,” I said.
“Eli…” she whispered, turning his name in to a curse.
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath to prepare herself for the next question on her lips.
“Did I hurt anyone?” she asked.
“Bad people,” I said. “You saved my life…and Reaper’s.”
“Reaper?” she asked sharply, her eyes opening again.
I told her the story of what had happened before and after her transformation. She listened with a growing panic on her face.
“You let Reaper find out about me?” she asked.
“That’s not fair,” I replied.
“Neither is him finding out the truth, without my permission,” she said.
“I told you,” I replied. “He volunteered to help me find you. I couldn’t have stopped him.”
“Sure you could have,” she said. “You’re resourceful.”
“You’re not putting this off on me,” I said. “I can’t control his choices any more than I can control yours…What are you really thinking?”
Her eyes stopped searching the opposite wall. They were scared as she turned to face me.
“What if he shares Eli prejudice? He’ll kick me out of the Saints. I like it here. People respect my opinion. They come to me for things. Now, I’m just…an animal. What if the others find out? They’ll stop coming to me. Nothing will ever be the same.”
“Reaper knows how to keep a secret,” I said. “He’s kept a couple in his day.”
She didn’t seem to register my words.
“And Eli…what if Eli goes blabbing his mouth to the others? He’s on the ship, isn’t he?” she asked.
“Yes, but you’re forgetting one little detail. Eli doesn’t like talking,” I said.
“Meanness makes people do things they sometimes wouldn’t. It eats you up and you have to find an outlet,” Alex said. “He’ll talk.”
“I think he knows to keep his mouth shut. Reaper hit him pretty hard.”
Alex blushed at the reminder. She realized in a second’s time that she didn’t want to talk about her problems anymore. She was through with dwelling on the past. Alex was like that. She didn’t let it go, but she did redirect. She sat up - keeping the blankets wrapped tightly around her body - and pulled my grandfather’s book out from a bag on the floor. She set it on the bed.
“I’m going to solve some of those unanswered mysteries for you,” she promised. “I’m going to keep reading, until I know why your grandfather hid this book. Then, we can put that out of our mind. It’ll be one less question…”
I allowed for the change of subject, knowing Alex would come around to her emotions eventually. I would just have to be there when she wanted to talk. It was all I could do under the circumstances.
“I think he was just a crazy old man, who liked history,” I said. “That question isn’t such a confusing one.”
We had talked about my grandfather a couple of times during our two weeks at sea. It was always the same conclusion – I thought he was crazy, Alex thought he had a purpose. Alex rolled her eyes at my words. She was firmly convinced the book held more than answers; it held meaning. It would explain everything about everything, all at once. She held on to the belief that it meant something, even when her hours of reading had yielded nothing beyond farming reports from the 18th century and daily accounts of merchants. I was convinced the book held nothing more than the ramblings of an old man more interested in his long-dead family history than his flesh-and-blood daughter. It was nothing more than a reminder of the family I had never known and would probably never get to know. His reasons for hiding it weren’t complicated – it was paranoia or some other mental disorder that made people hide books in secret rooms.
The book was proof we were looking for answers in the wrong place. That feeling – that our path for answers was skewed – was one reason I was not as worried about meeting Odette as Daniel seemed to be. I knew she was powerful and tricky – an elder, who had honed her powers simply through staying alive longer than most of our kind. I knew she was smart and had enough funds to keep people like Serenity employed around the world. But those things didn’t worry me as much as the possibility of spending years searching for clues in dusty books. I was banking on the idea that time held answers; she held enough time to have more than her share of answers. Her answers might cost me – they might not even be what I was looking for – but I relished the idea of not feeling consumed by questions. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know. Knowing was the only way to beat Marcus. It felt as if it was the only way to start taking control of my world.
Almost as if she could read my thoughts, Alex asked about the meeting I had promised Serenity. She looked at the bed thoughtfully, her mind a million miles away. Or as far away as Eli currently was. I saw her contemplating the idea of joining Serenity – and Eli – on a trip to see Odette. It would not be easy for her.
“You said Serenity wanted me to go along, too?” Alex asked.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“I wonder why,” she said.
“Serenity always has a reason,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean she likes to share it.”
“I wonder if Odette pays Serenity to be so mysterious, or if she just likes irritating people by throwing out vague hints and cryptic doomsday-type warnings?” Alex asked.
“She definitely gets a kick out of irritating the rest of us,” I said.
Alex nodded in agreement then she sighed as some of her emotions came back in to the room. She was back to thinking over the change. As she did, she realized a truth that had previously escaped her. She looked down at her body then back up at me. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me.
“Reaper saw me naked,” she said.
It was not a question.
“So did a bunch of other people,” I said.
My words didn’t help. Her face filled with color. She buried it in to her hands, to hide it from me.
“God…kill me now,” Alex moaned.
A sharp knock came from the door at her words.
Alex looked up, wondering if God had come to collect. I laughed at the look on her face and went to answer the door. Spider was on the other side. The lipstick imprint of a dozen kisses was over his face – a byproduct of the party – and his hair looked ruffled, as if hands had been run through his hair repeatedly. Despite the kisses, he looked upset. When the door opened, he leaned around me, to see if Alex was awake. Alex smiled at him in greeting, assuring him with a look that she was fine. His return smile was brief and almost cold, unlike him. He was too consumed by his thoughts to be truly warm. He brushed past me and sat down on the edge of her bed.
“How are you, doll?” he asked Alex, more for something to say than anything else.
He could tell she was fine. Her look had said enough.
“I’m fine,” she said.
Spider was fidgeting. He seemed unable to sit still for longer than a second. His legs moved then his hands – there was no peace. The fidgeting had nothing to do with Alex’s time spent as a Nightstalker. It was movement I found alarmingly similar. It was the same sort of habitual fidgeting Daniel did when he was upset or thinking. Daniel’s habits seemed to be rubbing off on the boy.
“So…Eli, huh?” Spider asked after a minute.
“Yep,”
Alex agreed in a quiet voice.
“What am I going to tell the Ethan and the others?” Spider asked. “What do I say?
“The truth,” I said. “He’s here, but he’s not back.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t say anything,” Spider said.
“You don’t keep secrets from them,” I said.
“More than you think,” Spider said with an ugly look on his face.
“Tell them the truth,” I said. “You know you would want the facts straight. They’re mature enough to deal with the information on their own.”
“Right…like they were mature when I told them we weren’t coming back for them,” Spider said.
There had been a fight when Spider had told them we were attacking Marcus’ fortress without them. The wounds of the fight had yet to heal. It was a continuation of the rift that had started to form between Spider and the kids – a rift formed by the fact that the kids longed for a normal life, and Spider knew he wasn’t content with anything close to ‘normal.’ The kids were willing to help us, were willing to do whatever it took to prove their loyalty, but they were also geared toward happiness and childish delights. Spider had never known an immature day – his hard life had taught him such things as ‘play’ and ‘normalcy’ were for other people.
Alex put a hand on his arm.
“Trust them,” Alex encouraged him. “It’s the only way for you all to heal.”
He sighed at her words and shook off some of doubt. The real reason for his agitation came bubbling through in a quick confession. It was not an admission he made easily – not when he was so committed to being a part of our group.
“I saw Serenity down at the party. She said I was going to go along with you guys…” Spider said.
“That’s what she said,” I agreed.
“I don’t know if I can,” he admitted.
“Are you actually refusing to go along on an exciting mission?” I asked. “I’m shocked.”
Spider fidgeted some more.
“Not refusing. I’m just sayin’ that I don’t know if I can handle being around Eli. I mean, if Reaper hadn’t hit him, I would have. I might not have stopped hitting him,” Spider confessed.
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