got the impression she’d had guns pointed at her a hundred times before. ‘Some time this month would be nice,’ Sami shouted. The nun unlocked the cabinet. Sami shoved her out of the way and started cramming all the medicine
into her backpack. It was too dark to see what anything was. The nun stumbled back to her chair. I met her eyes, and she smiled at me. All her teeth were gone, except two brown tombstones in her lower jaw. I got this weird feeling off her, like my soul was being x-rayed. It felt as if the nun could see my fear and actually felt sorry for me. ‘I’ll pray for both of you,’ the nun whispered. She made the sign of the cross on her chest. Sami gave her a scornful look, ‘Shut your bloody hole.’ There was a massive bang and a flash of orange light. My ear howled with pain. The bullet can’t have missed me by much. I spun around. Shadows of giant fingers and a gun were projected onto the inside of the tent. It was one of the patients. I hit the floor as the second bullet ripped a hole in the canvas.
My AK47 was trapped under my body, so I grabbed the revolver out of my trousers. I was actually laying across the legs of the man shooting at me. God knows how he missed from such close range. I squeezed the trigger. The bullet entered the base of his jaw and exploded out the top of his head attached to a hairy clump of his skull. The other patient was behind me. I thought he might have a gun as well, so I rolled over and fired once into his chest and once into his head. He’d slept through the whole thing, but the bullets were out of my gun before I gave it a second thought. Sami zipped up her pack and grabbed my arm. ‘Lets get out of here, traitor; before you wake up the other half of the camp.’ I could barely hear over the whistling in my ear. We ran back towards the store. The truck cab was open and the engine was turning. Sami climbed in first. Desi drove away while I was still on the step. Sami helped pull me inside and slammed the door. We pulled up at the main gate. A guard approached.
Any second, someone could sound the alarm and we’d be getting killed from ten different directions. I tucked my hands under my arse to stop them shaking. The guard shone his torch into the cab. Sami gave him her sweetest smile.
‘Just taking this young lady back to her village,’ Desi said, passing the guard a few dollars. ‘What you been up to?’ The guard laughed, ‘Naughty boy.’
The guard walked over to open the gate. He probably wasn’t going that slow, but it felt like every step lasted a thousand years. Desi rolled us through the gate and started to accelerate away. He kept the speed down to avoid suspicion. Sami looked back in the mirror to see if anything was coming after us. ‘Looks OK,’ Sami said Desi laughed, ‘It should do. I slashed about twenty tyres.’ It took a couple of minutes to drive up to the checkpoint. There was a row of metal spikes blocking the road and a heavy machine gun behind a wall of sandbags. One of the guards wandered out of a wooden hut and stood on the step leading into the cab. ‘Destination?’ the driver asked. ‘Taking this young lady home,’ Desi said, handing over a few more dollars. A telephone started ringing inside the guard hut. ‘Hold on. I better see what that is before I let you through.’ ‘This is bad,’ Sami said. ‘Can we go over the spikes?’ ‘We won’t get fifty yards. They’ll shred the tyres,’ Desi said. ‘I could creep out and move them,’ Sami said. ‘The metal makes a hell of a noise when you drag it,’ Desi said. ‘They’ll gun you down.’ ‘So what do we do?’ I asked. ‘I say we should abandon the truck and run for it,’ Desi said. ‘No way,’ Sami said, ‘Not after going through all this. It could be nothing.’ She pulled her AK47 off her shoulder and laid it across her lap with her finger on the trigger. ‘Don’t let them take you alive, Jake’ Sami said. ‘Unless you enjoy being tortured.’ I couldn’t take the fear. I think I was about to pass out, but the chain of spikes started clattering out of
our path. A smiling guard emerged from the side of the road. ‘Sorry about the wait,’ he shouted, ‘Sounds like a couple of drunks went a bit crazy up at the base and
shot someone in the hospital.’ Desi shook his head, ‘Too much banana beer, I expect.’ The guard thumped the side of the cab, ‘Probably… Drive safe now.’ ‘Thanks,’ Desi said. ‘Have a good night.’ The hydraulic brakes hissed and we pulled off down the road.
10. ADRENALIN
Desi drove fast and kept the headlights off. Christ knows how he saw where we were going. I kept thinking we were about to crash. Sami was looking back in the mirror all the time, but once we were away from the base we were just another army truck without markings or number plates. Even if we got stopped, we could pass ourselves off as government troops.
You can’t believe the buzz. I shouted my head off with pure relief. Sami wrapped her arms around me. Desi was grinning. People chuck themselves off cliffs, go white water rafting and ride roller coasters to get a bit of excitement in their lives. But this was the real stuff, no safety line, no life jacket. I’d done something that would get me twenty years in maximum security prison if I did it in Britain.
‘You should have seen him, Desi,’ Sami beamed. ‘Drops down, cool as ice. Wastes the guy shooting at him, then flips over and shoots the guy behind him. I mean, one guy was paralytic and the other one was asleep, but it was still classy.’ ‘Nice one,’ Desi said. ‘Why did you kill the second patient?’ Sami asked. I shrugged, ‘He looked dangerous.’ ‘He was asleep.’ I shrugged, ‘I don’t know. It just seemed like the right thing to do.’ ‘Even Sami doesn’t kill people when they’re asleep,’ Desi said. ‘Mind you,’ Sami said. ‘That’s only because I like to see the look on their faces when they wake up with
a gun in their face.’ Desi floored the brake. The tyres squealed. I flew forward and hit my head on the dashboard. It killed
my head, but I just burst out laughing. ‘Sorry,’ Desi said. ‘Didn’t see that corner.’ He dunked the accelerator again. ‘You’re not traitor anymore,’ Sami said. ‘I’ve got you a new name.’ I grinned, ‘What am I?’ ‘Killer.’ ‘I want to go back,’ I said. ‘Get the biggest gun. Sneak up the watch tower with it and blast everyone in
their tents.’ Desi laughed, ‘One raid and you’re a certified psycho. Wait until you get pinned down with a few
Army shooting at you, then we’ll see what you’re made of.’ ‘Titanium,’ I said. ‘I can take it. I’m so hard, they’ll take one look at me and shit their pants.’ ‘Killing machine,’ Sami shouted. ‘Kill,’ I shouted back, right in her ear. She slapped my face. ‘You dare slap my face?’ I giggled. ‘I’ll mash you up.’ ‘I’ll kill you,’ Sami snorted. I wrapped my arm around her head and pinched her nose. She went straight for my nipple. It was still
sore from earlier. ‘Jesus… Let go of my nipple.’ ‘Not until you let go of my nose.’ ‘I’ll kill you.’ ‘I’ll kill , dog breath.’ Sami bundled me off the seat onto the floor of the cab and pinned me down with her boots. ‘Will you two stop acting like idiots,’ Desi shouted. ‘It’s hard enough driving without all that going on.’ ‘Let us up Sami.’ I wriggled. Sami smiled down at me.
‘Come on.’ ‘No,’ Sami said. ‘You’re a naughty boy. You’re staying down there until we arrive.’ It was a three hour walk on the way out. The drive back took about 25 minutes. Desi pulled into the clearing. Me and Sami moved the stuff camouflaging the road into camp. The truck was too wide to go up the hill and it wasn’t four wheel drive, so it probably wouldn’t have made it anyway. We were too knackered to unload, we just grabbed our packs and weapons and stuffed our pockets with bottles of banana beer.
We started drinking as we struggled up the hill to camp. It was thick and slightly bitter tasting. You wouldn’t have known it was made out of bananas unless someone told you. I was thirsty; the first bottle went down in a few seconds. I lobbed it in the bushes and unscrewed the cap on another. Some places the path was steep; you had to grab onto a branch or something to pull yourself up.
A guy called Jesus was at the top of the path, under an open sided shelter about a hundred yards short of camp. He was supposed to be on guard duty, but he’d fallen asleep. Desi tipped beer over him to w
ake him up.
‘This isn’t good enough,’ Sami said, struggling to keep a straight face. ‘Fifty dollars each or we’ll tell Captain.’ ‘Give us a beer,’ Jesus said. Sami handed him a bottle, ‘Cough up.’ ‘Shove it up your arse,’ Jesus said. Sami smiled and cuffed him around the head. We wandered into the middle of camp. The beer was starting to work on me. After all the action, I needed something to take the edge off. Desi said goodnight and went off to his hut. I looked at Sami. ‘See you in the morning,’ I said. ‘Come with me first,’ Sami said. ‘I’ll wash the blood off your face.’ Sami took me into her hut. She lit a kerosene lamp with her pocket lighter. ‘You want another beer?’ Sami asked. I didn’t want a beer, but I realised it was an invitation to stick around for a while, so I said yes. It was
the middle of the night, but there was no way I could calm down and go to sleep after what had happened. I sat on the floor. Sami damped a piece of rag and started dabbing off the blood. It reminded me of
Mum wiping ice cream off my face when I was little. ‘How many people do you reckon you’ve killed?’ I asked. Sami shrugged, ‘I remember the first couple; after that it goes into a blur. Thirty, maybe.’ ‘So who was the first one?’ I asked. ‘I’ve got him in a jar on the shelf,’ Sami said. I looked on the shelf. She had a few books and cuddly toys from her childhood and there was a framed picture: Captain stood in front of a white painted house, with a big lawn and a satellite dish on the roof. He was a bit younger and fatter, but not so different you couldn’t recognise him. His wife stood beside him, with a baby boy in her arms and five other kids standing on the grass. ‘Which one are you?’ Sami pointed at a little girl with platted hair, wearing nothing but a disposable nappy. ‘You were cute,’ I said. Sami smiled, ‘Thanks killer. And this is the first man I killed.’ She picked a jar off the shelf and handed it to me. It was empty, except for what looked like a shrivelled
blob of wax in the bottom. ‘He was one of us,’ Sami said. ‘A rebel. I was only eleven. He came in the middle of the night and ripped my vest and knickers off. Dad warned me someone might try to rape me while he was away fighting, so he gave me a knife. The man had his thingy waving about over me. I grabbed the knife and chopped it off.’ ‘So what’s in the jar?’ Sami looked at me like I was stupid; which I guess I was. ‘That’s his penis. They managed to stop the bleeding, but he got an infection and died of blood
poisoning.’ I reached over and put the jar back on the shelf. ‘You’re nothing like the girls at home,’ I said. Sami laughed, ‘You’re not like the boys round here… There, you’re face is all clean now.’ She threw the bloody rag out of the hut and drained the last drop of her beer. Then she started
unlacing her boots. ‘I better go,’ I said. ‘Sleep here if you want,’ Sami said. ‘Saves you from waking Beck up.’ Even though I was half drunk, I remembered that Sami hated Beck. ‘OK,’ I said. ‘I’ve got to piss first. Too much beer’ I crawled outside. I tried to get my head straight while I sprayed the ground. It was obvious Sami liked me, but I was scared of girls and Sami was the scariest girl ever. I told all my mates I shagged a girl when I was on holiday in Portugal, but it was a lie. All I’d ever managed was a couple of quick snogs and a hand up a girls shirt on sports day. A girl like Sami had probably shagged loads of guys. I almost hoped she didn’t want to have sex. I was sure I’d make a complete tit of myself.
When I got back inside, Sami had turned out the lamp and pulled out her sleeping mat so there was enough room for me. I took off my boots and camouflage. I smelled pretty bad, but Sami wasn’t exactly fresh either. I laid right on the edge of the mat so I wasn’t touching her and wondered if I should make some sort of move; or if part of me would end up in a jar if I did.
Sami rolled over, so our legs were touching and her tits were pressing against my chest. Sami put her arm around my shoulder. As she breathed her whole body shuddered. ‘All the things I’ve done,’ Sami sobbed. ‘I’ll be dead soon…I’m going straight to hell.’ It was the last thing I expected. She’d cut a guy’s throat out as casually as I’d scratch my arse. I thought
she was rock hard. Her arm crept around my back and she started sobbing out of control. ‘You’ll be OK,’ I said. ‘I see all their faces in my dreams. All crying and stuff…’ I pulled her as tight as I could. ‘You won’t die Sami. The war can’t last forever.’ ‘Mum and Edo and the others are dead. I’m never going to see them. Me and Dad are going to hell.’ ‘After what I did tonight, I’ll be there with you,’ I said, rubbing her neck. Sami laughed a tiny bit, ‘That frown you gave me when I was going to kill you. I knew I’d see it in my
nightmares, over and over again. That’s why I couldn’t shoot the gun.’ I was starting to cry a bit as well; thinking about Dad and Adam and the two guys I killed. The one shooting at me seemed fair enough, but I didn’t even see the other one’s face. What would happen when his wife or his Mum found out? Maybe he had a kid. I’m not sure if I felt sorry for myself, or for the dead guys; it just felt right to cry with Sami. Our sobs shook each other. I ran my nail over Sami’s sweaty back, tickling gently. ‘That feels nice,’ she said. ‘We can live together in hell,’ I said. ‘We’ll have a big red house with a giant fire in every room.’ Sami smiled, ‘It’s not funny Jake.’ ‘Twenty red babies with long tails and forked tongues.’ ‘Don’t you believe in hell?’ Sami asked.
‘Not really.’ ‘What do you believe in, Jake?’ ‘Nothing, I guess.’ Sami kissed my cheek and rolled away, ‘You’re crazy.’ I reached across and rested my hand on her bum. She nudged it away. ‘Not now,’ She said softly. ‘I’m so tired.’ I watched her outline gently rise and fall with each breath. It was ages before I fell asleep. . . .
A half drunk beer bottle laid on the floor with ants crawling around the opening. I’d slept after sunup, something you could only do if you were exhausted: the heat inside is unbearable and the huts did a rotten job keeping out the sunlight. Sami hadn’t been up long. Her part of the mat was still warm. I rolled into her sweat, breathed her smell and wondered where she was.
As soon as you start asking yourself where a girl is when she’s not around, you’re in trouble. I was always falling in love with girls. Red tracksuit girl was a classic example of how stupid I was. She didn’t go to my school, but she went out with a guy in our football team. She’d come to matches on Saturday mornings and stand on the touchline, stamping her feet to keep warm. She usually wore a denim jacket and red Adidas tracksuit bottoms with a rip over the knee.
I never spoke to her, but I started thinking how great it must be to have someone who cared enough about you to come and watch you play football in the cold. I started looking forward to seeing her. Then I found myself awake in the middle of the night thinking about her. Friday nights, I’d be counting down the hours until I saw her. I tried to think up some way to start a conversation. I killed myself with envy, imagining my team mate snogging her and touching her up. It was pathetic, but I was nuts about her. ‘Didn’t see your girlfriend today,’ I said, in the shower one Saturday after a match. ‘Dumped her,’ the boyfriend shrugged. ‘She drove me crazy, followed me everywhere I went.’ I knew it was a stupid crush, but it ripped my heart out knowing I’d never see red tracksuit girl again. I
stood in a corner of the shower, facing the tiles and trying not to cry. It had been the same ever since I started getting into girls. Dumb infatuations, clumsy snogs, striking out in front of all my mates. I never seemed to get it right. The girls in my class rated all the boys out of ten and I finished third out of eleven guys. So I knew I wasn’t a freak; but I was still paranoid that I’d end up some lonely old guy doddering back from Sainsburys carrying cans of dog food and frozen meals for one.
The thought of going through it all again over Sami filled me with dread. Then I’d think about her. Some little detail, like the shape or her eyes, or how great it was when she had her arm around me and I’d get a twinge of happiness. I’d got it so bad it wasn’t funny.
. . .
I
crawled out of bed and wandered down to the pool. Amin was there fetching water, he gave me a thumbs up sign and a smile. He muttered something, but you could never understand a word he said. I nodded and returned the thumbs up. Don was now the only one left who hadn’t accepted me.
As soon as Amo saw me, she slapped a fish in her pan and started cooking it for me with some tomato and banana slices. ‘Sami and Desi said you did a good job. You should be proud of yourself’ ‘Thanks,’ I nodded. ‘Did you get the medicine?’ ‘I’ve got all I need. Replaced the morphine I used on Ben. Loads of bandages, antiseptic and dressings. There’s even some antibiotics.’ ‘Where did Sami go?’ I asked. ‘Same as everyone else I expect: helping to unload the truck.’ ‘I should go and help.’ I stood up to leave. ‘I’m making your breakfast, Jake.’ ‘Oh, right,’ I said, sitting back down. ‘I’m starving.’ ‘Beck was looking for you to go hunting. He said you didn’t sleep in Ben’s hut last night.’ ‘No, I stayed with Sami.’ ‘Did you now?’ Amo said, grinning from ear to ear. ‘We didn’t do anything. Just had a few beers and went to sleep.’ Amo scraped my food onto a metal plate. I started eating with my fingers. Amo’s cooking was pretty
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