His request was made calmly, reasonably, but Rowena had heard enough. “You have not enough words to make me believe I am this…”
“Rosalind Kelsey, Lady of Dragonwick.”
She shook her head. “’Tis impossible.”
He held up a hand. “You are so very certain. How can I argue with that? Let us then assume that it is not you. But I ask that you allow me to tell you of her, at least. Of why I did think you might have been her, so that you do not leave this conversation thinking me completely mad, as you now do.”
She frowned. “What matter to you what I think of you?”
Christian said, “Because even in a short time I have come to know that you are a woman of honor and good intent. I have come a very long way to find Rosalind and would not feel that I had done all I could if I failed to even tell you of her.”
Against her own will Rowena was moved by his words. She sighed. “I will hear you, but do not take this as any agreement on my part.”
He nodded, seeming eager to go on. “It gave me such hope when I heard that she might live. The present earl of Kelsey, the man who killed her father, had only just been forced to release Simon to his own keep. You see, Kelsey had given false evidence that a letter Simon had sent outlining our plans against him was referring to King John himself. The King’s solution was to wed Simon to Kelsey’s daughter and secure him a virtual prisoner in Dragonwick keep. Jack, whom I told you of, had come to realize that Simon was wrongfully accused and was injured in aiding him in his bid for freedom.” There was a catch in Christian’s voice as he continued. “Jack died, but not before telling me what I have related to you. How could I doubt him after all that he risked and lost to help Simon?”
Christian took a deep breath. “Being sworn to keep secret the fact that Rosalind might be alive, until I could assure her safety, I told no one, not even my own father, whence I was going. He waited thirteen long years for me to return from the Holy Land, where I and Simon and Jarrod had fought for the Knights Templars. And all because I was…” He sighed, looking into her eyes. “I would cause my father no more pain, would be the helpmate and son I should always have been to him, but I could not allow this one chance that Rosalind might be alive to go unexplored. My friends and I who fostered under her father have long thought on the day that we might avenge The Dragon.”
Rowena heard the pain in his voice when he spoke of not only The Dragon but also his father, yet she could not think of Christian’s difficulties now, nor the fact that he had been to distant lands and seen things that she could hardly even dream of. That he had made a connection between her and these dramatic events and people was far too overwhelming.
He went on, clearly agitated. “I have set aside all to come here, to find Rosalind. Though you cannot heed it, I find the similarities between you uncanny, so much so that I cannot understand how you can fail to at least give the notion some consideration.”
What was she to say to him? She had seen for herself what lengths this man was willing to go to find Rosalind of Dragonwick.
She did feel some sympathy, but she could not simply go along to placate him. “You must understand that the child must be dead, that the man, Jack, had to have been mistaken in what he told you.”
“Then why did he know of Ashcroft? Why are you here, you who are of an age with the woman I seek? Who have no clear understanding of your past?”
She shook her head even more firmly. “I know not except perhaps that ’tis all a strange coincidence.”
He watched her, measuring her. “You cannot truly believe that.”
She returned that look. “I can believe nothing else. Never in all our years together did my mother utter even one word of a place called Dragonwick, or any other name you mentioned. You tell me that the nurse and this Jack were lovers. How could she simply walk away from him and never speak his name or aught of him again?”
“Because she was willing to do so to protect you. She must have loved her own daughter. Perhaps she could not bear the thought of losing you as well. Perhaps she was willing to do anything to prevent that.”
Rowena raised her hand to rub her forehead, which was beginning to ache with the strain of thinking.
He pressed on. “Surely you cannot deny that the coincidences are too great.”
They did seem so, but…Her mother would never…
Or would she? Could she have kept so much to herself for so long in order to protect Rowena? Instinct told her that her mother’s love had indeed been that great. For even if this impossible tale were true, she had been her mother. Nothing could change that in Rowena’s heart.
“But what she said of my father…How could she allow me to believe that I was…that he never wanted me…”
Christian’s gaze was sympathetic, but no less determined. “As I said, perhaps she did feel that it was his fault that her child had died, that she was forced to hide you away.”
“Even if I was prepared to believe any of this, to think that all I have ever thought was a lie, what would it mean to me? What effect could it have on my life?”
He spoke matter-of-factly. “Why, you would come with me to England and we—Simon, Jarrod and I—would do everything we could to see you take your rightful place as the lady of Dragonwick.”
She put her hands to her cheeks. “Leave Ashcroft? I could never do that. I am needed here. Never could I contribute to the pain others might face in seeing me installed in such a position. This Lord Kelsey will not give up his place willingly.”
Christian did not argue the point, though he frowned darkly. “You are needed there. The people suffer great hardship under Kelsey’s rule. There are many who would gladly do whatever must be done to see you in your rightful station.”
She swayed, her chest feeling too tight to take a proper breath. He caught her, holding her upright with his strong arms, and she was instantly aware of his sheer maleness, the warmth of his body just inches from her own.
It was impossible to look at Christian, for she suddenly realized one painful thing. Now she knew why he had watched her so very closely. Why it had seemed as if he might have some interest in her.
There had been nothing personal, only his resolve to find this other girl. His determination needn’t convince her that she was someone she was not, even if she felt inexplicably drawn to him, as always.
Embarrassment and confusion made her face heat as she murmured, “I cannot…I must not even consider…”
She closed her eyes as a tear slid out from beneath her lids in spite of her efforts to prevent it. “In some part of myself there is a wish to believe this wild tale, to imagine I had a father who loved me. Yet I dare not do so, for my own good. I am a bastard, sir knight, unwanted by my father or his family.”
“Do not allow your pain to blind you to the truth.”
She looked up at him, unable to hide her agony. “My mother would never have had me suffer the shame of believing such a lie for so long without cause.”
“Not without cause. As I said, it would have been to protect you.”
Her head fell forward against his chest. “It is not to be borne.”
She felt those strong arms close about her, pulling her against the solid wall of his chest. He was so very certain, and her mother had been gone for so long.
Looking up at him, Rowena murmured, “I know not what to think. You make me see things differently, make me long for…”
She did not know what she longed for. She only knew that she felt safe in his arms as she had not felt in years. That the hard length of his body was warm, and so very masculine.
Suddenly, as his eyes met hers, she felt a difference in him, something that made her catch her breath as she had when he’d looked into her eyes the day Nina had left the cottage.
His gaze moved to her mouth and she, inexplicably, felt it soften—open.
Whatever was happening? She did not know. She knew only that when she began to breathe again it was much more quickly, and that there w
as an expression in his eyes that was strange and stirring in a way she did not understand.
Then, before she could even begin to try to comprehend, Christian bent his head, his lips meeting hers. A shaft of heat streaked through her, weakening her limbs and making her sag against him. His arms tightened, holding her firmly, surely, inescapably.
And Rowena had no wish to escape.
She lifted up her own arms to clasp them around his neck, offering her lips more fully.
Chapter Six
“Rowena!”
A gasp of shock intruded upon the haze of her response. Dazedly Rowena looked over Christian’s shoulder. And met Sean’s horrified and angry gaze.
“How could you?” There was pain and betrayal in the accusation as he backed out the open door.
Shocked at the fact that her friend was reacting so strongly as well as shamed at having given in to the kiss with such abandon, Rowena reached out a trembling hand toward him. But Sean was not to be the rock to which she might cling in her confusion. He turned and ran from the cottage.
“Rowena?” It was Christian’s voice and the word was a question, but she could not comprehend what he was asking. Perhaps because she was so far from understanding what had just taken place.
She met his blue eyes with misery, and he took a deep breath, dropping his hands from her back as he said, “Forgive me. I did not mean for this to happen, should not have touched you. That is not why I am here, not what I want from you.”
She swallowed hard. Had she not known this? Yet somehow there was hurt inside her, a feeling of loneliness that left her chest aching.
He asked again, “Rowena?” Now she had the feeling that he wanted her to choose, between all he represented and all that was familiar to her—her life, Ashcroft, Sean, the folk who came to her for healing.
Slowly she shook her head, and saw the disappointment in his handsome face.
Unwilling to think of the regret she felt at having displeased Christian, she pulled away and raced after Sean. She only knew that she must go to him, to what was known, though she did not understand why her friend was so hurt.
She found him at the top of the cliff overlooking the sea. He stared off into the distance, a stark silhouette against the darkening sky.
“Sean?”
He spun around to face her, his eyes damp.
Tears!
Shaken by them, she whispered, “Sean, obviously I have hurt you, and badly. I do not understand why you would be so affected by—”
His rage was an accusation. “Ye do not understand? How could ye not, Rowena? How could ye let the mon touch ye?”
She shook her head, feeling like a fool even as she wondered how she had indeed allowed that to happen. But she was still confused at the depth of Sean’s anger. “I do not know. He was comforting me and he…I…It meant nothing.” She took a step closer, studying his stormy countenance. “What I do not understand is why you are so angry with me. Certainly it was wrong to let him kiss me, but…”
His eyes flashed resentment and pain. “Ye know, do ye not, that he only wishes to seduce ye? I saw what he was about and meant to warn ye before it was too late, though ye did not heed me when I told ye ye should not be alone with him. And now ye have fallen in with—”
Chagrined at this reminder of his early warnings that she was not to trust the knight, she interrupted, “I have not fallen in with him. I told you that it was a mistake.”
“He willna stay, and it will be for ye as it was for yer mither.”
She was stung by this remark, but realized that Sean did not know of the man’s true interest in her. Refusing to let him see how badly this hurt, Rowena shook her head as she replied with deliberate calm, “He does not wish to seduce me, Sean, no matter what you might think.”
He frowned at her and she added, “You know that Sir Christian came here looking for a woman named Rosalind?”
Sean swept the air with an impatient hand. “And what has that to do with anything?”
She took a deep breath, finding it difficult to voice the words aloud. “He believes that I am she.”
He took a step backward, his face registering his shock. Yet he recovered almost instantly, and spoke with even greater outrage. “That is a lie he told ye to—”
With more impatience than she intended, Rowena cut him off. “It is not. I believe that he is sincere in this belief.”
Something in her face must have penetrated his rage, for he said, “How could he think such a thing?”
Quickly she told him all Christian had said to her about Rosalind and the strange parallels to Rowena’s own life.
When at last she finished Sean sputtered, “He is mad.” Though his words were still angry, there was an undeniable doubt in his eyes.
Rowena took a deep breath and let it out slowly. For how could she pretend to herself that she did not feel a certain amount of doubt herself, no matter how impossible it all seemed? “At the least, very badly mistaken.”
Sean scowled at her, his face hardening again. “Ye may allow him to convince ye, but I do not trust him. This could all be his way of tricking ye into falling in with his plan to bed ye.”
She blushed. “Have done with that. I have told you, Christian Greatham does not wish to seduce me. He has told me as much.”
“Then he has a strange way of showing it.” Sean turned on her once more, clearly outraged anew as he cried, “Do not forget that I saw ye in his arms. Ye were letting him kiss ye, touch ye, Rowena.”
She was not sure why she had allowed it, and heard the desperation in her voice as she tried to explain it away. “I was…he spoke of my finding out about my father and I…you know how I have wished to know of him.” Her eyes met Sean’s. “You have seen how hard not knowing has been for me all these years.”
She halted at the continued fury on his face. Pride rose up inside her, though she felt no lessening of her own uncertainty. She was determined for Sean to let the matter go, as it was her own concern. She raised her head high as she said, “Why does his kissing me matter so greatly to you? I answer to myself and no other.”
He startled her then, throwing his arms wide, clearly exasperated beyond reason, shouting, “Why does it matter so greatly to me? How could ye not know the answer to that? How could ye be so blind to my love, my desire for ye?”
She felt the world tilt around her, and she seemed to hear her own voice come from far away. “Love? Desire? But you are as a brother to me.”
Her shock did not blind her to the pain that flashed in his eyes. “Aye, that I ken, but I thought ye must have some notion of my feelings.”
She shook her head, unable to accept this, with all else that had risen up out of nowhere to change her thoughts about herself, her life. “It cannot be. We love one another, yes, but not in that way.”
“I have loved ye that way for as long as I can recall. I have thought that we would marry, have a family—” His voice broke.
Again she shook her head. “What of all our talk of Berta?”
He glared in defiance, looking much as he had when they were eight and he’d told her he was going to take his father’s boat out alone if she wouldn’t go with him. “That was meant to make ye see that I have become a man. To look at me differently.”
She closed her eyes. “How have I been so blind?”
He spoke in a harsh voice. “I thought that it was only a matter of giving ye time…. But ye did not see me. Instead ye looked to that…let him…”
The next thing she knew she had been pulled tight against him and Sean’s lips came down on hers.
His mouth was awkward and punishing, yet she remained passive beneath that assault because of her love for him. Even after he softened the kiss, tried in his own inexperienced way to elicit a response, she felt nothing.
As she realized this, understood that her reaction to Christian’s kiss could not have been more different, she told herself that her response to the knight was in no way significant. He was a man who
knew how to kiss a woman, how to draw her out.
As unexpectedly as he had taken Rowena into his arms, Sean set her free. He turned his back to her, wiping his hand across his mouth as if in disgust.
Rowena watched him, forcing herself to see the pain she had brought him as he stared out over the open sea, at the sky no less stormy than his well-loved face. She did love him, with all her heart. But not in the way he wanted.
“I am sorry, Sean. So very sorry.”
He stared down at her, his lips twisting as he searched her eyes. “Ye can keep yer pity, Rowena.”
He turned and hurried away along the cliffs. This time she made no move to follow, realizing that she would only make things worse by doing so.
Somehow she knew that she could never love him in the way he demanded. The very thought of it left her utterly unmoved, other than with empathy and sadness.
If only Rowena could love Sean the way he wanted her to. Things would be so much easier.
But even though she had no real experience in these things, she knew that one could not make love happen. It was something that just was, or was not. Even her pain over Sean’s tormented tears could not bring it about.
Suddenly she wondered if Christian had ever cried for the love of a woman. She couldn’t imagine it. He seemed too sure of himself, his control over himself and his emotions too much a part of him. He’d so easily set her aside after he’d kissed her. When she had been so…
She groaned aloud, uncertain as to why this disturbed her.
All Rowena wanted was for things to be the way they had been before the knight had arrived. Sean would never have spoken of his feelings for her if he had not been so angry and jealous over what he thought was going on between her and Christian. Perhaps he would have outgrown it without ever having done so. She would have danced at his wedding to Berta someday, but now that he had declared himself, things could never be the same.
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