by Janet Dailey
A savage imprecation was released from his curling lips as he roughly jerked her around to face him. ‘I do not know why I allow you to be so insolent,’ he muttered impatiently. ‘Yes, Mexico is my home just as Texas is yours. Foolishly I thought it would please you to have a home in San Antonio so that we might spend part of the year here where your family and friends live.’
Erica took a deep breath, his thoughtfulness moving her even as she rejected it. He was trying to make her regard him less harshly, lull her into believing that he was really concerned about her happiness. Once she believed that, she would be lost. Rafael’s only interest was in himself and getting his own way, and she realised how very expert he was in achieving it. For a moment she had nearly believed that his motive in buying the house had been an unselfish gesture for her.
‘I’m sure you will understand that the prospect of sharing any home with you does not fill me with joy,’ she returned with slow and deliberate sarcasm.
His fingers tightened convulsively on her shoulders and his expression was ominously grim. Erica’s heart was beating at a frightening rate as she stared at the taut line of his mouth.
‘If you are wise, you will leave without opening your mouth to speak again and wait for me in the car,’ he ordered harshly, shoving her away from him. ‘I will have a word with the workmen before I drive you back.’
Erica hurried away, knowing her sharp tongue had pushed him too far. She felt sorry for the innocent workman who would bear the brunt of his anger.
That episode, although the house was never mentioned again, brought a decided change in their relationship. They still went out several evenings a week. Any onlooker would have still considered Rafael to be an attentive escort. Only Erica knew how cold and aloof the glitter in his gaze was when he directed it at her, and there was always something very distant in his smile.
Whenever she returned from an evening with Rafael, she was haunted by the spectre of those first weeks. Perhaps it was piqued vanity that made her smiles and looks convey an undertone of intimacy as if to draw a similar response from Rafael. But her attempts to flirt with him had only been met by derisive mockery, in itself a sharp reminder that there was nothing between them except a bitter tomorrow with no promise of any sweetness.
Last evening one of Erica’s friends, Mary Ann Silver, had spent nearly the entire interval talking to Rafael about the exhibit he was supervising at the Mexican Cultural Institute. Although a lean hand was possessively resting on the back of her waist, Rafael had not addressed a single remark to Erica. When Erica’s patience had been stretched to the breaking point, Mary Ann had glanced at her with a superior smile.
‘Have you seen the exhibit, Erica?’ she had inquired.
Rafael’s withdrawn smile had been aimed in her general direction as he replied before Erica had a chance. ‘No, I am taking her on a personally conducted tour tomorrow afternoon.’
Erica had clamped her mouth tightly shut and smiled wanly, knowing the thought hadn’t occurred to him until that moment. Yet at the same time he had managed to convey to Mary Ann that he was eager for Erica to discover more about his avocation.
A gentle breeze stirred the hair along Erica’s neck as she and Rafael walked by the Aztec designed gargoyles that marked the entrance and exit of the Mexican Plaza on the Hemisfair grounds. Exhaling softly, Erica managed to conceal her dispirited sigh. The exhibit could have been interesting, but Rafael’s impersonal tour had taken away the fascination. She remembered wistfully his tour in Acapulco that had been so informative and entertaining.
‘Where are we going now?’ Erica asked as she repressed another sigh.
‘Where would you wish to go?’ Rafael countered disinterestedly.
‘Oh, it doesn’t matter,’ she declared harshly, and increased her pace so that she was carried ahead of him.
If she had hoped he would catch up with her or reach out to slow her down, Erica was to be disappointed. Resolutely she refused to slacken her steps, needing to show him that his indifference was not equal to hers.
In the small square ahead there was a bustle of activity. Pretending a curiosity that she was far from feeling, she headed towards it. The defiant angle of her head indicated that Rafael could follow if he chose.
Then a smile shattered the strained lines around her mouth. Unconsciously she turned it to Rafael as she exclaimed, ‘Look! They must be going to have an armadillo race!’
As she reached the fringes of the group, she felt his hand on her back and realised he had followed her. But she was much too caught up in the excitement and gay laughter that surrounded her. In the centre of the cleared circle was the starting point of the race. The owner-handlers of the armadillos were just entering the circle carrying the strange armour-plated mammals with their tiny ears and thin faces and long bony-plated tails.
‘I missed the annual spring race,’ Erica commented as she glanced back at Rafael. ‘It’s quite an event. There were over twenty-five thousand people there.’
The handlers were kneeling down on the centre, holding the tail of their particular armadillo with one hand and cupping the hard breastplate with the other.
‘Which one do you think will win?’ she laughed gaily, too bemused by the impromptu event to notice the curiously enigmatic light in Rafael’s eyes. ‘I pick the one on the right side. See how he’s struggling to get away!’
‘I’ll pick the quiet one next to yours,’ Rafael decided in an indulgent tone. ‘He is wise not to waste his energies so soon.’
‘He’s probably too frightened to move,’ Erica warned with an impish glance at him. ‘Mine will beat him easily!’
A half smile of doubt was on his lips when the order was given to release the armadillos. The one Erica had chosen scampered immediately away, only to stop within a few feet, while Rafael’s raced directly into the crowd and won.
As Erica half-turned to laughingly admit defeat, she found herself jostled against him by the crowd. The sudden contact with his hard and warm length drew a gasp of shock from her. His hands tightened in support, drawing her inches closer. The strange light in his eyes made it difficult for her to breathe.
‘I have not heard you laugh so naturally for a long time, Erica,’ he murmured. Then gently he was setting her apart from him and firmly guiding her towards the car. ‘What happens to the armadillos now?’ he inquired, diverting the conversation back to a less personal subject.
Erica fought off the magnetic pull that wanted to draw her back into his arms. ‘They make terrible pets, so they’re turned loose at the place where they happened to be caught.’
Rafael nodded and the aloofness set in again.
A strange restlessness had circled Erica in a cold hand for the last three days, but she couldn’t put a finger on exactly what was troubling her. She had sent Donna home and locked up the boutique over an hour ago. There had been no need for her to go home since she had the evening free.
A purpling dusk had begun to settle over the city, adding to her strangely melancholy mood. Her wandering footsteps were drawing her near one of the sidewalk lounges. It was still too early for the night life along the river to begin and the tables were empty. Normally she avoided drinking except at social functions and she especially avoided drinking alone. Yet she found herself sitting down at one of the tables and ordering a glass of wine. She was idly fingering the stem of the untouched glass when a familiar voice sounded behind her.
‘My, my, my, if it isn’t Miss Wakefield! All alone and without her Latin Romeo,’ the sarcastic voice declared.
Her stomach tumbled sickeningly as she glanced around. ‘Forest!’ His name came out in an achingly tormented sound.
‘I wondered if you would even recognise me.’ His ruggedly handsome features were drawn with sardonic lines.
Erica had not seen Forest since that Sunday afternoon when he had rejected her, believing that she preferred Rafael to him. Tears pricked her eyes at the harshness that was in his usually warm velvet brown eyes
.
‘I thought the grand Don Rafael was occupying all of your time now,’ Forest jeered.
She hunched her shoulders at his stinging arrows. ’don’t, please, Forest.’ She bent her head, her hair swinging down to cover the tear that slipped from her lashes.
He uttered a savage imprecation. In the next instant, she heard swift footsteps carrying him down the few flagstone steps to the riverwalk proper. Erica sprang to her feet and raced down the steps after him.
The pain hurt too badly for her to let him go this way and selfishly she knew she needed the reassurance that he cared, that somebody cared. Rafael’s cold manipulations for the future were simply too heavy a weight to carry alone. Those carefree days with Forest seemed so uncomplicated compared to the twisted path of life she was walking now.
‘Forest!’ she called out breathlessly.
He hesitated, then turned around sharply. His forehead was creased with an entreating anger. ‘Erica, there isn’t really anything more to say. And I damn sure don’t need your pity!’
‘I miss you,’ she whispered, standing in suspended motion before him.
For a second, a hungry light flashed in his eyes before his square jaw was clenched in a rejecting line. ‘You can’t have both of us. You made your choice.’
‘But it wasn’t the one I wanted to make.’ Her frank protest came out before she could stop it.
He stared at her in silence, then ran his hand through his thick brown hair. ‘You aren’t making any sense,’ he growled, and started to turn away again.
Her fingers closed over his arm to stop him. ‘I know I’m not making any sense,’ she murmured. ‘I only wish I could explain to you.’
The touch of her hand seemed to break the slim control he held. He spun around, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her into his arms. Roughly his mouth caressed her hair as he crushed her ever closer to him.
‘I must be insane,’ he murmured. ‘When I saw you sitting there, I should have walked away.’
‘I’m so glad you didn’t,’ Erica sighed. The suffocating embrace was easing the cold ache in her heart.
‘Why? Erica, why?’ He cradled her face in his large hands and tilted it back so he could look into it freely.
Closing her eyes tightly against his beseechingly demanding voice, she shook her head slightly in a negative movement. Her courage failed when it actually came to the moment of explaining her decision.
‘If I told you,’ she said in an aching whisper, ‘you would only hate me more than you do already.’
‘I should hate you. I actually believed that you loved me as much as I love you. I thought you were seriously considering marrying me. This last month when everyone has so kindly made sure I knew every place you went with that — that — ’
The touch of her fingers silenced the sarcastic flow from his mouth. Forest breathed in deeply to regain control.
‘I’d almost convinced myself that I didn’t care about you any more,’ he continued with a rueful sigh, ‘until today. And all the hurt came back.’
‘I thought it had eased, too.’ Erica couldn’t keep the sadness out of her smile.
The sound of the tourist boat came from the hidden curve of the river and Forest slackened his hold. Reluctantly Erica moved away, wishing they were alone so he could hold her so tightly that she would forget Rafael. Silently Forest held out his hand to her.
‘Shall we walk?’ he asked quietly.
‘I — I don’t think we’d better.’ Erica shook her head.
He looked away grimly. ‘A minute ago I was holding you in my arms. Now you are saying that you won’t even walk with me? For God’s sake, are you trying to drive me out of my mind?’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing,’ she admitted wryly. Her mind was in a jumbled state of confusion. Her commitment was to Rafael. Seeing Forest again hadn’t changed that, nor the circumstances that had prompted her commitment.
‘Then explain to me what’s going on,’ Forest said crisply. ’do you find yourself attracted to this — Don Rafael? Is that it? Were you testing to make sure that our love was genuine? That would be ironic, wouldn’t it?’ he laughed bitterly. ‘I never even gave you a chance to explain that day. Why didn’t you come to me and tell me what a fool I was?’
‘Because you weren’t a fool,’ Erica protested.
‘What does that mean? You can’t be in love with both of us?’
‘Please, don’t ask questions that I can’t answer.’
‘They’re simple questions,’ Forest snapped. ‘Are you in love with me?’
‘Yes, but — ’ That strange restless confusion returned, leaving her uncertain and apprehensive.
‘Are you in love with Don Rafael?’
‘No!’ Her response came out sharper than she intended and Erica experienced a pang of guilt she couldn’t identify. It was silly, because she couldn’t possibly care for Rafael.
‘Then what’s going on?’ he demanded. ‘If you’re not in love with the guy, why are you letting everyone, including me, think that you are?’
‘I can’t tell you.’ Her voice was choked with frustration.
‘Is your father behind this?’
‘Whatever made you think that?’ she asked in an astonished tone.
‘Because this isn’t like you at all, Erica. Is he making you see this man to further some business deal he’s got in the works?’ His voice had become threateningly soft.
Erica’s response was immediate and indignant. ‘Of course not! How could you accuse my father of such a thing? Daddy is insensitive at times, but never to that extent!’
Forest shook his head, trying to shake free of the wall of bewilderment she had erected. ‘I get this feeling that you’re afraid of something. You imply that all this is happening against your will. The only one who’s ever been able to make you do anything that you didn’t want to is your father, yet you tell me he has nothing to do with it.’
‘He hasn’t.’ She took a hasty step backwards, regretting the impulse that had prompted her to speak to Forest when he would have willingly left her. Rafael had been right. She should have kept the break clean and not let herself become entangled with Forest again.
‘Erica, let me help you. I love you,’ he said earnestly. ‘I don’t begin to understand what’s going on, but whatever it is we can face it together.’
‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’ She retreated again. ‘I think I’d better go.’
’don’t you think I would protect you from whatever it is that’s frightened you?’ Forest demanded.
‘I h-have to work it out by myself,’ Erica refused, knowing how dangerously easy it would be to confide in Forest right now. ‘I can’t involve you.’
‘I love you,’ he said quietly. ‘I am involved.’
‘Stop — saying that,’ she breathed. Her palm was raised to ward off the temptation.
‘We’ll go somewhere else and start over again,’ he suggested as he saw the slight weakening of her stand. ‘If — ’
‘No!’
The second after the strident cry of denial was sounded Erica was running away from him. Her chest heaved with sobs of pain, but fortunately Forest didn’t pursue. As much as she tried to shut them out, his last words kept echoing in her mind. Perhaps she had misjudged the depth of his love after all. Maybe he wouldn’t desert her if there was a scandalous divorce from Rafael. Her father would be violently angry, but if Forest was there to support her, she might be able to deal with Vance Wakefield.
Then anger and resentment began to build against Rafael. Undoubtedly he had guessed that Forest was the weak link in his plans. He had probably congratulated himself very profusely for getting Forest out of the way so early. Alone, Erica had been vulnerable to his threats and malleable to his proposal. She brushed the tears from her eyes, another impulsive plan taking shape, a plan that could bring her the happiness she had believed was impossible.
In the past her impulsiveness had got her into considerable
trouble, including this hated marriage to Rafael. This time she would think it over very carefully, weigh the risks and advantages before leaping in.
Nine
* * *
Erica prowled restlessly about her bedroom, casting impatient glances out of the window at the snail-slow movements of the rising sun. The oval clock on her dressing-table indicated only half-past six. With an angry movement, she grabbed her bag and bolted from the room.
She had been up half the night making her decision. Even now there were frightened butterflies in her stomach. Rafael had been right when he told her that she had spent nearly all her life trying to run from the things she found unpleasant. He had used that streak of cowardice to his own advantage just as he had done everything else. Only he had cleverly made her believe that remaining married to him and becoming his wife in fact was the way to live up to the obligations and decisions she found distasteful.
His reasoning was about to backfire. Agreeing to his plan had simply been another way of running. She hadn’t wanted to face her father’s anger or feel his condemnation. She hadn’t wanted to take the chance that she would lose Forest’s love. Foolishly Erica had accepted martyrdom, telling herself that she was sacrificing her happiness for those that she loved. But she had only been taking the path that offered her the least resistance.
Elation swelled like a giant balloon inside her as she imagined the consternation on Rafael’s face when she told him that she had seen through his devious plot. She was even beginning to doubt that he would oppose a suit for divorce. After all, his family name was important to him. He would hardly want it dragged through the scandal he had threatened her with if she attempted any legal proceedings.
It frightened her to think how long it might have taken her to discover this if she hadn’t seen Forest. Perhaps the whole thing might still blow up in her face. Her father could, at least figuratively, disown her. Forest might not want anything to do with her once he discovered the lie she had been living, but she would be free of the tangled web she had weaved.
