by Roger Taylor
And for the span of an eternal heartbeat, darkness closed over him and he was falling.
Lost…
‘There’s nothing wrong with your sanity.’
‘Nothing can stand that kind of scrutiny.’
‘Not answerable. Don’t ask.’
‘No alternative but to accept what you see – here, now.’
‘No alternative…’
‘No alternative…’
Nertha’s words wrapped themselves about him, soothing even though they could not heal, holding together what was striving to break, holding him to here, to now.
Holding him…
And Horld, heat-scarred and solid, furnace-bronzed and anvil-weighted. He could be nothing but here, now.
Mid-morn tomorrow…
A fixed point.
Cold night air rushed through him, like an icy mountain stream, and with it came clear night vision, showing him familiar mountains etched sharp in the moonlight, and the silver-damp roof of the Witness House below him.
It was beautiful.
All about him was beautiful. In the least and the greatest of Ishryth’s work there lay beauty. All that was needed was the vision to see it.
Then came an inner knowledge, a realization that whatever had happened at the summit had not been the doing of that invading presence;it had been his! Some part of him had moved to protect Nertha. Somewhere, Nertha was safe.
Vredech gazed at the moonlight bouncing brightly off the roof of the Witness House. A calmness came over him. He tried to resist it. Nertha transported to Ishryth alone knew what limbo by some unknowing act of his, and he was feeling euphoric! It was obscene. He should be frantic, he should be thinking where he could turn to search for her, what books he could consult, what learned scholars, what ancient manuscripts…
But still he was calm.
He put a hand to his eyes, for the moonlight was becoming unbearable.
‘Too bright,’ he said.
‘Oh!’
The soft cry, laden with relief, was followed by arms wrapping themselves about him, holding him chokingly tight. ‘You’re back, you’re back. Thank Ishryth.’ The voice became reproachful. ‘You frightened me half to death. What do you think you were…’ The question remained unfinished, and the embrace tightened further.
Vredech gently eased the clenching arms apart and, eyes blinking in the sunlight, reached up.
‘Nertha,’ he said, touching her face. ‘You’re all right?’
‘Of course I’m all right,’ came the reply. Nertha released him and bent forward to look into his face. Her expression was a mixture of deep concern and shrewd penetration. ‘And so are you, it seems,’ she declared. But the concern dominated. ‘What happened? What did you do?’
Vredech reached out and touched her face again. ‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he said.
Nertha took his hand, kissed it, then pressed it back against her cheek. It was not a sister’s kiss. ‘And I you,’ she said simply, meeting his gaze.
Then the moment was gone, pushed aside by the torrent of questions demanding answers. Vredech clambered to his feet. He was still at the summit, a little way from the stained boulder. And he had with him the calmness that had come to him when he had looked out over the moonlit valley and the glistening roof of the Witness House… only moments ago?
‘What did you do?’ Nertha asked again.
‘Do?’
‘Yes – do!’ Nertha said, a tension in her voice that he had never heard before. ‘I was trying to heal that thing,’ she waved towards the rock, ‘and feeling more than a little foolish, I might add, when something just swept me up. Took possession of me.’ Her face twitched and she shuddered violently. ‘It was awful. I haven’t the words for it. Cold, inhuman – I was nothing to it. A barely adequate tool – a channel. And yet it was viciously cruel at the same time. Delighting in pain, in terror. I could do nothing. Even while it was happening, I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t possible. It isn’t…’
Vredech brought his finger to his lips for silence. ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘I, above all, understand. You know that, don’t you? Just tell me what happened. What did I do?’
Nertha looked surprised. ‘You called out to me. I heard your voice or… felt it… full of anger, goading it. Then there was a terrible noise – for want of a better word – and whatever it was that held me was torn away. Torn away completely. When I opened my eyes you were lying there sprawled across the rock, unconscious.’
‘And?’
‘I didn’t know what to do. I was trembling all over – still am. Shock, I suppose.’ She shook herself as if sloughing a cumbersome coat. ‘You didn’t seem to be hurt. It was more as though you were asleep – dreaming. Except I couldn’t wake you. I managed to drag you over here, out of the sun. Checked you again. Paced up and down, like an apprentice nurse on her first night duty.’ Her voice was full of self-reproach. Vredech took her hands. ‘I should’ve gone for help right away, but… I didn’t want to leave you… in case you recovered and had lost your memory, or something.’ Her voice faded away weakly.
Vredech wanted to ease her pain, but could find no words that would reach through their deep knowledge of one another. He squeezed her hands gently. ‘How long was I unconscious?’ he asked.
‘Half an hour or so, I think. I was just plucking up courage to leave you and go for help, when you just woke up.’ She closed her eyes and grimaced.
‘Are you all right?’
Nertha suddenly pulled her hands free with an oath. ‘No, I’m not,’ she shouted. ‘Ye gods, I’m not. I’ve just spent the most wretched half hour of my life.’ She struck her chest with her fist. ‘Me, a more than adequate physician, even if I shouldn’t say it, fretting around, helpless and hopeless, as much use as a nun in a brothel.’ Vredech’s eyebrows shot up and he raised a tentative priestly hand to stay the onslaught, but Nertha was gathering momentum. ‘And I’m a rational being, Allyn. What am I doing up a mountain trying to heal a rock?’ She kicked the stained boulder. ‘And battling with mythical demons that I don’t believe in?’
The questions were rhetorical, but he found himself answering them anyway.
‘You’re doing what rational people do in such circumstances,’ he said. ‘You’re accepting change, new boundaries to your thinking. And you’re shouting because, like me, you’re scared witless. Remember, nothing is to be feared, it is only to be understood.’
‘Don’t you quote my quotations back at me, Allyn Vredech.’
‘Your quotation? I’d say it was more of a fundamental truth, wouldn’t you?’
He turned away before she could answer, and laid his hand on the rock. Nertha caught nervously at his elbow, but he shook his head reassuringly. ‘It’s not the same,’ he said. ‘It’s more distant.’ His expression became pained. ‘It’s still there, though. Waiting. I think we’ve done something to it.’ He put his arm around her shoulder and turned her so that they were both looking out over the valley.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ he said.
Nertha made to look at him. ‘Allyn, how can you…?’
He eased her back to the view. ‘Here, now, this is beautiful,’ he said. ‘The air in your lungs, the sun on your face, these hills ranged about us. All things change. If we value what we have while we have it, then any pain in the change is so much less.’
Nertha made no sign but he felt some of the tension leave her.
They stood for some time, motionless, watching the shadows of the clouds marching across the land. Then Nertha asked, ‘What happened to you when you were unconscious?’ adding uncertainly, ‘Did you meet your Whistler again?’
‘No,’ Vredech replied. ‘Someone else. Come on, let’s get back to our horses and go home. There’s nothing else we can do here.’
As they descended the mountain, Vredech told of his encounter with Horld, in a world that both was and was not this one. He told her, too, of his near plunge into complete insanity. Nertha, seemingly herself
again, stopped and looked at him purposefully. ‘We have a test then?’ she said, sternly logical despite the unsteadiness creeping into her voice.
‘Perhaps,’ Vredech replied flatly. ‘And, perhaps, an ally.’
They completed the rest of their journey back to the Witness House in silence. As they were walking up the path towards the main door, it swung open and Horld emerged. He seemed unusually agitated, and started visibly when he saw Vredech.
Vredech walked to the foot of the steps and looked up at Horld. He took a deep breath. ‘Mid-morn tomorrow at my Meeting House?’ he said.
Horld unashamedly circled his hand about his heart. ‘Who are you?’ he said hoarsely, his eyes widening.
‘Who I seem to be, old friend,’ Vredech replied softly. ‘Don’t be afraid. I think we need to talk, don’t you? Were you about to leave?’
Horld nodded and abruptly began answering questions that had not been asked. ‘I fell asleep in the reading room. I don’t normally fall asleep in the day. I can’t think what… I wasn’t even tired. I just…’ He snapped his fingers. ‘Then it was night. And I needed to think. To be alone, and quiet.’
Vredech moved up the steps and took his arm. ‘Get your horse,’ he said, very gently. ‘We’ll talk as we ride.’
The journey down the mountain through the lengthening shadows of late afternoon was strained and awkward, with Horld struggling hard against what Vredech was saying, his common sense crying out continually that what he was hearing was patently impossible. But his dream, as he had considered it to be, had been too vivid, and lingered too clearly in his mind. And Vredech’s knowledge of it was too thorough for him to take refuge in denial. Gradually he found himself obliged to accept that what had seemed to happen, dream or no, had actually happened, and that he and Vredech had held that conversation and made that promise to talk again. Though how or where it could all have been, he could not even begin to conjecture.
‘Ishryth’s will,’ he concluded after a long silence as they reached the wider, less steep part of the path at the foot of the mountain. ‘This is hard for a simple iron and coals man like me, Vredech. I can’t bring myself to accept that Cassraw’s possessed in some way. It’s what Laffran said at the outset and he’s invariably wrong.’
Vredech leaned over and laid a hand on his arm.
‘Perhaps he wasn’t, this time,’ he said. ‘More has happened to me than I’ve told you or that I can tell you at the moment, my friend. But more than once these past months, I’ve thought myself going insane. Perhaps because you, too, were touched by something in that darkness you were drawn to me in your… dream… by your concern about what happened to Cassraw that day. Perhaps we’re simply tools in a greater scheme, I don’t know. But I could wish for no better ally than you with your simple iron and coals vision. And if you can provide me with an explanation full of reason and logic, I’ll embrace it heartily, and publicly announce myself as a fool.’
Horld grunted self-consciously. ‘Well, be that as it may,’ he said gruffly, ‘I’ll admit that for all the strangeness of what’s just happened, I feel easier now than I’ve felt for some time. It’s been as if those black clouds were still hovering over my head. In fact, I’m still getting worrying tales from some of my flock about nightmares and the like which seem to stem from that day.’ He gave a dismissive shrug as his common sense drew in its stern rein. ‘But I think we’d best keep our own counsel, don’t you? There’s enough in the way of wild words flying about with Cassraw ranting like a mad thing, and all this business over Tirfelden in the Heindral. And our tale would strain the wits of even the calmest listeners.’
‘What are we to do then?’
Nertha had been silent for most of the journey. Now she brought a practical voice to the debate that was quite the equal of Horld’s.
‘We oppose him, my girl,’ Horld declaimed unhesitatingly. Nertha bristled and glowered at him, but Vredech discreetly signalled her to remain silent. ‘We’ve not been granted this insight to stand by and watch idly,’ Horld continued. ‘Ishryth helps those who help themselves.’
‘I’d be interested to know what you’ve got in mind,’ Nertha said acidly, though Horld was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice the tone.
‘Possession or no, we must put a stop to his nonsense before it gets completely out of hand,’ he said, suddenly stern. ‘The church will have to act.’ He looked at Vredech. ‘Tonight, I want to think about today and… everything. Think about it very hard. But whatever the outcome of that, tomorrow we must see Mueran and have him call a special meeting of the Chapter to bring Cassraw to heel.’ He looked suddenly sad. ‘It’s a great shame,’ he said. ‘He’s a very capable man, but I always felt he’d been brought on too quickly. The Haven Parish is a big responsibility for even an experienced Brother.’ He sighed. ‘Still, if we can bring him to his senses, I’m sure there’ll still be a fine future for him in time.’
Vredech kept his doubts silent.
A little while later they parted.
Vredech looked at Nertha surreptitiously as they rode on.
‘I’m all right,’ she said defensively, catching the look. Vredech allowed his scepticism to show. ‘Well, I’ll confess to still being a little… bewildered,’ Nertha admitted. ‘Being calmly objective about your problems is one thing, being sucked up into them is another.’
‘Bewildered, eh?’ Vredech said. ‘The Whistler said that the response of most ostensibly civilized people when they are suddenly overwhelmed by barbaric, primitive forces, is astonishment. “You’ll be gaping in disbelief at the sword that kills you,” he said. An appropriate comment, do you think?’
Unexpectedly, Nertha’s face contorted and for an alarming moment Vredech thought she was going to burst into tears. The spasm passed. ‘He’s done something to me, Allyn,’ she said, through gritted teeth. ‘I’m so full of anger and hatred, it’s frightening. I don’t know where it’s coming from.’
‘It’s coming from inside you,’ Vredech said coldly. ‘The only thing He did to you was make you aware of your darker nature. Weren’t you the one who was telling me not to fret about my dark thoughts only a little while ago?’ He waved his hand towards the top of the mountain. ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s a good thing.’
‘What? How can this be good?’ Nertha made a jagged gesture of self-loathing. ‘I’ve not felt anything like this since…’
‘Since you were a child.’ Vredech completed the remark. ‘Before you became civilized.’
‘Damn you! Will you stop presuming to know what I think,’ Nertha shouted.
Vredech held up both hands in surrender, but pressed on. ‘It’s neither good nor bad,’ he said. ‘It simply is. Just like it’s always been, except now you’ve seen it again. Now you know. Now you’re wiser. You understand, so you’ll not be afraid. You’ll have another weapon in your armoury of defence if you choose to use it.’ He leaned across to her and added grimly, ‘You won’t be astonished the next time He tries to use you, will you?’
And where did you get this coldness in your soul from, to harrow the woman so, Priest? came a merciless thought. Vredech reined his horse to a halt and lowered his head, shocked by this new insight into his changing inner landscape. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’ve no right to talk to you like that. I’m hardly in control of affairs, am I?’
Nertha, girding herself for an argument, faltered. ‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘Weare probably still shocked after all that’s happened to us.’ She smiled weakly. ‘In fact, I must be in shock, or I wouldn’t be trying to diagnose it in myself.’
Vredech looked at her, waiting a little way ahead, and half-turned towards him. Stained with the soil of their journey up the mountain and her face deep-shadowed by the sinking sun, the sight of her nevertheless lightened his heart. It occurred to him that only a few hours ago there had been some kind of a future ahead of him which, while it might have twisted here and turned there, like the past behind him, ran along a broad and reasonably k
nowable path. Now there was darkness, doubt, and confusion before his every step. And the changing character of his affection for Nertha was beginning to unsettle him also. Yet the calmness that had come to him in the mysterious world he had drifted into… been thrown into?… remained with him, though it gave him no easy peace. It was the calmness of a man who knew that he could do no other than turn to face whatever was about to happen, however fearful, and struggle to make right what was wrong.
The Whistler’s words echoed in his head. ‘There’s not a great deal of difference between a priest and a true warrior.’ Vredech shook his head. He was no warrior by any definition, he was sure. But he understood.
‘Let’s just say we’re tired,’ he said. ‘That’s simple enough, and probably true. Such a lot has happened over the last couple of days, and tomorrow’s going to be very busy. Let’s walk slowly home, and let House fuss over us. That’ll make three of us happy.’
* * * *
Albor sat down on the flat-topped wall that fringed a basement stairway, and swore softly. These wretched night patrols around the warehouse district were as boring as they were time-wasting. It was an area that was quiet under normal circumstances after the businesses closed their doors each day, but it was quieter than ever following the two murders. Such few people as were here at night, mainly watchmen and caretakers, were confining their patrols to the insides of their particular properties, making doubly certain that all doors and windows were securely bolted.
He drew out a kerchief and wiped it across his forehead. The boredom he could tolerate; on the whole it had to be better than encountering the lunatic who was committing these crimes. But this heat!
The tall brick and stone walls, having soaked up the sun’s warmth throughout the day, were releasing it into the night, and where their presence did not actually still the night breeze that was soothing the rest of the town, it warmed it so that its touch was like that from a suddenly opened oven. Albor wriggled his damp shirt off his back again. Still, doing this duty was probably better than keeping an eye on the crowds that had been swarming all around the Haven Meeting House today, and it was certainly better than doing crowd control duty in the PlasHein Square tomorrow. He frowned. Memories of that crushing, panicking crowd and its aftermath still hung about him, subtly draining him and making him nervous and edgy. He and most of his colleagues had either panicked or simply floundered helplessly when the crowd had started to move. None of them had known what to do. There were no official procedures laid down for dealing with such eventualities. Why should there be? There had never been anything like it before. He shook his head to dismiss the thoughts that were beginning to circle again. He knew that they would only make him frustrated and angry and it was hot enough already. It was not as if he could do anything about it. The Chief and the High Captains and the Captains would doubtless hand down their collective wisdom in due course, without asking his advice, though, with a bit of luck Skynner and the other Serjeants might have the chance to colour it with a little practical experience before it became set in stone.
