“You’re such a dick.”
“And the meal plans. The curfew. The rules. Have fun with that.”
“I hate you.” She sulks.
“I hate you, too,” I lob at her. She smiles.
“I’ve missed you so much, and I guess I can suffer in that cushy apartment you have.”
“And I guess I’ll confiscate all your socks.” I ruffle her hair, and she bats my hands.
“Then you’ll get an eyeful. Keep bleach handy.” Touché. She’s learned from the master. Her laughter fills the car, and it makes it worth it. Except for the sock comment. Over my dead body.
Pulling my mom into my arms, I feel her shaking against me, and I know when she looks at me her face will be wet with tears. I hate I haven’t been home, but I haven’t had time. I’ve saved every penny living on base, and with grants and the G.I. bill, my school is paid for with some stipend money. The last year I’ve been able to stop sending money home since my mom finished school and is a paralegal with a successful firm. “You’ve grown a foot.” Her soft twang hits me in the gut.
“I stopped growing five years ago, Mom. You need glasses?”
“You aren’t too big for me to tan your hide, young man.” She pinches my side and steps back. “I invited a guest for dinner.” I suck in a breath. She deserves happiness, but until I check this guy out, I won’t relax with him being around my mom and sister. I don’t care if he’s a teacher and he’s had a background check.
“Mr. Thatcher?” I raise my eyes and vow to erase the conversation I shared with my sister from my mind.
“Richard,” she clarifies.
Brecklynn steps close and whispers, “Dick is his nickname.” Vivid images play, and my stomach churns again as my sister doubles in laughter.
“I hate you,” I hiss at her.
“I hate you more.” She struggles to get the words out with the cackling she’s doing.
“Kids, enough. You know I don’t like that word.” It’s always been our thing. Brecklynn was a stubborn girl and hated admitting she needed anyone— especially a big brother. Her I hate yous were code for I love you and I picked up the habit.
“Yes ma’am.” I wink at her. I turn to my sister, and of course she’s disappeared and won’t admit wrongdoing. “Still stubborn, huh?” I joke with my mom.
“That girl is gonna be single the rest of her life. No man can deal with her antics.”
“Works for me.” My mom huffs and goes to the kitchen. I follow, “Is he good to you?”
Her body turns to face me. Her eyes hold mine, and the honesty is there. “Yes, baby. We’ve been dating a while, and he’s so good to me. And Brecklynn.”
I nod. It’s all I can ask for. “What’s a while?”
“Seven months.” Her cheeks flush, and she avoids my gaze.
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“You were deployed, and I don’t like to worry you. I know you. You’d come home, drill him, and make him jump through hoops. You need to focus, and you need to trust me.”
“I do. I’m just used to being the only man in your life.”
“You’re still the most important.” She kisses my cheek and goes back to fixing dinner. “How’s Emberlee?”
Shit. Truth time. “I think her and Breck are somehow related. Stubborn streak a mile long.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” Her back is to me, how does she know I’m lying or omitting?
“I haven’t been honest. I didn’t go back and tell her the truth. It’s been three years since I talked to her, and it isn’t going too well.”
“Brody, you were supposed to go home and tell her the truth. Give her that closure and let her come to you when she was ready or older.”
“I would’ve caved if I went to her.”
“I’m disappointed in you. All these years you’ve lied to your momma. Most of all you lied to yourself.”
“You can’t be more disappointed in me than I am in myself. I swear, Mom. I’m trying to fix it. We spent Thanksgiving together.” I throw the half-truth bone at her, and she lets it go.
“When we come up in June to get Brecklynn settled, I want to meet her.”
“Promise.”
“Oh, and I’m coming for Spring Break.” Brecklynn snatches a carrot off the cutting board as she announces her plans.
“I didn’t say yes,” my mom reminds her.
“But you will.” She winks at me and whispers, “Dick is taking her on a cruise. It’s a surprise. I hope she doesn’t bring back a nine month bug.”
“Paybacks, Breck. Paybacks are a bitch.”
“Just like you.” She floats from the room and living with her is going to keep me on my toes.
“Maybe I should keep her and Emberlee far apart.”
“If you like your sanity, I would.” My mom deadpans, and the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it.”
“I got this.” I wink at her and open the door to the man who has charmed his way into my mom’s life. Time to see if he’s worthy.
I grilled him good. I put some interrogation skills to the test, and he passed with flying colors. He loves my mom, and that’s all I can ask for. She comes in from the porch and flicks off the outside light. Turning, seeing me sitting in the dark, she jumps. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Mom, you can kiss your boyfriend in front of me,” I tease her.
She smiles and shakes her head. “Do you like him?”
“Yes. The question is, do you?”
Her eyes get a faraway look. “I do.”
“Hey, don’t put the cart before the horse. Shouldn’t you have some bling on that finger before uttering those words.”
“You’re incorrigible, Brody Collier.”
I stand and walk to her. Pulling her to me, “I love you, Mom. I just want you happy.”
“Same for you. Are you happy?”
“No.” I’m honest. “But I’m trying my damnedest to get there.”
“I’ve heard you talk about her. I’ve seen the look you get when you think of her. You lied to me for three years.”
“Not really. I just let you believe I told her the truth.” She drops to the chair and looks at me.
“Why didn’t you go to her? When Brecklynn was released from the hospital you told me what you did and were gonna fix it.” I drift off in memories of the biggest regret of my life.
“Ma, I’m in love.” I brush the tears from my eyes. This week has been a whirlwind of bad moments, and I don’t know how to wrap my head around it.
“When do I get to meet her?”
“You won’t. I screwed up.”
“Can you fix it?”
I shake my head no. “She’s General Winchester’s daughter. She’s sixteen, Ma. I shouldn’t have fallen for her.”
“But you did.”
“I did. I promised her I’d come back for her but seeing Brecklynn in that bed. So innocent and so young. I froze. All I could see is Emberlee and realize how wrong I was. I took her innocence.”
“Brody, you act like she didn’t have a say. That isn’t what you’re telling me is it?”
“God, no. Never.”
“Then what’s the problem? Age is just a number, and it’s only two years.”
“Almost three. I’m an adult; she’s in high school. I can get in a lot of trouble.”
“Her name’s Emberlee?”
“Yes. She’s beautiful.” I put my hand to my chest, below my heart. “She stands yay high and has the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen. Her smile knocks me on my ass.”
“Mouth.” She smiles. “So maybe hold off until she’s an adult or talk to General Winchester. He loved your uncle, and I know he’s looked out for us all these years.”
“I did something stupid.”
“Do you need a lawyer?” Her voice is frazzled. She’s been through a lot this week.
“No. I sent Melody to her house and had her pose as my fiancé.”
“What!?” She slaps my arm.
“I panicked. It made sense when we planned it. I knew she’d fight for us to stay together, and I didn’t want that for her. I want her to live, Ma. Experience life without me. Grow up and learn herself.”
“Brody, you broke her heart.”
“Melody said she was so sad and ran from the house.”
“Fix it. Tell her the truth. Give her the choice.”
“Is it that easy?”
She shrugs. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.” She wipes the tears from her face. “Sometimes I feel like I failed you. Not having a father figure. After your dad, I didn’t want to love again. I had your uncle step in, but when we lost him, I thought I could be everything to you. I wish one of them was here.”
“You’ve been everything and more, Ma. Don’t beat yourself up. We all make mistakes.”
“I was gonna tell her when I got home, but I saw her, and I knew if I went to her I wouldn’t leave. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“How does she feel?”
“I think she hates me. I tried to explain some of it to her, but she has this wall up I can’t break through.”
“If she’s worth it, keep hammering.”
“She is.”
“Sharpen your tools. Be there for the long haul.” I nod.
“Night, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you, Brody.”
I check on Brecklynn, and she has her ear buds in and her phone glued to her face. Tugging her foot, she looks up. “Hey. Lovebirds all shacked up?”
“Breck, are you okay with Mom dating?”
Her eyes find a spot on her bedspread, and she looks up with tears. “Yes, I am. I like him and she’s happy. I just wish I had memories of Dad.” I do, too. I remember him kissing my mom goodbye, strapping his gun to his hip and ruffling my hair as he left for work. Shot in an armed robbery. He’d been on the force for seven years, and I don’t remember much, but I remember more than my sister.
“I can share what I remember, but it isn’t much.” I hate he didn’t get to see her. My mom was five months pregnant when she laid her husband to rest. “Mom’s happy, and you’ll be with me next year. I like she won’t be alone.”
“I do too, Brody. He’s good for her; I just like giving you a hard time. He’s cool. Doesn’t try to be all dad-like; he saves that hobby for you.” Her cheeky smile makes me laugh. “Nah, it’s cool.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. I hate you.”
“I hate you, brat.”
“You taking me shopping tomorrow?”
“You buying me lunch?”
“As long as you don’t mind the strange looks I’ll get when I pay with singles. Stripping is hard, and the economy has dropped.”
I shake my head. “Get some sleep.”
“I’m glad you’re home.”
“It’s good to be home. I need some downtime. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in school. I’m nervous.”
“And continue the battle for your girl’s heart.”
“I could hibernate for a year, and she’d still tire me out.”
“Seems like Dick had some stamina, want me to ask him to give you some tips?”
I shut her door and wonder when the fuck she grew up. She’s a mini-Emberlee, and I don’t know how I’ll survive when Brecklynn moves in with me. Those two will be trouble, and no, I’m not putting the cart before the horse because Emberlee will be by my side.
All my calls go unanswered. My texts aren’t returned. Two weeks I’ve suffered with her ignoring me, and while I enjoyed my family, I craved the sound of her voice. I needed to know she was okay. I throw a ball cap on, letting my hair grow from military mandatory to college student is leaving me disheveled looking.
I leave a few minutes early so I can try to search for her wandering around campus. Next time I see her, I’m shoving a GPS up her ass and dare her to run from me. This scenario and attitude she’s throwing me is bullshit. Slamming the door to my car, I take in the grounds. No way I’ll find her amid this madhouse. I grab the gift bag housing her present and put it in my backpack. If I see her, I want to make sure she knows I was thinking of her.
What a change . . . Air Force to college life. My eyes dart back and forth seeking her out. I see Avery and the blonde girl exit the campus coffee shop and stop myself from asking them where she is. I don’t know if things got handled between them, and I don’t want her friends to think I’m in need of a restraining order. Mason and Caden come up beside them, and a surge of jealousy shoots through me. I have no right to be pissed. He’s dipped his pen in my ink, but I don’t think clearly when it comes to her. He’s in her life, and I’ll have to find a way to be cordial. After I punch him in his mouth and break every bone in his body.
Then we can be friends.
That vacation was pleasant. My friends acted like I was singlehandedly responsible for the nuclear weapons housed in North Korea, Adriane is MIA— and Brody won’t quit blowing up my phone.
Each time I entered a room, they exited. All four of them. A bit over the top if you ask me. I fucked up, I didn’t know I was at the time, but they don’t understand and won’t take five fucking seconds to listen to me.
“Emberlee, I suggest you fix whatever you screwed up.”
Thanks, Daddy Dearest. “Why do you assume it’s me who messed up?”
“It’s common knowledge that if everyone has a problem with you— it’s you. You have four friends who won’t stay in a room with you. I’d say it’s you.”
“Thanks.” I hope he hears the sarcasm I intend. Although, with the cracking of my voice, it’s lost on him. As is everything I do.
We don’t make it in the door and Mason, Caden, and Avery run to comfort Saylor. Nobody can bother helping me unload anything or spare a second to see why the bags under my eyes need their own zip code. It’s okay guys; I’m not sleeping because for the first time in my entire life I have nobody. You all choose to make me the enemy . . . even though you’re suppose to know me the best. It’s easier to let them think I’m the bitch they’ve portrayed me as.
But seriously, my fucking suitcase won’t budge from my trunk, and I call to Mason.
“Mason, my suitcase is stuck in my car.” Saylor turns her back like the sight of me makes her sick.
“That sucks— for you.” He doesn’t bother to turn and acknowledge me as he acts like a dick.
“Are you serious? How long are you going to be a dick?” This is so overplayed. Two weeks of their tantrums is enough.
“Seeing as how you’ve been a bitch your whole life, I have some catching up to do.” Uncalled for. I’m not a bitch— all the time. I own my shit.
“Fuck you, Mason. Hate me all you want, but you know I did what was needed.” Put that in your pipe and smoke it cocksucker.
He whips his body to face me, and Saylor grabs him and pulls him to her bedroom. Fuck that, I don’t need her interfering. “Moving on so quick, Saylor? Way to make my point, oh and enjoy my sloppy seconds.” Saylor smacks her hand over his mouth, but I can still hear them.
“What the hell?” he growls at her.
“Don’t let her goad you.” Her saccharine sweet voice is pissing me off. I don’t need her defending me.
“She’s a bitch,” Mason snarls.
“Maybe, but she’s right,” Saylor reminds him. Now I need them all to listen to her voice of reason. I am justified in all of this.
I dial Adriane— voicemail.
I send her a text— unanswered.
Of course, because the one person I’m trying to fix it for is the one who ignores me and abandons me the most. Time after time. I’ll learn one day, or I’ll fix her. Those are the only two choices I have.
Throwing myself down on my bed, I exhale and close my eyes. Imagine what it will be like when my time machine works. My dad will look at me with pride and not disdain. Adriane will learn to be a mother and Deacon will fall in love with her. Avery will look at me with forgiveness and understanding instead of hate and contempt
. Mason and Caden will go back to protecting and loving me. Saylor— I don’t know where she’ll end up and that is the hitch in my diabolical plan. I started to love her, but I don’t have room for her in my neat little package. A twinge of guilt creeps up because she is kind, understanding— and she loves Deacon and Julie. And Avery, Mason, and Caden. She’d love me if I gave her a chance, but her being here is ruining everything.
Brody is a whole other topic. I don’t know where he’ll fit in when I complete my mission. Maybe— nope, I refuse to go there. A leopard doesn’t change its spots, and he’s a destroyer of hearts.
I can hear their conversation; Saylor thinks Deacon and Adriane are together, and Mason was warned he couldn’t say anything to sway her. I can count on Deacon’s pride to make my job easier. She’s actually imploring Mason to work things out with me. God, I am a bitch. She’s done nothing wrong— except fall in love with the wrong person. Maybe we have more in common than I think. I hear my friends leaving without saying goodbye to me, and it stings. No, it fucking hurts. A door slams and I act in spite.
“Quit slamming the door!”
Avery yells back and sticks a knife in my heart. “Quit breathing!” We’ve had spats and epic fights, but those words hold a malice I haven’t experienced from her. We’ve never been like this. I wonder if this is a bridge I can mend— should I come clean and halt my plan?
I’ve never had my dad, but I’ve always had my friends, and I’m wondering if a relationship with him is worth it. I’m past the point of him cheering for me at dance recitals and school plays. I’m beyond the age where he can fix scraped knees with kisses and Band-Aids. I’m too old to think ice cream fixes broken hearts. He’s missed so much, is it worth it for me to try and build something now— is it repairable or do I harbor too much resentment?
Brody: Are you ever going to answer me?
I contemplate ignoring him, but I’m lonely.
Me: Answered. What do you want?
Brody: You.
Me: That’s a problem. Too many guys not enough time. This campus is like a dating website in person.
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