by Chloe Walsh
“I did?” My voice shook worse than my hands as Mackenzie’s words flooded my heart.
She looked right at me – straight through me. “You did, Cade,” she confirmed softly. “I wouldn’t be here – functioning and breathing if it weren’t for you …”
“So there you have it. Mackenzie doesn’t blame you, Cade.” Anna interrupted, as she climbed to her feet and stretched. “I truly believe you two need to take a nice long walk together and hash it all out.”
Anna smiled down at us both. “Being with Cade will be good for you, Mackenzie. He was your best friend before your abduction and he wants to help you now.”
“I agree,” Kenzie replied. “Being with Cade will be good for me.”
Anna smiled down at us. “What are you waiting for?”
“You want us to go for a walk now?” I croaked out. Jesus Christ, my body was burning up. I was sweating like a damn pig and all of a sudden it felt too hot in here. The heat was emanating from Mackenzie and I was drawn to that heat … fuck it, I was compelled and pulled towards that heat.
“Now’s as a good a time as any,” Anna replied in an amused tone before turning to face Kenz. “Do you feel safe going out with Cade, Mackenzie?”
I held my breath waiting for Kenzie’s answer.
She didn’t answer the doctor with words. Instead, she stood up and held her hand out to me.
My phone vibrated in my shorts’ pocket, but I didn’t check who it was.
I didn’t care.
I was too busy taking Mackenzie’s hand in mine. Like she had done we were kids, Mackenzie Moore held my complete attention.
“Excellent,” Anna exclaimed, as she ushered us out of the lounge towards the front door. “This is progress, Mackenzie,” she coaxed. “This is very good progress.”
Opening the front door, I gestured Mackenzie out before me. She didn’t let go of my hand and I didn’t want her to. It made me feel stronger, having a hold of her, touching her, knowing she was right here with me. No one was going to hurt her again, not while I had a breath left in my body.
“Can we take the bike?” Mackenzie asked in a quiet tone. Her gaze was fixated on my Ducati parked in the driveway.
Hell, yeah … I dropped my free hand to my pocket and checked that I had my keys. “I thought you hated motorcycles,” I chuckled, feeling around for the piece of metal in my pocket. “But yeah, Kenz, we can take the bike.”
Kenzie squeezed my hand, giving me a little more trust, causing my palm to sweat. “I’m not her, Cade,” she told me as she followed me over to my bike. “That girl you remember,” Kenzie clarified when she noticed my confused expression. “I’m not her anymore. That girl is gone.”
Yeah, you fucking are …
I wished I could somehow fix everything that had gone wrong in Mackenzie’s short life. Fuck – it made me so angry.
Taking my helmet, I raised it above Kenzie’s head and smiled. “I bet I can find her,” I said, placing the helmet on her head. “And bring her back to me.”
Kenzie pushed the helmet downwards. She spent a moment adjusting it before lifting the visor. Jesus Christ, she looked like nothing I’d ever seen in her short white sundress and my black helmet. She looked fucking ethereal, and I had to turn my face away and remind myself that I had a girlfriend.
“You’ll never find her, Cade,” Mackenzie replied sadly.
“I’m going to try, Mackenzie,” I shot back before mounting the bike. “Let me help you.”
Mackenzie climbed on behind me. “Trust me,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my bare chest. “You already are.”
You already are …
Fuck.
“So where are we going?” I asked her when my voice found me once again.
“The creek,” she replied and my blood turned to ice in my veins.
“What, no, we’re not, Kenzie. Damn, we’re not going anywhere near that damn place.” What the hell was wrong with her? There wasn’t a chance in hell of me taking Mackenzie back to the place she’d been taken away from me! I lost her out there. I couldn’t go back and take that risk again.
“I need to see it for myself, Cade.” She squeezed me tighter. “And you’re the only one I want with me when I face my demons.”
Damn!
“I missed you,” I told her, because it seemed like the right thing to say. What the fuck else could I say or do? I could hardly make up for the past three years of her life. I couldn’t wipe away Kenzie’s memories or rewind the past. I couldn’t fix a damn thing. All I could do now was some damage control. Try and give Mackenzie as good a life as she deserved. Give her whatever the hell she needed. Whatever the hell she wanted. Even if it meant taking her to the fucking creek …
“I missed you more,” was all she said in response, and those words somehow caused the guilt I felt to weigh heavier on my shoulders. “I thought about you,” Mackenzie whispered. “Every moment of every day.”
My hand dropped to my stomach, instinctively covering Mackenzie’s small hands without my brain’s permission. “I thought about you too, baby girl …”
“Cade.”
I heard my name being called and I stopped mid-sentence before casting a glance towards the house.
My mother was standing in the doorway, this time with a look of horror stamped on her face. Shaking her head ever so subtly, Mom implored me with her eyes – fucking begged me – not to do this. Not to go with Mackenzie. “What about Emily?”
Mackenzie is more important …
Ignoring my mother, I kicked off the stand and revved the engine.
“Hold on tight,” I ordered, before pulling out of the driveway with the girl of my dreams wrapped around me like ivy.
****
Mackenzie
February 27th, 2006
Climbing off Cade’s motorcycle, I removed his helmet and handed it to him before shaking my hair out.
“That was amazing.”
Riding on the back of Cade’s bike, with my arms wrapped around his warm, firm skin, and feeling the wind on my body was as close to freedom I had been in years. I felt exhilarated, fresh, and incredibly reckless.
Cade kicked out the stand and stood with his hands in his shorts pockets. He had an odd smile on his face.
“What?” I asked nervously.
Cade’s blue eyes were soft and twinkling. His dimples were on full display and the look of adoration on his face gave me hope …
“You’re smiling,” he told me. Shaking his head, he let out a small laugh. “Fuck, I’ve missed that smile.”
Heat crept up my neck, staining my cheeks, as his words set alight a slow-burning ache in my belly. “I have a reason to smile.”
Cade stared at me so intensely that I felt my skin prickle with goose pimples.
“So what do you want to do today?” His voice was thick and husky. His eyes never left mine.
I want to walk amongst the trees, feel the wind burn against my cheeks, run until I am breathless and love until my heart bursts into flames. I want to live, Cade, and I want to do all of these things with you…
“We could go swimming?” I offered, gesturing around vaguely with my hand. “It’s a beautiful day.”
Glancing about the clearing, Cade’s body seemed to stiffen as he silently thought about my proposal. “You feeling okay?” he asked, twisting around to look behind him.
“We’re alone, Cade,” I assured him. He was worrying. His worry did strange things to my heart.
Cade’s head snapped in my direction and his cheeks pinked. “I know,” he muttered, walking towards me. “I’m just being extra cautious.”
When he reached my side, Cade wrapped his muscular arm around my shoulder and led me towards our old trail.
We strolled through the woods, side-by-side in the blistering heat, with Cade in his navy shorts and me in my white sundress. We walked in silence for a while, both deep in thought and anxious.
Finally, when the silence became too much, I asked “Who
are you now?”
“What do you mean?” Pulling a branch that was blocking the trail aside, Cade ushered me forward, falling into step behind me.
I stepped around a bunch of nettles and dodged a prickly limb. “I mean who are you? Who is Cade Mathews? Are you still the same boy who I knew, or are you someone different now?”
Slowly, I maneuvered down the bank, panting and a little breathless. I wasn’t used to exercise anymore. “What’s your favorite film – your favorite sport? Who did you take to Homecoming junior year? Who was the last person that made you cry?”
“That’s a lot of questions, Kenz,” Cade chuckled. Taking my hand, he pulled me to a stop and lowered himself onto the bank. “Let’s rest for a sec,” he added. We were only a few yards from the creek; I could see the water rippling below us from where I was standing. There wasn’t much of a drop below us – three feet or so, but I didn’t argue with Cade.
Grateful, I agreed and sat cross-legged beside him. I knew Cade didn’t need to rest – he hadn’t even broken a sweat, but his awareness of my needs gave me comfort.
“Well?”
Stretching his legs out on the long grass, Cade smiled, as he looked out onto the creek. “I like football best now.” Resting his weight on his elbows, Cade turned to look at me. “And my favorite movie is still Happy Gilmore.”
“Still?” I let out a chuckle and, mirroring Cade’s movements, I stretched my legs out in front of me too’. “God, you were obsessed with that movie as a kid …”
“It’s a great movie,” he shot back with a smirk before mimicking, “Tap it in ... just tap it in …”
“Give it a little tappy-tap-tap-taparoo,” I finished for him.
Cade’s eyes lit up. “You remember it?”
Rolling my eyes, I slipped off my shoes before lying on my back and letting out a contented sigh, basking in the heat of the sun and the company of my best friend. “Cade, how could I not remember it? You only made me watch it a million times.”
Cade was silent for a long moment, before finally saying, “I didn’t go to Homecoming. And the last person that made me cry was you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered quietly. “For making you cry.”
“No, Kenz, I’m the one who’s sorry.”
I twisted my head to look at him. Cade was still resting on his elbows, but his gaze was locked on me.
“For what?” I managed to ask.
Sighing heavily, Cade let his head fall back for a moment, before focusing on my face again. “For not being there for you since you came home.” He scrunched his nose up and groaned. “For avoiding you ...”
“That’s okay.” It wasn’t. “I understand.” I didn’t.
“My Mom …” he began to say, but I stopped him before he could continue. He didn’t need to make excuses for Sharon.
I got it.
“I know your mother is uncomfortable around me, Cade,” I said, turning my face to the sky. “And I know you have other commitments now.” I closed my eyes, and forced the image of Emily from my mind.
“What are you talking about?” I heard Cade ask.
“Emily.”
“Who told you about Emily?” he said, after a long pause.
“Your mom mentioned it,” I replied quietly. I braced myself before asking the next question. “Is it serious?” Opening my eyes, I forced myself to look at him. “Do you love her?”
“Serious … no, I mean it’s … shit.” Cade pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was in pain. “It is what it is, Kenz.”
“And what exactly is that, Cade?”
“We’ve been dating for over a year,” he finally explained. “She was there for me when I needed … comfort.”
“Comfort?”
“Shit, Kenz, I was a wreck when you left …”
“I didn’t leave, Cade,” I snapped before climbing to my feet. “I was taken,” I hissed as I descended down the bank quickly.
“I know that,” Cade muttered, as he quickly shot to his feet and followed after me.
“There’s a huge difference,” I called out when my feet hit the stones at the bottom of the bank. Steadying myself, I hurried over to where the water met the land and immersed my toes in the cool water.
“Shit, I know that, Kenz. I didn’t mean it the way it came out,” Cade said in an almost desperate tone as he followed me down the bank.
When Cade reached my side, he held out his hand and, without thought, I placed my hand in his. His warm fingers threaded through mine, encasing me in his touch …
He touched the inside of my wrist with his thumb and my pulse skyrocketed. Cade’s touch on my skin was soft as silk, warm, and incredibly wanted. His body was pressed right up against mine and I could feel my pussy pulsing with need.
The heat emanating from Cade felt like someone had set fire to my body and now I was burning in pleasure. This was an entirely new feeling for me, and one I was quickly becoming addicted to.
Everything about Cade made me feel good: every touch, every word, every glance, every smile …
“Don’t be mad at me,” he whispered, tugging me closer. “I couldn’t cope with it, Kenz.”
“I’m not mad,” I breathed, standing flush against him. He was so big, so strong, yet the security and safety that wafted from him cloaked over me like a blanket of protection – a blanket of love.
“I’m going to take care of you, Kenz,” Cade husked. Removing his hand from mine, he clamped my waist with both of his hands. “You’re safe here. Nothing bad is going to happen. Not when you’re with me. And I’m never going to take my eyes off you again.”
His breath fanned my face, and I wanted to fall backwards onto the ground and have Cade do everything to my body that I had never wanted before.
“I know that,” I replied, craning my neck upwards. More men than I cared to remember had used me. As a child, my father had used me to hold onto his marriage. Master had used me. His friends had used me. In some shape, form or other I had been used, but with Cade it was different …
I wanted Cade. I wanted Cade to use me. Because even if he used me, I knew I would be safe. I was safe with him. As long as I remained with Cade, I would always be safe …
The enormities of my feelings for my stepbrother had not subsided since I returned – not in the slightest. They were weighing down on me – deep and unchanging.
I had this ache inside of me: a savage desperation to be with Cade – to have him inside my body, cleansing my flesh, removing the touch of so many others …
There was less than an inch of space between our lips and the urge to push forward and taste him was heady. Cade’s gaze dropped to my mouth. He stared at my lips intensely, before slowly lowering his face to mine …
“…Well, shit on a stick. Are my eyes deceiving me …” a familiar voice called out.
Cade muttered a string of curse words before jerking away from me, and I didn’t have to look behind me to know who it was.
Ian Keller.
I would know his voice anywhere. He had one the most annoying voices I’d ever heard in my life.
Turning in the direction the voice had come from, my body froze when my eyes took in the voluptuous frame of Emily McAllister.
She was standing with two other people on the edge of the bank, at least ten feet above us, with an expression on her face that made her look like she was about to burst into flames. Her eyes were narrowed. Her gaze was locked on me …
“Boo!”
My body froze, my heart stopped beating in my chest, and I dropped to my knees the second I felt a clammy hand clamp down on my shoulder.
Water and mud lapped at my thighs, but I didn’t care. With my head bowed, my hands behind my back, and eyes clenched shut, I mentally started to chant.
“The stars will have to wait … I need you on the ground with me …”
“You fucking idiot … how stupid are you?”
“The stars will have to wait … I need you on the ground with me …”<
br />
“What’s wrong with her?”
“The stars will have to wait … I need you on the ground with me …”
“What do you think? Kenzie, it’s me.”
Someone was holding my shoulders.
“Cade?”
“I’m here, Kenz.” He sounded relieved. “I’m here.”
Slowly, I opened my eyes. Cade was crouched in front of me. He looked furious – like a lion coiled to strike – riled up and ready to defend – or to attack. His body shook with barely-restrained anger. His lips were compressed and white. He looked truly menacing. “You good?” Cade managed to say through clenched teeth.
“Yeah,” I whispered, before climbing to my feet. Even though I should’ve been, I wasn’t embarrassed. Behaving myself had kept me alive for three years.
“Sorry, Kenz,” Ian mumbled. His cheeks were pink. He looked wholly mortified. “I didn’t release you were so … on edge.”
“It’s fine,” I started to say, but Cade interrupted me.
Shoving Ian hard in the chest, Cade stepped in front of me, blocking me from Ian’s view. “On edge?” he sneered. “Are you fucking serious, Keller?”
“Whoa.” Ian held his hands up in defense and took a step back from Cade. “What’s your problem, Mathews?”
“Cade,” Emily hissed, as she stalked towards us. Rita was flanking her and offered me a smile. Emily looked me up and down and curled her lip in distaste before focusing on the boys. “Calm down. You’re acting like an idiot, Cade.”
“You’re my problem, Keller,” Cade replied coldly, completely ignoring Emily, as he continued to shove and push at Ian. “Who the fuck told you that you could put your hands on her?”
“Cade, stop.” Ezra, who appeared from behind Emily, sprang forward and pushed himself between the guys. “Calm down now,” Ezra coaxed as he pressed at Cade’s chest.
“Don’t fucking touch her again,” Cade roared over Ezra’s head. His blue eyes were venomous and fixated on Ian.
“Get a fucking grip, Cade,” Ezra snapped, grabbing Cade by the back of the neck and marching him away from us. “Come on …”
“Mackenzie,” Rita sobbed, before launching herself into my arms. “I can’t believe you’re home.”
