Almost immediately, Andrea emerged from the workshop, wearing a lab coat and a huge smile. “I wanted to give your eye one last polish,” she said to Dani, as if preparing to give the boy a special gem. “Want to watch?”
Andrea had explained the entire process to Sam, and the final step was to cover the prosthetic in clear resin, and to polish the living daylights out of the new eye.
Being only three, Sam wasn’t sure how much Dani understood about everything that was going on, but the kid couldn’t look any more excited or expectant than if it was his birthday. “Yes!” Dani ran to follow Andrea into the back and the workshop. Sam chatted with Judith to pass the time. Soon enough Dani and Andrea reappeared.
Andrea helped Dani sit on a chair with a booster seat near the eye display counter. “Let’s take off this patch.” She gently removed it, and Dani watched and smiled the whole time. So trusting.
She checked the alignment of his new eye, had him open and close his eyes several times. She even checked for natural secretions and anatomical function before giving it her final seal of approval. Dani sat perfectly still like a little soldier the whole time.
Truth was, Andrea was a natural with his son. Her gentle touch, her care and concern for Dani, the way he trusted her. All systems seemed to say go, yet his lousy experience with Katie held him back from taking things further between them. Hadn’t that proved he didn’t know how to really love someone? He’d been completely convinced Katie had been the one for him, had been for all the years they’d dated, yet when he’d finally got around to asking her to marry him, her career had suddenly come first. How wrong could a guy be? What did it say for his judgment where women were concerned? Now he had a son who needed to come first. Sam knew firsthand that the less drama in life, the better stability for the kid. Wasn’t that what the person who had really become his mother, not just a foster caregiver, had taught him? Since Mom Murphy had died, the person he’d trusted more than anyone, he’d struggled to let anyone get close. Hell, Katie could attest to that. Did Andrea deserve the same treatment?
Plus Andrea had been candid with Sam in one of their post-lovemaking talks. She longed to be the artist she’d set out to be at university, and felt for the past four years her dreams had been on hold while she’d apprenticed in ocularistry. Yet she obviously loved her clients at the hospital and enjoyed the work—Dani being a case in point—which proved she was as confused as he was. But had she been trying to warn him? Was she still holding out for her big break, the same way Katie had been?
He stepped out of his thoughts in time to see Dani turning around with his prosthetic eye in place. Sam had to do a double take to remember which eye was real and which was fake. Holy cow, she’d replicated his real eye perfectly. A mirror image. So much so, it brought a lump to his throat. “That looks fantastic, buddy.” His grateful gaze met Andrea’s. She looked relieved.
But Dani seemed puzzled, and usually when he did he asked Sam a question. This time, though, he turned to Andrea. “I can’t see.” He covered his good eye to make sure.
Sam’s throat lump doubled. How the hell was he supposed to explain the truth?
Andrea went down on her knees to be at eye level with Dani. She cupped his shoulders and gave the sincerest look he’d ever seen. “Honey, the eyes we make here can’t see. You’ll always have to rely on this one.” She touched him above his right eye. “This one will be good enough for both your eyes. This one—” she touched his brow above the new prosthetic “—is just to look pretty, so you don’t have to wear that patch. Is that all right?”
Dani nodded solemnly. “I guess so.”
Sam stepped closer, first giving Andrea an appreciative glance and nod, then studying his son’s new eye up close. “It’s amazing how perfectly matched this is to his own eye.” He hugged Dani and looked at Andrea. “I can’t thank you enough for making the most incredible prosthetic. Only a true artist could duplicate his iris so perfectly. My God. I’m shocked at how great it is.” Maybe he was laying it on too thick, but he meant every word and gratitude got the better of him. “You really are a great artist.”
“Now I think you’re going overboard.”
He touched her arm. “No. I’m not. This is fantastic. No one will know this isn’t his real eye without looking really closely. You’ve just given him an amazing gift.”
“It’s my job.”
“And you were made for it.” From the other side of the room, Judith spoke up.
Sam could see a flash of rebellion in Andrea’s reaction over the reminder from her grandmother of that continual war between practical day job and the artist itching to take flight. She chose not to say anything just then.
Dani jumped down from his chair and walked to a mirror, studying his image really closely. He made monkey faces and joked around, but Sam knew he liked what he saw. As for Sam, he couldn’t be happier. His son wouldn’t need to ever feel inferior, wearing a perfect eye like this one.
Andrea stepped up behind Dani, placed her fingertips on his narrow shoulders and spoke to him in the mirror. “You shouldn’t fiddle with your new eye or treat it like a toy. If it bothers you or feels uncomfortable, you ask Daddy to bring you to me so we can polish it.” She turned to Sam, her expression clouding with something unnamed, and she avoided making eye contact, instead seeming to look at his shoulder. “You’ll need to clean it a couple times a day at first so it doesn’t get gummy. Until his eye socket gets used to it.”
“Will do. Are you all right?”
Her lower lip quivered the tiniest bit. “Yeah.” She nodded, tried to brush off the emotions obviously building inside, doing anything rather than look him straight on.
Judith, as though sensing something was up, took Dani by the hand. “Would you like to see where I make eyes?” she said, leading the boy toward the workshop.
“Is that a hat?” Dani commented about her headgear, then took her hand, eager to follow her to the “eye” room.
“It makes things look really big. Want to look through it?”
“Yes!”
Once they were gone, Sam reached for Andrea and kissed her. “What’s wrong?” He held her close, biting back his own mixed-up feelings, reliving all the reasons Dani had needed the prosthetic in the first place.
She shook her head against his shoulder. “Remember that first night I came to your house and you told me your biggest fear was the thought of Dani losing his other eye?”
He held her closer, kissed the top of her head. “Yes. It still is.”
“I worry about that, too. I’ve fallen in love with your son and I can’t stand the thought of him suffering or losing any more than he already has.”
The lump in Sam’s throat became too big to swallow so he couldn’t speak. But he held on to Andrea with all his strength, hoping that maybe the two of them together could will away any future problems for Dani, even while knowing they were powerless. Life happened. It just did. There was no good-luck charm to ward off bad events or illnesses, or parents letting their kids go into foster care, no way to skip around the messy parts. What would be would be for Dani, and they’d have to deal with whatever played out. Andrea’s support meant the world to him, helped him think he could get through whatever lay ahead.
As they stood holding each other it hit Sam how, without even realizing it, they’d become a kind of family where Dani was concerned. Yet he hadn’t even gotten up the guts to tell Andrea the truth, and if he couldn’t do that, how could he ever love her? Did he love her? Wasn’t that how he’d started off with Katie, jumping right in up to his neck, deciding she was the perfect girl for him, only to find out several years later she had been anything but that girl. Even if he did think he might love Andrea, being a reasonable man he still couldn’t believe that was possible yet, so was he ready to tell her something he wasn’t even sure he was capable of?
Plus
he had Dani now. There would be two broken hearts if things didn’t work out. Yet Dani had fallen for Andrea right off, and kids were usually pretty good judges of character. Which brought his thoughts full circle back to Andrea, the woman in his arms who’d gone all weepy worrying about his son. Yeah, they’d become a modern-day melded family, whether they were ready for it or not.
Those astounding thoughts had him squeezing her even tighter, mostly for support. How had this happened so quickly, and was it even possible?
CHAPTER SIX
SAM HAD TALKED Andrea into joining him and Dani at the park closest to St. Francis of the Valley Hospital after the appointment. Still being spring, the sun was far from setting at 6:00 p.m. “Let’s celebrate Dani’s new eye,” Sam had said.
Since she’d made it, how could she refuse?
Earlier Andrea had been hit with a world of worries about Dani. Sam had spoken of his fear the first night she’d gone to his house—that his son might lose his other eye. The thought made her feel queasy. It was also a sure sign she’d fallen for the kid. And his dad. How could her life get tipped on its ear in a month?
Maybe she should have put more thought into dating a man with a kid, a man with a huge family photo on his wall and a framed parable about saving starfish one at a time. None of which she could relate to and, honestly, was afraid she’d never be able to. But it was too late now to worry about “getting it” where Sam and his dreams and desires were concerned. She was already crazy about both of them.
Sam sat beside her on the bench in his work suit, a beige one with an Easter-egg-yellow shirt and, in typical Dr. Sammy style, a SpongeBob tie for the kids at the hospital. His legs were extended and crossed at the ankles, arms stretched wide along the back of the bench. Confident and relaxed. Instead of relaxing, like him, she perched on the edge of the bench, ready to run after Dani at a moment’s notice in case he needed her on the kiddie slide or mini jungle gym. Sam was all about giving the kid independence. She was about keeping him safe.
A grin stretched across Dani’s bright face. He teetered, then stood at the bottom of the slide before he galloped for the swings. Andrea hopped up and met him just in time to set him inside the toddler bucket-styled swing. That grin disappeared and he shook his head, pointing to the standard swings, the big-kid swings, down the line on the thick metal play set frame.
Andrea glanced at Sam, who was already up and heading their way. With a kind smile he lifted his son like a sack of potatoes over his hip, which Dani loved, then walked him down to an empty regular swing seat and put him in the center.
“You’ve got to hold on really tight,” he said, making sure the boy’s hands held the swing chain securely on both sides. Dani gave a solemn nod, as if realizing this was a big step in his playground life. A step worthy of his new eye.
She’d made plenty of eyes for patients during her nearly four-year apprenticeship, and she’d witnessed firsthand how life-changing that could be for them, which was incredibly satisfying. But with Dani—she patted one forearm, then the other—never before had the gratification been so intense that it raised the hair on her arms.
A few moments went by with only the sound of Dani’s delighted squeals while Sam gently pushed him on the swing. Andrea stood enjoying the view and the light evening breeze, warmth pulsing in her heart. Beyond the huge sandbox area with all the playground apparatus, the grass was fragrant, freshly mown, spring green and dotted with young myrtles and ash trees. In a decade they’d offer shade in this newly opened park. For now, they were simply new and pretty to look at.
The vision inspired her, making her want to capture the essence of this moment with bright colors on a canvas. Thoughts swirled through her brain. Creative sparks made her come alive in a way she hadn’t for months. On the verge of telling Sam she had to get right home, he looked up with an earnest expression, a man completely content pushing his kid on a swing, as if something had just occurred to him, too.
He started talking, but she was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear him until she picked up at the point of new shoes. “What?”
“I said, when my mom used to take all of us for new shoes the week before school started, when we got home we’d all try them on and parade around for Dad. And Dad would say, ‘It’s a good day. All my kids have new shoes. Let’s go have ice cream.’” He looked at her nostalgically over Dani on the swing, capturing her gaze. “Well, it’s not just a good day today, it’s a great day. Thanks to you, my boy has a beautiful new eye. What do you say we go get ice cream?”
Dani cheered, and there was no way right then Andrea could make an excuse to go home to paint.
* * *
That night, right after they’d put Dani to bed, they made love, then cuddled in Sam’s huge bed. Sam surprised Andrea and opened up, telling her the entire story of how he’d come to be Dani’s father. He shared every detail, including the heartbreak of Katie walking away over his decision, and it brought tears to Andrea’s eyes.
Their relationship had grown so quickly, it seemed, and his willingness to share feelings normally left close to the heart was part of the reason. She thought how they’d both tiptoed into this new relationship, and she didn’t want to upset the fragile foundation forming between them with one ongoing concern that he might want to be with her only because he needed a mother for his son. So she kept it to herself and they made love again.
Now stretched out side by side, they held hands and stared at the ceiling, letting the flush of fresh lovemaking spend its remaining moments covering them before dissolving into the dark.
Earlier Sam had asked her if she could watch Dani on Thursday night while he filled in for another doctor friend who needed to attend his son’s sports banquet. After sidestepping the subject with sex, she couldn’t, in the name of honesty, avoid any longer telling him what was on her mind.
Andrea first snuggled against his chest, which was lightly dusted with crinkly brown hair, thinking she’d never get tired of how sturdy he felt or his natural guy scent, and wondering over the difference in their skin tones. Then she broached the tough topic by sitting up and engaging Sam’s full attention. Except his attention settled solely on her breasts, so she wrapped the sheet around her chest.
“You know how I love Dani,” she said. He nodded. “And frankly you’ve given me lots of chances to get to know him. The thing is, I’ve been putting off painting a lot lately and I’m beginning to panic about it.”
That got his full attention. He seemed uncomfortable, realizing he was keeping her from her passion. “The last thing I want to do is stand in the way of your painting.”
She leaned forward. “I believe you, and I have to admit it’s always fun to watch Dani, but...”
He went up on his elbow. “Well, that’s something, then, right? Because he loves you so much, and I trust you, I always know he’s in good hands with you. And that means a lot to me.”
“I’m glad you trust me, but it’s clear you’re the center of that boy’s universe. He loves you so much and wants to be with you.”
“Thanks. I know, but you two are really great together, too. You’ve got a very special friendship going on.”
“So much so I’m beginning to wonder if this is what motherhood feels like, which scares the daylights out of me.” She’d decided to tiptoe into the conversation.
He grabbed her and pulled her close. “Aw, you’re just being a scaredy-cat about kids.” Sounding like a typical pediatrician. “You’re a natural.”
A natural? Being raised by a deeply depressed mother and an oblivious father probably made her the furthest thing from that.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said, glancing up at his chin, memorizing the fine stubble there. “I adore Dani, but he’s your son and you need to be there for him as much as you possibly can.”
“I am there for him, every day. I get him up
every morning and put him to bed most nights. He knows I’m his dad, and I love being his dad.” He squeezed her shoulder. “I even hope to have more children, too. I guess I should be up front with you about that, right?”
Now he tells her? She sat up again. “Yes, you definitely should.”
Why did his hope for a big family make her immediately wonder where she’d fit in? He wanted more children? What exactly did he have in mind?
“Sam, you’re a great dad, Dani is thriving living with you. But lately I feel like I’m doing as much, if not more, of the caregiving as you.” She wouldn’t dare mention that it also felt like being second best to his job, just as it’d always felt with her father. But it did!
“My job will always keep me busy, it’s the nature of the beast. I will, however, get a babysitter before the end of this week. I promise.” He looked sincere as all get-out, and she felt obligated to believe him.
“Thank you.” It wasn’t a perfect solution, but at least Dani could go to sleep in his own bed and she wouldn’t be the one always putting him there. They kissed more, but she couldn’t get into it. “You seriously want more kids?”
“Yes, but not, like, tomorrow. I come from a big family and I want the same. I’ve told you that.”
Something about his answer didn’t ring true, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Where did his need and desire to have a big family leave her? If they were together, would she have a say in the matter? This conversation was making her feel like a helpless child all over again. “But doesn’t it take two?” Actually, he’d already gotten around that loophole by adopting. Would he do it again? Her head throbbed with questions.
“I’m not rushing things,” he said. “I’m just being honest.”
This obviously meant he was serious about her, and on so many levels she was crazy about him, too, but she couldn’t discount her ambivalence about his desire for a big family. Not with her background.
A Mother for His Adopted Son Page 9
