“Where were you, Mom?”
“At the hospital, with a client. It’s a long story.” They chatted for a minute and then she went up to bed. She was absolutely exhausted, but pleased with the decision she’d made that night. She knew without a doubt it was the right one.
And the next morning when she got to the office, she called the court and set a date for a hearing. She called Helene at the hospital to tell her. Helene said Justin was all right, and he’d be going home with her in a few days, but when Liz told her about the court date, she said quietly that they didn’t need one.
“You’re not feeling guilty about going to court against him, are you, Helene? No judge in any county would be sympathetic to a man who took his six-year-old son out on a motorcycle without a helmet. You’ve got the goods on him now, you might as well use them.”
“I don’t need to.”
“Why not?” Liz looked blank as she waited. Her mind was already full of what she was going to say at the hearing. It was set for the week between Christmas and New Year’s.
“Scott died of a massive brain hemorrhage last night,” she said quietly, and to her credit, she sounded sad. But he had been her husband, and her son’s father.
“Oh …” Liz said, startled into silence for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I … I’ve hated him for the past two years, but he’s still Justin’s father. I haven’t told him yet.” Hearing that made Liz squeeze her eyes shut, and it brought home to her what had happened.
“I’m really sorry.” The child was going to be heartbroken, even if Helene wasn’t. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you.”
“I guess you know what that’s like, for your kids, I mean.”
“Yes, I do. It’s going to be hard for a long time. We haven’t gotten over it yet.”
“I’m going back to New York to stay with my parents, as soon as Justin can travel.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
They hung up a minute later, and Liz was still looking pensive when Jean wandered into her office. “What was that all about?” She had heard Liz telling Helene she was sorry, and knew she’d been with her at the hospital nearly all night. She looked shocked when Liz told her.
“It’s incredible the things people are willing to do to their kids,” Jean said, with a look of disapproval.
“Which brings me to another piece of bad news,” Liz said, feeling guilty, but she had wanted to tell her all morning. It was good news for her, but not for Jean. And Liz was going to be sorry to lose her. “I don’t know how to tell you this, except straight on,” which was how Liz did everything, it was one of the things Jean loved about her. “I’m closing the office.”
“You’re retiring?” Jean looked stunned, although she knew she shouldn’t have. Liz had been carrying an insanely heavy load ever since her husband died, and Jean had figured that it was only a matter of time before Liz decided she just couldn’t do it. The truth was she could, but she didn’t want to. Not without Jack. And she didn’t want another partner.
“I’m going to work part-time, from home, on child advocacy. It’s what I really loved about what we did. I hated all the catfights and all the fancy footwork, and all the bravado and bullshit. That was always more Jack’s style than mine. I care about the kids, and that’s all I want to do now.”
Jean smiled generously at her, and came around the desk to give her a hug. “You did the right thing, kid. This place is going to kill you. You’ll be great at the child advocacy stuff.”
“I hope so.” Liz looked worried then. “But what are you going to do? I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”
“It’s time for me to grow up too. This may sound crazy at my age”—she was forty-three—” I want to go to law school.” Liz beamed at her, and then laughed. It was the perfect solution.
“Well, don’t go into family law, you’ll hate it.”
“I want to go into criminal, and work in the prosecutor’s office.”
“Good for you.” Liz estimated it would take her three months to wind up all her cases, and then she wanted to take a few months off, and let everyone know what she’d be doing. She had earned a break, and she wanted to spend the time with her children. They had been patient for the last year, while she kept a dozen balls in the air, and worked long hours and endless days. She felt as though she owed it to them to take a break now.
“If I apply to law school before the end of the year,” Jean said, looking pleased, “I should be able to start in June, or at the latest September. That’ll give me a couple of months off too. It’ll do us both good.” They both felt as though they had aged a century in the last year, although they didn’t look it.
Liz was still sitting at her desk chatting with Jean when Carole called, and Jean thought she detected a note of panic, but Jean didn’t say anything to Liz when she told her Carole was on the phone. She figured it was just her imagination, and Carole was too busy over Christmas with the kids home.
“Hi there.” Liz was feeling expansive and relaxed, after having made her momentous decision. “What’s up?”
“Jamie.” The way she said it rang a bell from the previous summer. She was speaking in shorthand.
“What happened?” Liz felt a sudden wave of panic as she waited for an answer.
“He was trying to hang a papier-mâché angel we made on the Christmas tree. He got the ladder out while I was doing something for Meg, and he fell. I think his arm is broken.”
“Shit.” It was five days before Christmas. And now that Liz listened carefully, she could hear him crying in the background.
“How bad is it?”
“It’s at a very nasty angle.”
“I’ll meet you at the hospital as soon as I can get there.” At least it was nothing as dramatic as what had happened to Peter, or little Justin the night before. But it was the first time Jamie had broken anything, and she knew he’d be panicked. She grabbed her coat and bag and ran out the door as Jean asked her what had happened. “Broken arm,” Liz shouted as she ran down the stairs. There never seemed to be a minute to just sit down and enjoy life. But what was there to enjoy these days anyway? Christmas was looming like a boulder about to fall on them, Jack was gone, and so was Bill now too. Merry Christmas.
Chapter 12
Liz flew into the hospital emergency room as she had the night before at Children’s for Helene, and this time she was the anxious mother and not the professional comforter. It was a little different. Jamie was obviously in pain when she arrived, and screamed every time one of the nurses tried to touch him, and it made Liz feel sick when she looked at the way his arm was sticking out. There was no doubt about the fact that it was broken. The only question was how badly.
They were trying to reason with him when she arrived, but they had already concluded that they were going to have to sedate him, and they were going to take him up to surgery to set the arm.
An orthopedic surgeon had been called, and Carole looked guilty and frantic.
“I’m so sorry, Liz … I took my eyes off him for five minutes.…”
“It’s all right, it could have happened if I was home too.” Jamie did things like that sometimes. All kids did. And Jamie was a little less sensible and less steady than most boys his age, for obvious reasons. Liz tried fruitlessly to calm him down, but he was screaming so loud he couldn’t even hear her. He was in so much pain, he just sat on the gurney shrinking from all of them, and wouldn’t let her hold him. It was very upsetting. And she was looking frazzled and worn out as she tried to talk to him again, and heard a familiar voice just behind her shoulder. “What’s going on here?”
Liz turned instinctively and found herself looking into the eyes of Bill Webster. He had been in the ER to take a patient to the trauma unit when he heard the fuss, and saw the familiar red hair, and couldn’t stop himself from coming over. “What happened?” he asked her, without introduction or greeting.
“He fell off a la
dder and broke his arm,” she said simply, as he walked in front of Jamie and put himself in the child’s field of vision to be sure he saw him. And for an instant, the wailing abated. It tuned down to vehement sobs, and as Jamie looked at Bill, his little shoulders were heaving.
“What happened, champ? Were you training for the Olympics again? It’s not time yet. Didn’t you know that?” He gently reached for the arm, and although Jamie shrank from him, he didn’t scream or jump off the gurney, and let Bill touch him.
“I fffelllll … offffff … a lllladdddder.”
“Putting something on the Christmas tree?” Jamie nodded. “You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to give you a cast for that arm, and you have to make me a promise. Will you do that?”
“Wwwwhhhatt’s the ppppromise?” Jamie was shaking from head to foot from all the crying, but as Bill talked to him he was gently feeling the arm, and distracting Jamie. And the child made no objection, as his mother watched him.
“I want to be the first one to sign your cast. Is that a deal? Not the second or the third … I’ve got to be first. Okay?”
“Okay,” Jamie nodded, as the surgeon arrived, and the two doctors conferred, and as they finished, Bill glanced at Liz. She was looking very thin, and at the moment distraught over Jamie’s broken arm, which was why he had made the suggestion he just had to the surgeon.
“You know what we’re going to do?” Bill asked Jamie as though he had a terrific surprise for him. “We’re going to go upstairs and put on your cast now. And I’m going to come with you, just to be sure that no one else signs it first. How does that sound to you? You’re going to sleep for a few minutes, and when you wake up, presto magic, the cast will be on, and I’ll sign it.”
“Can I make the bed go up and down?” He still remembered that from Peter’s stay there.
“We’ll find you one you can turn every way you want, but first let’s get that cast on.” He glanced at Liz to reassure her, and she nodded. She knew then what he had done, he had asked the surgeon if he could stay in the OR with Jamie, and the gesture touched her. She wanted to thank him, but he was already pushing Jamie toward the elevator on the gurney, and the surgeon was right behind them. She didn’t want to call out to the child for fear that it would remind him that she couldn’t go with him. So instead she huddled in a chair miserably, worrying about him, and thinking about Bill. It had been a shock to see him, but there had been so much else happening that they couldn’t even speak to each other, which was probably better. There was nothing left to say anyway. It had been a month since she’d seen him, and it felt like aeons. She still cried herself to sleep at night over him, but there was no way for him to know that.
It was over an hour before they returned, and when they did, Jamie was still groggy, and Bill was still with him. The surgeon had gone on to another case, and Bill told her very professionally that everything had gone smoothly. It had been a clean break, and in six weeks they could take the cast off. They’d even given him one he could wear in the shower.
“He should wake up in a few minutes. He did fine upstairs. We put him out so fast he never knew what hit him.” She couldn’t help but remember how gruff he’d been with her the first time they met, and notice how gentle he was with Jamie now. He was a man of a million facets. And Megan calling him a “brute” made her wince even more than before. It had been inexcusable, and she knew it. “Do you want a cup of coffee while he wakes up? It might be a little while, maybe twenty minutes.”
“Do you have time?” She didn’t want to impose on him. She knew how busy he was, and he had already spent nearly two hours with Jamie.
“I have time,” he said, leading her down the hall to a room where the ER doctors relaxed between cases. But there was no one in the room when they got there. And he handed her a steaming cup of coffee. “He’ll be fine, Liz, don’t worry about him.”
“Thanks for being so nice to him. I appreciate it a lot. He was scared to death when I got here.”
Bill smiled as he nodded and poured himself a cup of coffee. “He damn near screamed the house down. I wondered what was happening, that’s why I came over. Great set of lungs on Master Jamie.” She smiled, and their eyes met. But neither of them acknowledged more than Jamie’s broken arm. And it was obvious that they felt awkward with each other. He looked as though he had lost weight too, and he seemed pale and tired, but Christmas was busy for him. There were lots of drunk drivers and broken hips and traumas she couldn’t even dream of, like what had happened to Justin, and now Jamie. Though Bill usually only handled the major disasters, like Peter’s accident. “You look well,” he said finally, and she nodded, not sure what to respond to him. She could hardly tell him that she thought of him night and day and had figured out how much she loved him. It was a little late for that.
“You must be busy over the holidays,” she said to make idle conversation. Everything else she could have said sounded either argumentative or pathetic. And there was no point trying to sell him something he knew he didn’t want. If he had wanted it, or changed his mind, he would have called. His silence was the final message. And she heard it loud and clear.
“I am pretty busy. How’s Peter?” He was keeping the conversation to neutral topics, like his patient.
“As good as new,” she smiled, “and madly in love.”
“Good for him. Tell him I said hi.” With that, he looked at his watch and suggested they go back to Jamie. “He should be wide awake now.” He was, and he was asking for Bill and his mother, and he smiled when he saw them. “You didn’t forget your promise, did you, champ?” Jamie shook his head with a broad grin, and Bill whipped a marker out of his pocket. He wrote a little poem to him, and drew a little dog, and then signed it, and Jamie was ecstatic.
“You were first, Bill, I promised!”
“You sure did.” Bill smiled at him, and then hugged him, as Liz watched them, feeling her heart ache. This was what she had lost when he walked out of her life on Thanksgiving. But she already knew exactly what she had lost, and there was nothing she could do about it. He had made up his mind.
“You never flew your kite with me,” Jamie said, as he looked at him, and Bill looked a little startled, and then dismayed.
“You’re right, I didn’t. I’ll call your mom someday, and we’ll take it out for a spin. Maybe after you get your cast off. How does that sound?”
“Good.” He nodded, satisfied, and Bill lifted him off the gurney, and set him gently on his feet.
“Now, will you stay off that ladder for me?” Jamie nodded, his eyes filled with admiration. Bill was his hero. “And don’t climb the Christmas tree either.”
“Mom won’t let me.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Now, say hi to Peter and your sisters for me. I’ll see you soon, Jamie. Merry Christmas.”
“My daddy died on Christmas,” Jamie informed him, and Liz felt her heart flinch. It was a reminder none of them needed.
“I know,” Bill said respectfully. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”
“Me too. It was a very bad Christmas.”
“I’m sure it was, for your whole family. I hope this one will be better.”
“I asked Santa for a kite like yours, but Mom says he won’t bring one. She says we have to buy one.”
“Or make one,” Bill corrected. “What else did you ask Santa for?”
“A puppy, but Mom says we won’t get that either, because Carole is allergic. She has asthma. I asked for games too, and a Nerf gun.”
“I’ll bet you get those for sure.” Jamie nodded, and thanked him for the cast and for signing it, and then Bill turned his eyes to the child’s mother. He could feel her watching them and there was something so sad in her eyes that it burned right through him. “I hope Christmas will be okay for all of you. I know the first year won’t be easy.”
“It’s got to be better than last year,” she smiled, with her mouth, if not her eyes, and he wanted to push back a lock of hair that had fallen across
her eyes, but he didn’t think he should. She did it herself a minute later, unaware that he had seen it. “Thank you for being so good to Jamie. I appreciate it.”
“That’s what I do. Brute that I am,” he grinned at her, and she looked embarrassed. “I got over it,” he said to put her at ease again, “though I’ll admit it smarted for a bit. Girls play dirty,” he said and laughed as he walked them to the door of the ER.
“Not all girls,” she said softly. “Take care, Bill. Merry Christmas.” She waved as she and Jamie left. Carole had gone home to the others while Jamie was in surgery. And Bill stood watching them as they got in the car, and then walked back through the emergency room with his hands in his pockets and his head down.
Chapter 13
When Jamie got home from the hospital, he told everyone he’d seen Bill, and told Peter he’d said hi to him, and then he showed them his cast and where Bill had signed it. He had everyone sign it then, including Carole and his mother. Liz watched him, feeling as though she’d been trapped in a whirlpool all afternoon, with her own emotions whirling all around her. It had been hard seeing Bill, but it was nice too. It was so tantalizing, she had wanted to just reach out and touch him. Or worse yet, tell him she loved him. But she knew that that would have been crazy. He was as far out of her life now as Jack was.
She went to the cemetery to leave flowers for her husband the next day. And she stood there for a long time, thinking of the years they had shared, and the good times they’d had. It all seemed so wasted now, so lost, all because of one terrible moment. It still seemed so unfair. She stood at his grave for a long time, and cried for what they had lost and what he was missing. He would never see his children grow up, or his grandchildren, he wouldn’t grow old with her. Everything had stopped, and now they had to go on without him. It was all so very hard.
But the worst agony of all was Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Although she had expected it to be difficult, she had been in no way prepared for how hard it would hit her. It was like a wrecking ball to the chest that hit her in all ways. She missed the joys they had shared, the Christmases when the children were small, the laughter, the promise, the traditions. And then, as she reeled from the blow of her memories, she remembered the horror of their last Christmas morning, watching him lie dying on their office floor with no way to stop the nightmare that befell them. She walked around in a fog all day, crying all the time, and unable to stop, and the children were no better. It was one of the worst days in her life since he had died. And her mother was worried about her when she called. And even more so when she told her she was closing the office.
The House on Hope Street Page 19
