“I will never trust a word you say,” Qurrah said, glaring through his blurred vision.
Velixar shook his head as he stood.
“Such a shame,” he said. “Suffer however you wish. This world is almost ended. I have no time for your doubt and self-pity.”
He turned and walked through the fire, and he was not burned. Qurrah got to one knee, took a deep breath, and stood. His heart pounded in his ears. He wasn’t sure which way was south. He closed his eyes, and in his heart he begged Tessanna to help him. When he looked again, the fire had parted before him. He hurried through, still clutching his chest. He ran past trees when he saw them, and stumbled off of them when he didn’t. His mind was desperate. He had to get to her. He had to hurry.
When he found her she still held their child in her arms. She was crying.
“You left me,” she cried when he returned. “How could you leave me?”
He stumbled to her side, buried his face in her neck, and held on for dear life.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, feeling consciousness fading fast. “Please, Tess, I’m so sorry.”
And then he saw nothing, heard nothing, but in his dreams, he still felt the pain. It seemed no matter what, he would never escape it.
He dreamt of their child, never even given a name.
Qurrah awoke covered with a cold sweat. His chest felt like ants crawled just underneath his flesh, biting and digging. It was still dark, the stars hidden by branches.
“It hurts to move,” he heard Tessanna say to him. He shifted closer to her on the dirt, resting his head against her chest.
“We’ll be all right,” he told her.
“She needs to be buried,” Tessanna said.
At this Qurrah turned over and looked at his lover. The dead child was still in her arms, completely wrapped in the torn cloak. It was a tiny, pitiful package.
“I’ll do it,” Qurrah said. He got on one knee, then clutched the dirt as a wave of dizziness assaulted him. He fought it away. So what if he’d lost a lot of blood. He’d lost more before, and he had no time for weakness. He stood, took a few steps away from the tree, and saw a patch of soft earth.
“I have nothing to dig with,” he said, glancing back to his lover.
“Your hands,” she said.
He fell to his knees and started digging. Rocks tore at his soft skin, and his fingernails cracked as they dug into the cold ground. He ignored the pain. At one point a jagged edge of a stone cut into his finger, and as his blood dripped into the grave he found it oddly fitting. At last he stood, curled his arms against his chest, and nodded to the dead child.
“Give her to me,” he said.
She offered the bundled cloak, and he took it, sickness growing in his stomach as he felt how little it weighed. Tears ran down his face, along the scars he had cut, determined reminders at how he had sworn to cry no more for his brother, to weep no more for his guilt and his loss. They seemed pathetic now, a ridiculous gesture. He might as well have stabbed himself in the heart.
Into the ground went the bundle. He returned the dirt to its hole, and all the while his gut groaned with anger and hurt.
“A fire,” Tessanna said when he finished. “Build a fire atop her grave.”
He had not the heart to argue or question her desire. He gathered a few branches and piled them together. A simple spell, and sparks flew from his fingers, setting the wood aflame. A shallow grave with a fire for a tombstone. Again, fitting.
“We have to name her,” he said as he watched the fire burn. Tessanna sat up, dragging her lower body as if she were paralyzed. She scooted back so she could lean against the tree, and as her head pressed against the bark she let her eyes linger on the fire.
“Teralyn,” Tessanna said, closing her eyes. “My mother's name. Let her die as Teralyn.”
“She can’t die,” Qurrah said, an ugly frown on his face. “She never lived.”
“She lived inside me!” Tessanna shouted, startling him. “Don’t you dare say that!”
He felt foolish and vile. “I’m sorry,” he said. He knelt beside the fire and spread his arms as if he were an offering. The heat washed over him. Silence followed for several long minutes. Any time the fire flickered or weakened Qurrah tossed another branch onto it and showered it with sparks. He had every intention on having it burn throughout the night. He felt he could live forever without sleep. His dreams, he didn’t remember them, but he remembered the horror chasing him when he awoke.
“What do we do now?” Tessanna asked, breaking the oppressive silence.
“Velixar lied to us,” Qurrah said.
“Do we turn against him?” she asked. She bit down on one of her nails and chewed. “He’s powerful. Not as much as he used to be, but neither are you. And if he dies, you die.”
“I can release my grip on the portal,” Qurrah said. “It will crush him if he tries to keep it open.”
“Then we won’t be able to escape,” she said. “We’ll be stuck here, forever, with mommy watching me and your brother hating you. Everyone will want us dead, Qurrah, everyone!”
She started sobbing.
“Then what do we do?” Qurrah asked. “Continue on with Velixar? Keep serving Karak? He has given us nothing and taken everything. I cannot live this life anymore. I would rather die.”
“Live for me,” Tessanna said. “Just for me. Can’t I be enough?”
He sat down beside her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and leaned against the tree.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t know if anything will ever be enough.”
“For once, trust me,” she said, burying her head in his chest to wipe away her tears. He kissed the top of her head and wondered if he could.
Velixar arrived while the two still slept. He watched them, clinging desperately to each other even in their dreams. Nearby he saw a dying fire, and he sensed the death that lingered about it.
“Never before have I asked for a miracle,” Velixar prayed. “But Celestia’s power is dwindling. Perhaps there is time.”
He scattered the embers with his hand, then dug into the dirt. He glanced at the two lovers, making sure they still slept. He did not want to wake them. If there was anything that could damage them further, it was false hope. Faster and faster he dug, casting aside the earth until he found the bundled cloak. Closing his eyes, he slipped his hand within its folds until he felt cold flesh.
“Give her life,” Velixar prayed. “Whatever life you can give.”
He felt the power flow out of him, into the dead child he touched. The voice of Karak rang in his ears, strong and clear.
I do not mean him to suffer, Velixar heard. But this world is broken and dying, and there is naught I can do to stop it. But I will. One day, my faithful servant, we will end all their suffering.
The power ceased. He felt the child move. Eyes still closed, his magic wandered, and letting out a sigh he felt his spirit drop. The child moved, yes, but it was undead, just like any other corpse he had drawn from its grave. He let go of the child and stood.
“They could never love you,” he said to the squirming bundle. “Such a shame.”
He waved his hand, bathing it in fire. As the grave was consumed, he heard a noise from behind, like a soft cry of a bird. He glanced back to see Tessanna watching him, her mouth open, her eyes locked wide. There was no trace of sanity in them.
“Get out of here,” she said. “I will kill you if I see you again. You’re sick, and you’ve poisoned us all.”
“I only meant to help,” Velixar said.
“Fuck your intent,” she said. “Leave. Now.”
Qurrah stirred, and as he did, Velixar shook his head and left. The half-orc opened his eyes, saw the fire, then the chaos in his lover’s eyes.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“He was here,” she said. “Now he’s gone. And I’m glad.”
Qurrah pulled his arms free of her and stood. Pangs of hunger rumbled through him, bu
t the thought of food nearly made him vomit. He staggered over to a nearby tree and leaned his arms against it, and with slow, labored breaths stared at the ground until his nausea passed.
“We’ll go to Veldaren,” he said. “We’ll go and demand our freedom, just as we were promised.”
“And if we’re not given it?” Tessanna asked.
“They’ll free me or they’ll kill me,” Qurrah said. “I won’t suffer any other option.”
Tessanna frowned but nodded.
“Help me to the creek,” she said. “I stink of sweat and blood.”
He more carried her than helped her walk. She winced when he put her into the water, but it felt good. It felt cleansing.
“Qurrah?” she asked as she submersed all but her head. “Is death really preferable over a life here with me?”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, but he did not meet her eyes when he said it. She saw this and started crying. She dipped her head under the water to hide her tears.
It was another day before she was strong enough to travel. The time passed as if both were within dreams. The demons were gone. The armies were gone. There were only the sounds of the forest and the animals within. Deep in his heart, Qurrah longed for the days when it was just him and Tess alone in a small cabin in the heart of the king’s forest.
“What happened to those days?” he asked aloud as he dabbed his hand into the stream.
“What days?” Tessanna asked.
He only shook his head.
They traveled southeast, knowing when they exited the forest Veldaren would not be far. Slowly Qurrah realized where they were, and a strange thought came to him.
“The Eschaton tower,” he said as they walked hand in hand. “It should be near.”
“It is,” Tessanna said, her voice a complete drone. She had fallen into her apathetic self, and to Qurrah’s nagging worry, she seemed unable to come out of it. “We’re also near where we first made love. Aullienna died in this forest, and now Teralyn. So much has happened here. Do you remember the assassins we killed, the ones after Aurelia?”
“You were frightening and beautiful,” Qurrah said.
“I often am.”
They altered their path, and for the next few hours walked in silence. They were nearing the tower, a place that had once been their home. They had been back only once since Aullienna’s death, right before Velixar’s army had assaulted Veldaren and torn its walls asunder. It seemed a lifetime had passed, but as they stepped out of the forest the tower loomed before them, same as it had always been.
“Why are we here?” Qurrah asked as he stopped and looked at the tower, nostalgia tugging at his heart.
“Because we miss it,” she said. “Because we were happy here.”
“Happy,” Qurrah said, and he chuckled as if the mere notion were insane. “I’ve almost forgotten the feeling.”
“You knew it,” Tessanna said, grabbing her lover’s hand and holding it against her abdomen. “When you felt Teralyn move inside me. Is it so easy to forget?”
He kissed her cheek, again feeling vile and worthless.
“You’re right,” he said. “But not easy. Just far too hard.”
The doors were unlocked, and he opened them with dread lurking in the back of his head.
No good will come of this, he thought. Nothing.
He walked inside anyway, Tessanna holding his hand. Dust covered the couches and floors, the air thick and dry. Any other time thieves might have ransacked the place, but what thieves remained in the world? Demons poured into the conquered city mere miles away, all life sworn to them or extinguished.
They climbed the stairs. The dream-feeling grew stronger. They both knew where they were going. They both knew why they were there. Qurrah’s dread grew. Could he face what he looked for? Could he admit to the wound he had pretended healed years ago? At the top of the stairs there was a door, and behind the door, his brother’s old room. He pushed it open.
Aurelia had once cast illusions all over the place, carpeting the floor with grass and turning the walls to sky. The illusions had faded, so that the room appeared barren. The ground was a dull stone. The walls were gray. He walked past the bed to the small attached room. He felt Tessanna’s grip on his hand turn to iron. Aullienna’s room. The crib was gone. The whole room, empty. Qurrah stepped inside and fell to his knees. He remembered when he had first seen her. He had been angry at his brother for giving her an elvish name. So angry, he had refused to even touch the swaddled infant. He could hardly understand that anger now. The orcish blood flowing through him felt like a curse, one that haunted his life and tormented him with death and anguish.
“How did you ever forgive me?” he asked as Tessanna wrapped her arms around his neck. “I never understood, and I never let myself feel it. I always blamed him, I always…”
“Hush,” Tessanna said, kissing his neck. “Just hush. I forgave you because I had to if I still wanted to love you.”
“Could he ever forgive me?” Qurrah asked, staring at his hands as if they were coated with blood.
Tessanna leaned back. She wasn’t sure what she believed, what she wanted to believe, and what she simply feared. She had many answers, but she chose the one that scared her least.
“No,” she said. “He could never forgive you.”
The answer seemed to crush Qurrah’s body, but he nodded in agreement.
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t deserve it. But he deserves better. For all his faults, he stayed true to me. I was wrong, Tess. He never abandoned me. I abandoned him. And I will make it right.”
Qurrah stood, and he clutched her hand.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I must find my brother,” he said. “Before it is too late.”
“You’re scaring me,” Tessanna said, at last a bit of emotion creeping into her voice.
“Because I am scared,” he said. “You don’t have to come with me.”
“Where will we find him?” she asked. “How will you find him?”
“Their army gives chase,” Qurrah said. “They will lay siege to Veldaren in a desperate attempt to close the portal. My brother will be with them.”
She kissed his lips and then held onto him for dear life.
“I won’t leave you,” she said. “Long as you never make me, I’ll never leave you.”
Qurrah kissed her back but stayed silent. That silence was an arrow into her, but like all her pain, she hid it behind her masks, her apathy.
They slept at the top of the tower that night, huddled, broken, and so very close to dead.
21
The leaders of both angel and human armies met within the giant tent, mere days from Veldaren. They had encountered little resistance, spotting only the occasional scout tracking their progress.
“Time is on their side,” Azariah said as he paced the area. “More and more of Thulos’ soldiers pour into our world with every passing moment.”
“How do we close it?” Antonil asked, sitting between Sergan and Tarlak. “Is it something we can destroy? Is it even physical?”
“Two ways,” Azariah said. “If I can make it to the portal, I believe I can close it with a spell. The only other way is to kill those that are using their strength to keep it open.”
“Velixar,” Harruq said. “He is certainly one.”
“Your brother, too,” Tarlak said.
“Killing just one of them should be enough,” Azariah said. “If it is just the two, the strain must be enormous. The other will break if he tries holding it open on his own.”
“What about the castle?” Judarius said. “We have both ground and air to assault. If we can split their forces, the advantage will be ours.”
Antonil motioned to a drawing in the dirt that represented the castle and its walls.
“Karak’s forces destroyed both gates before we fled, and let’s not forget the third door Harruq made for us to escape through.”
“What, you
want me to pay for repairs?” Harruq asked with a grin.
“The demons will have rebuilt the defenses by now,” Ahaesarus said, his arms crossed and his right hand tapping the hilt of his sword. “The walls are no difficulty for us, but Antonil’s troops need to enter, and quickly.”
“Then fly us over,” Lathaar said, the first time he had spoken during the meeting. “Drop us behind the gates. We’ll open them and let the rest of the troops through while you distract the demons in the air.”
“The strategy is sound,” Judarius said, nodding in appreciation to the paladin. “If we drop troops at both gates, your greatest fighters and casters, then we are certain to open one of them.”
“I can make sure it opens,” Mira said, nestled against Lathaar’s side as if she were hiding. “They won’t be able to stop me.”
“That’s reassuring,” said Tarlak.
“Your magic is strong,” Ahaesarus said to her. “They will try to kill you first. Are you prepared for such pressure?”
The girl said nothing, only smiled and nodded.
“So be it,” Ahaesarus. “Antonil, you will lead your troops outside the walls and wait for an opening. I will lead my angels in an aerial assault on the castle. Judarius, you will be in charge of dropping soldiers within the gates.”
“I’ll arrange the groups,” Tarlak said. “Just get us through, and we’ll bust you some holes to march on in.”
“Ashhur be with all of you,” Ahaesarus said, disbanding the meeting. “Stay sharp. The battle will be upon us soon.”
“So what are the groups?” Harruq asked once they were outside the tent.
“Well, I figured the paladins would work well together,” Tarlak said. “And I think Mira’s rather attached to one of them, so she goes with.”
“You’re too kind,” Lathaar said.
“I personally appreciate having a goddess on our side,” Jerico said.
“That leaves us Eschaton for the other,” Tarlak said. “Me and Aurry should handle the demons no problem, and I think even you can handle a simple task like opening a gate.”
“That’s pushing it a little,” Aurelia said. Tarlak laughed at Harruq’s frown.
The Half-Orcs: Books 1-5 Page 123
