“Chad took it hard, but he tried to hide it,” Brayden added.
A few minutes later, Chris walked out the door. “Don’t leave him alone tonight, please,” he told the group as he disappeared down the street. Eventually, Chad emerged from the basement.
“Can someone keep an eye on Anthony for a little bit? I need to go for a walk. Need to clear my head.”
“Do you want company?” Marissa asked.
“I don’t know what I want. I want to be alone, but I don’t want to be alone. I just don’t want to have to talk about it right now,” Chad told her.
“You two go,” Brayden told Chad and Marissa.
“Anthony will be fine,” Melanie added.
Chad walked toward the cemetery. Marissa followed. The walk was silent. After climbing the fence to the park, she reached for his hand. He pulled away.
“I’m sorry if I’m being a complete asshole right now. I really want to be alone, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I just don’t trust myself to not do something stupid,” he told her, not bothering to even look at her.
She backed off a couple of steps and continued to follow. They walked passed the empty field, back to a dark corner of the park with a small, sandstone cave.
Chad began to search through bushes inside the cave. He handed Marissa a small metal box and a bottle of tequila that were hidden there.
“Get rid of them please,” he said, still not looking at her.
Marissa opened the bottle and dumped it out. When she opened the box, she didn’t know how to get rid of its contents. Inside the box were several small bags of a white powder that Marissa assumed was cocaine. Another bag contained a large amount of marijuana, and yet another bag was filled with various pills. It was nothing she could just dump in the park, so she stuffed the box in her bag, intending to flush it when they returned to the house.
Suddenly, Chad started punching, kicking, and shouting at the cave wall.
“Chad, what is wrong?” she asked, but he didn’t hear her.
“You were my brother! I trusted you!” He shouted between punches.
Marissa didn’t know what to do. She knew he had to be stopped before he seriously hurt himself, but he was throwing punches so wildly, she was afraid to get in the way.
Suddenly, a dark figure rushed passed Marissa and put his arms around Chad, holding him down. Chad continued fighting and after a couple of kicks to the person holding him back, he broke free and continued to pummel the wall.
“Chad!” Marissa shouted again, but it was useless.
The mysterious person stood up and wrestled Chad to the ground. Once Chad saw that it was his own twin brother holding him down, he began to calm down.
“All you are going to do is hurt yourself,” Chris told his brother. He looked at Marissa. “I know what you did with the box, but what did you do with the bottle?”
Marissa held up the empty liquor bottle. “I dumped it,” she told them.
“Would you let me up?” Chad yelled at his brother, in between gasping for air.
“Are you going to lose it again?” Chris asked.
Chad took a few deep breaths. “I’m okay,” he finally said.
Chris loosened his grip on his brother to allow him to sit up, but he didn’t completely let him up.
Chad’s hands were a bloody mess from his fight with the stone wall. Marissa pulled a bottle of water from her bag and handed it to Chris, who opened and dumped it on Chad’s hands. He also pulled off his shirt, ripped it in half, and wrapped each hand. When he was done, he allowed Chad to stand.
“You are going to need to clean that better when you get home,” Chris told them. “I’m sorry, but I had to tell you.”
“I know,” Chad muttered, looking at the ground.
“And you are going to need to tell her, before you do something else stupid and end up losing her.” Chris looked at Marissa. “I’m really not as much of an ass as I have been lately.”
“He is the good twin usually. I’ve always been the evil one,” Chad forced a laugh. He tried to reach a wrapped hand into his jeans pocket. “Shit. I don’t suppose one of you has a cigarette? Mine are apparently at the house.”
Marissa handed him one and lit one herself. “Is someone going to explain what the hell is going on?”
Chad lit the cigarette and leaned against the cave wall. “Apparently, Tamara was cheating on me the whole time we were together. With Dravyn. I can’t believe my own brother would do that to me.”
Marissa didn’t know what to say. She smoked her cigarette and kept her mouth shut.
“Did you open that box?” Chad asked her. Marissa nodded. “Just so you know, none of that is mine. I haven’t touched anything in over a year. I want to, but I know I can’t. Do me a favor, will you? Can you see if there are any white pills that say Watson 388 on them?”
Marissa looked skeptical. “It’s a pain killer,” Chris told her. “It might be a good idea. Don’t open it here though,” he added. “Keep him away from everything else in that box.”
Marissa nodded. She walked out of the cave and out of sight from the boys before taking the box out of her bag. After going through every pill in the bag, she found six of the pills that Chad had described. After putting everything else away, she returned to the cave.
“Is there anything else hidden here that we should get rid of?” Chris asked Chad.
Chad shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I haven’t been back here since I was arrested. I assumed Eric still had stuff stashed here, but I wasn’t sure.”
Marissa handed Chris the pills along with another bottle of water. He handed one to Chad and put the rest in his pocket
“How did you know to come here?” Chad asked his brother after swallowing the pill.
“It was the last place I wanted you to end up at, so naturally, it was the first place I checked. I knew you and Dravyn always stashed stuff here, and I know Eric still does. I just hoped you weren’t going to ever come back for it. Why did you?” Chris asked. “And why did you bring her?”
“I didn’t think I would lose it like that,” Chad explained. “At first, I wanted to get high and forget everything. Then on the walk down here, she reached for my hand, and I realized I didn’t need it. I wanted to search this place and get rid of everything, but I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do it by myself. If I would have opened that box, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop myself,” he admitted. “Then I got here and this place reminded me so much of Dravyn that I just snapped.”
“I’ll walk you guys home and come back here to clean out anything else,” Chris told them. He pulled Marissa aside. He handed her the five pills from his pocket. “Chad has never had a problem with pain pills, but I don’t want to take chances. Give him one in the morning and one at night. No more than that, no matter how much he begs. Don’t let him know where they are. And flush everything in that box as soon as you get to the house. Can you handle that?” he asked.
Marissa nodded. They returned to Chad and began the walk back to the house.
“Go take care of that,” Chris told her when they entered the yard. “Stay with me, brother,” he told Chad as Marissa disappeared into the house. “Okay, I don’t know her, but you apparently have a good thing going there. Don’t mess it up. Brayden has been trying to tell me how good she is for you, and I’m now agreeing with him. I’m sorry for getting you kicked out. I’m sorry for the other day in the park. I’m really sorry for what I had to tell you tonight, but you needed to know.”
Marissa walked back into the yard. She handed the open box to Chris so Chad could see that it was empty.
“Thank you for caring about him so much. I don’t even want to think about what could have happened if you weren’t there. I’m going back to make sure there isn’t more hidden.” Chris walked off into the cemetery.
“I’m sorry,” Chad began. “Can we talk about this tomorrow?”
“As long as you go clean your hands right now. I’m exhausted
and going to bed,” she told him, even though she wouldn’t sleep. Her mind was racing.
“I will. Is everything gone?” he asked. Marissa nodded. “Thank you. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
“Goodnight,” she told him as she walked into the house and down the hall, shutting herself in her room.
Marissa didn’t know what to do. Her first instinct was to call Melissa and ask for advice, but Melissa would probably tell her to end things at this point.
Part of Marissa considered ending the relationship. He had seriously scared her that night.
Another part, a larger part, told her to hang on tight. It was going to be a bumpy ride, but they would get through it. Chad needed her, and she found herself needing him. She couldn’t imagine her life without him.
~eighteen~
Marissa didn’t sleep well that night. When she woke up, she didn’t want to get out of bed. She was still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when she heard a knock on her door.
“Come in,” she said, not sure if she was ready to face her boyfriend.
Brayden entered her room and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“If you are considering breaking up with him, I can’t say I blame you,” he told her, as if reading her thoughts. “He is actually expecting it. Just please, wait until the end of the day before you make up your mind. He wants to talk to you.”
“Lynn’s off work today,” she pointed out. “I can’t exactly disappear with him to talk without her noticing.”
“Yes, you can. She thinks the three of us are heading in to the water park in Minnesota, and that Melanie is keeping Anthony. In reality, I’ll be at Mel’s, but that gives you and Chad all day to yourselves. You just have to stay out of town until this evening,” Brayden explained.
“When did you all work this out?” she asked.
“Chad was a wreck last night. Neither of us got any sleep. He is convinced you think he is just some junkie and don’t want to be with him.”
“I honestly don’t know if I want to or not,” she admitted. Saying the words out loud scared her, but they were true.
“That’s okay,” Brayden said. “Just give him today.”
Marissa agreed to the plan. When Brayden left her room, she even put her bikini on under her jean shorts and tank top and grabbed her beach towel to make the story believable.
When she left her room, she noticed the boys were also dressed in swimming trunks. Melanie was there, packing Anthony and his bag into his stroller so Chad, Marissa, and Brayden could leave in the Firebird.
No one said a word as they drove to Chad’s old house to drop off Brayden. They pulled into the driveway just as Melanie had arrived with the stroller.
The car stayed silent as Chad and Marissa drove away. She lit a cigarette and rolled down the window.
Marissa looked over at her boyfriend as he drove. His knuckles of both hands were scabbed over and bruised. His pinkie on his right hand didn’t completely wrap around the steering wheel, leading Marissa to believe it was broken. His jaw still had a faint yellow bruise from the previous weekend. His eyes, looking more haunted now than when they first met, were swollen and red. He looked exhausted from not sleeping and worn out from crying all night.
Chad drove for forty-five minutes before turned off the highway. He remained silent until he pulled the car into a park. Once the car was off, he turned to her.
Before he could say anything, Marissa held out her hand, “Chris told me to give you one of these this morning,” she told him, revealing the pill in her hand.
Chad shook his head. “I don’t want it.”
“You have got to be hurting,” she argued, looking at his hands. “Is that finger broke?”
“It might be. Or it might just be dislocated. And yes, it hurts like hell, but I’m not going to take anything for it.” He reached out toward her. “I’m not turning to drugs anymore, and it’s not going to be easy. You saw how bad I was last night, just because I knew what was there. I know I scared you, and I’m sorry. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I know it’s no excuse, but finding out my own brother was with my girlfriend was probably the most painful thing I ever had to deal with.”
“If he was with her, does that mean…”
“That Anthony might not even be mine,” Chad finished for her. “That’s the part that kills me. The fact that I will never really know.”
“Would it really matter?” she asked.
Chad was confused. “How could it not matter?”
“If for some reason, you found out that he wasn’t yours, would that really change how you feel about him? I’ve seen how you are with him. That little boy is your world. Yes, I’m sure he has made things difficult, but would you give that up?”
Chad was quiet for a moment. He lit a cigarette and stared out the window. “I guess you’re right,” he told her. “He has been mine since the day he was born, and nothing could change that. It doesn’t change the fact that my own brother completely betrayed me. Tamara never actually told Eric that he was mine when she called to tell us about Anthony, we had all just assumed he was. No one knew that Dravyn was with her too.”
Marissa reached out for him, but she was afraid to hurt him by touching his hands. She rested her hand on his knee. “He did that when he introduced you to the world of drugs,” she pointed out. “No one would want their little brother to become an addict.”
“You don’t want to feel, when all you feel is pain,” Chad told her. “I was able to escape the pain. As soon as Dravyn and Eric left home, everyone knew I was the new family screw up. Chris was always perfect. Melanie was the youngest and the only girl. The only thing I was ever any good at was wrestling. I was always getting into trouble, even for things that I didn’t do. My older brothers saw that and knew how I felt, because they were treated the same way. They gave me the escape that I needed.”
“Is Eric into all that as bad as Dravyn was?”
Chad nodded, sadly. “Not quite as bad, I guess. He doesn’t keep anything but beer in his house, but I’m sure there was probably some of his shit in that box that you took care of. I don’t even know what was in there. I just knew I had to get rid of it, because if I would have opened it, I probably would have done whatever there was, not caring about any of the consequences, just looking to escape how I was feeling.”
“Is that why you wanted me to come instead of Brayden?”
“You have never judged me for my past. But, honestly, it probably would have been better if it were him instead. He would have been able to jump in and stop me before Chris showed up.”
“I could have jumped in, but I didn’t,” Marissa pointed out. “I should have. Instead, I just stood there and did nothing.
“I’m glad you didn’t. I would never be able to forgive myself if I would have hurt you. If Brayden would have been with me last night, you never would have seen me that bad, but we would still be having this conversation. Honestly, I don’t know. It might be better that you saw that.” He reached out for her hand. “Better for you. It will make it easier for you to leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you.” Marissa didn’t know for sure until the words were already out of her mouth, and immediately, she realized they were true.
“You should,” Chad told her.
“So you can spiral back down that path?”
“So I don’t pull you down with me. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to get through all of this. I don’t know what will happen if the opportunity arises. I don’t want to go back to that, but I’m just really not a good person.”
“I think you are,” Marissa told him. “Sure you have caught a few bad breaks and made some really stupid decisions, but you also chose to change that.”
“I didn’t choose. I got caught,” he pointed out.
“And did you go straight back to it when you were released?”
“No,” Chad told her. “I was afraid of going back to jail. And then when Anthony came
along, it was because he needed me.”
“So use that fear and love for Anthony when you find yourself losing it. If you get caught again, what happens to him? You are almost 18, so we’re not talking juvenile, you would go to jail. What would happen to Anthony then?”
“What if I want to stay clean to keep you?” he asked,
“Don’t do that,” Marissa commanded. “Don’t make me your reason. What if something happens and we break up? I don’t want you turning back.”
“I don’t want us to break up.”
Marissa smiled. “I don’t either, but what if the distance is too much for us to handle? What if you find someone closer to your age that doesn’t live so far away?”
“We will figure something out,” he assured her. “And I won’t find someone else. I’m going to go crazy not being able to see you every day. When are you going to the campground?”
“One week from today,” she whispered. “And I don’t want to go.”
“They are only doing what they think is best for you. I can understand Lynn not wanting you to get too close to me. But I’m glad you are.” He leaned in and kissed her.
When they separated, Chad got out of the car. He walked around to the passenger side and opened her door.
“Go for a walk with me,” he said, holding out his hand.
She took his hand, carefully avoiding the possibly broken finger, and stood up.
“Because that worked so well last night,” she reminded him.
“This will be better. I promise.”
Chad pulled a bag out from the trunk of the car and slung it over his shoulder as they followed a path into the woods. Chad eventually led her off the path, deeper into the woods. He took her to an opening in the trees with a single picnic table in the middle. Putting down the bag on the table, Chad began unpacking the picnic lunch he had brought.
“You knew I would forgive you, didn’t you?”
Chad shook his head. “I had no idea what was going on in your head. On one hand, I know it would be better for you if you didn’t, but for selfish reasons, I’m glad you did,” he told her. “I can buy you anything you ever wanted, but somehow I have a feeling it’s the little things that are going to impress you.”
Summer Love (First Love Book 1) Page 6
