by Jude Ouvrard
“Kyle Layne, stop that right now. I understand how it makes you feel… because it makes me feel this way, too.”
Kyle
As promised to Tiffany, I’d invited Mom over for breakfast at our place before we’d known we’d be up half the night awaiting news on Ty and Bekka. Tiffany was more anxious than I’d ever seen her, but we got everything ready on time after leaving the gang at the burger joint. My mom was never one who liked big to-dos; she liked things simple, which I had to remind Tiff about a couple of times.
She had asked about my dad, but I had no idea where he was, and I had no intention of finding out. He’d left us, not the other way around. Tiff didn’t press for more information, but I knew I would need to talk to her more about him. Eventually.
“If I could change one thing about this breakfast, I wish we’d slept more than four hours. I feel like only half of my head is present.”
“Same here. You want some coffee? It might help?” Tiffany loved her morning first cup of the day. For her, it was always a moment of pure joy. For me, I could think of something else which brought me joy.
“I wanted to wait for your mother.”
“Tiff, do you really think it’s going to make a difference to her if you have a cup of coffee?” I knew she wanted everything to be perfect, but this was overkill.
Chortling, she shook her head. “No, I guess not.”
I got her a cup and filled it with coffee, then added milk and sugar. “Here, beautiful, take it.”
She enjoyed her cup of Joe while we waited for Mom to arrive. I hadn’t seen Mom a lot lately, but we had talked on the phone every few days.
When the doorbell rang, Tiffany jumped out of her seat and hurried to the door before I could get up. Tiff welcomed her inside like her mom had welcomed me into their house.
“Hi, Mrs. Layne.”
“You must be Tiffany. Please, call me Ava.”
“I am. It’s so nice to meet you.” She hugged Mom, and Mom hugged her back.
Well, that went well. A lot better than I’d expected. Tiff handled everything while I just stood there.
“Good morning, Mom.”
“It smells so good in here.” She kissed my cheeks.
“We have a lot of food, I hope you’re hungry.” A lot didn’t do it justice. We had enough to also feed Levi, Tyler, Miles, and their girls.
“I am, darling.”
I couldn’t remember seeing Tiffany so giddy and happy. She made Mom laugh a couple of times with her clumsiness; she almost dropped her coffee and then tripped while pulling out Mom’s chair for her.
“Kyle, my baby boy, it’s so great to see you smile again. You look so healthy.”
My eyes darted to Tiff. “I am. For the first time in a very long journey.”
“God bless you,” Mom said as she looked at me with love and then, Tiff. She knew Tiff was the reason for my drastic change of heart. “You make my boy a happy man. I’m so thankful for that.”
For a moment, I debated whether now was the time to tell her about Cassidy’s pregnancy or not, then decided it would ruin the light and joyful moment. And maybe, deep down, I felt she didn’t need to know. She had suffered through Cassidy’s death enough. The realistic part of me knew it would still need to be shared. Someday.
“Who’s hungry? I’m famished.” I pulled out my chair, more than ready to sit and eat thanks to the small hangover I had. It was nothing major, but enough that I wasn’t feeling myself.
Down the middle of the table was laid out quite the spread: crêpes, eggs, bacon, fresh fruits, and even an assortment of pastries from the bakery. We had way more food than necessary, but I didn’t care, I wanted everybody to eat as they pleased. I dug in and ate like a pig, again. It had to be nervous eating.
While Tiff and Mom talked about girl stuff, I gulped down half my weight in food. I lost count of how many crêpes I ate. They were my favorite, with fresh berries and syrup. So delicious.
We were nearing the end of the meal when my phone started ringing, and then, Tiff’s. Although we tried to be polite and ignore them, we couldn’t hide how much we wanted to answer.
“That could be Ty and Bekka,” Tiff said to me, then explained to my mom, “Friends of ours are expecting their first baby any day now.”
“When is the due date?” Mom asked.
“In two days, but she wasn’t feeling so good last night,” Tiff replied.
This time when my phone started ringing again, I checked it. “It’s Ty.” My heart skipped a beat as I answered, “Hey, Tyler, is everything okay? Bekka?”
“We’re at Virginia Mason Medical Center now. Her water broke and the contractions got painful fast.” He sounded on edge, nervous, and I could hear Bekka in the background moaning in pain.
“Do you want us to meet you there?” I offered as I looked at my mom and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I just wanted to let you guys now that the baby is coming, most likely today. We’ll call you when it’s over.” His voice became hoarse.
Poor guy, he had to be lost. He was so protective of Bekka, and always in control of everything in his world. It was clear Tyler didn’t like not knowing what to do to ease her pain.
“Alright, keep us posted. We can’t wait to meet the baby.” My heart was beating so fast; I was excited for them, this was a big moment in their life.
“Do you want me to go?” Mom asked.
Absolutely not. I needed a moment with my mom more than ever now. Even if she didn’t know about the entirety of my story, her presence made me feel better.
“No, no, it’s fine. You can stay with us. He’s going to call when the baby is here.” My stomach was in knots, and I took a long slow breath to feel better. I was so close to telling Mom, but now wasn’t the moment, I knew.
“I hope we can do this more often, now that we’ve met,” Tiffany said, continuing to be a generous host. Lucky for me, Tiff seemed to really like my mom.
“I would love to. Next time, we can do this at my place. I could show you pictures of Kyle when he was a little boy.”
Tiff nodded with excitement. “I’m sorry if I seem a little bit overwhelmed. I was bloody nervous this morning. Kyle has told me great things about you.”
In that moment, I sort of spaced out. “I’ll be right back.” Hurrying to my room, I closed the door behind me in the en-suite, and then vomited everything I had just eaten.
What the fuck, Kyle?
My chest was locked in a cage and I couldn’t breathe properly. I wet my face with cold water, then drank some before sitting on the side of the bathtub.
“It’ll be okay. They’re going to have a healthy, cute baby,” I said, and as the minutes ticked by I breathed more peacefully. “We’ll have one, too. There’s nothing in the world that I want more. That, and to make Tiffany proud,” I whispered to the empty room.
Small knocks on the door drew my attention. “Are you okay, love? You’ve been gone for a while now.”
“Come on in.”
“You don’t look well. Were you sick?” Tiff asked. “You worried about the baby?”
“I don’t know what’s going on with me, Tiff. It’s like I panic at the mention of the word ‘baby’. I want them happy, and I want the baby to live. I want to hold her or him, but this is bringing back the feelings I had when Cassi lost…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud right then. “I’m a fuck up, Tiff. I’m so fucked up.”
“You aren’t.” She wrapped her arms around me.
The door creaked, and when I turned, there was my mother. Her eyes welled with sadness as her hand covered her mouth in shock. “I had a grandbaby, Kyle?”
“Oh, my god. Mom, you shouldn’t have found out like this. I’m so sorry.”
“When?” she whispered.
“When Cassi was shot, she was ten weeks pregnant.”
Mom burst into tears, sobbing like I had never seen her do before.
“I’m sorry I never told you. I didn’t wa
nt anyone to know at the time. We’d just officially found out the morning she died. She was shot as we left a baby store. Nobody knew but us, and I never found the right time to tell anyone… until recently. I’ve told Tiff, so that she knew what she was getting herself into with me, and yesterday I shared with Levi. This morning wasn’t the right time for you to learn about this, Mom.”
“How have you survived such a hell without talking, Kyle? I don’t understand how you did it.”
“I never did, not really. I was just existing, not living, until Tiffany came into my life. Trust me, Mom, I haven’t made it easy for her to love me. I still don’t understand why she’s here with me.”
“He was difficult, yes, but I wasn’t much better,” Tiff admitted as she sidled up to me and laid a loving hand on my forearm.
“However it happened,” Mom sniffled, “you two are together now.” She dried her eyes. “And all those nights I had dreams about a baby... I can’t even think straight right now. I’m hurting for you, my boy. For years, I wondered why you had never followed through to get your real estate license, but it makes sense now. You were dealing with so much by yourself. Tattooing gives you a way to express the things you couldn’t say.” She continued to weep.
“Don’t, Mom. One of us hurting over my baby and my life is enough.”
“Kyle, don’t ever keep anything like this from me again. That’s too much burden for one person to hold.” She covered her face with her shaky fingers. “So devastating,” she whispered to herself.
“I agree with you, Ava,” Tiffany said, then put her attention on me. “I’m here for you, too, Kyle.”
This moment meant so much to me, as much as if she’d said, “I do.”
Two of the only three women I had ever loved were showing me their support. While I couldn’t be more thankful, I was the man here. I was supposed to protect them, be strong and supportive in their lives. Maybe I’d been that strong person for too long. My body and mind needed to rest and go with the flow of life for a while, rather than always fighting the current.
“Thank you, both of you. This is just a difficult period in my life. I appreciate you both caring about me. Everything will be alright.”
“Of course, I care. You’re my son for God’s sake.”
“While we’re clearing the air, Mom, you should know Tiff’s past hasn’t been much easier than mine. But we connected because of our pasts, and the different aspects of our lives. I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for her. She means the world to me.”
“I can tell she does.” She squeezed my shoulder. “Now, come on, let’s get back to that delicious breakfast. Too much sadness for today. I won’t forget, but I just can’t think about it all now. I need to process everything on my own.”
I hated to see her hurting. “Mom, please...”
She ignored me and went back to the dining table. Sitting at her given place, she waited for us to join her. “Have some orange juice, you need your vitamins.”
“Okay.” I wanted to please her, so wouldn’t argue. I wasn’t sure if I’d keep any food down, but neither could I control the snickering escaping my mouth. She was always watching out for me. Even after what I’d told her, she was still fussed with my daily vitamin intake.
We spent the next couple of hours catching up with Mom, and everything went well. Tiffany talked about her past and the loss of her baby as well. It was a little deep for a first breakfast together, but with my mom finding out my secret, it seemed pointless to hold back any more surprises.
“Thank you for having me over. It was really nice meeting you, Tiffany. You are gorgeous.”
“I hope to see you again soon, Ava.”
“You will, my dear.” They hugged again, and then Mom left.
Kyle
We watched the door close behind her and the moment of silence which fell over us made me uncomfortable.
“Are we okay? I mean, that was way intense.”
“Stop, love. We’re more than okay. Yes, it was intense, but I don’t care. We’re used to dealing with ‘intense’. It doesn’t make a difference to me.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Kyle. Thank you for arranging breakfast with your mom. I loved meeting her. She loves you, and she’s a good mom.”
“When my dad left, she never backed down, she became a superwoman. I just want her happy now.”
“She will be, even more when we become parents, and she becomes a grandma,” Tiff said and then laughed, filling the room with the magical sound.
“Soon, I hope.”
Tiff pushed me against the door and kissed me. Our breakfast had taken a shitty turn, but my girl still wanted me. Even so, I couldn’t help feeling bad I’d almost ruined Mom’s day. Losing Cassidy had been hard on her, too.
“Kyle, you’re thinking too hard. You can do better than that.”
She was right. I could do better. Gripping her hair at the base of her neck and holding her to me, I responded to her with everything I had. The kiss transformed into touches and caresses, the air between us becoming hot. What better way to make this day improve? My body burned while it craved hers.
The shrill ring of the phone interrupted us, and we both pulled apart. Nervous, Tiff bit the inside of her lips, her hands posed like she was praying, while I answered.
“Tyler,” I said, and put him on speaker phone.
“It’s a girl, Kyle. I have a baby girl,” Tyler wept down the phone. “She’s perfect and healthy, and she looks a lot like me.”
“Can we come over?”
“Yeah, man. Bring Tiff, I can’t wait for you two to meet her. I’ll text you the room number.”
“Us, too, man. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”
Tiffany cleared the table while I went to our room to get the present we’d gotten for the baby. A smile crept onto my face remembering shopping with Tiff for the pajamas, blankets, tiny socks, and super soft multicolor bear.
“A girl! Tyler with a girl. I bet he’s going to be a super protector who warns away every little boy in the neighborhood,” I said coming back with the gift bag.
“If he’s anywhere near what he was like with me, then it’s going to be fun to watch.” She rolled her eyes.
“How come I never saw you before? I mean, when you came here the first time.” They were so close, but Tyler never mentioned her much before.
“I was living next door to Tyler, and the host family I was staying with didn’t allow much time out. So, we hung out, just the two of us, most of the time. I didn’t have many friends here then, but Tyler made my life as an exchange student easier. He was like a brother to me.”
“So, he kept you for himself.”
“Something like that. Okay, let’s get going,” she said in a drastic change of subject, and then grabbed my car keys and rushed out of the apartment in a heartbeat.
Tiff was waiting for me in the hall when I joined her. No sooner had I locked the door than she started walking so fast she was near the point of running.
“Calm down, Tiff. They aren’t going anywhere, we’ll be there soon. We are on our way.”
“Sorry, just so many emotions today, Kyle. I can’t wait to see her. I would run if it were faster.”
“We’ll get there together, okay? Calmly.” More importantly, safely. Last time Tiff had run alone, it hadn’t ended well. I didn’t even want to think about it.
To be fair, although I tried to play it cool, I was just as excited as she was. This was a big moment for one of my best friends, and I wanted to be there for him. The first baby had joined our circle of friends—unbelievable how life was changing for all of us. From single to dating, then married, and now babies.
Tiff remained quiet while looking out the window as I drove us to the hospital. Her smiling reflection in the window made me happy. Knowing she was handling this well made me stronger. I pulled into a spot in the guest parking lot at Virginia Mason, and by the time I’d turned off the engine, Tiffany was already ou
t of the car, waiting for me with the present in her hands.
“Come on, Kyle. Hurry up!”
“How much coffee did you have this morning?” I teased. That she started counting on her fingers was terrifying.
“Four, but I didn’t finish the fourth one.”
“Well, thank God for that.” Grabbing her hand and intertwining my fingers with hers, we walked toward the entrance of the hospital.
In the elevator, I wasn’t sure if it were my fingers trembling or Tiff’s, but it was clear how we felt about this new baby. Standing before the door, we both took a deep breath. With a kiss to her temple, she knocked twice before nudging the door open.
Tyler sat on a couch with a tiny baby while Bekka was resting. It almost felt like we were intruding on their private moment.
“Hey, come on in, guys,” he whispered.
Tiff went and settled next to Tyler, her eyes attached to the little girl. “She’s so pretty,” she murmured.
Stepping closer to Tiffany’s side, I got my first look at the small human being. “Tyler, she’s the spitting image of you, but in an improved version,” I joked, trying to hide the sentiment rising in me.
“I know, it’s true,” Tyler agreed.
“She’s perfect. Look at her tiny fingers, she’s so beautiful.” Her fingers were so small, smaller than my toes even.
“Did you guys ever agree on a name?” Tiffany asked.
“As soon as we saw her. Meet Melody Jane Wright.”
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“Can I hold her?” Tiff asked with a shaky voice. My hunch was the emotions she’d been trying to keep inside all day were about to come out.
Once Tiff got positioned comfortably next to him, he placed Melody in her arms, and a sob escaped her lips. “She’s so small and beautiful.”
“She is. My precious little girl. It’s crazy how much I love her already,” Tyler boasted.
