“I’m staying away from meats for a little while.” I shrugged and then bit into my roll, hoping she’d just chalk it up to me trying out some new low-protein diet or something.
“I hope you’re not dieting, Jen. You look so much healthier than you did when I first got back to Salem,” Beth said, her eyes watching me too closely.
“You look perfect, Jen,” Hunter said in agreement. “You definitely don’t need to lose weight.” I snorted when I thought what they would think of my weight in a few months when I looked like a beached whale. Everyone at the table stared at me. Snorting was definitely not the correct response to their comments. I stuck my fork into my salad.
“Y’all let her alone. She knows herself more than anyone else here, and she knows what she’s doing.” Pastor Wright winked at me, and I smiled back in thanks. I popped a sliced of radish in my mouth and nearly moaned. Were radishes always so tasty?
“So, Jen, what are you thinking as far as changes in the house? A bed-and-breakfast will be a welcome edition in Salem, I’m sure of it.” Matt waited for me to answer.
“The wood floors need refinished. I’d also like to make the small sitting room that’s near the dining room into a small bakery shop with a swinging door between it and the living room. All three bathrooms need to be completely redone, and all five of the bedrooms will need fresh paint, beds, linens, and such. I also have some changes I want made in my room.” I glanced over at Beth.
“I hoped you and Mrs. Wright would help me find all the right stuff to decorate the rooms. I’m thinking each room needs a special, handmade quilt, and then we can decorate the rooms to match.” Beth grinned, and Mrs. Wright seemed surprised and pleased that I’d ask her to help me with the decorating. Truth was, I didn’t like to shop, but I did love my home, and I believed the little, special touches would make a big difference.
“I’d be glad to help,” Beth answered.
“Good. I already applied for a business license, insurance, and all that other boring stuff, so we have a green light to begin whenever. You guys are standing on the property of the brand-new Countryside Inn and Bakery,” I said with a huge smile. Everyone just stared at me, seeming shell shocked.
“What?” I asked after a sip of tea.
“I didn’t realize you’d done so much while we were gone,” Beth said breathlessly. “Wow, you don’t waste any time when you make up your mind,” she said with a laugh.
“Congratulations, Jen,” Matt said, smiling ear to ear. Everyone else congratulated me and peppered me with questions and suggestions. The day was perfect, and I was actually sad to see everyone prepare to leave later that afternoon. When everyone started heading to their vehicles and after Beth had promised to come over for a visit the next day, I noticed Hunter hanging back. I waved to everyone as they pulled away, leaving Hunter and me alone on the front porch.
“Hunter Wright, I should wring your neck for pulling this,” I said with a sigh. I glanced over at Hunter, who in didn’t look sorry. Not one little bit.
“Come on over here and sit with me, sweetheart,” he said as he took my hand and led me over to the porch swing. I sat next to him reluctantly. I was bone tired. Every afternoon, I got super tired… and now I knew why. Growing a baby took a lot of work.
“I’m not sure this is such a great idea, Hunter,” I said softly. I glanced up into his eyes and found him studying me. “I mean, I love your family and I enjoy having them over, but I don’t know that us being thrown together will be a good thing.”
“You love my family?” he asked. I blinked. Did he not hear anything else?
“Of course I do. Your family is great,” I snapped.
“Just my family?” he asked softly, watching my lips. I gulped and suppressed the need to lick my lips nervously.
“Don’t ask questions like that, Hunter,” I murmured, my eyes drawn to his lips against my will.
“Why not, sweetheart?” he asked, his lids lowered and his voice becoming husky with desire.
“It’s not fair to ask me things like that now,” I answered on a whisper. His hand raised and gently swiped a stray hair back, tucking it behind my ear. He cupped his hand behind my head, angling my face toward his.
“No one ever said love was fair, babe,” he murmured as his lips brushed mine softly. My treacherous eyes fluttered closed and my hands came up to rest on his chest as his lips pressed fully into mine, his lips coaxing a small moan from me. My head kept screaming for me to stop the foolishness. I was kissing a guy who’d left me high and dry when I’d needed him the most. My heart tried to shut out my head. I had fallen in love with Hunter a long time ago, and I felt like everything was right when I was in his arms. Eventually, though, my mind won the battle. Pushing myself out of Hunter’s arms, I stood up from the swing. I didn’t have just myself to worry about anymore. I needed to keep a clear head so I could make the correct choices for myself, but more importantly… for Mini Blob.
“No, I guess they didn’t,” I said after I had a moment to gather myself together. Hunter stood and shoved his hand in his pockets.
“Jen… please give me another chance. I’m a moron, and I screwed up. I should have been here for you when you thought you had cancer. I should have been here holding your hand.”
I turned to face him. No. Don’t.
“I freaked out after you told me you might be sick… finding out that I might lose you.” His eyes begged me to understand.
I died a little inside.
“I won’t bother you with the whys of my freak out, but I realize now that I hurt you deeply when I left. I just didn’t realize until I came back just why I was hurting so bad when I left.” He captured my hand in his as he continued. “Only one thing has the ability to make you feel like heaven has landed in your lap even though you don’t deserve it, and a split second later hurt you so bad that you’d rather rip out your heart than to feel such pain ever again.”
I began shaking my head. Please don’t.
“Only love has that ability, Jen. I love you. I have probably since that first day at the fair when Beth came into town.”
I pulled my hand out of his and wrapped my arms around my midsection. He’d said everything I’d wanted him to. The words I’d longed to hear since we’d made love so many weeks ago. The apology I’d prayed for even up to the day of the wedding. But it was all too late. What if I took a chance on him and he decided he didn’t want an instant family? What if I took a chance on him and he decided to bail on me once again after I had the baby? Whatever issues Hunter had, I would have been more than willing to deal with if it had only affected me. But it didn’t just affect me now… it would affect the baby. I’d lost a parent when I was a little girl, and I’d lost a parent when I was an adult. Both were devastating, and I never wanted Mini Blob to have to deal with that. I would rather do it all on my own than to put anyone through the same thing. Stepping back, I met Hunter’s pleading gaze.
“I’m sorry, Hunter,” I whispered. “I don’t think I can take that chance.” His eyes widened and then shuttered. I was screaming on the inside.
“Can you tell me why?” he clipped out.
I lowered my head and stared at the floor. “I have reasons I don’t want to talk about just now,” I answered. I glanced up after he didn’t say anything for a few moments. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his hands were balled into fists.
“I guess I deserve that,” he said finally. He sounded defeated. My arm lifted to cup his face before I stopped myself and let it fall to my side. He walked over to the steps of my porch and went down them. It took everything I had to stay standing still and not run after him. He turned his head to the side, but he didn’t look at me.
“I hope you have a beautiful life, Jen. You deserve happiness and love.” And with that, he loped across the yard and got into his truck. I still stood on the porch long after his taillights faded down the street. When I had the strength, I walked into the house to take a much-needed nap.
By th
e grace of God, I didn’t fall apart.
At least, not on the outside.
Beth came over as promised the next day, full of energy and excitement over the renovation plans and opening my business. I felt like such an old lady in comparison. I’d read on the internet the night before that my energy would start to return after the first trimester. I prayed that it would. I had so much to accomplish before I opened the inn for business.
“So what are you thinking as far as the quilts?” Beth asked as she browsed through one of the fifty copies of Southern Living and Southern Décor that she’d rounded up and brought over for us to get ideas from.
“I was thinking of doing one whole room in blue and cream like that set of plates hanging in the hallway,” I said as I flipped through my own magazine. “And maybe a spring green and cream in another room.” I glanced up. “I have no idea for the other three rooms though. Maybe one in a country rose color?” Beth nodded and wrote those on her list.
“You could do one to match a multicolored rag quilt. Kind of eclectic, but country and homey at the same time.” I smiled broadly. I liked that.
“I have just the thing for inspiration too,” I said as I stood. “I’ll be right back.” I darted up the stairs. Opening the linen closet, I rifled around until I found what I was looking for. I petted the handmade lap blanket and sank my face into it for a second, remembering all the love my momma had put into it when I was little. It still looked good… loved, but in good condition. Maybe it could find a place in a room, hanging over a chest or a chair. I smiled, making my way down the stairs and back to the kitchen.
“Do you remember this?” I said loudly as I came through the dining room. I stopped abruptly in the doorway to the kitchen, my heart stuttering in my chest. Beth stood at the table with my purse perched on top of it and opened. My prenatal vitamins, the pamphlets the doctor had given me, and my ultrasound picture were out on the table. Beth’s eyes were wide as she stared down at everything.
“Your cell phone was vibrating,” she murmured distractedly. I walked the rest of the way into the room and sat down heavily in my chair. Beth’s gaze met mine. I smiled crookedly.
“Surprise?” I said half-heartedly.
“Jen? What? When? How? Who?” Beth rambled before collapsing into her own chair.
“Pregnant? Yes. Eight weeks ago. The old-fashioned way. As for who… I think you can figure it out.” Gathering up the pamphlets and pills, I shoved them back into my bag. I picked up the picture of Mini Blob and sat it on the table in front of me. Beth still hadn’t said anything, but I watched as a myriad of emotions crossed her face. I knew the moment she figured out that her new brother-in-law was my baby’s daddy.
“Hunter!” She slammed her hand on the top of the table, fuming. I flinched. She jumped from her seat and began pacing across the kitchen. “Does he know?” she asked. I shook my head.
“And I don’t want him to know either,” I said vehemently. Beth groaned and continued her trek across the linoleum.
“When are you due?” she asked after a few minutes.
“Next March,” I answered immediately. Beth stopped her pacing and glanced over at the picture on the table.
“I’m going to be an aunt,” she murmured beneath her breath. I smiled at that. She grinned back and then came over to sit down next to me. “How long have you known?” she asked softly.
“Since the day after the wedding, when I went to the doctor.” I shook my head ruefully. “I hadn’t even realized I’d missed my period.” Beth picked up the ultrasound picture and ran a finger over it.
“You’re going to be a mommy,” she said, her eyes going misty. My own eyes widened as I tried unsuccessfully not to cry. “And that means I’m going to be an aunt,” she said once again. I hiccupped a laugh through my tears.
“What if I mess this up? What if I’m a horrible mom and I ruin Mini Blob’s life?” I wailed.
Beth laughed through her tears and sniffed. “You will be an amazing mom,” she said so sincerely that I started crying the ugly kind of tears. She came around the table and wrapped her arms around me. “You will do the mom thing better than any mom in the history of Mom-dom.” I snorted and then sniffled. “I’ll help you and we’ll figure this all out together, Jen.”
I nodded and took the paper towel she handed me. After I’d wiped my eyes and blown my nose, I tucked my picture back into my purse.
“And please tell me you didn’t refer to my niece as Mini Blob.”
“Hunter asked me to give him another chance yesterday,” I said softly. Beth’s eyes grew round. “He said he loved me and had made a mistake.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Beth asked gently. I smiled sadly and wondered if everyone knew how I really felt about Hunter.
“It was… but now that I have Mini Blob to think about,” I began, “I just don’t know if I can take the chance that he’d leave once he found out about the baby, or worse, leave after the baby got here. You know… if things got tough.”
“You know he’s going to find out sooner or later, right? About the baby, I mean?”
I nodded. It wasn’t like I’d be able to hide it for long. “I know, but I just can’t tell him right now. I want to wait for the right moment.”
“There may never be a perfect moment to tell him he’s gonna be a daddy. But, you better just be sure you tell him before he finds out on his own.”
I nodded and picked up the ultrasound picture. Tucking everything back inside of my purse, I sighed. “What will Pastor and Mrs. Wright think of me?” I whispered. “What will everyone at church say when I start showing?”
It was the first time I voiced my shallow concerns out loud. I hated the thought of people talking about me, maybe even thinking poorly of Hunter. I could weather the dirty looks and the wagging tongues, but I wouldn’t stand for anybody bad mouthin’ the Wrights or the baby. I put a hand on my stomach protectively. Beth put a hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t you worry about that, Jenifer Collins. The Wrights are good people and if anyone has anything to say about you or the baby, they can come and talk to me,” she said fiercely.
I smiled through my tears. I had no idea what I’d ever do without my best friend. Reaching out, I put my arms around her neck. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“What are best friends for?” she answered. “What are favorite aunts for?” she added in for good measure.
I laughed and hugged her even tighter.
“Don’t you worry one little bit, Jen. You don’t have to do this alone. You have me, and I’ll always be here for you.”
For a moment, I truly believed everything was going to turn out okay.
The house renovations had been underway for a week before I thought I was going to lose my ever-lovin’ mind. Everywhere I turned, there was a Wright in my house. Even Beth was technically a Wright. All three bathrooms were finished quickly, and the men were already working on refinishing the hardwood floors and hanging a swinging door between the sitting room and the formal dining room that was soon to be my little bakery. I didn’t realize how tightly strung I’d become with Hunter and his family in the house every day until I finally snapped.
“Jen, all the upstairs and downstairs room have been painted. All we’re waiting on is what color you’d like us to paint your room and what changes you want made to that small, adjoining room.”
“I was thinking a pale yellow paint. Something really subtle,” I answered over my shoulder as I chopped lemons and mint for the lemonade. Mrs. Wright and Beth were sitting at the table shuckin’ corn for the evening meal.
“And I’d like to have the entire wall between my room and the adjoining room knocked down to enlarge my room,” I answered, my eyes on my task. I tried to avoid talking to Hunter as much as possible, and I’d even tried not to look at him if I could help it without seeming rude.
“That seems like a big change,” he said in a bit of a surprised voice. I glanced quickly over at Beth, who was trying very
hard not to listen to our conversation.
“I need more space in my room,” I answered softly. I glanced up quickly into Hunter’s questioning gaze. He shrugged.
“You could use it when your business opens. If not as a small, extra guest room, then maybe for storing some of your momma’s things you won’t want anyone to use when the inn is open for business,” he suggested in a perfectly reasonable voice. My reasonability must have fled days earlier. I swung around to face him.
“I don’t need it as an extra room or as storage, Hunter Wright,” I shouted. “I need my room to be larger. Is that such a horrible thing?” I asked, seething, my knife, still in my hand, dripping lemon juice as I pointed it at him. The entire room went silent, and I suddenly realized exactly how much I’d overreacted. I turned and found Beth’s eyes wide, her mouth hanging open. Even Mrs. Wright seemed shocked.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to holler, y’all,” I muttered as I threw the knife on the counter, wiped my hands on my apron, and pushed through the back screen door. A soon as I hit the fresh air, I began running. I ran out past the garden and clothesline until I reached the old oak tree in my backyard. Rounding it, I hid behind it as tears began streaming down my face. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have him in the house and not go insane. Wiping my eyes on the hem of my apron, I then wrapped my arms around my waist. I was barely two months along, and I was already feeling like everything was going to be too much for me to bear. What if I couldn’t do it?
“Jen?” Hunter’s voice was close. I whimpered and drew further into myself. My tears had at least stopped.
Perfect Contradiction Page 3
