“You shouldn’t have,” I murmured with a sniffle.
“Of course I should have,” Mrs. Wright said gently, her eyes saying everything she couldn’t. Anything for her grandbaby.
“Thank you so much, everyone,” I said through my tears.
Beth wiped away her own tears and then shook her head. “How about some of that eggnog?” she broke in. “Just make sure it’s the non-alcoholic for the preggo lady.” Everyone laughed, and I was glad to have a moment to get my emotions under control.
The rest of the evening went by quickly and before I knew it, I was headed back home to spend Christmas Eve all by myself.
It was after ten when I finally made it home and changed into my nightgown.
It was approximately fifteen after ten when I realized the gift I’d wrapped up for Hunter wasn’t in my bag where I’d placed it.
It was about seventeen after ten when I realized the gift must’ve fallen out of my bag in the Wrights’ living room while unwrapping gifts… and that I’d left it behind.
It was exactly eighteen after ten when I realized that Hunter Wright was about to find out he was my baby’s daddy. And it was at exactly that same moment I muttered a few choice words that I’ll never ever admit to actually saying so long as I live.
It was Christmas morning, and someone was knocking on the front door. Scratch that, they were most definitely banging. I debated pretending I wasn’t home for a moment, but I quickly discarded that idea. My car was out front, and it was Christmas morning after all. I glanced over at the back door in the kitchen. Make a run for it? I looked down at my fuzzy, white house slippers and protruding tummy. Nope. I took a deep breath and headed for the front of the house, where the banging had gotten louder and more frantic.
“Jennifer Collins, come open this door.”
I cringed. Hunter sounded angry. I got to the door and pulled the sheer curtain away from the glass window. Hunter’s eyes met mine. They were as wild as his hair, which looked like he’d ran his hands through it no less than a hundred times that morning. He was wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt in twenty degree weather. I unlocked the door and pulled it open.
“Come in and get out of the cold, Hunter,” I said. I stepped back to let him enter and shut the door behind him.
“I need to talk to you,” he said gruffly.
“So I gathered,” I answered with a sigh as I headed back into the kitchen. I poured a large cup of coffee, adding two spoons of sugar and a splash of milk before handing it over to him.
“You should’ve been wearing a jacket,” I admonished. “You’re gonna get sick running around in the snow in short sleeves.”
“I don’t care about that,” Hunter said angrily. I sat down at the table and waited for Hunter to do the same. A growl accompanied by mutterings I chose not to understand accompanied him as he sat roughly into a chair across from mine.
“You got my gift?” I asked. Hunter’s eyes met mine; he was still processing, still kind of in denial and shock. I glanced down at my hot tea. “I didn’t mean to leave it there. I’d planned to give it to you myself when we got a moment alone to talk.” Hunter ran a hand roughly through his hair, his arm muscles flexing from the force.
“You’re sure?” Hunter asked.
Jackass. I narrowed my eyes. “That I’m pregnant?” I asked, a hand on my enlarged belly. “Pretty freaking sure,” I snapped.
Hunter’s gaze softened.
“And if you meant if I’m sure it’s yours, I’ll kick your behind right back out in the snow without a second thought, Hunter Wright,” I promised with a glare. Another angry swipe through his hair. Looked painful.
“I’m sorry, Jen. I didn’t mean that. I have no clue what I meant; it’s just a lot to take in. I’m trying’ to understand,” he said quickly. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
My heart clenched painfully. Before he had a girlfriend and a great job traveling around, he meant, I thought.
“I had a lot of reasons. Some were good reasons, I thought,” I said. “Others maybe not so much, but I did what I thought I had to do at the time.”
Hunter stared at my stomach for a while. “How long have you known?” he asked softly.
Putting a hand on my stomach, I rubbed it back and forth. I stood slowly, and Hunter jumped out of his seat as if he suddenly realized I might need help. I rolled my eyes.
“Come on. Let me show you something,” I said as I left the kitchen. Hunter followed me up the stairs and into my room without saying a word. Walking over to the baby’s bassinet, I laid a hand on the soft blanket Mrs. Wright had knitted that hung over the side. I turned around toward Hunter. He was looking around my room, his eyes taking everything in. We’d argued over this room the last day he’d been helping with the renovations. Well, I’d argued—Hunter had just taken the brunt of my anger and confusion.
“The room expansions… they were for the baby,” Hunter murmured. He walked over and ran a hand along the tall chest of drawers, which had tons of baby products laid out on the top and was filled with newborn necessities. He moved across the room to stand next to me and stare down at the bassinet, newly painted with a fresh mattress inside, a beautiful old quilt, and Mrs. Wright’s gifts inside. His eyes met mine, and I couldn’t read them. There was too much going on in his mind, too much to sort through. I sat down on the edge of my bed and waited for Hunter.
“I knew the day after Beth and Matt’s wedding,” I whispered.
Hunter’s eyes widened as he remembered back. “When Beth had me come check on you and you’d been crying….”
I nodded, looking down at my lap. Hunter was starting to piece everything together on his own.
“The way you were acting when I was here during renovations.” He clenched his jaw, hurt, and then anger flashed. He stood there, thinking back, probably doing what I’d done countless times—replaying all those times we’d spoken, all the times we’d been together since the wedding.
“And St. Louis?” he asked softly after a few moments.
I sighed and leaned back into my pillows. My back was killing me.
“I’d gone to get a few things for the inn, like I said,” I answered. “And then I was planning on seeing you… to tell you about the baby. I’d bought the gift you found last night that day and was going to give it to you, but then…”
Hunter sighed deeply and shifted on his feet. “But then you saw me with Tabatha,” he filled in.
Tabatha. So, that was her name. I tightened my lips and turned my face away from his searching gaze. I nodded. And then Hunter… chuckled. I whipped my head back around, not sure if I should be angry or worried.
“Hunter Wright. You stop laughing right this instant,” I commanded.
“We weren’t together then,” he said.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Tabatha and me. We weren’t together. She had been hinting around that she wanted to date, but we weren’t at that time.” He shook his head and picked up the baby’s knit blanket.
I replayed everything I’d seen that day in St. Louis. Had I overreacted? Been so blind by my own hurt and disappointment that I’d read more into the situation than was truly there? I swallowed down the thick knot that had formed in my throat.
“That doesn’t matter now. You guys were dating when I saw you on grand opening day of the inn,” I said softly.
Hunter nodded. “We were then, yes,” he answered.
“So it doesn’t really matter at this point, does it?” I asked thickly.
Hunter smiled and sat the baby’s blanket back in the bassinet. “I said were,” he whispered.
“Were?” I asked. “What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what you think it does. We were dating. Past tense. As in, not presently.”
His eyes watched mine, waiting for me to say something. I had no idea what he expected me to say. I had no idea what I should say, so I didn’t say anything. My mind was having a hard time keeping up with everything I wa
s feeling.
“And you and this Jackson?” Hunter asked after a moment. His gaze was intense.
I licked my lips. I needed a drink… of water. Yeah, a drink of water. “Jackson?” I asked with a raised brow. “Jackson is just a friend like I said. Just a good man who stayed at the inn as a guest.”
“He wanted more,” Hunter said.
“He did,” I confirmed, watching Hunter from my spot on the edge of the bed.
He walked over to me. “But you didn’t?” Hunter asked softly. I fidgeted, smoothing out the fabric of my T-shirt over my baby bump.
“No, I didn’t,” I answered finally.
Hunter knelt down in front of me, just inches away from me. “Why didn’t you?” he asked seriously. A muscle ticked in his cheek. “He seemed like the type of man who would’ve taken care of you… of the baby.” His eyes flashed dangerously and I suddenly felt surrounded by him, caught up in the turbulence of his intensity and of my own emotions.
“He was that type of man. A good, honest man who wouldn’t have blinked twice about taking care of another man’s baby as his own,” I answered softly. Hunter turned his face away from me, but not before I saw the anger there.
“So, why didn’t you let him?” he asked harshly. “Love you. Take care of the baby.”
I reached out a shaking hand and caressed the side of Hunter’s face, moving it until his eyes met mine. “Because he wasn’t you,” I whispered. “And I didn’t love him, couldn’t love him, because I’m still in love with you.” I leaned forward and let my forehead rest gently on his.
“I’m sorry, Hunter,” I said. “I should have told you before now.”
Hunter shook his head gently and brought a hand up to cup behind my head. “Jennifer Collins, I’ve loved you for a long time now,” he murmured against my cheek. His lips skimmed across mine and then he kissed me gently, showing me without words how much he missed me, how much he loved me.
My heart was pounding in my chest. This. This felt so right. Hunter pulled away. He was smiling. His eyes widened, and he sat back on his haunches. Holding a hand out slowly toward my stomach, his eyes asked for permission. I nodded. He rested his hand lightly on my belly and then added his other hand a second later. He still looked flabbergasted, kind of like his entire world had been rocked off its axis. Welcome to my world, I thought with a tiny smile.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Hunter asked, his voice thick with emotion.
“It is a little surprise,” I answered. “The baby wouldn’t let us catch a glimpse to find out what we are having,” I added.
Hunter raised a brow and glanced back down at his hands resting on my huge stomach.
“Of course, Beth is convinced it’s a girl.”
Hunter chuckled softly.
“She’s already bought a truckload of pink clothes and has been referring to the baby as Little Elizabeth.”
“Sounds like Beth,” Hunter muttered.
I grinned. Sure did.
Suddenly, the baby kicked gently against Hunter’s hand. His eyes widened into saucers and a smile spread across his face. “Did you feel that?” he asked in awe.
I nodded, not having the heart to voice the duh that immediately sprung to mind. Hunter rubbed his hand back and forth until the baby kicked again. He laughed and bent forward to place a small kiss on my stomach. I blinked away the tears that formed in my eyes. Such a gentle touch, a kiss for his unborn child, such reverence. I’d been wrong to keep the pregnancy from him.
“Let’s get married,” Hunter blurted.
Maybe I hadn’t been wrong after all.
“Jen, calm down,” Hunter said, which, of course, only infuriated me all the more.
Calm down. As if.
“Hunter Wright, you’re lucky I didn’t clunk you over the head with something hard. Of all the idiotic, boneheaded ideas,” I yelled. I slammed a pan down on the stove, adding a pad of butter and a little oil.
“What are you doing?” Hunter asked as he paced back and forth in the kitchen behind me.
“What does it look like I’m doin’?” I asked sharply. “I’m making breakfast. I’m hungry. And I’m angry. And when I’m angry, I cook, okay?” I asked, miffed.
“Okay,” Hunter said, his hands raised in surrender.
“You’d know that if you really knew me at all,” I shot out.
“I do know you,” Hunter countered. “I know that I love you. I know you love me, and I know you’re havin’ my baby.”
I groaned and cracked several eggs into the sizzling pan. “That’s not enough,” I answered, popping bread into the toaster.
“Of course it is and once were married, you’ll see how right I was,” he offered up.
Oh, wrong thing to say buddy, I thought. I swung around with my spatula in my hand and pointed it at him.
“You think for one second that’s enough and that I’m actually gonna marry your sorry behind just because you love me and I love you and we’re havin’ a baby, then you’ve got cotton between your ears, Hunter Wright!” I shouted. Hunter looked more confused than ever, and I had to turn around and flip the eggs before I threw my spatula at him. I’d never been angrier at him than I was right then. Hurt? Yes. Angry? Not even close.
“Sweetheart, once you calm down, you’ll see that what I’m sayin’ is right,” Hunter said with a nod of his head. “Once your pregnancy hormones stop making you crazy and you get some food in you, you’ll realize what I’m telling you is what has to happen.”
“Hunter, I swear on all that is holy, if you don’t stop your yammerin’ right this instant and sit down, you’re gonna regret ever getting’ out of bed this morning,” I promised through clenched teeth.
Hunter wisely decided to do as I suggested. I let my thoughts and emotions swim around my head as I continued making breakfast. I knew Hunter would try something like this, and yet it still took me by surprise. Surprise that any man in his right mind would propose like he had. Hunter was about to get a dose of reality. Even if I wanted to marry him, even if I loved him with all my heart, even if he felt the same way about me, marriage wasn’t the answer to all our problems. And I refused to use marriage like a big ‘ole Band-Aid to cover up the ugly problems and the old wounds that still festered.
A few minutes later, I sat a plate of eggs, corned beef hash, and toast, along with a glass of orange juice, in front of Hunter. I sat down across from him with my own plate and glass. Hunter clenched his jaw in frustration when he realized I wasn’t going to talk just then. I couldn’t. Not yet. I had to let myself cool down a bit, and I was starvin’. Hunter shook his head and began eating too.
Once we were both done, I got up to clean off the table and do the dishes. Hunter stood with a sound of frustration and took the plates from my hands. I cleaned off the table as he did the dishes in silence. I grabbed two saucers, served some fresh apple cobbler onto them, and headed into the living room. Hunter followed, his eyes telling me he was clearly not pleased with being put off. We both ate in the living room where the Christmas tree sat. It was Christmas morning after all.
“I’m not going to marry you, Hunter,” I said calmly a few minutes later.
But—” Hunter began.
I cut him off. “Almost everything you said is right,” I said. “I do love you, and I believe you love me too. And we are having a baby together.” I took his hand and placed it on my stomach.
“Then what’s the problem?” he asked in confusion.
“First of all, did you even wonder why I decided not to tell you about the baby straight out?” I asked. Hunter frowned. “It wasn’t because I thought you wouldn’t be a good daddy or that you wouldn’t want anything to do with our baby,” I assured him.
“Then why?” he asked.
“Because you hurt me, Hunter,” I said truthfully. “You hurt me more deeply than you know. When you left without saying a word right when I was at my lowest and most terrifying point in life, I was shattered. I felt abandoned and alone.”
Hunter flinched away from my words.
“I don’t even know why you did it,” I confessed. “But then I found out I was pregnant, and suddenly you were in my life again at the exact moment everything had been turned upside down. And the only thing I could think was that I never wanted the baby to feel alone. To feel unwanted if things got tough. I didn’t want to be left to face life’s most difficult moments alone when I counted on you. I wasn’t sure if whatever caused you to bolt could happen again after the baby came, and I didn’t want to take the chance that it would devastate our baby like it had me.” I swallowed and looked up into Hunter’s eyes. He looked pained, sick even, but he needed to hear all the truth. He needed to understand everything.
“We don’t know everything about each other, Hunter. And I’m not sayin’ we have to, but we do need to get to know each other a bit more before we even talk about something as important as marriage,” I suggested softly.
Hunter was very quiet, letting everything I said soak in. After a few minutes, he sat back and met my gaze. “Alison Carter,” he said softly.
I scrunched up my forehead. Alison Carter sound familiar somehow, but I wasn’t sure why or why Hunter was mentioning her right then. Hunter ran a hand over his face, clearly worn out.
“Her brother, Logan, and I were friends. Alison was a year younger than us and a girl, but that didn’t keep her from hanging out with us any chance she got. She hated everything girls were into, and so she didn’t fit in. She enjoyed boy stuff way too much,” he said with a sad smile. “Our families got together often to cook out, go swimming, you know, the usual stuff. Soon, I realized I’d fallen in love with Alison. My first real, honest-to-God crush.”
I swallowed slowly and relaxed beneath Hunter’s hand as he rubbed it back and forth gently in soothing circles. “How old were you?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. I guess about sixteen. Still a boy, but growing into a man,” he answered sheepishly.
“What happened?” I asked softly.
“One summer, we were all hanging out at the river. Most of our family was there barbequing. We were all having a good time, laughing and listening to music. Several of us kids were out in the water. I was watching Alison’s brother showin’ off on the bank, getting’ ready to jump in, when I turned to Alison, who had been swimming close to me.” Hunter swallowed. “I don’t even remember what it was I was going to say… but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t there. I called out her name, looked all around, and then I began to panic. I screamed for her, hollered for help. I dove under the water looking for her until I could barely breathe myself. I couldn’t find her anywhere. None of us could. My dad and Daniel had to drag me out of the water.”
Perfect Contradiction Page 11
