He picked me up from the edge of the bed and threw me up toward the pillows. I’d forgotten how strong he was. He leaned over me and kissed me, pressing down on me. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. When he looked at me, confusion crossed his face and then I quickly rolled him over onto his back and straddled him. He grinned wickedly, and pulled me in for another kiss.
Chapter 5
After things started to get too heated, I pulled myself out of his arms and sat up.
“What?” he asked. His voice was husky and his cheeks were flushed.
“Shouldn’t we talk or something?” I straightened my clothes.
“Why would we want to talk when we can do this?” He grinned and slid his hands up, clutching my hips.
“How old are you anyway?” I took his hands, and removed them, placing them in his own lap.
He laughed. “Twenty.”
“Hmm.”
“Is that okay with you?” he asked. Like he could control his age.
“Yeah. I just think maybe I should be getting back. Sasha’s probably wondering where I am.”
“You’re just going to leave me like this?” he asked, gesturing down at himself.
I tried not to look, hoping to preserve my modesty. Well, what little modesty you could have while in the bed of a twenty-year-old Russian acrobat you barely knew. I rolled my eyes at him. “You’ll live.”
When I stood to leave, Dmitri gave me a hug. His body was firm and rigid. I remembered the lyrics to one of the rap songs playing earlier about having a body you could climb like a jungle gym. That about summed up Dmitri’s physique.
He led me out of his room. We’d been in there about an hour and the party had died down. People were now sitting, squeezed together on the couches, and all eyes followed us out of his room. I could only assume what they thought had gone on.
Dmitri walked me outside. The night air was crisp and refreshing after the steamy trailer. He ran his fingers through my hair and said goodnight.
I heard the crunch of gravel as someone approached. It was Gabriel. For some reason I felt ashamed to be seen leaving Dmitri’s trailer but waved good-bye to Dmitri and quickly caught up to Gabriel.
He glanced over at me with a knowing look on his face, like he could guess what I’d been up to. I reflexively brought my hands up to smooth down my hair. “You’re not wasting any time finding your place here, I see.” He looked straight ahead, not bothering to make eye contact with me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He’s got game – I’ll give him that.”
His words hung between us. “Are you jealous I hung out with Dmitri?”
He was quiet, like he was actually considering my question. Then he let out a soft laugh. He glanced over at me before looking ahead again.
“You disappeared after our performance… I would have––” I tried to explain.
He stopped and placed a finger over my lips. “I’m kidding. You’re free to hang out with whoever you want. It’s not my business.”
Only I kind of wished he thought it was. I could tell Gabriel wasn’t trying to be anyone else and there was something sexy about his confidence. He was all wrong for me of course – but maybe that was kind of the point. So far, I’d lived without stepping out of line once. And look where that got me – feeling like an intruder in my own skin. If my parents were going to freak out about ballet, and the circus, I might as well go for the trifecta: Gabriel. With his tattoos and smug attitude, he would be the cherry on the sundae.
I glanced over at him. His face was serious, but when he caught me looking, his expression relaxed again. “You should know though, Ivanoff’s a dick.”
I wanted to know why there was animosity between Dmitri and Gabriel, but I would have to tuck that in my pocket to inspect later. “Listen, I don’t think you can knock the company I keep when you’re wandering around alone at night.”
“No, you’re wrong there. I still get to give out advice on this one.”
“How’s that?”
“Well.” I could tell he was still thinking of an answer. “I could go for the obvious – I’m older and I’ve been here longer, so I’m wiser to the people…predators…the personalities here.”
“How old are you?” I asked, completely ignoring his speech.
He hesitated for a second, then looked at me. “Not eighteen.”
He walked me in silence the last few steps to my trailer and stopped in front of the door. “Goodnight, Ariel.” He stood beside the steps and waited until I was inside before he turned to leave.
***
The next morning, Sasha was already up and gone when I woke up. I changed and finally removed the makeup from yesterday before heading to breakfast. I wondered if Dmitri would call me over to his table, but he was with his usual crew and didn’t even acknowledge me. Part of me wanted to go to him just to bug Gabriel, but I decided against purposefully angering someone whose job was hurling knives at me. I grabbed a muffin, pretending ignorance of the calories it contained, and sat down next to Sasha and Tanner.
“Where were you last night?” Sasha eyed me.
“Just a party,” I said hoping not to have to elaborate.
“Uh-oh,” Tanner said.
“At Dmitri’s?” Sasha asked.
“Yeah. Why?”
She took a deep breath and set down her coffee mug. “He’s always after the new girls, Ari. I just don’t want you to get played.”
“Nothing happened,” I said, picking the nuts off the top of the muffin. “Besides, what makes you think I’m not playing him?”
She tipped her head away from the coffee, mid-sip. “Out with it then. What’s your grand plan?”
“How about you just assume that I have my own motivations in this game.”
She pulled her eyebrows together. “Ari, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Sasha, I can handle it.” She didn’t need to know I was fascinated with Gabriel or that I was using Dmitri to spark Gabriel’s interest.
***
It was our last night of freedom before the opening show the next day, and the showgrounds felt alive with anticipation. It felt a lot like opening night in ballet, but this time, instead of feeling trapped by a routine, I felt energized by the newness.
Most of the performers set off in small groups to explore downtown Toronto. I ducked off to the showers, planning to spend a quiet evening reading. I stopped in my tracks. Tanner, Sasha and Gabriel were leaning against the side of the trailer. It was barely dark out and I was already dressed in my pajama pants and t-shirt. The pink and white whale print practically screamed: Hi, I’m a loser.
“Hey there, frumpty-dumpty.” Tanner pulled at my baggy t-shirt.
I suddenly noticed that he and Sasha were dressed up. Gabriel was in his usual, dark jeans and black t-shirt – a size too small, accentuating the contours of his chest and shoulders. Gabriel looked amazing in black. It brought out his features more sharply; his skin glowed and his eyes stood out brighter than usual.
“What are you guys doing?”
Tanner grabbed Sasha around the waist and started dancing the cha-cha. “Going dancing. At a gay club.” He winked. “Wanna come?”
Gabriel spoke up before I had the chance to. “I’m sure she’s going out with the Russian mafia tonight.”
I didn’t explain that Dmitri had asked me out to dinner and a movie with him and his friends, but I had declined. Gabriel’s eyes raked over my body. “I’ll come,” I said.
“Not wearing that you won’t,” Tanner said. “Come on.” He pulled me away.
“Tanner! My trailer’s that way.” I pulled his hand.
“Yeah, but the costume trailer’s this way.” He pulled back.
I let him dress me in a black leather mini skirt borrowed from the costume trailer and paired it with my own white tank top and ballet flats. He wanted to do my makeup too, but I was afraid I’d end up looking overdone like I did for the show and s
o I did it myself using some powder, mascara and berry lip gloss.
Tanner saw me fidgeting and pulling at the hem of my skirt and decided to make us both a cocktail. He pulled a flask from his pocket and found some juice in the mini-fridge. “Drink this,” he said, handing it to me. Drinking seemed like no big deal with this crowd, and though I rarely drank before, I downed it. The liquor burned as I swallowed, and I knew the face I made was not attractive. He smiled at me. “Better?” I didn’t answer. “Let’s go,” he pulled me by the hand toward the door.
Outside Sasha leaned against the side of the trailer, smoking and talking to Gabriel. When Gabriel spotted me, he stopped talking mid-sentence and his eyes traveled down the length of my body and stopped at my bare legs. I pushed my knees together involuntarily and his eyes darted back up to mine. I looked away before he did, my cheeks burning from the intensity of his gaze.
We walked through the parking lot to Tanner’s Jeep. Sasha took the front seat as though it was her given right, which left Gabriel and I sitting in the darkened backseat. He looked out his window and I couldn’t help but think he tried to avoid looking at me on purpose. I thought about his little speech from the other night. I couldn’t figure Gabriel out. One minute he was acting protective of me – but I wasn’t sure if it was like an older brother would be obligated to do or if it was out of interest – and then the next, he was acting indifferent, lost in his own thoughts.
Tanner parked in front of a nondescript brick building with a bouncer blocking the doorway. The club didn’t look like much from the outside, but I could hear the beat thumping inside. The bouncer checked our IDs and I was pleased when he passed mine back to me without any fanfare. The last thing I wanted was to feel singled out as too young to be out with my new friends.
The club was dimly lit and electronica with deep bass thumped loudly. It was warm as we stepped down and entered the area with the main dance floor. Everyone there was attractive and though Tanner had chosen a new look for me I felt underdressed and out of place…though I could have felt that way just because I was one of the few girls. There were guys dancing together in groups, and a gorgeous guy without a shirt swayed his hips on top of a platform, his performance momentarily disorienting me.
“You look nervous,” Tanner shouted so I could hear him over the music.
“No, I’m fine,” I shouted back unconvincingly.
He nodded and apparently that was all the reassurance he needed. He disappeared onto the crowded dance floor.
“I’m getting a drink,” Sasha said, leaving Gabriel and me alone beside the dance floor.
The song changed and the deep beats were now accompanied by vocals of girls moaning. My cheeks flushed and I hoped Gabriel would think it was just from the heat of the all the bodies around us. His eyes watched the crowd cautiously, and he half shielded me from it, like he was ready to spring into action if needed. He leaned down near my ear so I could hear him over the music. “This must be strange for you to have no one noticing you or trying to pick you up.” I picked up a trace of cologne. It was clean with notes of soap and something spicy and masculine.
“Not really, I don’t get picked up.” I brushed off his comment. I was sure he was being sarcastic.
“I doubt that,” he said with a smirk. He quickly met my eyes and then looked away. I watched his face, wondering what he meant. “So, you’re a virgin to the gay club scene.” He shook his head while looking around the room.
“I’m a virgin in every way,” I uttered under my breath. I doubted he heard me over the music, but when I glanced up at him, he looked confused, like he was working something out in his mind.
“I thought you and Dmitri…”
“What? God no.” I grimaced.
I thought I saw the hint of a smile cross Gabriel’s lips, but before I could be sure, Tanner grabbed my hand and pulled me out on the dance floor. I could feel Gabriel watching me as I let Tanner lead me away.
Dancing with Tanner required me to forget every move I knew and just go with it. I held his hands and swayed my hips to the beat in time with his. The song changed again and I felt myself loosening up a bit more. He hopped from side to side, keeping beat with the music and twirled me around.
I felt Gabriel’s eyes on me from the side of the room so glanced in his direction. He didn’t look happy, but as usual gave no indication of what was bothering him.
As much fun as dancing with Tanner was, I felt bad leaving Gabriel standing by himself at the edge of the dance floor. After a few songs, I headed back to him. Tanner didn’t seem to mind since there was a guy ready to cut in and take my place. When a remixed Madonna song came on the two of them grabbed each other’s hands, and jumped up and down with excitement.
Gabriel looked amused when I walked up. “For being a professional dancer, your dance moves need a little work.”
Awesome. So, that’s why he’d been staring at me. I was too stiff for club dancing, but I didn’t think I was that bad. “I was trained as a classical ballerina, but thanks for pointing that out.” I tried not to overanalyze his comment about my dancing – and failed.
A guy with dark hair and a lip ring approached us. Well, not us per say, since he was openly staring at Gabriel. Gabriel slipped his arm around my waist, clutched my hip to pull me in toward him. His fingers brushed across the bare patch of skin at my waist and they felt cool despite the heat in the room. Goosebumps spread across my stomach. The guy with the lip ring gave him a head nod, but kept walking.
“What, you’re not into his facial piercings?” I winked, knowing he’d just used me as a shield.
“Ha, ha,” he said dryly. “You do know I’m straight, right?” His eyebrows pulled together. The look on his face questioned my mental stability.
I had never doubted his sexual orientation, but to annoy him, said, “Wasn’t sure. Thanks for clearing that up.” His arm dropped from my waist and he shook his head. I realized this was the most we’d ever talked, and wondered why we couldn’t seem to get along for even a few minutes at a time.
I didn’t know what else to say to Gabriel and imagined if I did speak, it would only lead to more disagreements, so we just stood there watching Tanner dance with a cute blonde with guylights.
When Gabriel grew bored he told everyone the designated driver was ready to go and Kyle, Tanner’s new guy, rode back with us. Sasha climbed in front with Gabriel while I sat wedged in the back next to Tanner and Kyle, who eagerly made out the entire ride back. I thought I caught Gabriel looking at me in the rearview mirror a few times, but I wasn’t sure. In the dark interior of the Jeep, he looked unnecessarily attractive and I watched as he strummed his thumbs on the steering wheel in time to the music.
Chapter 6
The next morning, Sasha invited me to join her while she trained, so after breakfast we headed to the gym. The floor was covered in thick pads for tumbling. We started with twenty minutes of stretching. It used to be part of my daily routine, and it felt good to do something familiar with my body.
After stretching we did some conditioning and I wasn’t able to keep up with Sasha at all. Within ten minutes I was drenched in sweat, my arms were sore and my legs trembled. I sat out the rest of the practice and watched Sasha rehearse her routine.
She pulled herself up on the swaths of silk fabric that hung from the ceiling. It didn’t look like much, just two long pieces of purple fabric suspended from above, but the different ways her body moved while she tangled herself up in the folds was beautiful. She looped her foot around the bottom a few times and pulled herself up, hand over hand, until she was about twenty feet in the air. She dropped her hands and threw her body back so she was hanging upside down with just one foot twisted in the fabric.
She pulled herself back up and flipped around until the silk wrapped around her torso several times. She let go and her body spun and rotated as she dropped through the air, until she was still, carefully suspended from her middle by the fabric loops. I watched in awe as she delicately p
ulled herself up and completed several different tricks. I couldn’t comprehend how she appeared to make her body move so effortlessly. She eventually dropped to the ground out of breath.
“Wow. That was amazing.”
“Yeah? Thanks.” She sat down next to me and took a big swig from her water bottle. I felt more useless than before after watching her work so hard.
“I wish I had my own act,” I said, not realizing I said it out loud.
“So do something about it. Show Del what you’ve got.”
“And what’s that? All I know is ballet. I performed some of Sleeping Beauty for him in my audition and he stopped me two seconds in. What I’ve got doesn’t fit with the style of a circus.” I shook out my ponytail and ran my hands through my hair to untangle it.
“So make it fit.” Sasha made it sound like it was the simplest thing in the world. “You’re a dancer first, so think beyond ballet.” She capped her water bottle and bent over in a straddle so that her stomach touched the mat in front of us. “Have you thought about maybe something with a partner?” She turned her head to the side and looked up at me.
“I don’t know.” I mimicked her straddle and felt the pull in the backs of my legs.
“I don’t know what Gabriel would do without you though. He’s definitely less sulky with you here.”
“If this is an improvement, I would hate to see what he was like before,” I said, sitting up.
“He’s really not that bad,” she said between gulps of water.
“You don’t have to stand there while he glares at you and hurls sharp knives at your head.”
“The knives are actually quite dull.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.” I glared at her before lying flat on my back to stare up at the ceiling. It wasn’t the knives that were bothering me. It was Gabriel. That I couldn’t figure him out, that being near him made my heart pound, that his cocky smirks made my stomach twist in knots. “So what’s Gabriel’s story? He didn’t respond well when I tried to make small talk and pretty much shut down the conversation.”
The Cirque Page 4
