He wept quietly again. Nym pulled him into another careful hug and patted his back, as he tried to make sense of it. Jembis’s life was lonely, and empty. Nym couldn’t imagine a life like that for himself at all. Pain made people do stupid, selfish things, and it wasn’t like Jembis meant to hurt this Karik boy. “You made a mistake, but the riot wasn’t your fault.”
“But general Arman being there was!”
“Yes, maybe. But you heard Joti—the riot might not have really been to do with that. We have riots here all the time lately. It wasn’t a good thing to have done, no. But saying you killed that man isn’t true.”
“Is,” Jembis muttered. “And I still don’t know what happened to Karik. Nym—what if Mekus is hurting him, or has him locked up in prison or something?”
“You say he’s raised Darshianese? The embassy is involved, so they clearly see him as one of us. Then they’ll be dealing with his case—maybe Joti could ask Ado—”
“You can’t tell him!” Jembis said, clutching at Nym’s arm. “He’ll hate me!”
“No, he wouldn’t. But I promised not to tell, and I won’t. I’ll think of a way to ask that doesn’t let him know what I know, all right?” He patted Jembis’s shoulder and smiled. “Everyone makes mistakes. And you know, you had reason. Not that I want you to ever do something like that again, but...I understand.”
“Karik hates me.”
“Well, he’s probably upset and frightened, and you did take him away from his family. But maybe one day you’ll meet him again and you can apologise. If you learn how to write, you can send him a note.”
This failed to cheer his companion up in the least, and then Nym remembered there was more to this story. “You said ‘two’ people,” he said slowly. “Was there someone else involved in this?”
Jembis shook his head. “No. But it’s even worse, the other story.”
“I think I can handle it,” Nym said, patting him again. “I won’t tell a soul. You trust me, don’t you?” A sharp look, and then the tiniest of nods. “Not a resounding vote of confidence, but better than a ‘no’,” he said wryly.
“How can I trust anyone? I mean, not even my own father wants me. You tried to throw me out and I hadn’t even done anything!”
“Shhh, calm down. I was wrong and stupid, much worse than anything you did, and I’m sorry. But you see, I’m not really in a position to judge you as evil, am I? I don’t have half your excuse.”
“You had your reasons,” Jembis muttered. “I understand. I’m just scared you’ll do it again when you get mad at me.”
Nym gripped the boy’s shoulders gently and made Jembis face him. “I will not throw you out of this house unless you physically hurt—deliberately hurt—someone here. Anything short of that—no. Even if you annoy me or upset me. Ma and Pa won’t stand for it anyway. Understand me?” Jembis stared, before giving him a little nod. “And more than that, you’re not leaving here until I know you’ve got somewhere to go. It’s not right, you living hand to mouth just because your Pa’s a bastard.”
“I’m going to leave, I said that.”
“Yes, you are. But when you’ve got somewhere to go. No arguing. Pa’s making plans, and we haven’t heard from your aunt yet.”
“Bossy bastard,” Jembis muttered.
“Told you I was. Now, what’s this other thing that happened? When was it?”
“When I was eight—”
“Eight! You can’t have killed someone when you were eight!”
Jembis glared at him in red-eyed irritation. “Look—do you want to hear this or not? I’d rather not be doing this, you know.”
“Sorry,” Nym said, sitting back. “But eight! What happened?”
“It’s more a ‘who’. Pa got some new sailors—three of them, I think. I used to think it was great, because it was more people for me to talk to. Back then...I was just little and the sailors treated me like a pet, almost.”
He stopped talking. Nym almost didn’t want him to continue. Whatever this was, was worse than this recent business, and he had a horrible feeling he would wish he’d never heard about it. He just waited until Jembis got his courage back, and continued.
“One of them was a fellow called Remaris—he was older than you, but I don’t know how old. Not as much as Father, but to me, he was all grown up. Anyway, he was really nice—he used to talk to me, and let me follow him all around, and he knew lots of little games and things. Even made me some toy animals out of wood. I really loved him—I wished he was my father. I told him that once and he said he loved me too. I felt so happy. I had a friend and it was great.”
“What happened?” Nym asked quietly.
“He, um...well, like I said, I used to follow him around. He looked after the animals most of the time—he’s the one who got me interested in doing that. So I spent a lot of the time in the hold with him and the beasts and the baby animals. He used to let me feed them and that kind of thing. Anyway, one day I was sitting on his knee, feeding a baby carcho and he was sort of...rubbing against me. Then he said he’d like if I’d rub against him.”
“Blessed gods,” Nym said, staring at him in horror.
Jembis looked ashamed, and wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I thought it was just a game, and he really liked it. And after that...he did that a lot. He’d rub me too...you know, down there.” He bit his lip. Nym felt like throwing up. “And there were other things...he’d give me toys, or sweetmeats, and tell me I was his special friend, but that I had to not tell anyone about it. And I never did, because I didn’t think there was anything wrong. I didn’t know.”
“You were just a little boy, how would you?” Nym murmured, wishing he could hold the child Jembis had been then and take all this away from him. “What happened?”
“Someone must have seen him at it, I think. There was this big fight with the other sailors, and then he and my father were shouting at each other and Father said when they got to port, he’d have to leave. I cried like anything about that. But the next morning, he was missing, and Father was furious. Gave me a thrashing because he’d lost a sailor mid-voyage and they were short-handed. Told me if I ever let something like that happen again, he’d wring my neck.”
Nym blinked in disbelief at the callousness of the man. “I think the other sailors tipped him overboard because some of them were fathers too and they didn’t like what he did. But after that, no one wanted to be friends with me, and when new sailors came on board, word got around and they’d keep away. They’d be nice and everything—but everyone was scared of Father and of what might happen to them. I really missed Remaris. I didn’t understand what had been so wrong, and all I knew was that I had no other friend and no one would play with me anymore. I cried every night for months, even though Father got mad about it. It was all my fault,” he whispered, tears starting to trickle down his face again. “If I’d not let him get caught....”
“Jembis! What he did was...disgusting and wrong! It wasn’t your fault.”
“But he died. The only friend I ever had and he died because of me.”
Nym pulled him into a hug, and felt tears pricking his own eyes, nausea churning in his gut at the horror of it all. “Oh gods, I’m so sorry...so sorry that happened to you...wasn’t your fault, it really wasn’t.”
Jembis clung to him, crying silently, and Nym, who’d thought he had reached the depths of grief, found there were still reserves for this poor, abused and lonely boy who just wanted to be loved and who had been so horribly betrayed. “No one will hurt you again. Won’t ever let them,” he said, rocking the boy in his arms.
They sat together, crying and hugging each other for quite some time—long enough that the room was now dark. Nym let Jembis go so he could light a lamp, but then came back and carefully wiped Jembis’s face, then squeezed his hands. “Don’t tell anyone,” Jembis said in a low voice.
“I won’t. I meant it—I won’t let anyone hurt you again. And I will make sure you’ve got somewhere to go. I’ll be that
friend you’re looking for, I promise.”
Jembis looked away. “You don’t even like me much. Because I’m not Eido.”
“That’s not true. If anything, I like you because you’re not like him. But I like you anyway. Even if you did do something a bit silly with this Karik, I don’t hate you for it. Not everyone’s like your Pa.”
Jembis rubbed his nose. “He took Cecu and sold him. Mekus wouldn’t pay because I lied.”
“And that’s the reason he beat you? Gods, what a pissing bastard. You’re not going back to him, ever.”
“He doesn’t want me. He never did. I was always a nuisance to him. At least, until I started looking after the animals. See—if I hadn’t known Remaris, I wouldn’t have.... I didn’t think he was bad. He was my friend.”
“But you know what he did was wrong now, don’t you?”
Jembis nodded. “Yes. Now I do. But not then. I can’t keep it clear in my head sometimes.”
“I can understand why.” Nym rubbed his eyes. He badly wanted to talk to his parents about all this, but he’d given his word not to, and he had to keep his promise this time. He took Jembis’s hand again. “How do you feel?”
“Got a headache. Not hungry. Just...like I’d like to be alone but I’d like company too. Just you...but if you’ve got to go....”
“No, I don’t. but I should tell them what’s going on—wait, I’ll just say you’re tired and wanting to be quiet,” he said as Jembis looked as if he’d been betrayed. “Give me ten minutes. I’ll be back. I’ll keep the door shut.” He tugged the boy in for another hug, because Nym needed to feel like he was doing something. “You’re safe,” he whispered. “Trust me.”
“I’m trying to.”
“Good.”
And he would not betray that trust. Not ever.
Landing Softly: 8
Nym couldn’t face the rest of his family, not yet, so he stood in the darkened hall, trying to recover his composure and wondering how he could help Jembis when he had no idea how people could be so appallingly cruel. He knew the Prij beat their children—it was one of the things that the Darshianese found hardest to accept about their culture—but what he had just been told went far, far beyond anything he’d ever heard about strict discipline in this city. And as for the other....
“Nym-chi—what’s going on?”
He wiped his eyes hastily. “Nothing. It’s just a private thing.”
His sister set the little lamp down she’d been holding. “What’s wrong with Jembis? Did someone hurt him?”
“Oh...Jaika.” He put out his arms, needing to hold her, and without a word she came to him. He clung to her, so grateful to have her and his family, but upset that while he was having his happy life, growing up in Darshian and Utuk with loving parents, Jembis was being beaten and abused and ignored and....
“Nym, what’s wrong? Why can’t you tell me?”
“I can’t because I promised. You mustn’t ask him. This is...this is not something anyone should have to tell, or you to have to hear.”
She looked up at him with serious eyes. “It’s really bad?”
“It’s even worse. But I swore on Eido’s memory not to tell any one, and you can’t even mention it to Ma or Pa. Please, Jai-chi. It would hurt him so much.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. I want to help.”
He smiled at her, and cupped her cheek tenderly before placing a brotherly kiss on her forehead. “You can. You do. “ He pulled her close again, desperately needing her and all she meant to him. “Sister mine, I don’t tell you this often enough—I love you, and I will never let anyone hurt you.”
“I love you too, Nym-chi, but you’re making me cry, damn you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said with a rueful laugh, but she wasn’t really angry. “Jembis isn’t hungry—he just needs privacy right now. I’m going to grab something to eat, then sit with him. When you see him next, just be normal, all right?”
“I’ll try,” she said, looking dubious. “Nym, whatever this is, won’t hurt any of us, will it?”
“No, it’s in the past, but it’s very painful, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Just be a friend to him. I’m going to do that—I’m going to try, at least.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to, after what happened before.”
He tugged her braid gently. “I was a pissing idiot and needed to extract my head from my arse. I’m better now.”
“Huh, says you.” She danced away from his grabbing hands. “I won’t say anything. Come and get supper and I’ll cover for you.”
“Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Jai-chi.”
“You better not lose me,” she said, serious again. “We only have each other now. I don’t want to lose my only other brother.”
“You won’t.” he reached for her hand and squeezed it. “But we’re lucky to still have each other.”
“I guess. Things could be worse, however sad we feel now.”
Truer words, sister mine, Nym thought grimly. Truer words, indeed.
~~~~~~~~
Jembis really, really wished he could turn back time and untell his story, because he was sure it would change things between him and Nym. But he couldn’t, and right now, he was too exhausted to care about the consequences of what he’d done. Nym was gone so long, he was sure he was telling his family all about their shameful houseguest, and felt a sick sense of betrayal, which added to the misery that talking about Remaris had revived. It was wrong that he still missed Remaris, but it had been one of the few times in his life when he’d felt completely happy. Remaris shouldn’t have done what he did, and he didn’t blame the sailors for their reaction, now he knew more about it—but he still couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been the reason the others had found out, and if he could have done things differently. Remaris might have got bored with the touching thing, and still have been his friend. Jembis hadn’t minded the touching—he would almost have been happy for it to go on, if it meant he wouldn’t have been lonely any more.
Finally Nym came back, just as Jembis was started to doze off. “Sorry I was gone so long—Bren, that’s my cousin, called around and we were talking. I couldn’t just leave.”
“Did you tell them?”
“No. Not even Jaika. I said I wouldn’t tell her, and she’s not to ask.”
“But you said something!”
Nym sat down and laid a hand on his shoulder. “No—she came in while you were crying and knew something was up. She won’t say any more about it.”
Jembis shrugged. It almost didn’t matter any more. Remaris was dead, Karik was who knew where, and the man at the embassy was dead too. He was a failure. “I’ll try not to cause any trouble before I go.”
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“No.”
Nym just smiled, which made him look really handsome. “Then won’t you feel like a nitwit when I prove you wrong. Do you want anything? Tea? Sweet cake? More pillows?” Jembis shook his head—he only wanted peace and quiet. “Then I’ll read, and you rest. Tomorrow, if you’re up to it, you can come with me down to the docks. I’ll borrow a jesig cart from our friends. You can meet Bren and our cousins.”
“Out? You want me to meet your friends?”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m going to leave. I won’t be part of this any more.”
Nym sat down and took his hand, looked at him thoughtfully. “Only if you don’t want to be.”
“You said you didn’t want people getting close to me! You said you hated me for not being Eido! And that you wanted me to leave!” He pulled his hand free. “Stop playing stupid games with me. It’s not funny.”
“No, it’s not funny. It’s not a game. Jembis...you coming here when you did...I thought...I didn’t think I could bear it. Eido had only just died and everything hurt so much. It still does. And you’re right—I did hate you, and I did want you to go. But I’ve had a month to think about things, get used to it—think abou
t what a prick I was to you—and think that maybe...it was good you came when you did.”
Jembis looked up, startled. “It was good because I think I would have just got deeper and deeper into my grieving, and never...thought about how much harm I was doing to them, to Jaika, Ma, Pa. Eido used to be the one to make me stop and think, to make me realise I was being self-centred or absorbed.” He smiled, but his eyes were sad once more. “Jaika’s doing that for me now. She and Eido were a lot alike. Pa said...you coming here almost felt like Eido sent you. I have to wonder if he did, like he was saying, ‘brother, you need to keep going, keep trying.’ I wonder if he sent you because I needed someone like you as much as you needed us. What I’m trying to say is...I’ve had time to change my mind.” He reached over and touched Jembis’s jaw gently. “Like you’ve had time to heal and these don’t hurt as much as they did. Do you understand me?”
“But...I won’t be part of your life when I leave. You don’t have room.”
“Always room for one more in a Darshianese home, didn’t anyone ever tell you that saying? Anyway, you can leave and still be friends, can’t you? Jaika would be very upset if you just walked out and never came back to see her.”
Jembis didn’t know what to say—the concept of anyone missing him was such a strange idea, he couldn’t really imagine it. “Won’t you forget about me?” he asked in a small voice, feeling stupid for asking.
“I think,” Nym said, with a wider smile, “that’s unlikely. So—do you want to go to the docks tomorrow? It’s nothing exciting, but I thought you’d like the change of scenery.”
“If you don’t mind. Will you? Do what you said?”
“Which bit?”
Falling From the Tree (Darshian Tales #2) Page 73
