by Hayden Hunt
He narrowed his eyes. “Why, then, did he tell me it was his house when he pulled up? And that he had been on vacation?”
“Because he’s a fucking liar! I don’t know why he’d say that. Maybe to fuck with my new relationship? I don’t know, he can’t be trusted.”
“Yeah, well, neither can you,” he spat.
“Yes, I fucking can! I swear to god, Gene, he came over, begged me to use the bathroom, and then left. That is all that happened! Please, trust me.”
“And what about the kiss?”
My jaw dropped. “…The kiss?”
I hadn’t intended to lie about that, either. I had honestly forgotten!
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He went to shut the door again.
“Gene, wait!” I begged. “He kissed me! I didn’t kiss him! I pushed him off of me! Didn’t you see that?”
He raised an eyebrow. “No. I left immediately after I saw you two lock lips…”
“Well, had you stayed around for even another second, you would have seen me push him off me and then tell him I was calling the cops if he didn’t leave. I swear to god!”
He looked at me suspiciously. “You do realize how this all sounds, right? You let your ex into your house, then he kisses you by force, and that you were planning to tell me all this, except I didn’t come over…”
“It’s all the truth!” I said desperately. “Every last word.”
“Oh, and your ex decided to come over to forcibly make out with you for the first time, weeks after the breakup?”
“Yes! I know, okay, I know it sounds weird. But I swear, you have to believe me. Please, I don’t want to lose you because my idiot ex decided to come over.”
He looked me over, clearly trying to decide whether or not to trust me.
“Gene, please. Can I just come in? We can talk….”
“Fine,” he said, moving over so I could walk in the doorway.
A bit of relief washed over me. Okay, I was in the door at least, that was a big deal. He had wanted nothing to do with me when I had gotten here, so the fact that he’s allowing me in means he believes me at least a little. Now, I just need to not do anything else to fuck this up.
He sat down on his couch, and I followed this lead, though he didn’t necessarily invite me there.
“Look, Gene, I know how this looks. And it doesn’t look good. But, you’ve got to trust me, I have nothing to do with my ex anymore. That was the first time he’d come over, and he claimed he didn’t reach out to me in the last few weeks because he expected me to roll over and come back to him. He was specifically avoiding me so that I would get desperate and reach out first.”
He looked up at me. “He really said that?”
“Yes. And he came over to tell me that the woman he was cheating on me with had an abortion. But, I told him it didn’t matter, that we were through, that I was seeing someone else who I really cared about. And, after I said that, he kissed me. In one last desperate effort to get my attention, I guess. But it didn’t get my fucking attention because I could care less about that shit stain.”
His eyes finally showed a bit of understanding. “You’re not lying, are you?”
“No. I swear to god, I am not lying to you. And I could not lie to you because… Gene, I really fucking like you. I know it’s way too early to use the world love, but, honestly, if it wouldn’t scare you off that’s exactly what I’d use.”
“You mean that? You love me?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I do. Look, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was only with my ex out of convenience. I’d thought I’d Ioved him but… it’s not like with you. I had been settling so much with him, but, with you, I’m not settling on anything. You are sweet, funny, outgoing, mature, responsible, compassionate… you are everything I’ve always wanted in a partner but never thought I’d actually find. You are it for me.” I laughed. “Okay, I sound completely crazy because you’re not even my boyfriend yet, but that’s completely how I feel.”
“No!” He interjected quickly. “No, you don’t sound crazy at all. Honestly, that’s how I feel, too…”
I took his hand. “So why didn’t you come to me? Why didn’t you just ask me what was going on? I would have explained everything. I really was planning to tell you anyway when you were going to come over the other night.”
He sighed. “I don’t know, it seemed like what I saw was so cut and dry. I mean, you guys were kissing, so…”
I nodded. “I get it. If I had that kind of evidence, I probably wouldn’t have come to me, either. And I’m really sorry that you even had to think that. I can’t imagine how that must have hurt.”
He nodded. “Honestly, it did. I was pretty heartbroken. But I guess that’s kind of my fault.”
I hugged him. After days of thinking something horrible had happened to him, and, then just now, realizing he was ignoring me because he had no longer wanted to be with me, I was so relieved to have him in my arms.
“I’m really sorry, too,” he said. “Not answering you like that… I’m sure you were worried. I mean, I only did it like that because I was sure you were going to realize what I saw and know why I wasn’t answering you. But, if you really did nothing wrong, then I’m sure that really confused you.”
“Hell yeah, it did!” I said quickly. “Honestly, I’d thought you’d gotten into some kind of accident!! But I didn’t march over here earlier because, you know, we’re not officially dating, and I didn’t feel right trying to corner you at your house if that wasn’t the case. But, after a few days, I had to check on you.”
He kissed me softly. “I’m so sorry, but that is so sweet. Just imagining you worried about me…”
He was saying it in a way that was supposed to sound upset, but I could tell he was a little happy about that.
“You like that, don’t you?!” I nudged him. “That I was so worried about you.”
“No!” he said loudly, but he looked sheepish. “I mean, okay, I don’t like that you were worried, but the fact that you care that much about me… I don’t know, it’s been so long since anyone has even cared where I am. I’m not even sure my last boyfriend cared.”
“Well, I do. So don’t do that to me again.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “I mean it. You mean so much to me. At the next sign of trouble, please don’t run. Always come to me, no matter what the problem is, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed. “Again, I am sorry.”
“I know.” I kissed the top of his head. “Don’t worry about it anymore. It’s done with, we’re moving forward.”
He suddenly jerked his head up and looked at me seriously.
“Uh, what?” I asked.
“You’re totally right. We are moving forward…”
“Yeahhhh…” I smiled, still not getting it.
“I want to move forward with you. And to do that, I need to ask you something.”
“Okay, sure, what is it?”
“Will you be my boyfriend?”
I was actually swooning.
“Yes!” I said, excitedly. “Yes, of course I’ll be your boyfriend.”
I leaned in for a passionate kiss. When I pulled away, I was smiling from ear to ear.
“This is what you were going to ask the other day when you wanted to come over, right?”
“Yeah… it was,” he said sheepishly. “How’d you know?”
“Just a hunch. Oh my god, baby, I’m so happy.” I squeezed him as tightly as I could.
“So am I,” he laughed. “In under a half an hour I’ve gone from completely devastated to the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
10
Gene
I’ve felt horrible for the way I shut Eli out after mistakenly believing he was cheating on me. So, to make up for it, I’ve been trying to be super boyfriend.
I no longer am fighting my desire to commit to him. I’m committing fully and completely now, giving him all I’ve got. I’ve slept over at his house most nights, woken up
and made breakfast for the two of us, and visited him during my lunch break some times.
It’s fantastic, I’m seeing him all the time like I’ve wanted to for awhile. But, when had been just casually dating, it had seemed inappropriate to seek out his company this much. But, now, I can see him whenever I want, and I freaking love it.
He really seems to love it, too. I think even Cody enjoys it quite a bit, because, while Eli will still be sleeping in bed, I’ll be awake giving him treats and tossing around a tennis ball for his amusement.
We haven’t been official for very long, but, I swear, everyday feels like the best one of my life.
It’s funny, because, Eli is constantly saying how I am so much better than his ex, how their relationship never even compared to ours. And, truthfully, I felt the same way about my ex.
And I had loved that man. I had been upset for a long, long time after our breakup. I don’t even want to know what it would do to me to lose Eli because he means so much more to me.
I’m not even sure why, if I’m being honest. We just seem to connect on an emotional level that is unlike anything I ever could imagine. He gets me, you know? Like nobody else ever has. My passions, my interests, my flaws, he sees it all, and he appreciates it all. I’ve never had someone care about me as much as he has.
My parents and family included. Like I said before, they still send me gifts on the holidays and we talk loosely, but they don’t really get me. And, it sounds bad, but I’m not sure they really care about me, either.
I don’t know, I’m sure they do. I mean, I’m their kid, right? They must, but it doesn’t feel that way. It hasn’t since I came out to them. I don’t know, they’re very traditional, so I can see why they pulled away from me after finding out I was gay. I guess I should just be happy they didn’t crucify me afterwards.
I think that’s why I had such a hard time after breaking up with my first boyfriend. I felt extra alone, like I’d lost the only person who had ever cared about me. And I won’t lie, it hurt for a really long time.
But, now, I’m so glad it happened. If it hadn’t, I never would have had the opportunity to be with Eli. And he is easily the best thing that ever happened to me. All the pain I experienced then now somehow feels worth it.
I just hope that it all continues without any issues. Not that Eli has given me any reason to think that there’d be issues. It’s just that, I don’t know, when things are going really well in my life, I always get this sense of impending doom.
It’s like everything just feels too good to be true. My life doesn’t normally go this well, so, you know, it would make sense for some catastrophic event to happen now. Even if it’s not with Eli, there are always other obstacles that could interfere with our lives.
But, whatever, best not to think about them for now. I want to focus on more positive things. Like the fact that Christmas is coming up, and I need to get Eli a present.
And I really can’t decide on one. He’s not an easy man to shop for. Though, I do know already I am going to have a fun and easy time of getting something for Cody at the pet store. I am going to go crazy with his gift.
Although the big benefit of being with Eli is, of course, being with Eli… I also really like that I still get to see Cody. He had been my favorite shelter dog in a long time, and I had loved spending time with him.
He was circling my feet as I made breakfast for Eli and myself. This was because I always managed to sneak him just a sliver of bacon, without Eli’s knowledge, of course. Eli was very strict with Cody’s diet; he bought the dog the most expensive food money can buy.
But, I didn’t see a problem in the occasional treat…
Really quickly, I took a chunk of the already cooked bacon and dropped it on the floor next to Cody. He dove for it.
“I knew it!” I heard Eli’s voice boom from behind me. I literally jumped.
“Oh, good morning, babe…”
“I knew you were trying to fatten up my dog!” he teased, as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Noo… It just slipped out of my hand and—”
“Uh huh, that looked like an obvious slip.” He rolled his eyes before looking at the spread of pancakes, potatoes, and bacon I’d made. “And I see you’re still trying to fatten me up, too.”
“Of course not! Just, you know, want to feed my baby well.” I grinned at him.
He kissed my cheek as he took a plate. “And you do that well.”
We sat down to breakfast and began to talk about our plans for the day.
“You’re working until six, right?”
“Right.” I nodded.
But, no, actually wrong. I told him I had to work, but I really had the day off, and I was going to use it to go shopping for Cody and him. But I didn’t want him to know that.
Although I was sure he did, I couldn’t be positive that Eli planned to get me a present. I mean, we really hadn’t been dating long at all. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to not get me anything. And, on the off-chance he didn’t plan to, I didn’t want to pressure him into it.
I also really wouldn’t mind if he didn’t get me a present. It’s not a big deal to me at all. For me, the pleasure is in giving the gift, not receiving it. And I absolutely love giving gifts. Like, it is ridiculous how much I love it. I am the kind of person who likes to bake holiday treats and pass them out to all my neighbors. Anything to spread that Christmas joy.
Speaking of which, I should ask Eli if he wants to do that with me this year!
“Hey, babe, how do you feel about baking?” I smiled cheekily at him.
He finished his bite of pancake before answering. “Ambivalent, why?”
“Well, I kind of do this thing every year where I bake cookies and fudge and toffee to hand out to friends and neighbors. And you totally don’t have to, but I know you love Christmas as much as I do, so I thought that might be something you want to do?”
His face lit up. “Aw, that sounds wonderful! Yeah, let’s do it.”
“Awesome!” I said excitedly. “We could double the batch and then give some to your friends and neighbors, too.”
He laughed. “Uh, well, maybe just the neighbors.”
Right, he really doesn’t have many friends he hangs out with. He’s a solitary guy, and I have yet to meet a single friend of his in the weeks that we’ve been dating.
I don’t really mind this, either. It means he has a lot more time for me.
Uh, okay, that sounds super controlling, and that’s not how I mean it at all. Of course, if he had friends, I’d have no problem with him hanging out with them as much as he wanted. I’m not controlling at all.
I’m just saying, it’s nice that he wants to fill his free time with me. Because all I want to do right now is hang out with him as much as possible.
“So, are you coming over after work?” he asked, between bites.
He had already nearly scarfed down his entire breakfast, as usual. He loves my cooking, which is why I’m always excited to make breakfast every day for him. Though, he’s reminded me several times that it’s not something I have to do. But I genuinely enjoy it.
“Yeah, sure, if you don’t mind?”
“If I don’t mind?!” He laughed. “Of course I don’t mind! You know I want to see you as much as possible.”
“I know, just checking.” I smiled. “I’ve been here a lot, you know, and I just don’t want to interfere with your life.”
“Right, how would I ever have time for you tonight with my very hectic schedule of playing catch with Cody?”
It was funny now, but I was dreading the day he actually was busy. Our state Congress was not currently in session, so he had a ton of free time, but, when it was in session, he was going to be a lot busier. And I’ll absolutely hate it.
But, oh well, I’ll have to adjust for him. He’s obviously worth whatever time I have.
Plus, eventually, I’m sure we’ll be living together, and, despite him being busy, I’ll still see him a
ll the time. I know that’s a ways off, and I probably shouldn’t be thinking about it right now, but I can’t help myself. I am extremely focused on our future together.
We finished up breakfast, and I pretended to go to work, when, really, I was heading toward the mall. There was a pet store there where I was going to start my shopping, and, then, I was just going to walk through the mall until I found something for Eli that felt right.
The pet store was an absolute blast. I got a ridiculous amount of toys for Cody. Bones, balls, rubber treat toys, a box of treats, these cute little doggie cookies they had. I mean it, I got that dog everything I could think of. I even grabbed a little doggy Christmas sweater, though I had no idea if he’d actually wear it. My gut told me no, he wouldn’t. But it’d be fun to try anyway, and even if it only stays on him a few minutes, it’ll make for adorable pictures.
Okay, but after I finished shopping for Cody, I was at a loss. He was the easy part. Now, I had to think of something for Eli.
I got him a few small things, some shirts and sweaters that I thought he’d look really good in, but it all felt really impersonal. I wanted to add something that had that little touch of romance.
Then, as I was passing by the video store, it hit me. I should get him a DVD of the first movie we watched it together in theaters! It had been at the end of its theater run when we had seen it, and it had just come out on DVD a few days ago. It’d be perfect. Not too romantic, since our relationship is very new, but it says, ‘hey, I remember our first date.’
I added cute little things to that, too, like popcorn in a traditional movie theater popcorn box. Some big cardboard boxes of candy like they have that the movies. It was adorable.
I wanted to shop for him even more, but I felt like that was perfect. I think doing anything else would be bordering on overkill. I want to keep it somewhat casual, while also showing him how much I care. And, of course, I’d write a really romantic message in the card. Oh, I know, I’ll reminisce on our first date and how I felt about him then! Yeah, that’ll be too cute!
